The Titus Philosophy
1. Don't follow anyone else's Philosophy
of Life.
2. Follow anyone's Philosophy of
Life, if they're paying you to follow it.
3. You can't stop Life from charging
at you. You can only wear eye protection.
4. Be normal, and the crowd will
accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader.
5. Every great man was thought
insane before he changed the world. Some never changed the world. They
were just insane.
6. The normal make a living. The
deranged make history.
7. I never fail. I succeed at finding
what doesn't work.
8. Dysfunctional people are prepared
for anything. Hey, once you've driven your drunk father to Mom's parole
hearing, what else is there?
9. Whenever you're thinking, "Oh,
that's so sad, it's not funny"--it's funny.
10. That which does not kill us,
ma
kes
us funny.
11. When in doubt, do it.
12. A boy's best friend is his
mom. Unless she's insane.
13. Hey, we all feel bad that when
you were 12 your scoutmaster rubbed your butt at the overnight jamboree,
but dude, you're almost 30. It's time to climb down off the cross, use
the wood to build a bridge, and get over it.
14. A crappy life is
a great excuse to live a crappy life.
15. Don't hope for everything you've
always wanted, 'cuz then what?!
16. I learn something new about
myself every day, why do you think I have this perpetually horrified
look on my face?
17. If you love something enough,
set it free, if it comes back. isn't worthy of you. If it doesn't, then
it's just like all your other relationships.
18. Love means never having to
bail yourself out of the county lock-up.
19. Always apologize first--it
annoys the crap out of people.
20. Outlive your enemies.
21. Don't be a wussy.
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