Voice (Part 1)
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. I'm just playing with them. The song is also not mine. Please don't sue me.
I watch him sleeping sometimes, my little Spike. When Angelus is done with me sometimes I creep into the main chamber and see Spike asleep in his wheelchair. I've been doing that a lot lately. It's the only way I can spend time with him now. And lately he's been so angry, as if he were blaming Angel and me for all of his troubles.
Miss Edith tells me not to but I do not listen to her. She tells me to forget about my Spike but I try not to. How can I? I hate Miss Edith sometimes.
Angelus is sleeping now. I carefully pull back the covers and swing my legs off the edge. The bed creaks beneath me but not enough to wake my Angel. Slowly I stand up. The floor is cold on my bare feet. I can here Miss Edith screaming at me. I ignore her. She always is screaming at me and I am used to it.
After throwing on a robe, I push the large door open, hearing it screech a warning. I don't care. I try to shut it carefully though it still makes a loud booming sound as if forbidding me to carry out my plan. Or perhaps it was only loud in my own ears for I can still hear Angel's steady, rhythmic breathing.
I frown at the slivers of sunlight shining through the drapes. How hurtful the sun is! I wish there was no such thing. But there won't be...once Angel and I destroy the world. I smile at the thought. When that happens, Angel and I shall rule the demon world. And Spike--well, we'll find some way to make him better so he doesn't miss out on the fun.
As I walk through the hallway the walls whisper to me. I cover my ears, trying to block them out. But they continue, filling my head with terrible things; about the Slayer, about Angel, about
Spike...about me. How could that be true? I'm a princess. Spike and Angel say so.
Vaguely I remember another time. A time when the only thing I wanted was to be a good girl. I was afraid of all the voices in my head. But then my Angel came and told me I was a demon. He was right.
Turning the corner I see Spike sitting next to the fireplace in his wheelchair, asleep. As I make my way toward him, Miss Sunshine yelps and runs past my feet. Picking her up, I scold her, only my desire not to wake Angelus keeps me from punishing
her. I put her down and watch her scurry away before moving on, glad I had closed the door to Angel's room. I don't worry about her telling him. He can't understand her. No one can except me.
Still frowning, I look over a Spike, a soft smile erupting on my face. My poor, sweet, little Spike. Ever since Angelus came back it's been hard to take care of him as a good Mummy should. But I try. I really do try.
I kneel in front of Spike's wheelchair and put a hand to his cheek. He stirs, murmuring my name but doesn't wake up.
Stroking his face, I wonder why he does not even try to win me back from Angel. He knows my Angel has never treated me with love and kindness as he has. Why must he just sit and do nothing while
Angel continues to make both of us miserable?
He doesn't understand,' a voice in my head tells me.
What do I do?' another voice asks.
Tell him that you love him. That it's him you want, not Angel.'
No,' another voice says. I recognize it as the voice of Miss Edith. You must stay with Angelus. You belong to him. He is your Angel of the Night. He is your sire.'
I close my eyes, trying to block out all the voices. My hands are shaking. I take my hand off Spike's face and put it in my lap.
I shiver. Turning away from Spike, I can hear the rain outside creating a steady beat, a song. A sad, mournful song, just for me. The sky sings a tune of loss and melancholy. Softly, I sing with it, my voice shaky and uneven.
"Hurry, hurry, run away
Like leaves scatter right and left
Before the dark one bestows on you
A fate sweeter than death.
She'll lock you up in a metal cage
Feeding you lies and cake
But no matter how you hate it there
You can never, ever escape."
I feel a hand on my shoulder. My head quickly turns. Spike is gazing at me with a tender look on his face. I look down. Cupping my face in his hands, he forces me to look into his eyes.
Anguish, betrayal, confusion, happiness. All are mixed in a whirlwind of emotions in his eyes, in his soft, surprised expression. My mouth falls open in amazement. Yes, he loves me. Of that I'm quite sure. But do I love him as well?
He leans down to kiss me. My head is instantly filled with millions of voices. Some yell to kiss him in return, to sweep him into my arms and take him back. Others shriek to let him have just one kiss and then go back to Angel. Still more scream to slap him away and retreat.
And then there's Miss Edith's voice. My dear, sweet, hated Miss Edith. Her soft voice says but one word, though to me it is like she is shouting, her voice ringing throughout my being...
No.'
It is to her I must listen.
With Spike's lips mere centimeters away from mine I pull away. I try to look everywhere except his face, not wanting to see his anguished, hurt expression. I cannot bear to cause him pain though I know I do with every second I spend with Angel. I shiver.
"Are you cold, pet?"
Spike's voice is the only soothing one I've heard all day. His quiet, gentle tone has hints of betrayal and pain in it but all that is overshadowed by the sheer concern.
I nod and hear him struggling to take his jacket off. Succeeding, he puts it over my shoulders. I look up at him, smiling a bit. Yawning, I want nothing more than to go to sleep.
As I lay my head in his lap, the voices in my head slowly fade away. Soon the only thing I can hear is the rain beating against the windows. All of the voices for once are silent.
Even that of Miss Edith.
Part Two