SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR CONGREGATION

The manner in which you leave your parish says a lot about who you are. The central fact about saying goodbye is that it brings you face-to-face with yourself and the issue of your relationship to God and others. [Coincidentally, the steps that you go through in the final months or weeks of your pastorate are similar to the way someone faces death.]

The five "termination tasks" in completing your pastorate:

  1. Take control of "this life." The pastor needs to be intentional in using the time between announcing the resignation and actual departure to bring closure with the various individuals and groups in the congregation. Some need a visit, others a letter, still others a phone call. This "closure" is important for both pastor and people so that they will experience resolution of this chapter in your life together so you each are emotionally and spiritually free to enter wholeheartedly into your separate futures.

  2. Get your affairs in order. Your responsibilities must be turned over to others so that the life of the community of faith can continue decently and in order. Use the interim time to turn over files, history, and assignments to others. By the time you are ready to leave, you should no longer have any functions to perform. Your desk will truly be empty.

  3. Let old grudges go. Visit those people with whom you've had altercations at one time or another. Make sure that your relationship with them has truly healed and assure them that your differences had nothing to do with your leaving. Your goal is to eliminate emotional baggage for both of you, so each of you can go on to new relationships unencumbered.

  4. Say Thank You. Just as the congregation will be thanking you, you need to thank them for their love and support which may have been taken for granted over the years.

  5. Be clear about your reasons for leaving. If you are not straight and clear about your reasons for leaving, people will fill the gap with their imaginations. What they imagine invariably will be worse than the reality. Give them enough details so that they fully understand the whys of your departure. If there are negative reasons for leaving, it is important to share them and engage in the dialogue that would follow. Truthfulness is a prelude to healthy closure.

      Rev. Dr. Edward A. White's areas of expertise include congregational visioning and planning, equipping laity for their ministry in the world, conflict consulting, and leadership development for clergy and laity. His expertise on these topics is also available to congregations through Alban's Consulting and Training program. He has been an urban pastor and consultant to inner-city and ethnic congregations, as well as to judicatory and denominational executives.

      Adapted from Saying Goodbye: A Time of Growth for Congregations and Pastors by Edward A. White with permission from the Alban Institute, Inc., 7315 Wisconsin Ave., Suite 1250W. Bethesda, Maryland 20814-3211, 1-800-486-1318. Copyright (c) 1990. All rights reserved.

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