VIRUSES
NEW VIRUS ALERT.......
Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses!
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but complains loudly
about
foreign software.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes it's presence known but doesn't do
anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear
mysteriously
a year later; in another directory.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,
but you just can't prove it.
BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long
to
be much of a threat.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files reported as the same size.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a
"virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic
micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just
before the whole thing quits.
TED TUNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Thier is sumthing rong with yur koputer, but
ewe
cant figyur outt watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot
people
really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
little units, each of which does practically nothing; but all of
which
claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: 60% of the PC's infected will lose 30% of their
data
14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couples of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up and the screen splits
in
half with the same message appearing on each side. The message
says
that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in
Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsesses with marrying it's
own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your program stops running every few minutes to ask
for
money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy; then self
destructs only to surface at shopping malls and service stations
across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper
shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables,
power
supply and shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your program can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of
mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has
gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing
wrong
and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating; "Read my
docs...No
New Files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the
free space
on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the
Congressional
Virus.
Now, really, I do hope that made you smile, even just a
little....
The computer is supposed to be functional, but if you look, the
first
three letters of "functional" are FUN! But, if you
don't want to
receive any more e-mail from me, then please, just let me know...
hit
REPLY and type REMOVE...