|
50 Ways to Know You're an Asian
1.   Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
2.   Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3.   Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4.   You ask your parents for help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5.   Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In China (or other native country), we studied even more."
6.   Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
7.   You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
8.   You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
9.   You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
10.   The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner.
11.   You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
12.   Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
13.   You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
14.   You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
15.   You boil water before drinking.
16.   You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
17.   You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
18.   You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19.   You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
20.   At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
21.   You hate to waste food: a)Even if you're totally full, b) if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
22.   Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
23.   You know what bok choy is.
24.   You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
25.   Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
26.   You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone
calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary - yah!)...."
27.   Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitations of Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc...
28.   People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
29.   At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius said...."
30.   Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
31.   You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
32.   Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
33.   Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
34.   Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.
35.   Your parents have never kissed you.
36.   Your parents have never kissed each other.
37.   You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
38.   You never discuss your love life with your parents.
39.   Your parents insist you marry within your race.
40.   You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
41.   When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
42.   Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang).
43.   Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both.
44.   You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance. Computer Science too.
45.   Your don't dryclean clothes, even if they need to be drycleaned.
46.   You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
47.   When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them. Kleenex too!
48.   You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since
calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
49.   You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during
weekends.
50.   "You want a stereo?!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
|