Artsy and Fartsy left the mall with their casualwear as the Bookaccino members continued to detain the mall cops. The shoppers, now fully recovered from their incarceration in the Dollar Tree and abuse at the hands of the insane mob of readers, took a trip to "Idiots R Us." Adding to their pilfered pile of casualwear and $1 items, they helped themselves to some whoopee cushions, some rubber chickens and those paddles with the balls on them. Then, at last, Artsy and Fartsy headed home with all of their "hot" belongings. (Once again, as back with the A and F on the Abercrombie and Fitch sign, our heroes assumed the store "Idiots R Us" was tailor made for their mentally-lacking selves.)

However, on the way home, in yet ANOTHER mall's parking lot, Artsy comes up on, of all things, a HORSE. Fartsy, of course, wants to see if the mall has a Dollar Tree or perhaps more stores named after them; instead, Artsy sees the possible fulfillment of equestrian dreams in this fine animal. So, getting one of the purchased paddle ball paddles, Artsy proceeds to slap the meaty rump of the animal, envisioning the horse charging off for the beautiful sunset, for parts unknown, and for the other part of the mall parking lot, where the Dillard's and JCPenney's' east entrance were located.

However, as we all know, neither of our heroes is very bright, and when the fierce paddling doesn't cause the horse to venture off for stores unknown, well, Artsy doesn't realize perhaps the reason is that there is a large pole down the middle of the horse.

A little girl comes up on the odd sight, and says, "I believe I can make your horse go." She then inserts a quarter into the slot, and the horse begins to move. But Artsy is rather disappointed that all the horse does is go around in a circle, and soon loses interest. Therefore, Artsy and Fartsy decide to go home. However, the quarter-wielding little girl becomes whiny and annoying and cries for something to drink. So the noisy ragamuffin accompanies the avid mall rats on their trek home and they stop off at Jax's Drive-In to get the screaming little wench a shake.

And guess who they meet at the Drive-In? Why, Laverne and Shirley are there, followed soon by Lenny and Squiggy! Lenny and Squiggy see the "Idiots R Us" bags and ask Artsy and Fartsy if they may try out some of their whoopee cushions. Lenny and Squiggy offer to trade something to Laverne and Shirley if they can get some of the whoopee cushions from Artsy and Fartsy. Oddly, what all of the odd sextet decide to trade is... CLOTHING.

With the ensuing confusion, not to mention the appalled stares from the rest of the Drive-In patrons, Artsy and Fartsy begin to panic. If too many people see them all dressed in angora sweaters with L's on them, not to mention Lenny in Shirley's pink hot pants, then Artsy and Fartsy will never be able to show their face at the mall again!

Fartsy screams, "If we don't get out of this mess, we are going to end up on Jerry Springer!"

Artsy was not going to stand for this, mainly because Artsy preferred to be on Ricki Lake. So, abandoning the oddest cross-dressers to ever darken the doorstep of Jax's Drive-In, not to mention the shake-stained little girl, the pair finally make their way home.

After putting away all of their pilfered belongings, suddenly there was a knock on the door. Artsy asked Fartsy, "Hey, did you order a pizza?"

Artsy opened the door and a man with a Domino's box wearing a pith helmet plaintively stated "Dr. Livingston, I presume?"

Artsy replied, "No, but I will sign for that. And I will eat it too."

So Artsy forges Dr. Livingston's name and as they all began their greasy munching. Fartsy begins shuffling cards.

"Hey everyone, how about some Dr. Pepper Poker?" Fartsy asked.

"What the hell is Dr. Pepper Poker?" Fartsy's pepperoni-chomping companions demanded.

"It means that 10's , 2's, and 4's are all wild."

Dr. Livingston said with an evil grin, "I would rather play 52 pick-up!!!"

Then, with the demonic silliness of an evil older brother, he threw the cards about the room, sending 10's and 2's and 4's flying all over place. Adding insult to injury, he then knocked the 3-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper itself over as he ran off, and then all was bedlam. All those digits and powers of 2 ALSO fell off the bottle, and Artsy and Fartsy's apartment was overrun with numbers. It was as if someone let off a bomb on Sesame Street; the numeric debris was all over the place. 2's scurrying all over the coffee tables, 4's opening the cabinets, 10s jumping up and down on all the beds.

Finally, the pair was able to get all the numbers under control, and put them away for safekeeping in a ledger where they kept records of all of their Dollar Tree-purchased belongings. The tired pair then said the wrong thing...

"After our Dollar Tree horror, and the mall issues, and that stupid little girl who's quarter enticed our horsie to go around in circles... Lord, what can happen next???"

But, as in all good stories (not that "good" has anything to do with THIS story), that question leads to more odd events.

There was a noise outside. Artsy and Fartsy looked out the window, as a great ball of fire descended on that 11th of July and planted itself in the middle of the street like an obstinate child on a cereal box; the fire mesmerized a neighbor girl, Sheri.

Artsy and Fartsy tried to stop her, but as they grabbed onto her, she was still swept up into the flame, which was actually a spaceship's force field.

The force field went down and Artsy and Fartsy could amazingly see and hear what was going on in the "cockpit" of the spaceship before it took off for Alpha Centauri. As Sheri went into her mother ship, she noticed a piano. A cigar-chomping alien said, "Well, how'd you like that planet, babe?" Sheri then sloughed off her human skin, started banging her tentacles on the piano, and screamed, " HOW WAS MY TRIP?!? Well, goodness gracious, it was GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!!"

Artsy and Fartsy just shook their heads in disgust as the ship left.

"Ya never know, do ya? I mean, you get locked in a mall, numbers overrun your house, famous explorers bring you pizza, people hit you on the head from Bookaccino, your neighbor is an alien... " Fartsy ruminated.

Artsy agreed, "Yeah, no kidding. Maybe we should let someone ELSE have some adventures next time."

So they looked across the way again, and there, across the way, in an apartment across the way, was a beautiful lady pinning back her flowing auburn hair. She was about to notice something odd on her red kimono...