How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he will spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

What is the difference between a French horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.

How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone?
1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.

How do you get a mellophone/sousaphone player to play "fff"?
Tell them to play "mp".

What do you call a guy who knows how to play a trombone and doesn't?
A gentleman.

What did Captain Picard say when he entered a jazz club and saw a trombonist on stage?
"Computer: End program!"

What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!

How do you know if there is a trombonist at your door?
The doorbell drags.

How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he will spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.

What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
Year-at-a-Glance

What is the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
1. Vibrato.  
2. It's easier to improvise on a chain saw.

What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?
An optimist.

What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
On or off.

What is the best kind of trombone?
A broken one!

How do you save a trombonist from drowning?
Take your foot off their head.

How many trombonists does it take to change a light bulb?
5: 1 to change it, and 4 to make ludicrous sexual comments.

How many trombones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he will do it too loudly.

What is the least used sentence in the English language?
"Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!"

What is the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car?
The frog may be on his way to a gig.

What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig?
"You want fries with that?"

You are driving down a street and your director and a trombone player are crossing the street in front of you.  Which one do you hit first?
1. Your director.  Business before pleasure!
2. Who cares?!

Why is it no fun to go to playgrounds with trombone players?
Because they can’t slide and they can't swing.

A tuba player accidentally locked his keys in the car, so he had to get a locksmith to get the drummer out.

OK, lets say two tuba players walked pass a bar....  Hey it could happen...

Why did the tuba player ask the director if he could go to the bathroom?
Because he had "p" all over his paper.

A symphony was performing Beethoven's 9th in a park one afternoon, but it was so windy that the musicians had to tie their music to the stands. When the tubas finished playing their part in movement 1, they decided, since they had 2 movements of rests, to sneak off to the pub across the street. So they sat in the pub, downed a few, and listened to the orchestra. When they heard the pickups to their part they therw money on the counter and stumbled into the street. They could barely keep from falling over as they ran to pick up their tubas, but even worse, they couldn't untie the music. They were pulling and tugging but the string was so tight that they fell over from the effort. Just then, the conductor looked back and thought, "Oh lord, it's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"