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May '02
Quote of the Month
Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw butter out a window?
Louise (age 3): A butterfly!
Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw a horse out a window?
Louise (age 3): A dead horse.
(5/15)
5/1
Crouse
Andrew: Do you have a pitcher?
Jo: I don't think so. I might have a carafe.
Thornden Park, Phi Sig Picnic
"Holy cleavage! Look at my boobs! Look everybody! I have breasts!" -- Kim Van Dyke
Erin: Andrew and I are selling our bodies.
Kim: How much?
"Can you dress like a man and have sex with women? Because I ain't." -- Andrew, to Kim.
Online
"Edinburghjen's status is now 'really pissed.'" -- Yahoo Messenger
The place
Andrew: I'm gonna go hate boys in my room.
Cricket: What boys are in your room?
Andrew: ... I'm gonna go in my room and hate boys.
5/3
Kimmel
Dana: You're a triplet?
Shira: Yeah!
Dana: Seriously?
Shira: Yeah!
Dana: I didn't know that!
Shira: I'm not!
Chili's
Dana: It's Louise's birthday today!
Holly: In that fake world where we make things up in restaurants.
Sasha's room
"My special area is touching my special area." -- Andrew, (It's a long story)
Mike Corbo's room
"Oh my G-d, aesthetically pleasing!" -- Melissa, looking at Mike's photography.
"Kit n caboodle." -- Melissa, it was somewhere in there.
5/4
Lake Onondaga
"And the Syracuse boat just rowed through a flock of geese." -- SU crew announcer
"All right Mrs. I'm a bio major I'm gonna be a worm doctor!" -- Shira, to Ricca, who was explaining that an earthworm will not necessarily break into two worms, it depends on where the break is.
Someone's car
"Your head is on your crotch." -- Holly
"Stop poking your crotch!" -- Holly
"You say Erika like I say ham." -- Holly
Someone else's car
Katie Raffaelli: Why are so many cops out with radar guns at 2:30 in the morning like it's their job?
Louise: It IS their job.
(Demonstrating that use of the phrase "like it's my job" has become a little too prolific)
5/5
Kimmel
"If they ever shook hands, the world would explode." -- Annabel and Matt Demay, about Shohei and Evil Shohei.
5/6
Cricket's car (the Blumina)
Andrew: You never tell them the truth. You always say "I'm going to Crouse to pick up a tuba.
Cricket: But I already did that. I picked up you, you tuba.
5/7
Beth's House
"Hi Miss Annoying." -- Annabel, to KelGa
"Would it add pounds if I shoved my foot up your ass?" -- Lindsay, about size 0 women.
"Amazing and excellent sauce monster." -- Lindsay, modifying her title ala Panda West's menu.
"I heard it was excellent ... and AMAZING!" -- Lindsay, about Spiderman.
The place, playing Celebrities
"Charisma ... Charleston, Chapman, Chisel, Chop?" -- KelGa, trying to come up with Charisma Carpenter.
"Claudius Maximus." -- Lindsay misidentifying Marcus Aurelius.
5/8
Jess and Eric's apartment
Jess Halbert: Stop cursing at me.
Eric Bowerman: Stop throwing shit at my eye.
Jess: I'm drunk and I have bad aim!
Eric: Apothecary.
Andrew: He just said "apothecary" for no reason.
Eric: Where's my rum and coke?
5/9
Carousel Mall
Andrew: I have more composites than you.
Holly: I'm still in college.
Andrew: You win.
Erin Shaw's apartment
Holly: Chicken pita with honey mustard and mushrooms?
Shohei: That sounds so sad, doesn't it?
5/12
online
"Missing: two hot twins, one is gay, one is not. Both are nice, intelligent, and extremely caring boys. If found, please return to . $5 reward." -- Holly's formal missing persons announcement about our twins.
5/13
online
Kathleen: Slansky or Syracuse?
Andrew: It's never Slansky.
Kathleen: That looks like a bumper sticker.
"Tea leaf reading: you will meet a skinny, dark-haired, older guy who will persuade you not to kill your roommate despite his loud television watching." -- J
5/15
Empire Brewry
Suzie: People tell me I look like my dad.
Joanne: Oh, does he have big hips?
Time warp to approximately 18 years ago
Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw butter out a window?
Louise (age 3): A butterfly!
Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw a horse out a window?
Louise (age 3): A dead horse.
5/17
1019 Madison
"Shut up. I have a lamp of knowledge." -- Cricket, after I caught her in a moment of stupidity
Cricket's Blumina, en route to the Carousel Mall
Cricket: Gavin, stop terrorizing my passengers.
Gavin: I'm not terrorizing them, I'm measuring them.
Cricket: Stop measuring my terrified passengers.
"My car is for ladies and gentlemen, and the occasional beast." -- Cricket, making an exception for her boyfriend.
"Stop measuring me!" -- Cricket, to a tape-measure-happy Gavin
5/18
Cell phone call with Kathleen while driving through New Jersey
(it's necessary)
"I think of the Expressway as the x-axis of Long Island." -- Kathleen
"I couldn't live with you. Things would be falling on my head all the time!" -- Kathleen
The Hoterrarium
"Scrabble is my sex!" -- Andrew, to Disuhan who missed having sex with her boyfriend
5/19
Playing True Colors at Sara's house
Sara: I need to shunk.
Disu: I need to fart.
"I wouldn't be shady for you?" -- Disu, to Hoter
Disu: Where's the shunker?
Sara: Mother shunker!
Diner
"We're Shady Business. She's Shady, I'm Business." -- Sara (Business)
5/21
California Pizza Kitchen
"Everything reminds me of him! Pasta reminds me of him! People wearing hats! Colors!" -- Skirky
"This is a party of three with one imaginary child." -- the Maitre Dee, playing along with Skirky's insanity
Disu: I was so hungry, I ate a two-month-old Cadbury Cream Egg.
Skirky: You ate a two-month-old?
5/22
Chili's
"I'm going to buy you a watch, and you're going to wear it, because it's good to know what time it is." -- Mom, being motherly
Cell phone with Kathleen while driving through New Jersey, again
"It's weird talking to someone who's moving really fast while you're sitting still." -- Kathleen
5/27
Andrew's Room
Andrew: I'm not interested in sports.
Dad: All right. As long as you're not a Red Sox fan.
5/28
La Hacienda Disuhanita
"You sunk my battleship!" -- Hoter, after Disu knocked over her pile of poker chips.
Hoter: Beginner's luck.
Disu: Beginner's cheating.
Disu: I'm so hungry ... I wanna pee.
Hoter & Andrew: Just one pea?
5/29
online
"We got fucked, right in the ear." -- Sue
Bermatorium
"Do you ENJOY bleeding at this house?" -- Hoter, to Disuhan, who was bleeding at my house again.
5/31
La Hacienda Disuhanita
"I'm wearing this shirt in honor of your pants." -- Disuhan