Hey Mr. Bassman


Colin:	(tuning up) Hey... hee-eey, he-ey, hey, hee-eey... hey, hey... Here we go. Ahem.

	(sings) Hey, Mr Bassman, what is your name?
	My name is Colin Grigson

Spider:	Yeah!

Colin:	And playing the bass guitar is my game
	So let's play the bass guitar, NOW!

Vim:	Okay, can you turn that off please, Brian, we'll get on with the next one.

(Music stops.)

Vim:	I've got a problem, Brian...

Colin:	Den, you're supposed to do the horrid laughing there.

Den:	It's the size of his penis.

Vim:	Every time I sing "Eat my brain"...

Colin:	Den, can you hear me?

Den:	I've had you switched off, Colin.

Colin:	Den!

Vim:	...I sing it so hard that my rectum seems to prolapse.

Den:	Can we get a nappy? Have we got a nappy roadie?

Vim:	Just someone to take all the shit.

Spider:	How old are you, Den?

Den:	Thirty-eight. No, oh, sorry, seventeen.

Colin:	(starts to sing again) Hey, Mr Bassman...

Den:	Hey, Mr Bassman, play the fucking bass!

(Laughter.)

Spider:	So, is it your birthday?

Colin:	Yes, it is, today.

Spider:	(sings) Happy birthday to you...

Colin:	Thanks.

Spider:	Happy bir.... how old are you, then?

Colin:	Er... Well, er...

Spider:	'Cause Den is seventeen! (Laughs)

Colin:	Is he?

Spider:	I'm sixteen and a half! (More laughter) I can't live this lie anymore. I'm thirty-three
	and proud of it!

(Guitar note)

Vim:	(sings same note) La...

Den:	...ger.

(All sing "la" and "ger" a few times.)

Colin:	(sings again) Hey, Mr Bassman...

Den:	Hey, Mr Bassman! Get the fucking night bus home!

(Vim laughs.)