I've learned
You know when you are in love when you have a boner.



I've learned
That when a child falls asleep in your arms,
More than likely it will shit all over you.



I've learned
When window peeping, crouch down by bending your back not your
knees.



I've learned
Never say no to a gift from a child, if you don't like it, throw it away.



I've learned
Praying for free money is easier than working for it.



I've learned
Some of my friends have homosexual tendencies when they drink,
They are not just acting "goofy".



I've learned
A simple walk around the block with my father would be creepier than shit.



I've learned
Life is like a roll of toilet paper,
Especially if a gerbil can fit through the tube.



I've learned
Money doesn't buy class but you can buy happiness with it.



I've learned
Small daily bowel movements are more spectacular
Than one large one that you have had to hold for days.



I've learned
Under everyone's hard shell is a sex maniac waiting to get out.



I've learned
To ignore the facts makes you look busy and smart.



I've learned
When you plan to get even with someone do it privately
Or else you could go to jail for arms related offenses
And conspiracy to blow up the Governor's mansion.
If this does in fact happen to you give me a call
And I will give you the # of a good lawyer.



I've learned
Herbal remedies and baking soda heals all wounds,
But arsenic in your friends drink is bad.



I've learned
I have grown as a person because I am constantly
Surrounded by idiots that think they are smarter than I.



I've learned
That everyone you meet is smiling at you
Because 3 seconds earlier they just fantasized
About how you would be in the sack or they have gas.



I've learned
No one is perfect in somebody else's eyes ever!
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