WHAT CANCER PATIENTS WANT YOU TO KNOW
Does not have to be painful
It is the rare person who does not have a family member or friend
who is the victim of some stage of cancer. Too often, in our
anxiety or fear, we become speechless when we are with the
patient. When we are in that state, we are of no help to him or
her.
Cancer patients want you to know:
- "I'm not dead yet." There is a time to let the cancer victim
know how much you will miss him or her, but in the early
stages of cancer, everyday activities go on as usual. The
last thing needed is to hear some bumbling do-gooder blurt
out a message of doom as if the victim had already drawn
his/her last breath.
- "Just be with me." The ministry of presence has a powerful
effect, even if you can't think of anything to say.
- "Let me express my feelings, however irrational." The cancer
victim is on an emotional roller coaster and his/her feelings
are not always based on rational facts. Don't try to reason
or argue your point. Listen.
- "It hurts when you won't touch me." Cancer is not contagious.
If the ill person is cut off from physical interaction,
he/she may feel like quitting the struggle to get well. Don't
hold back hugs and kisses. Touch is a powerful catalyst
affecting everything from heart rate and blood pressure to
self-esteem and body image.
- "Pray with me." Prayer can be the most comforting act and the
hardest act to perform when one is seriously ill. Victims
often feel guilty about not praying appropriately. You can
give great comfort for praying for them, out loud, in their
presence. It is OK to pray about their anger with God.
- "Ask me what I need right now." Don't put off visits, or
offer to do something vague at a later date. Go to their home
and clean, or sing hymns with them. (Try: Great is Thy
Faithfulness, It is Well with my Soul, Day by Day, Rock of
Ages, or How Great Thou Art.)
- "Don't forget your sense of humor." Modern studies validate
that laughter releases positive healing forces in the body.
Humor opens lines of communication, decreases anxiety and
tension, keeps one alert, helps facilitate learning,
stimulates creativity, helps build self-confidence, and gives
one a general sense of well-being. The humor does not have to
pertain to the disease. Share funny stories about life in
general.
Excerpted from Cancer: A Christian's Guide to Coping
and Caring by Christine Blazer Bigley. Copyright (c)
1994 by Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, Mo. To
order copies call: 1-800-877-0700.