More Golf Jokes of Course
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and
a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells,
"Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you
hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where
the shore is, and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find
it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late
and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you,
you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the
salesman. "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
One day a man is having a terrible day of golf. At the first
hole he hooks the ball out into the rough. As he wanders through the
rough, he finds another golf ball. Not thinking, he picks it up and
puts it in his pocket. On his very next swing he slices off into the
rough again. As he wanders off to find his ball, he finds another lost
golf ball and pockets it like the first.
This continues for the entire front nine. Finally, after
finding 10 or so golf balls, he decides to call it a day and head home.
On his way home he stops at the local Circle K to drown his sorrows with
a Big Gulp. As he approaches the cashier, a young woman, he notices
that she is staring at his crotch. He looks down and sees the bulges
from all the golf balls he has collected.
"Oh, don't mind that," he explains to the cashier. "They're
just golf balls."
The cashier replies, "Boy, if that's anything like tennis elbow,
I'll bet it really hurts!"
John went golfing on a weekend afternoon and when he got to the course he
asked the pro to set him up with a game. The pro set him up with three other
people , one of whom was a gorgeous blonde. After a fine round they went for
drinks in the lounge. The woman asked John if she could have a ride home.
Always the gentleman , John agreed. On the way home the woman proceeded to
give John the best oral sex of his life as thanks. Oce they arrived she
thanked him and went inside.
The following week John again went to the course and was again paired up with
the same foursome. His game was not as sharp as the week before , and the
blonde's was improving BUT he had other things on his mind. After the round
they had drinks again and again john gave the woman a ride home. Again he got
the greatest blowjob. When they arrived they parted with a wave.
The following week everything went the same except John played the worst
round of his life and the blonde played flawlessly. After the round john was
in no mood for drinks and offered to drive the woman directly home. On the
way he figured not to make the day a complete loss they could go to her house
and have passionate sex.
When he brought the subject up she said " I'm sorry john that's impossible -
I'm a transvestite!"
"You son of a bitch", shouted John.
"I'm sorry", the woman/man said "Does it really bother you that much?"
"DAMN RIGHT" , scowled John "You shouldn't have been hitting fron the RED
tees!!!"
I was cutting hair one day when a guy comes into my shop with a bandage
around his neck. I put him in the chair and asked what happened. In a low
raspy voice he said " yesterday I was playing golf with my mother in law. On
the second hold she sliced her ball way over into a cow-pasture. She REALLY
hates to loose a ball so we looked, and we looked, and we looked. There was
no ball in sight. Just an old ugly cow. She screamed " I'm not leaving till
I find that ball". After another usless search I passed by the cow and
decided "what the hell" so I lifted the cows tail and sure enough there was a
ball stuck there. I called my mother in law over and said " does this look
like yours" and she hit me in the throat with a 7 iron...........
Q. Why are OJ Simpson, Heidi Fleiss, Ted Kennedy, and Greg Louganis the worst
foursome in golf?
A. Because one's a slicer, one's a hooker, one can't drive, and the other one
always goes for the wrong hole.
Four golfers met at a golf course and were discussing how they got their
wives to let them play golf.
The first golfer said that he sent his wife a dozen red roses and fixed
a gourmet dinner for two.
The second golfer related that he would do all of the vacuuming, dusting
and laundry.
The third golfer said that he painted the kitchen so that his wife would
let him play.
The fourth golfer said it was very simple. He set the alarm for 5:30 AM
and then he would wake up and roll over and ask his wife "Intercourse or
Golf course?" and his wife replied "Don't forget your sweater".
To Da Joke Korna