CARE FOR THE CAREGIVERS
Often when we think about those who are sick or homebound in our
congregation, we think only of the patient, and rarely realize
that there is a caregiver who is equally tied to the home and the
restrictive schedule of the illness.
Congregations can decide to extend their ministry and support,
not only to the ill person, but also to the one caring for
him/her as well. The caregiver may be a spouse, adult child,
parent, sibling, or friend of a homebound individual. He/she is
the one on the frontlines of care who assists in the day-to-day
decisions and responsibilities. The amount of time, energy, and
money provided by many caregivers is substantial. Add to this
their own families, jobs, and activities, and you can understand
that they are some of the most exhausted and burdened people in
the community.
What your church can do:
- The emotional stress of providing care is widespread,
particularly when one-on-one interaction is needed on
personal topics, and each has their own ideas, opinions and
needs in the relationship. Caregivers need people whom they
can regularly talk to about the stresses of their task.
Consider sending two volunteers: one to speak with the ill
person, and a different one for the caregiver.
- Spouses are the most common caregivers of aging family
members. Chronic illness challenges the coping skills in the
healthiest of marriages. Often they see nursing home
placement as a failure to do their part. The constant
day-to-day care of a loved one can quickly change from a joy
to a burden. Respite (short-term relief) care is a welcome,
and often necessary, service for the caregiver. Volunteering
to sit with the ill person and allow the caregiver to get out
for a walk, go to a restaurant, a movie, or to a church
activity is a lifesaver.
- The constant pressures of caring for an ill person and
keeping up the home are burdensome. Volunteers who help with
household chores provide a much needed service. This could
include yard care, house and auto maintenance, or financial
management assistance, as well as the mundane chores of
laundry and washing floors and windows.
- When children are the caregivers (usually this is a
middle-aged woman with a family of his/her own), a typical
emotion is anticipatory grief: the myriad of feelings related
to any perceived loss in the near future. This includes not
only the eventual loss of life, but also the daily losses of
mobility, health, and independence. Support groups for
caregiver children are a tremendous help. Encourage the
expression of tears and sadness in your caregiver. Talking
through common problems with others in the same situation is
a great comfort.
- With illness comes a lot of long-term problems that have
never been addressed by family members. Anger, guilt, and
placing blame are common emotions among siblings of an ill
parent. Too often it falls on one member of the family to be
the primary caregiver. However, it is best when all family
members participate - whether financially, offering respite
for the caregiver, phone calls, or other emotional support.
In-laws, although called upon to help with care, are often
treated as outsiders by the rest of the family. Encourage the
caregiver not to accept all of the responsibility
himself/herself if others are available to help. Support
him/her in setting limits to what he/she can and cannot do -
and advocate for clear communication of those boundaries to
others.
From Ideas for Homebound Ministries by Malcolm
Marler. Copyright (c) 1993 by New Hope, Birmingham,
Ala., 1-800-968-7301.