Introducing the band


Colin:	Hello, my name's Colin Grigson. (Plays a few bass notes.) I play bass guitar for Bad
	News. My favourite colour's blue, and my favourite kind of music is heavy metal music.

Den:	Hello. My name is Den Dennis. (Plays a few guitar notes.) I play the rhythm guitar in
	Bad News. My favourite food is curry, because it's open late at night.

Vim:	My name is Vim Fuego! (Outrageous guitar solo.) I let my guitar speak for me!

Colin:	That's because you're incoherent most of the time.

Den:	Hello. My name is Spider Webb. (Hits a few drums.) I am... the drummer... in Bad News.
	Do I have to do this just 'cause he didn't turn up?

Colin:	Yes, just say that you can't play the drums and you're a complete toss-face.

Den:	I can't play the drums and I'm a complete toss-face. I don't... I think we should get
	Spider to do this one himself. I think this is fucking stupid!

Colin:	Yes, but he never turns up, does he? Now, start once again. Do you know what you're
	going to say? Hello, I'm Spider Webb...

Den:	Hello, my name is Spider Webb, I am the drummer from...

Colin:	I am the CRAP drummer.

Den:	I am the CRAP drummer from Bad News...

(Door opens.)

Den:	Oh, hello Spider!

Spider:	My name is Den Dennis and I think it's a load of bollocks!

Colin:	My name is Spider Webb. (Does an impression of Spider's laugh.)

Spider:	That's very good! (Laughs.)

Vim:	My name is Colin Grigson. Hoity-toity fucking hoit.

Colin:	My bloody fucking name is Vim bloody fucking Fuego bloody fucking...

Vim:	Bloody fuck off then, Fuego, fuck off.

Colin:	...and I'm the bloody fucking spunk all over your face guitarist. Spunk, bloody,
	fucking.