HOW TO MINISTER TO SINGLE PARENTS

Single parents often feel awkward at church social gatherings, or feel alone at couples or family events. Too often married couples distance themselves from single parents. Sometimes it's hard to know how to act with single parents. But when you realize that they never chose this position in life, you can reach out to them in their need.

How to reach out to single parents:

• Talk to them. Single parents are hungry for adult conversation. Take interest in what they are doing and thinking. Just because they are no longer married doesn't mean they don't have interests and opinions.

• Talk to their children. Get to know their children. Invite them to participate in your family activities, particularly if you have children the same age.

• Pray for them. Their role is difficult as they try to juggle career and single parenting. If they are new in that role, it is unfamiliar territory and they need all the encouragement they can get.

• Provide emotional safety. Singles who are hurting can't take one more rejection, so they often put up emotional walls. Make them feel safe by not judging them. No one plans on being divorced or widowed and they are already discouraged. Let them know that you value them.

• Be a sounding board. Be there for singles to bounce off ideas - whether it's about raising the children or buying a car. Singles miss having another adult to confer with on big decisions. You can be there for them.

• Offer practical help. Can you help with car repairs, yardwork, or taxes? Lots of times children of single moms need a man to help with throwing a baseball, or buying a suit, and children of single dads need a woman to help with growing up or selecting a prom dress.

• Share events. Single-parent families long for normalcy. Invite them to join your family for a meal or an outing. Holidays are particularly difficult for single-parent families. And be sure to accept invitations when they invite you to their home.

• Offer encouragement. When you see a single parent doing something right, let him or her know. Often they can only see their mistakes. Your words can make a profound difference.

• Give hugs. Single parents desperately need a friendly hug or pat on the back.

Mike Yorkey is a free-lance writer, former editor of Focus on the Family magazine, and author or co-author of several books, including The Second Decade of Love and Saving Money Any Way You Can. He and his wife, Nicole, have two teen-age children.

Sandra P. Aldrich's most recent books are Bless Your Socks Off, Kids Fight When the Phone Rings, and Men Read Newspapers, Not Minds. Widowed mother of two adult children, she speaks frequently at writers' workshops and women's conferences.

From The Christian Mom's Answer Book compiled and edited by Mike Yorkey and Sandra P. Aldrich. Copyright (c) 1999 by Chariot Victor Publishing, a division of Cook Communications, Colorado Springs, Colo. Published in association with the literary agency of Alive Communications, Colorado Springs, Colo. To place orders call toll free: 1-800-437-4337.

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