"Excuse me, Alice? The Mad Hatter's looking for you. He wants you to attend a tea party." -- Dana Wise, 1/23

1 vote

"You know, I bring you a penis and all you do is criticize." -- Ashley Gillen, 2/11

3 votes

"Touch the McDonalds! Touch it, it's warm! .... TOUCH IT! No, not the white part, the red part!" -- Andrew, 3/23

1 vote

KelGa: If a Smurf choked, what color would it turn?
Holly: Dead.
(4/7)

1 vote

Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw butter out a window?
Louise (age 3): A butterfly!
Louise's Dad: What do you get when you throw a horse out a window?
Louise (age 3): A dead horse.
(5/15)

3 votes

Kathleen: I want to be pregnant at the same time as you, [Disuhan].
Andrew: I want to be in another country when that happens.
(6/9)

less than one vote

"What is there to do on Long Island? Except smoke pot and be hooches?" -- Kathleen, 7/6

less than one vote

"Take Pennsylvania, double it by a third, add tornadoes, snow, crap, and nasty corn, and make it never stop, and you have Nebraska." -- Tompy, 8/21

4 votes

Andrew: Six in French is six, right?
Sara: Yes.
Andrew: How do you spell menage?
Sara: I don't even want to KNOW what this is about.
(9/4)

5 votes

Andrew: Your room is by no means small.
Shohei: True - I just have my shit lying around.
Andrew: Yes, shit tends to make a room smaller. This is the shit master speaking. I can't believe I just referred to myself as the shit master. Let us never recount this.
(10/18)

4 votes

Teacher: If your peanut butter says "hello," what do we say?
Everyone: "Goodbye."
(11/19)

1 vote

"'Dear Santa, first of all, I'm a Jew. Just thought I'd get that off my chest right away. Anyway, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. There's this guy ... he's a dick. Could you maybe make him not a dick and giftwrap him for me? In exchange, I can offer you a chai latte and a biscotti. Thanks a bunch. Shalom, Andrew.'" -- Sara 12/1

1 vote