Degrees (Fahrenheit)

    65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
    60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
    50 Miami residents turn on the heat
    45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
    40 You can see your breath
       Californians shiver uncontrollably
       Minnesotans go swimming
    35 Italian cars don't start
    32 Water freezes
    30 You plan your vacation to Australia
    25 Ohio water freezes
       Californians weep pitiably
       Minnesotans eat ice cream
       Canadians go swimming
    20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
       New York City water freezes
       Miami residents plan vacation further South
    15 French cars don't start
       Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
    10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
     5 American cars don't start
     0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
   -10 German cars don't start
       Eyes freeze shut when you blink
   -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
       Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
       Miami residents cease to exist
   -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
       Politicians actually do something about the homeless
       Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
       Japanese cars don't start
   -25 Too cold to think
       You need jumper cables to get the driver going
   -30 You plan a two week hot bath
       Swedish cars don't start
   -40 Californians disappear
       Minnesotans button top button
       Canadians put on sweaters
       Your car helps you plan your trip South
   -50 Congressional hot air freezes
       Alaskans close the bathroom window
   -80 Hell freezes over
       Polar bears move South
       Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game
   -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets