Where Campbells Come From

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there lived a young boy by the name of Patrick.. Young Patrick lived with his mother in a small town in the county of Wales. Patrick enjoyed his studies at school and at church, but church was his favorite. The one and only difficulty that Patrick had in his life was his fear of snakes. He just could not bear to be anywhere near one of the slippery creatures. He tried to avoid them as he walked to school and to church but it seemed no matter where he went he was confronted by them.

As the years past and Patrick became a man, he felt a certain calling in his life. He spoke with the priest and it was at that time Patrick decided that his life's work would be to convert the heathen. So Patrick left his home in Wales and went to Ireland (because he knew there was no better place to find lots of heathens) to do his best to convert them. What Patrick didn't know was that the whole island was full of snakes. Not just a few snakes, but thousands of them.

There was no way poor Patrick could convert the heathens if he had to keep running into snakes. They were everywhere! So Patrick thought and he thought. How could he rid this place of the serpents that plagued it? It was then that a very great idea came into his head. He thought, "I'll just get a large stick and I'll start down there in that far bottom corner of the island. I'll use my stick to drive the serpents before me and then when I get to that far top corner, I'll drive them into the sea." It was a grand plan that Patrick had, and indeed it worked. The snakes were all driven off into the sea and since the island was rid of them Patrick had no trouble converting all the heathens there. They even made Patrick a Saint to show how greatful they were for him driving away the serpents.

Well the serpents were none too pleased at their turn of events. Once they had lived on land with plenty to eat and now they found themselves swimming in the cold water with no food to be found. The leader of the serpents spoke up, "I've heard of a land not far from here. It is said to be one of the finest in all the world. I think we should swim there and see if we can make a new home." The other serpents agreed. So they all swam right up to the banks of bonnie Scotland.

Arriving on the shore, they could see that this was, indeed, one of the finest lands in all the world. They were sure that they could make a home for themselves here. In the distance they noticed a rather large castle with beautiful arches of gold over it. The serpents had never seen anything like this before. They slithered up to the castle and noticed a young lass in the window. The lass asked them, "Can I help ye?" The serpents responded that they would like to have 12 haggis, 4 large orders of scones, and 3 large whiskeys. The lass made a note about what the serpents wanted then asked them to slither to the other side of the castle.

When the snakes got to the other side the found another window but this time there was no lass there. Instead there saw one of the strangest sights they had ever seen. There stood a man, or at least they thought it was a man. He had a most unnatural shade of red hair, a yellow suit, shoes that were much too big, and I nose that the serpents couldn't help but stare at. He gave the snakes their food and explained that he was the Chief of this Clan and that this was his castle. The serpents were impressed. The leader of the serpents asked for some advise about how to start a Clan and where to get a castle.

With their stomachs full, the snakes slithered off to make a new start. Their leader first ordered them all to grow legs. Then they built him a castle. He told them all to dress in the dress of their new land and even designed a certain "tartan" for them to wear. He was sure they would fit in with the other Clans and that no one would be able to tell where they had come from. He decided to name his Clan CAMPBELL which was an old Gaelic word for "wry mouth" which the serpents most certainly had.

There were just two things that the new Campbell Chief hadn't counted on in this great disguise.

............................... no matter how you dress up a serpent, it is still a snake inside.

................................. all the other Clans know if you catch a Campbell and cook it long enough