Date: 03-05-91 (19:16) Number: 330 From: DAN M____ Refer#: NONE To: ALL Recvd: NO Subj: And A Good Bidet' To You Conf: (0) BAR&GRILL -------------------------------------------------------------------
AND A GOOD BIDET' TO YOU
My wife has a ten gallon jug of honey do projects that keep on
growing while I frantically try to keep up with them from my
horizontal position on the couch. I think I'm going to have
to get a 20 gallon container to make room for the growing number of
Yesterday, I was forced at pen point, by my oppressive
wife to go to Ernst (they sell hardware & home accessories) to
look at kitchen sinks. Seems like my old lady has this wild dream
of a new kitchen. Unfortunately, I ordered some new cabinets and
they will be arriving in a few weeks. Now she wants a new sink.
She drug me kicking and screaming to the cabinet section where
they have sinks on display. I was not a happy camper.
All those cabinets to put up and now she wants a double sink with a
garbage disposal section. She couldn't find what she wanted
and of course, I was of no help. I kept calling the security
guard and telling him I was kidnapped and being subjected to
involuntary servitude. The jerk only smiled. Then
this stupid female clerk came over and she asked if she could be
of service. I gave her one of those cynical looks that I
get before I really become obnoxious. Before I could utter
a word my wife interjected that she wanted a sink, a double sink,
an Almond colored sink. One side deep the other side for a
disposal section. The clerk said she didn't have any in stock
but if we found one in the catalog she could order it at a discounted
price and have it in a day. "Oh sure", I said in snotty tone.
Sounds like work to me." The old lady (affectionate term)
oooohed and aaaawed as she looked through the color catalog but
didn't find the one she was looking for. In a rare moment
of help, I offered to look and grabbed the catalog away from her.
Without looking I said "NOPE! None in here!"
My wife said, "you didn't even look!" I responded that I
checked it by Osmosis. She gave me one of those pained looks
and shook her head. "OK, OK, OK," I said and browsed though
the catalog. And then I saw them. I couldn't believe
it. Bidet's. (definition, noun: a low, bowled shaped
porcelain bathroom fixture equipped with running water used to
wash the crotch) Dozens of them. All colors.
"Look!", I exclaimed, "Bidets'!"
Looking straight at the young female clerk I said, "How would you
like to have one of these? I could see that I was
making the clerk very nervous and my wife alertly realized that I
was in one of those outrageous moods and started to slink down
the aisle. "Are bidets becoming popular?", I asked.
The clerk started to turn a pale pink and said she didn't know.
I asked her how do you use a bidet' as her pink faced turned an opaque
red slightly brighter than a setting sun. How do women use a
bidet'?" I queried the embarrassed clerk. By this time I
could tell she was going to have an involuntary bowel movement if
she didn't get away, but as she beat a hasty retreat she exclaimed
that she would get one of the other clerks to help.
None showed up so I went to the information counter and asked for
some help of another very young, gum-chewing, female clerk.
I asked her for a salesmen to demonstrate a bidet.
It was obvious that she did not know what they were.
Taking full advantage of this naive young thing I asked if she
could call over the PA system to have a salesmen come to the
bathroom accessory and demonstrate a bidet. Willingly
she picked up the announcing system microphone and "We need a
salesman to demonstrate a bidet on aisle 4". You should
have seen the look on the rest of the clerks faces as they stared
in disbelief. A roar of laughter came from the other
customers and all the salesmen anywhere close to aisle four
headed as far away as they could get. I saw my wife
sneaking out to the car. Oh well, at least she wouldn't
ask me to go shopping with her again for a long, long time!