March '02

Quote of the Month
"Touch the McDonalds! Touch it, it's warm! .... TOUCH IT! No, not the white part, the red part!" -- Andrew, amusing himself at the drive thru, 3/23


3/2

I don't remember where this happened

Clarice: I could have [Josh Hartnett's] baby.
Andrew: Me too.
Clarice: No you couldn't, Mr. No Uterus.

online

"Andrew, I get head at an obscene frequency." -- Skirky
"I think my microwave is turning itself into a bomb." -- Kathleen
"I'm so bored, this folder is going to be awesome." -- Shohei

3/5

Newhouse IA1, or something (chapter meeting)

"Many many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea, there lived a maiden who you may know, by the name of Annabel Lee. And then she died." -- Annabel Lee, modifying the poem Edgar Allan Poe wrote for her.

Kimmel

"Hallmark: the shit that makes you smile." -- Smappy
"Don't cross the Kevin Kline!" -- Smappy, long story (E-mail me)

3/6

Schine

"That'd be like saying, 'Mary, write an epic poem for homework.'" -- Mary, on the composition major

Andrew: My wife's from Turkey!
Alyssa: But she's full of baloney!

"So did you learn that for the deaf kids in the bushes or what." -- Alyssa, who stealthily reads the Quotebook Online
"I'm the only university scholar in VPA, ao I really am the VPA Queen! I should change my name to 'Hugh Jackman's Wife' or 'President of the World.'" -- Alyssa, on her screen name

Andrew: What kind of muffin is that?
Alyssa: It's a coffee cake muffin, from Hell.

"A fate better than death, Phi Sigma Pi." -- Alyssa, suggesting taglines.
"Can I get a GLBT please, on bi - I mean rye." -- Alyssa

The Pride Union Spring Break Luau

"You're taking a blue lei? What are you, straight?" -- Andrew

3/7

One the Phone

Andrew: What's on convo today?
Dana: Cassatt, ... so, see you after break.

3/8

On the way to Colorado

Mom: Are you picking that thing on your face?
Lauren: What, do you have eyes in the back of your head?
Mom: Well, were you picking it?
Lauren: ... Yes.

"You can't take this month's issue of Vogue on the plane." -- Tracee, on the magazine's abundant size and possible use as a weapon

3/11

Aspen Mountain, Colorado

Andrew: I'm sweating bullets.
Dad: That sounds dangerous.

Some guy: Is that you?
Andrew: No.

Driving on I-70 in Colorado

"Bagels, hahahaha...." -- Kurt, commenting on Colorado bagels.

Glenwood Springs

Kate Doino: You missed it, Andrew just gave birth to a middle-aged man.
Ray: I knew this group was weird.

3/12

Vail Mountain, Colorado

"Lift #38 is closed for the day. The mice that run it are on strike!" -- Sign at Vail

3/14

The parking lot of the Diner

Disuhan: You are dirty!
Tompy: And I'm good at it!

"I'm like, 'You suck because I don't!'" -- Tompy, recounting when other patrons walked into the movie theater.

Tompy: He is a GOOD TIME!
Andrew: Does that mean he has a big dick?
Tompy: YES!

Goodbye Tompyland

Disuhan: It's the 14th.
Ben: Technically, it's the 15th.
Disuhan: Ben, it's the fucking 14th.

"Whatever, we're on our chair." -- Kathleen

Tompy: Would you rather have a professional driver in a Volkswagen Bug or a kid who can't reach the pedals in an excursion? Who'll get ya there faster?!
Disuhan: I don't go places anymore.
Andrew: I have my own car.
(not talking about cars)

3/15

Goodbye Tompyland, for real now

"You have been sucked into my grandmother's vortex of crackheadness!" -- Tompy, after Hoter asked if her ring was a wedding band.

3/16

Bermatorium

"He's scary. He sounds like he hurts pianos." -- Kathleen, on Emmanuel Ax.
"I passed through two time zones walking from your microwave to your oven." -- Kathleen, on my kitchen's time ambiguity.
"I pulled blood from my ass." -- Hoter, on her answer to a Trivial Pursuit question
"I have a question about that. What?" -- Kathleen

3/17

Club Thing

Stef: Wow, Andrew. We're really making good time!
Jess Cohen: They don't call him Leadfoot Lester for nothing.
Andrew: I was unaware of this nickname.

Stef: They pulled me aside for a random security check.
Andrew: Me too.
Jess: Because you two look like threats to national security.

"My head hurts. I haven't thought this much in years." -- Jess, on playing Ghost

3/18

Online

"I'm hoping I can drag along this McJewish (half Irish) kid." -- Shohei

3/19

Kim Kimm Kimmity Kimmel

Seth: Why is your hair straighter than it normally is?
Annabel: Because it's not curly.

3/22

Club Thing, the trip to California, PA

"You're really into getting naked. How come I've never seen you naked?" -- Seth, to Holly
"I would so fuck Sean Connery!" -- Seth, over and over, during a game of Who Would You Rather Do?
"Shut up, car." -- Lindsay, on doing Kit from Nightrider

Seth: Who would you rather do, I-90 or I-95?
Lindsay: I-95. It's longer.
(after passing "Gay Road" and pondering the question of a road's sexuality)

"Okay, next time you have a vagina, why don't you try it?" -- Holly, to Seth, on peeing into a bottle.
"Seth, shouldn't you be sleeping?" -- Holly, several times
"Okay, who's not sleeping?" -- Shohei, to Seth.

3/23

Easter Bunny Service Project, California, PA

"You broke EASTER!" -- Holly
"Everybody has the right to ask G-d for forgiveness. It's our job to arrange that meeting." -- Lindsay, presenting the motto of the Ad-hoc angel of death committee

Club Thing, between California and Pittsburgh

"If aliens landed and said 'take me to the ugliest place on your planet,' they'd bring them here." -- Seth
"Hey, to each his own, man. If you want to suck legs, go right ahead." -- Lindsay, to Shohei, about seafood.
"HELLO!" -- Shohei's emphatic phone greeting.
"Fuck THIS woman. Fuck her 'till she dies." -- Lindsay, having back seat road rage.
"Touch the McDonalds! Touch it, it's warm! .... TOUCH IT! No, not the white part, the red part!" -- Andrew, amusing himself at the drive thru.

Kappa's Spring Formal, Pittsburgh, PA

"I'm not tall in real life. I just stand up straight and present myself largely." -- Louise, unshod.

3/24

Club Thing, the car ride back to Syracuse

Seth: Well maybe YOU should have written it.
Lindsay: I was sleeping, like YOU should be!

"Brains aren't poisonous, lungs are. Brains are just good." -- Shohei, again about seafood.
"Clearly, Christianity is not the correct religion, because if it was, Christian rock bands would not suck." -- Holly

3/25

House of Thing

"Ass crack." -- Cricket, when she wakes up at 5:30am ever morning.
"I would like to have magical laminating powers." -- Cricket
"I pick art like boogers!" -- Cricket

3/27

The Seder, at the place

"You don't strike me as a matzoh ball thief. I think you work on a larger scale." -- Jess Cohen, to Andrew.

Andrew: How do you make salt water? Just pour salt in water?
Jess: You did NOT just ask me that question.

"I'm the sick Passover cow, bringing E-coli to all the bad little Jewish boys and girls." -- Beth Berlin (welcome back!) offering a Jewish parallel to Santa
"He should rush homosexuality." -- Andrew, to Shohei about his friend that is interested in rushing Phi Sig.

3/30

Dinosaur BBQ

"I thought you were talking about being on the rag. That's where I draw the line." -- Jen (Louise's friend), who has absolutely no discretion
"We can talk about pubic hair until it turns red." -- Joe Bartosik

Jen: I ordered a peanut butter pie.
Waitress: (looks at her pad) SHIT!

Channel Five news studio

"Joe's my bitch sometimes." -- The smack-talking anchorwoman for Syracuse's channel five.