Funny Quotes

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ....
Come on over, there's  nobody home.
I went over.
Nobody was home.

When I was born ....
the doctor came out to the waiting room
and said to my father ....
I'm very sorry. We did everything we could....
but he pulled through.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.