The 7 Spot The 7 Spot 
#1
A old man was walking through the park in tears, when a lady
saw him and decided to see if she could offer him some help. So
the lady walked up to the man and asked him, "Do you have any
family?"
The man immediately replied, "Oh yes!, I have a most
beautiful wife who is cooking me an elegant dinner as we speak,
three wonderful children who are all on the honor roll, and a
lovely house."
Confused, the lady wondered how a man whose life appeared so
wonderful could be walking through the park so sad. So she asked
the old man, "If you have a beautiful wife, three wonderful kids,
and a lovely home, why are you so sad?"
The old man replied, "Because I can't find my way home..."
#2
A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep
during the sermon. One Sunday, the wife decided to do something
about it, so she picked up a long hat pin and took it with her to
church.
While sitting in church, the wife noticed that her husband
was once again falling asleep, and as the preacher got to a part
in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there
is in 6 days?", she poked her husband who jumped from the pew
and shouted, "Good god all mighty!"
The minister looked at the man and said, "That's right,
that's right...", and he continued with the sermon. The man sat
back down, muttering under his breath.
Later on, once again the man began to doze off, and just as
the minister reached "...and who died on the cross to save us
from our sins?", the wife again poked her husband, and he leaped
from the pew and shouted "Jesus Christ!"
The minister again looked at the man and said, "That's right,
that's right...", and went on with the sermon. The man sat back
down, and gave his wife an angry look. Even so, the man was tired
and ten minutes later he was feeling incredibly sleepy, so he
closed his eyes and leaned his head back.
His wife noticed that he was about to fall asleep again, so
she pulled out the hat pin, and just as the minister said, "...
and hat did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second
child?", she poked him as hard as she could. The man sprang
from the pew and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing again
I'm going to break it in two!"
#3
Three men were going through CIA training, hoping to become
secret agents. After finally completely their written and
physical tests, they were each taken to a small room with a
one-way mirror looking into another room.
Shortly the first trainee's wife was brought into the
mirrored room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol,
handed it to the first man and said, "Go kill your wife of five
years."
The trainee took the gun, and went into the room. A few
minutes later he returned and said, "I can't do it." The
instructor replied, "We're sorry, but you have failed. Please
leave."
Next the second trainee's wife was brought into the room, and
the instructor once again loaded two rounds into a pistol and
handed it to the second trainee.
"Go kill your wife of ten years."
The trainee took the gun and went into the other room. After
nearly 30 minutes, the trainee came back out and said, "I'm
sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to do it", to which the
instructor replied, "We're sorry, but you have failed."
Finally, the third trainee's wife was brought into the room
and left there. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol,
handed it to the third man and said, "Go kill your wife of
fifteen years."
The trainee took the gun, and went into the room with his
wife. After a minute of silence, suddenly two gun-shots are
heard followed by a loud commotion. A few minutes later the third
trainee finally came out of the room, turned to the instructor
and said, "What kind of test was that? You gave me blanks... I
had to choke her!"
#4
A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when
suddenly it broke down. He was parked on the side of the
road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and
offered to help.
After a few minutes the two men obviously weren't going to
get the old car going again, so the Jaguar driver offered to
tow the Dodge to the nearest garage.
A few minutes later the two had hitched up the old Dodge to
the Jaguar, and they agreed that if the Jaguar driver was
going too fast, the man should blow his horn and flash his lights
to get him to slow down. With that the two men got into
their cars and the Jaguar driver started to pull away with the
Dodge behind it.
At the first traffic light, a Ferrari pulled up beside the
Jaguar and started to rev his engine provocatively. As soon as
the light turned green the Ferrari and the Jaguar hit their
accelerators and took off. Before long the cars were racing at
over 120 mph.
As the cars speed along, they passed through a police speed
trap. The officer couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the
three cars go by, and he decided that he couldn't catch them all
by himself, so he decided to radio for help:
"You won't believe what I just saw! I saw a Ferrari and a
Jaguar doing 120 mph side by side, and a beat up old Dodge
behind them flashing his lights and blowing his horn trying to
get by!"
#5
An indian girl walked into a general store and asked the
clerk for some toilet paper. So the clerk says, "Well, we have
two brands of toilet paper: Toilet Paper Royal and the generic
kind which doesn't have a name."
So the indian girl asks, "What's the difference?", to which
the clerk replies, "The generic brand is cheaper." So the indian
girl buys the generic brand and walks home.
The next day she walks into the store with the roll of toilet
paper and says, "I have found a name for this toilet paper."
Curious the clerk says, "Well what is it?" And the girl replies,
"John Wayne, because it's rough and it's tough and it don't
take no crap from indians."
#6
There were three men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said
to the other "You know what? I know this bridge,
where you can jump off and you bounce right back."
So the other man says, "No way that's ridiculous. It simply
cannot be possible." The first replies, "Come on, I'll show it to
you then." So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar
and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the
first man says "Here I'll show you how it works."
So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low
and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the
second man. The second man says "Hey man, do that again! I can't
believe it..." So the first jumps off again and immediately comes
flying back up again. After seeing this the second man decides to
give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up
and jumps off. After a few moments, the second man doesn't
return, so the first man walks back to the bar, sits down and
orders another drink. The bartender after noticing the second man
is missing, turns to the first man and says, "Oh Superman, you're
so cruel when you're drunk!"
#7
A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to
Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know
I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought
to Heaven, but I'm really really curious...
What does Hell look like?"
So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said,
"I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before
you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me."
And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said,
"Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door
opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do
not get out of the elevator."
"Thank you", replied the man who climbed into the elevator
and hit the button for the lowest floor.
After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened
and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen
wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice
through blankets of snow. Remembering what Saint Peter
said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the
doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven.
After returing to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and
said, "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do
I have just one more question."
"Go ahead", replied Saint Peter, and so the man asked, "I
thought Hell would be fire and brimestone, but instead all I saw
was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"
Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally
answered, "Snow and ice, huh? I guess the Buffalo Bills finally
won the Super Bowl."
#8
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and
goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He
heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.
All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You
will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again.
Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there
are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single
soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.
Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I
have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the
voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to
warn me?"
"No", the voice replied.
"Who are you then?", asked the drunk.
"I am the manager of this hockey rink."
#9 The new patient began describing his problem to the shrink from his horizontal position on the couch. "You see, doc, I have this recurring fantasy about having sex with a horse." "Oh? Mare or stallion?" "Hey, wait a minute! What do you think I am, some kind of pervert or something?"
