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January '03
Quotes of the Month
Andrew: It's the neuter van!
Holly: Someone's losing their balls in there.
(1/18)
1/3
Deities
Mom: How much you wanna bet Home Depot has ice scrapers?
Dad: Two ice scrapers.
Matt's House
Skirky: Andrew, can we have sex?
Andrew: No.
Skirky: Can we lie nest to each other naked?
Andrew: No.
Skirky: Hoter, can we have sex?
Hoter: No.
Skirky: Adam, can I curl up on your lap?
Adam: No.
Skirky: Can I have your children?
Adam: No.
Skirky: GIVE ME THEM!
1/4
Suigetsu Dojo, Sensei Goldberg's seminar
"Hurting someone is easy. You want to hurt them beautifully." -- Sensei Goldberg, articulating the philosophy of Daito Ryu Aiki Ju Jitsu.
"'You're a climber. You're a martial artist. Don't you know you're Jewish?'" -- Sensei Goldberg doing an impression of his mother.
"If this was my student ... I'd work him till he DIES." -- Sensei Goldberg, about Rich's lack of pain receptors.
"When you have someone so ... dysfunctional..." -- Sensei Goldberg, continuing to rip on Rich.
New Tomponia
Disuhan: Those are large tits ... of a very scary woman. What is this?
Tompy: That's my large tits of a very scary woman CD.
"Fuck me up the left ass." -- Tompy
"Not everything's made to be jacked off." -- Tompy to Hoter, who was giving the table a good time.
1/6
Borders
Ecolab Guy 1: I'll have two eggs over easy.
Andrew: Ha.
Ecolab Guy 1: I like a little levity in the morning.
Ecolab Guy 2: Oh, is that what that was?
Ryan: Blackboxes don't disintegrate. They're made out of ... they're made out of ... What are they made out of?
Andrew: Stuff.
Ryan: They're made of crazy stuff!
Suigetsu Dojo
Sensei Masi: It doesn't smell too funky. Just a little. It's not that bad.
Sensei Fine: It smells nice.
Sensei Masi: ... It smells funky.
Sensei Fine: Bill wants to stay on the island in the middle of the lake.
Bill: Nah, I'd get voted off!
Crapple's
"He was Spongebob with his square pants on backwards." -- Tompy, about ... someone.
online
"I saw a sandwich on TV ... and I was like JUDGE JUDYYYYYY." -- Kathleen, missing the Diner.
1/7
Boo Haven!
"Welcome to Wintuition! I am the host of Double Dare!" -- Dan, giving examples of "Things Mark Summers might say"
Sara: We fed you, and now we are going to play Taboo until we LET YOU LEAVE!
Dan: You think we're kidding, but I have your car keys.
1/8
Chili's
"Justin's like, "I just added up the bill,' and Hoter's like, 'I can count to one.'" -- Tompy, about this photo:
"Apparently you have to LOOK LIKE ASS to get some service around here." -- Tompy, to Hoter, who told Tompy she looked like ass.
Kathleen: Where's he from?
Ben: Commack.
Kathleen (to Andrew): He's YOURS!
1/11
Playing Taboo in That's Right
Katie: On Long Island, there's one of these on every corner.
Andrew: Diner!
Katie: Yes!
1/12
Borders
"Giovanni Ribisi? Sounds like a disease." -- Dwight
1/14
Online
Holly: How are you my big?
Andrew: How am I your big? Let you count the ways?
"It can hide, but it can't escape from Things! ... Or Things with tools." -- Holly, about the Things Branch stealing the elusive Quintard Street sign.
1/15
online
"'DeBeers: Diamonds are forever; show her you love her with diamonds. Target: PJ's are forever; show her you love her with PJ's." -- Skirky
New Tompistan
"No es bueno at all." -- Hoter
"You are on the fast track to bitch slap." -- Tompy
"You are an ad for Roto Rooter. 'Does your toilet sound like this? 'BRWAGGHHH!''" -- Tompy
"It reminds me of my house. We could care less about clothes!" -- Hoter, who lives in a nudist colony.
Cocaine (Ko ka EEE neh) Whorebitch sounds like a tennis player.
1/16
online
Canasta lady: So where are you all from?
Andrew: Place.
Hoter: Land.
Canasta guy: Iowa.
Andrew: He jumped ship!
Hoter: Shastacide.
Diner
"My mom's like 'Where are you going?' and I'm like 'Out.' And she's like 'Where?' and I'm like 'Shut up.'" -- Hoter
1/17
The Bermansion
"Somebody's grandmother is freezing to death because of you." -- Tompy, to Hoter about her purse.
"If you hear a buzzing sound, like 'BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!, it's okay." -- dad
Dad: Did you hear a buzzing sound?
Ben: No.
Dad: That's good. I didn't make it yet.
"You can shove things in places." -- Hoter
1/18
outside Petco
Andrew: It's the neuter van!
Holly: Someone's losing their balls in there.
online
"One Holly is like two Lindsays and a Shohei." -- Dan Lerner (I wonder how Lindsay and Shohei will feel about this one)
1/24
online
Andrew: What state are you in?
Kathleen: Massachusetts! Well, no state. It's a commonwealth. "Commonwealth of Massachusetts vs. Bad Person," that's what they always say.
1/27
my room
"There are no Jews. There are no skinny people." -- Sue's description of Vermont (no offense intended)
1/30
Suigetsu Dojo
"We call it 4a, but there's only one. It's our secret way of tricking the blue belts." -- Sensei Fine, quietly to Sensei Oronato, about parryblocks.
1/31
Borders
Annoying customer: So, what do you think of that Saddam Hussein?
Innocent customer: What do I think of Saddam Hussein? Well, I think he's not a very nice man! Well, it was nice talking to you....