Today
I got ordained. If at this moment I was standing on
American soil, I could quite legally call myself the
Reverend Martin J Burn. In fact, the only religious rite
that I could not legally perform would be a circumcision!
I have been thinking about taking up Holy Orders for some
time, the only problem being one of the selection of just
which church to align myself with. Well, scouting around
the Web the other day my browser alighted onto the Universal Life Church of Modesto, California
in the United States. It must have been a miracle.
Although
I am now empowered to ordain other Ministers into the
Universal Life Church myself, I would prefer it if you
took the trouble to visit their web site yourself (just
use the link above) and take up your holy orders from
there. After all, you may not be as enthusiastic about
their doctrine as I was, so go see for yourself. Also, I
don't really feel that I have truly served my ministerial
apprenticeship after only a few hours in my new diocese.
But I might nip round and ordain my next-door neighbour
next tuesday. Heck, I'm feeling a little cheeky today, I
think that I will pop down to the town centre and ordain
a few good folks into the Ministry as I pass them by -
without them even knowing it.
If you do become ordained let me know, it will do
me a power of good to know that I have inspired someone
into the ministry, plus all I need is 15 new ordinations
and I get to become...
A SAINT!!!
My
new found parishioners could well be surprised, for it's
quite possible that I may be the only truly
Atheist Minister for several miles around. I have
decided that our God of choice will be Hubert, the
invisible 500ft high purple beaver God. Of course any
kind of faith, or even the act of worship is not actually
required in my parish, but who am I to stop parishioners
if they so wish? Readers of this page will not be
surprised to know that my new brand of Atheism will be
embraced by myself, with a new, whole-hearted religious
devotion.
Hubert
the invisible 500ft high purple beaver God
Right,
I'm off to perform a marriage ceremony, forgive a few
sins and swing a bucket of incense around.
Blessings
to all of my new congregation, Alleluia and praise be to
Hubert. Amen.
The
Reverend Martin J Burn
(missus_gumby@yahoo.com)