Copyright, 2001 by Kurt Nemes

Mr. TM of the day, fellow toastmasters, honored guests.

Have you ever noticed the this about the club? One meeting, the room is so full of people; it’s hard to find a place to sit. Then after a few months, the group, dwindles down to a handful or regulars.

I’ve noticed this often happens in the first few months after New Years.

People come but fail to take the first step and join. Enthusiastic others join, but then never give their first speech. Another group joins, work through a number of speeches and then kind of plateau off.

Most have us have walked that path. I know I have.

But why?

Today, my friends, I’m going to tell you why. What’s more I’m going to show you how each and every one of you can prevent it from happening to you.

What stops them from pressing on to follow through on that major step of walking through that door the first time?

Fear. Fear stops them. Big. Bad. Old. Nasty. FEAR!

Avoiding fear is one of our most basic instincts. When was the last time you wanted to take make a change in your life—try for a new job, retrain for a career, do something more fulfilling? But you don’t. Why? Because of fear.

What IS fear? You know what it is. It’s when you toss and turn at night because you have to give a presentation the next day. It’s when a boss or a teacher asks for your opinion, you open your mouth all that comes out is a squeak. It’s when your palms sweat, you mouth dries up like a desert, and your knees knock. That’s fear, right? It’s real right?

Can you touch fear? Can you smell fear? Can you see fear?

Oh yeah, it’s outside the door right now. There it is. Duck.

[Spray Whiz]

Now you know there’s no such real, physical beast called fear. Fear can’t jump out of your closet at night and eat you up! Fear’s not going to stick its foot out and trip you. Fear’s not going to stand up in the middle of a speech and yell out”

[Hands on hips]

“Why that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!” (Our colleagues might, but fear won’t.)

So where does fear? That’s right. It’s not something outside that stops us from having a fulfilling life. It’s something we create inside ourselves. It’s all in our mind. And when we let it take over, it becomes so real that it feels like someone’s holding up a gun to your head.

Now, how many of you have heard this quote, by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”

My teachers drummed these words into me as soon as I started school. They affected me deeply I remember reflecting on them in sixth grade. Since Roosevelt said it, it must have been profound. I’d say to myself “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” “The only thing to fear is fear itself.”

Then I asked myself, “What the heck does that MEAN?”

Well later, I found out. Actually it was much later. I mean really later. In fact, just a few years ago.

What that great president meant is fear can be one of the most powerful forces in our lives, but only if we give into it. It means that since we create it, we can stop it. It means if you dwell on your fear of something too much, you’ll spend so much energy dwelling on it, you’ll never be successful.

Sometime people turn their fears into rationalization for not doing what they want to do Experts call this the “yes-but” syndrome. You know what a yes-but is, don’t you? It’s when somebody tells you how things could be better and you say “Yes, but I could never do that, because….fill in your own excuse. “Yes, I want to get in shape, but they don’t give the aerobic class at a time that fits my schedule.” “Yes, I started a painting class, but the teacher was a jerk.” Or, “Yes, I need to give that speech, but work is so hectic right now.”

I’ve used each of these “yes-buts.” Even this weekend while preparing for this speech.

So how can we overcome our fears?

I can steer you toward many sources in the self-help field that give step by step instructions on how to do overcome fears and attain your goals.

Some will give you formulas like “Repeat this positive phrase in the morning 20 times before going to work”: Something like “I’m good enough to get that job.” “I’m good enough to get that job.” “I’m good enough to get that job.”

So you’re good enough to get that job. Then you go out, blow an interview by not preparing for it. Now what?

No my friends: words alone won’t do it.

Others will tell you to write out goals for the day, for the week, for one month, one year, five years, ten years, twenty years! Then as you do them, cross them off.

Can you imagine someone LIVING like this:

[Pad and pencil]

Get up. Put on shoes, eat breakfast, get married, have kids, buy house, save for retirement, put kids through college, grow old, die!

Hey, what happened to living?

Still, others books tell you to realize how lucky you are and to appreciate what you have. If you’re part of a privileged class, hey, yeah, you got a lot to be thankful for. Just forget the other 5 billion people on the earth. This is the, “shut up and let people walk all over you approach.”

None of them will make you conquer your fears.

A person will not change any behavior unless they feel it’s in their self-interest.

Believe me. I know. I have two children!

Do you know why? The self-help guru, Anthony Robbins, has a very simple explanation. “People are motivated by what gives them pleasure, and they avoid what gives them pain.”

“Most people,” he goes on, “are comfortable just getting by, not making waves, not going for goals. They actually believe that changing will be more painful than not changing. As long as they believe that, they’ll be stuck. And be miserable.

I believe this is what Thoreau meant when he said,

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation!”

Wow!

That’s horrible.

So what Robbins suggests doing is very simple. You have to retrain yourelf to think that not changing is more painful than changing.

I’d like to give you a little taste of one of his techniques for doing that.

So, close your eyes, relax, breathe deeply. Now imagine something you’ve really wanted to do but which fear is keeping you from doing. Making that next speech. Getting a better job. Being a better spouse. Running away to become an artist. Anything.

Now, picture yourself a year from now. Imagine how you’d feel a year from now if you hadn’t made that change. Imagine the real emotional pain you’d feel. Then skip forward to five years from now. How would you feel then? Then go to twenty years in the future? How will not changing have affected your lifeyou’re your relationships with friends, family, and others. Finally, imagine you’re lying on your deathbed, looking back over your whole life. How painful or unsatisfying was it because you didn’t overcome your fear! Really physically feel that pain!

Then let that pain go. Take a deep breath. Then do one more meditation.

Imagine that you’ve decided to attain your goal. Picture yourself a year from now. Imagine how you’d feel a year from now if you had made steady progress or even attained that goal. How happy would you be? Imagine the real happiness and freedom you’d feel. Then project yourself five years into the future. What new new things might you be doing because you took action? How would you feel then? Then move the clock to twenty years from now. What’s going on in your life? How many other goals have you attained. Finally, picture yourself lying on your deathbed. Friends and family are gathered around. You’re ooking back over your whole life and how wonderful and satisfying it was because you overcame your fear of changing! Really physically feel that joy.

If you really do this—picturing your life and goals that way—you’ll find that your fears really start melting away, and you start accomplishing more.

So my friends, the concepts are really simple. People don’t go for their goals and don’t change because they are afraid. Fear does not come from outside but from within. We are prisoners of these fears which we create in our own head.

But YOU can conquer YOUR fears by imagining how painful it would be to remain where you are and by imagining how HAPPY you’d be if you went for your dreams.

Think about how powerful this is my friends. You have the power to overcome your fears. No one has the power to stop you. When you see it that way, it’s very liberating.

It makes life worth living. It’s something worth doing. It’s something to celebrate!

[Spray Whiz]

Thank you.