I am glad that you entered this page. You will have a lot of fun. Here is the deal. You see, for some time I was making (and still making) money writing essays on Shakespeare and I placed my announcement in The Discussion Area of Shakespeare and one guy, who is crazy about Shakespeare decided to make hardships for me making different kinds of announcements and letters in the disc. area. It was very funny and I decided to put some of our corespondence by E-Mail here. It's really very funny and I even advise you to read the whole or to download it to your computer. Watch how people can't make a contact sometimes.

So, here it is. Enjoy!

Note: almost to all my letters Mr. Spielbauer was not able to answer (or did not want or was in a bad temper).

Ok. After you will read this, go to talk and talk2 Here you will see some monolgues of me (nickname- Inavdor) with some people in Geocities' Chatrooms. By the way, it's a good choice to go there and I stronly reccomend it

Return-Path: Shakespeare-Commentary-Owner@the-tech.mit.edu Date: Fri, 11 Oct 1996 00:37:22 -0400 To: HyperNews@the-tech.mit.edu From: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) Reply-To: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) X-HN-Base: Discussion of Hamlet X-HN-Re: News: Anybody, who is to write essays!!!!!! (Dr.Brain) Keywords: Revise and resubmit, written expression, wholly inadequate Subject: Disagree: Response to "Anyone who is [SIC]..." X-Hn-Url: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/68/1.html

***[HyperNews notification. Email replies are not archived.]***

Dear Dr. Brain:

You wrote: >>>>> Anybody, who is to write essays!!!!! <<<<< Please avoid the "is to" construction, as it is completely inappropriate in this situation. Instead, substitute "has been assigned" or "has been asked to." Also, the use of more than one end mark (!) is always incorrect. As a matter of fact, the exclamation mark itself is best avoided in any sort of formal structure, as it tends to show bias, or an overemotional involvement on the part of the writer. The reader will begin to suspect that you are too emotionally involved to be objective, and will cease to trust your arguments. >>>>> I will write the essay instead of you! <<<<< Again, you need to get away from the use of that embarrassing exclamation mark. Trust in your words, and try not to rely on such childish forms of punctuation. >>>>> Just send me e-mail and we will discuss the prices and more. <<<<< The use of the phrase "and more" is a bit vague. Do not leave the reader with such open-ended endings. Be specific. Express exactly what is to be discussed, if you actually had something in mind. As written, this is weak writing, similar to ending a short list with the expression "et cetera." As a well-known author once wrote, "I pray you, avoid it." >>>>>> Prices are not high: about 2 dollars for apage, lower is possible. <<<<<<< This sentence is technically incorrect in construction. It lacks a semi-colon, as written. The comma is inadequate in this construction. Also, the relationship between the first clause and the second clause is completely unclear. I suggest a complete revision. In addition, you have combined two separate words ("a" and "page") into one. Surely you know the error of this. >>>>> My e/mail adress: marija@ucla.edu <<<<< You have misspelled the word "address." One would hope that this is a mere typo (albeit an embarrassing one). Should that properly be "e-mail"? Earlier, you expressed this. Remember to be consistent. Otherwise, you tend to make your own numerous shortcomings and inadequacies at written expression even more obvious. >>>>> and my name is Dr.Brain. Waiting for your answers, Dr.Brain <<<<< Final comments: The above is completely inadequate, and rather embarrassingly so. I recommend much practice before you submit your words for public consumption, at the risk of some embarrassment. Grade = F Please, Dr., revise the above, and resubmit, for a higher grade.

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--- Respond via URL: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/main/131/3.html

Dear bruce, I was glad to receive from you such a big letter, you pften write big responds in the Discussion Area. At 05:43 PM 11/22/96 -0500, you wrote: > ***[HyperNews notification. Email replies are not archived.]*** > > > >Artem, Before any student with any intelligence at all would >entrust you with such an important task as composing >an important part of their grade, certainly you would >be willing to answer these consumer-oriented simple >questions.

Dear Bruce, if you think I havn't clients, you are mistaken. > 1.) Will your caps lock key still be stuck when you >write these "essays," or will you have this problem fixed? No, my caps lock key is all right and I write essays not using it. Why is the word "esays" is so, I mean ""? You probably wnt to say, that they are bad. OK, but did you see any of them? If yes, that's OK. > 2.) Will >your standard English improve, or can we >expect the same (lack of) quality in the finished product >as that which pervades your advertisements? No, you can expect not the same. I use not only my mind, but books and Internet also. Besides that I check my spelling and grammar 3 times. > 3.) Do you offer any >sort of a warranty, or a >writer's guaranty, or is the buyer stuck with the (low) >grade which they will most probably receive, due to the >author's lack of ability in formal English? I have never heard that somebody received low grade. Do you know such person? No, I do not offer any gurantee as well as people do not give me gurantee that they would pay, but I have never failed (up to this moment). I always send the essay without ANY mistakes in spelling or grammar, I also use criticism, so the mental level of the paper isn't low, I was never told about such problems. I always send the essay on time and solve problems with transfering them to the editors. > 4.) Do you offer any >sort of long-term tutoring >for those students who manage to deceive their educators, >and later find themselves failing another class due to the >lack of preparation (because they failed to actually >practice those skills necessary for academic survival)? Or, do you >simply abandon students at this crucial >point in their lives? Yes, I simly abandon. > 5.) Do you offer any hopes of redemption, or >salvation, for students who aiding and abetting those >who would deceive a fellow human being? Do you have >some sort of indulgence for sale, or some sort of insurance >policy which warrants those sins free from punishment? No. > 6.) Do you >have any credentials which you can >publicly display, offering the slightest hope that your >creation would in any way be superior to that of the student? Why slow? Yes, I can, but I am not going to do it because I have clients without it. If they wish, OK, i would send them. Note: not for you. > 7.) >Do you have any solution for students who >are legitimately concerned that his or her writing is >actually already known by the educator, who, >of course, will not be fooled for one instant? I can't check if the educator has already known or no. In one cas e of million others he knows. > 8.) Do you have any >shame? Shame about what? Shame that I write essays? No, I don't. I don't see anything against moral conceptions in this. Those, who see, can not use my service. As I have said my spelling and grammar in the papers is OK, so what's the matter? > (I await your answers, which any legitimate businessman >should be happy to answer, of course.) I'm not businessman, a man who makes little business isn't called businessman. I wasn't very pleased to answer these questions because I don't like your tone of asking them. > >-Bruce Spielbauer

>--- >Respond via URL: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/main/174/1.html > > P.S. Oh, now I see that it was respond via URL. In I would be in your place, I would post your questions in each of my advertisments. Good luck! It's a pity I havn't seen that you responded via URL, so this isn't in the Dis. Area and I don't no how to place it there. If you know how to do it, please, place the answers in the same plce where your respond is. Thanks a lot. Artem (Dr. Brain) P.P.S. Who are you? This site was created by yourself? You spend too much time for it. I think to send the letter one time is OK, you have sent me it 3 times. please, do not do it nomore. I have already sent you the answer. You ahve written "Artem, we await your response", I have a question : who is "we"?

Dear Bruce, how can I place my answers in Internet without rewriting? Thanks for respond, which I wait for, Artem

Return-Path: Shakespeare-Commentary-Owner@the-tech.mit.edu Date: Fri, 22 Nov 1996 17:43:09 -0500 To: HyperNews@the-tech.mit.edu From: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) Reply-To: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) X-HN-Base: Shakespeare Discussion Area X-HN-Re: : EvErYbOdY, wHo NeEdS HELP WITH THE ESSAYS (Artem) Keywords: Questions, before %22we%22 commit, from consumers Subject: Feedback: First, a few questions X-Hn-Url: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/main/174/1.html ***[HyperNews notification. Email replies are not archived.]***

Artem, Before any student with any intelligence at all would entrust you with such an important task as composing an important part of their grade, certainly you would be willing to answer these consumer-oriented simple questions. 1.) Will your caps lock key still be stuck when you write these "essays," or will you have this problem fixed? 2.) Will your standard English improve, or can we expect the same (lack of) quality in the finished product as that which pervades your advertisements? 3.) Do you offer any sort of a warranty, or a writer's guaranty, or is the buyer stuck with the (low) grade which they will most probably receive, due to the author's lack of ability in formal English? 4.) Do you offer any sort of long-term tutoring for those students who manage to deceive their educators, and later find themselves failing another class due to the lack of preparation (because they failed to actually practice those skills necessary for academic survival)? Or, do you simply abandon students at this crucial point in their lives? 5.) Do you offer any hopes of redemption, or salvation, for students who aiding and abetting those who would deceive a fellow human being? Do you have some sort of indulgence for sale, or some sort of insurance policy which warrants those sins free from punishment? 6.) Do you have any credentials which you can publicly display, offering the slightest hope that your creation would in any way be superior to that of the student? 7.) Do you have any solution for students who are legitimately concerned that his or her writing is actually already known by the educator, who, of course, will not be fooled for one instant? 8.) Do you have any shame? (I await your answers, which any legitimate businessman should be happy to answer, of course.)

-Bruce Spielbauer

--- Respond via URL: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/main/174/1.html Return-Path: Shakespeare-Commentary-Owner@the-tech.mit.edu Date: Fri, 22 Nov 1996 18:52:31 -0500 To: HyperNews@the-tech.mit.edu From: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) Reply-To: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) X-HN-Base: Discussion of Hamlet X-HN-Re: : EVERYBODY, WHO NEEDS HELP WITH THEIR ESSAYS! (Artem) Keywords: Questions, Artem, consumer has a right to know Subject: Feedback: First, a few questions, Artem... X-Hn-Url: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/90/1.html ***[HyperNews notification. Email replies are not archived.]***

Artem, Before any student with any intelligence at all would entrust you with such an important task as composing an important part of their grade, certainly you would be willing to answer these consumer-oriented simple questions. 1.) Will your caps lock key still be stuck when you write these "essays," or will you have this problem fixed? 2.) Will your standard English improve, or can we expect the same (lack of) quality in the finished product as that which pervades your advertisements? 3.) Do you offer any sort of a warranty, or a writer's guaranty, or is the buyer stuck with the (low) grade which they will most probably receive, due to the author's lack of ability in formal English? 4.) Do you offer any sort of long-term tutoring for those students who manage to deceive their educators, and later find themselves failing another class due to the lack of preparation (because they failed to actually practice those skills necessary for academic survival)? Or, do you simply abandon students at this crucial point in their lives? 5.) Do you offer any hopes of redemption, or salvation, for students who aiding and abetting those who would deceive a fellow human being? Do you have some sort of indulgence for sale, or some sort of insurance policy which warrants those sins free from punishment? 6.) Do you have any credentials which you can publicly display, offering the slightest hope that your creation would in any way be superior to that of the student? 7.) Do you have any solution for students who are legitimately concerned that his or her writing is actually already known by the educator, who, of course, will not be fooled for one instant? 8.) Do you have any shame? (I await your answers, which any legitimate businessman should be happy to answer, of course.)

-Bruce Spielbauer

--- Respond via URL: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/90/1.html Mr. Spielbauer, I don't know how to post my already written letter and I don't want to rewrite it again, that's why I havn't posted it in the Discussion Area. And everybody who is really interested in receiving typed essays can get the answer to you in such way also. So if you are not glad it's only your problem. Artem

>Artem (A.K.A. "Dr. Brain"): > >You wrote: >>> Dear readers of the Discussion Area and those >who want to get the answers to Mr. Spielbauer's questions >to me, please send me E-Mail with a note "letter to >Spielbauer" and I would send you my answers to him. > Thanks a lot. <<<< > > Why this shroud of secrecy, Artem? It isn't, that's why I offer sending my answers. Maybe, you think it is too hard to send E-Mail? A nice idea, it is true for co-dependents. > If you are >publicly selling your wares, one might expect public >disclosure. Mr. Spielbauer, I have already asked you to tell me how to post already written letter. You havn't told me, OK. But don't ask me now about public disclosure, by the way, i solved this problem by resending my answers to those who are interested in. > > Post your answers here, publicly, so the teeming >masses can glean whatever insights and pearls of wisdom you >have constructed. I am asking you again: have you read ANY of my essays? No. Than do not say anything if you don't know. As a wise person who is fond of criticism, whose pearls are so popular in the Discussion Area you must know, that if you want to make a good criticism you must have the text and if you don't it's too hard to fulf. the purpose. > As a (would-be) professional writer, >surely you would not mind doing this. Why do you "think" I am a professional writer, did I write something like this in the Discussion Area? So, you disagree with something, which doesn't exist. Rather clever, it's another pearl. > After all, it is >your words (and curious peculiarities of grammar, style, >and punctuation) which you are trying to sell, is it not? I try to sell essays but i don't try to sell words or answers to your questions, as you think. > > In other words, we are still waiting... Once more: who is "we"?

>-Bruce Spielbauer > Artem >

P.S. Mr. Spielbauer, if you will be encouraged to post my answers to your questions (if you know how to do it), please do not forget to post this letter also. Thanks for posting and big letters. I send you the copy of my answers (in the case you know how to post). I hope you are not angry on me because of this letter and I don't want you to be angry, I just answer your questions in the same way as you ask. Do you like your way? Sir, I don't know who are you. Can you tell me who are you to make the conversation easier? Thanks. Artem

Return-Path: Shakespeare-Commentary-Owner@the-tech.mit.edu Date: Sun, 24 Nov 1996 15:38:46 -0500 To: HyperNews@the-tech.mit.edu From: bruce@emiko.igcom.net (Bruce Spielbauer) X-HN-Base: Discussion of Hamlet X-HN-Re: Note: Answer to Bruce Spielbauer from Artem (Dr. Brain) concerning his questions (Artem (Dr. Brain)) Keywords: Artem, post publicly, afraid? Disclosure, Hack Subject: Feedback: Why not post your answers publicly? X-Hn-Url: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/98/1.html Newsgroups: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/hamlet.html Errors-To: Owner-HyperNews@the-tech.mit.edu

HyperNews notification. Reply via: http://the-tech.mit.edu/Shakespeare/cgi-bin/commentary/get/Tragedy/hamlet/98/1.html

Artem (A.K.A. "Dr. Brain"):

You wrote: >>> Dear readers of the Discussion Area and those who want to get the answers to Mr. Spielbauer'squestions to me, please send me E-Mail with a note "letter to Spielbauer" and I would send you my answers to him. Thanks a lot. <<<<

Why this shroud of secreacy, Artem? If you are publicly selling your wares, one might expect public disclosure.

Post your answers here, publicly, so the teeming masses can glean whatever insights and pearls of wisdom you have constructed. As a (would-be) professional writer, surely you would not mind doing this. After all, it is your words (and curious peculiarities of grammar, style, and punctuation) which you are trying to sell, is it not?

In other words, we are still waiting...

-Bruce Spielbauer By the way, you havn't answered my questions. Show your perals of criticism again! Dr. Brain (Artem) > >Dear Artem (A.K.A. Marija, A.K.A. Dr. Brain [SIC]): > > > I am sorry sir, but if you would like a response to some question which >you have (apparently) asked, you will need to post it publicly on the >Shakespeare forum. This avoids any possible misinterpretation as to what >might have been said. I have already sent you my questions. I don't know how to post them without rewriting in Internet as you know and I also don't want to rewrite. What misinterpretation are you talking about? (Oh, I have forgotten, that you don't answer the questions). > > Also, I am sorry, but I do not understand exactly what a "peral" [SIC] >is. I am afraid this term must be in some language which my lexicon does not >access. As one who attempts to sell his words (and mispellings, and usage >errors) for a fee, I am certain you would be happy to enlighten me. Of course, I am very glad to enlight you: the word "peral" is "pearl", I just typed it in the wrong way. > Do this >publicly, if you will. I do not engage in "private" discussions, as I >believe that full disclosure is a blessing to all. > Thank you very much, Artem P.S. If you can post already written letter or you know how to do it, please, answer me. I will try to do it myself once more.

Return-Path: bruce@emiko.igcom.net X-Sender: bruce@emiko.igcom.net Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 21:50:31 -0600

To: Marija Ossipova From: Bruce Spielbauer Subject: Re: Feedback: Why not post your answers publicly?

At 06:02 PM 11/25/96 -0800, you wrote: >By the way, you havn't answered my questions. Show your perals of criticism >again! > Dr. Brain (Artem) >

Dear Artem (A.K.A. Marija, A.K.A. Dr. Brain [SIC]):

I am sorry sir, but if you would like a response to some question which you have (apparently) asked, you will need to post it publicly on the Shakespeare forum. This avoids any possible misinterpretation as to what might have been said.

Also, I am sorry, but I do not understand exactly what a "peral" [SIC] is. I am afraid this term must be in some language which my lexicon does not access. As one who attempts to sell his words (and mispellings, and usage errors) for a fee, I am certain you would be happy to enlighten me. Do this publicly, if you will. I do not engage in "private" discussions, as I believe that full disclosure is a blessing to all.

Thank you very much,

-Bruce Spielbauer (Reference the "Shakespeare Discussion Area") Bruce Spielbauer E-MAIL: bruce@emiko.igcom.net HOMEPAGE: http://emiko.igcom.net/~bruce

And now how do you like it? I think that Bruce is completely mad. By the way, I reccomend you to check out his homepage It's called "Homepage of Shakespeare and O.J. Simpson" if I am not mistaken. He is crazy about O.J. and collected a lot of materials about the trial but he is mad! Look on the wallpaper he put in his site!

Ok. After you tried this go to talk and talk2 Here you will see some monolgues of me (nickname- Inavdor) with some people in Geocities' Chatrooms. By the way, it's a good choice to go there and I stronly reccomend it

Note: almost to all my letters Mr. Spielbauer was not able to answer (or didn't want or was in a bad temper).

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