"Tickle us, do we not laugh; prick us, do we not bleed; wrong us, shall we not revenge"
-Shakespeare- The Merchants of Venice

"Revenge is a dish that is best served cold"
-Spanish proverb

"Some men see things the way the are and ask why, I dream of things that never were and say why not"
-Robert F. Kennedy

"Cry Havoc! And let slip the dogs of war!"
-Shakespeare- Julius Ceasar

"The undiscovered country --- the future"
-Shakespeare- Hamlet

"May fortune favour the foolish"
-unknown

"...canon to the right of them, canon to the left of them, canon in front of them, volleyed and thundered. Boldly they rode into the mouth of hell, into the jaws of death. Theirs was not to reason why, theirs was but to do and die..."
-unknown

"Right? Of course right."
-Yente, Fiddler on the Roof

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner


I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

Jay Leno


The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the
second day you're off it.

Jackie Gleason


Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.

Red Buttons


I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I
>wanna know your name"

Mike Binder


Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it

Stephen Leacock


Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

Steve Bluestone

Have you ever noticed anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlin

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five >
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where
the hell she is.
Ellen Degeneres


> >>>> I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
> >>>
> >>>> Carol Leifer
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair
> >>>> under my arms instead.
> >>>
> >>>> Sue Kolinsky
> >>>
> >>>
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise.

Roger Simon
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax,
> >>>> tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
> >>>
> >>>> Pearl Williams
> >>>
> >>>
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next
morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
> >>>
> >>>> Billiam Coronel
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
> >>>> helmets.
> >>>
> >>>> Dave Edison
> >>>
> >>>
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a
bank robbery has just taken place.
> >>>
> >>>> Johnny Carson
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> It's not hard to tell we was poor -- when you saw the toilet paper
> >>>dryin' on the clothesline.
> >>>
> >>>> George Lindsey