Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV
program Battlestar Galactica are the creations of SciFi,
Left Unspoken, part 2 ~ Apollo’s Lady
Lee couldn’t speak. His throat had seized up. He wanted to move, but his feet had melted into the deck.
“Son. Pergus said you needed this.” Adama struggled to control his own warring emotions as he tossed the part to Lee. He’d rehearsed what he would say so many times; he was stunned that words failed him now. Lee didn’t seem to be bolting, so he used the time to study his son. His hair was longer and he sported a groomed beard. Others might not immediately recognize him, but Adama knew he would always see his son. No matter what he did to his face, he still possessed his mother’s eyes. In fact, he shared her face. William Adama relaxed, knowing he would always know his son. “You look good.” It was feeble, but it was something.
Lee caught the part. “Commander? What brings you to Relief?” Lee had no idea where the words came from, but he enjoyed the comfort from knowing he could face at least one of his demons. He ignored his jittery nerves.
“Lee, please don’t do this. Can’t we talk?”
Lee debated a charade. He longed to be just Joe, deckhand on Relief, instead he called upon the Commander’s own words. “I don’t believe I have anything to say to the Commander of the Fleet.” Inside, Lee didn’t understand why his feet still wouldn’t move.
Adama immediately recognized his own tone being shot back at him. “I AM still your father.”
“I have nothing to say to him either.”
Anger swelled within Adama. It hadn’t been part of his plan. He’d stayed calm in his rehearsals. “THERE’S PLENTY TO SAY!” He watched Lee flinch slightly. He looked at his feet for a second before trying further. “That’s our problem isn’t it? We never talk. We never…”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m fine here. Go. Leave me alone, unless you’re planning on arresting me? Is that what you need to do to save face? Have I embarrassed you again?” Lee managed to move one foot and he inched himself along the table. He was surprised at his father’s angry outburst. Nothing had surprised him lately. He had thought he was numb. He hadn’t felt anything but fear for so long. “You tried to talk so often during my recovery.” Lee added with great sarcasm.
“I thought I’d… We’d have time to talk. I didn’t want to push you. He said he needed to give you time. I’m not leaving now. I have nothing to arrest you for. If I thought it would work, I would. I don’t know why you thought it, but I could never lock you up.”
The words rolled off Adama’s tongue easily. Lee had pushed him away. “I didn’t think you wanted me around, so I stayed away.”
“You did.” Lee was growing more agitated. He was tired and his earlier flashbacks had already drained him. He willed his body to let him escape, but it still refused to move more than the smallest bit. “I don’t want you now either. You’re NOT needed here. Go back to Galactica.”
“So you remember her name, huh?” Adama was emboldened by Lee’s continued presence. He hadn’t bolted yet. “I’m not going back. I resigned.” He left his announcement hang in the air.
Lee’s eyes went wide. He was stunned. “WHAT?” He then realized it had to be a trick. “I’m not falling for it. Nice try though.”
“It’s no trick. I wouldn’t do that to you. I know now that I have too much to lose. I resigned.” He tried moving closer but did it slowly.
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. They need you.” Lee’s mind was swimming as he tried to understand what he was hearing.
“I disagree. I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Besides, I needed to find you.” Finally, although it wasn’t his rehearsed speech, the words were coming to him.
Lee smiled, understanding. “Fine. You’ve found me. You can give yourself a check in the father category and go home.”
Adama shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. It never did, despite what you may think.”
Lee dug deep into his reserves. He found that part of him that handled a viper like it was part of his own body and faced down enemy foe as if they were simple targets in a simulation. He donned a mask he thought he’d lost. “Then you’ve condemned humanity. I hope you can live with yourself.”
Adama watched his son transform and knew he was losing his opportunity. He didn’t really believe he’d heal his relationship with his son based on one conversation, but he wasn’t ready for this to end yet. “I don’t believe humanity rests on my shoulders. I’ll take my chances.”
The question slipped from Lee’s mouth before he could stop it. “Now what?”
“Live. I had hoped to get to know my son.”
Lee mumbled. “You would.” He didn’t think his father would hear.
“I would what?” Adama did step nearer.
Lee looked him in the eyes. “You’re trying to make me feel guilty. You’ve done it my whole life. You want me to believe you’ve resigned because of me. Because of what happened. It’s how you always get me to do what you want. Well, NO MORE. I don’t have to live in your shadow any more. Your guilt won’t work with me anymore. I’m finally doing things my way.” Lee’s belly burned with the fire escaping from his heart. He’d kept this bottled up for so long he didn’t think he’d be able to stop.
“I never thought about what it must have been like to live like that. I’ve done a lot of thinking lately.” He laughed softly. “I didn’t seem to have much time for those kinds of thoughts when I was commanding a ship. It’s kind of nice to have the opportunity.”
Lee shook his head. “I’m not having this conversation. You don’t get off this easily…”
Adama cut him off. “EASILY? Do you really think any of this has been easy? I’m forced to watch my own son tortured and as if that wasn’t hard enough, at a time I think I can actually be of some help to him he doesn’t just shut me out, he disappears into the middle of the night. That isn’t easy!” Adama got very honest. “What we went through… I… couldn’t command, couldn’t return to it. I… We need to work through this. Can you honestly tell me it doesn’t haunt you? It haunts me. I need your help in this.”
Lee laughed now. “There you go. Doing it again.” He gave a mock bow. “You are the master. Let me guess, forty years ago, when men were men and the fleet produced true warriors, they taught a class in managing your children through guilt. I bet you aced it! Did they ask you to teach? Of course, but you said no. My duty is to the fleet. I need to command. I need to ignore anything else that might be of value to me. Now, I’m to believe you can’t command anymore until ‘we’ heal. Right!”
Adama didn’t respond well. He nodded with his own brand of sarcasm. “There’s what I’ve been waiting for. Whew. Glad you didn’t lose the chip on your shoulder in this new life of yours. Boo hoo. My dad didn’t love me. He was never there for me. It gets old, Lee.”
Hearing his feelings twisted in malice hurt Lee more than he wanted to admit. “Yeah, what was I thinking? How could I have ever expected my dad to put me first? It was far more important to hold onto a stupid set of numbers.” Lee surprised Adama and moved to stand very close to him. “Tell me, dad. In all those long hours as you endured my torture for the good of the fleet. Did you ever consider feeding him a fake set of numbers? Did you ever consider some other way to earn me some relief and buy some time?” He stared at his silent father. “No? I didn’t think so. Go home. As far as I’m concerned, I’m an orphan. Go play Commander. It’s all your good at.” He stepped quickly around his father, refusing to let him have the last word. Lee left the room and stormed down the hallway.
Adama muttered to the silent room. “It wouldn’t have worked. If I thought it would have, I’d have done it.”
** ~ **
Lee almost stumbled through the halls. He was blinded by emotion, fury and confusion. He didn’t know where he was heading. His first thought was his rack, but knowing Pergus was somehow involved with his father’s appearance dissuaded him. “FRAK” He slapped himself along the head. He’d done it again, called him ‘father’. How was he going to be an orphan if he kept referring to the man?
His mind led him in familiar pathways, to the deck. There had to be a quiet corner he could escape to and think. He needed time. He had too much right now. The two Zeus’ that plagued him were on board this very ship. He knew his time here was over. He’d never be able to remain so long as his location was known. He’d return over and over again. He couldn’t stand to lose. This was nothing more than a game to him. He’d never give up. Lee had seen that in his eyes. He saw little hope in his future. His quest to hide out in the fleet was fruitless.
He thundered along and hardly noticed his surroundings until it smacked into him, sending him sprawling on his behind. Lee didn’t look up. He muttered his apologies and moved to return to his feet.
He felt the boot strike his chest. It was a powerful blow and he slid backward on the deck. When the initial burning stopped and he’d found some wind buried deep in his lungs, he complained. “Jeesh. It was an accident. What’d you do that for…” Lee’s voice trailed off as he looked up and saw the owner of the boot for the first time. He met the cold eyes of the thin, gaunt Zeus.
“Captain Adama. We meet again. I have noticed you on the deck, but did not recognize you until now. Is it not funny that we should meet here again, of all places?”
Lee was silent, stunned to meet his would-be assailant again face to face.
“What? No greeting for me? Shame. I would have thought you were raised with better manners.” Zeus waved a hand and two thugs were instantly at Lee’s arms, hauling him up.
Still, Lee had nothing in him to fight with. All the passion and fight of a few minutes ago was lost in the eyes of this bony man before him. Terror flooded through him.
“Lock him up. I will deal with him later.” He cackled and reached out to touch Lee’s stony face. “I did not think I would get the opportunity to finish the job so soon. What a delightful and unexpected present you have given me, Captain.”
** ~ **
Adama didn’t wait long. He took a few calming breaths and followed Lee out the door. He scanned both directions and saw no one. ‘Damn, he got away.’ He thought a moment longer and started down the hall in what he assumed was the direction of the landing deck. Adama knew he’d implicated Pergus, so Lee wouldn’t go there. He knew his son well enough to know where he’d go in a moment of stress.
He rounded a corner and piled into Pergus. “Excuse me.” He started to go past the burly man, but was stopped.
“Since you’re rushing, I take it things didn’t go well?”
Adama didn’t want to take time to chat with Pergus, but he’d obviously taken care of Lee and cared about him still. Adama owed him something. “It never goes well between us, so I guess we’re doing fine.” He’d tried to make it sound like a joke, but it faltered.
“He’ll be on the landing deck, but you can’t go there right now.” Pergus wasn’t about to let the Commander of the frakin’ fleet walk into the mess on the deck at the moment.
Adama eyed him quizzically. “I know that. Why can’t I go now?”
“They’re unloading supplies.”
“So. I’m only interested in my son.” Adama started off again.
Pergus called good luck out to him and then muttered to himself about the insanity that was about to break loose on his ship.
As Adama rounded the last corner in the hall that would lead him to the deck, he heard men coming toward him. He had no idea why, but he stopped. His body suddenly went into full alert and the small hairs on the nape of his neck rose as they always did before battle. He listened and tucked himself against the wall, hoping whoever was approaching wasn’t planning on turning. As the voices passed him, he risked a glance around the corner.
Down the hall he saw two men escorting a third. He didn’t need to see the face to know that the man they were guarding was Lee. Adama’s heart lurched into his throat. Lee’s hands were bound behind his back and although he moved under his own power, the slump of his shoulder told Adama Lee was not able to defend himself for whatever reason. He closed his eyes and prepared to follow them at a safe distance. He stepped forward but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Came the sinewy voice.
Adama stuttered a moment. “I was heading to the deck.”
Captain Roberts released Adama’s shoulder. “I don’t recognize you. When did you come aboard? I don’t like the looks of this. I think I’ll have my security detain you. Everyone knows no one is allowed on the deck right now.”
Adama knew then that something bigger than a father-son reunion was occurring on Relief. He fought for a good cover to get out of the Captain’s clutches and get to his son.
“Ah, Captain! I see you found my lost soul.” Pergus arrived at the corner. He turned to Adama. “Billy. I’ve been lookin’ everywhere for ya. Did you get lost?”
Adama nodded.
Pergus looked back to the Captain. “Thanks, sir. Billy here is new. With all the improvements you’re planning, I put word out for a few more men. He just started.”
The Captain eyed the two men suspiciously. “That so, Pergus? Didn’t you tell him to stay away from the deck while the ship’s unloading? We’ve already had one violator today.”
Pergus nodded. “That I did.” He cuffed Adama along the cheek. “Didn’t I tell ya that, Billy?”
Adama nodded, stunned by the cuff. “He did. I got lost though, so I figured if I retraced my steps from the deck, I’d get back to the shop I was supposed to be workin’ in. I wasn’t planning on staying.”
Captain Roberts did his best to look intimidating. “I don’t know what ship you’re used to, Billy, but I run a tight ship here. If you’re told to stay away from the deck, you’ll do it. Is that understood?”
Adama nodded. If he weren’t so worried about Lee, he’d have burst into laughter. “Sorry, sir. It’ll never happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t.” Roberts moved to leave, but stopped and leaned in to Pergus. “Pergus, I do trust you, but next time, try for someone younger. He doesn’t look like he knows his aft from his stern. Try and do better, will you?”
Pergus nodded and the Captain left. Adama didn’t wait for Pergus to say anything. “Two men have taken Lee. We have to go after him. Where would they take him?”
“What are you talkin’ about?” Pergus demanded, not understanding.
“I don’t know what’s going on with your deck, but Lee was just walked by me in shackles. Are you going to help me save my son or not?” Adama demanded right back.
“Listen, Bill. I’m no warrior. If Lee was on the deck, they probably took him into custody. These people ain’t nice. The tall, skinny guy running the show would like t’kill ya with a look. These ain’t people to be messin’ with.”
Adama glared at Pergus. “You’d leave Lee with them? Knowing what he’s been through? I would have figured better from you. Thanks anyway.” Adama turned and headed in the direction the men had taken.
“Hold on there. You can’t go running around by yourself.” Pergus followed.
** ~ **
Lee was moved through a half full cargo hold. Despite his semi-catatonic state, part of him registered the food stores housed here. In his mind, it fell into place. Zeus and his men hadn’t been able to take over the fleet by holding Lee hostage for Galactica, so now they would hold food hostage. A sick smile lit his lips. He wished they’d gone the food route first.
He was shoved into a smaller room off the main. One of the men secured a vent while the other watched the door. Lee watched them. He wondered if he knew them from before, or if he just recognized the all too familiar stench of henchmen. Could Colonial justice be such a farce that even Zeus’s men had managed escape? They left him shackled and alone in the room.
The panic and fear from earlier in the day returned. His body began to tremble. He looked to the vent to see if air was coming in. He felt cold, ice cold. It wasn’t a normal chill. It penetrated deep into his bones, in fact, beyond them. It worked itself into his very soul. Lee Adama knew he was going to die today and he knew it wouldn’t be quick and painless either.
** ~ **
Adama held out his arm and stayed Pergus. He heard footfalls in front of them. He held his finger to his lips for silence. He had no idea if Pergus had any military training. He prayed the man could fight. Pergus pulled him back a few feet and they ducked into a supply closet. They held their breaths until they heard the footsteps pass.
He held out his gun. “I don’t suppose you know how to use this?”
Pergus smiled, pulling out his own, slightly larger weapon. “Why? Did you want mine?”
Adama smiled, a bit jealous and then grew serious. “I won’t let Lee be hurt again Pergus. I don’t care what I have to do.”
Pergus returned the smile. “I agree. The kid’s been through enough. How’s about we get him off the ship and then worry about what’s going on with Relief’s deck.”
They returned to the hallway, Pergus taking lead. “There’s a big cargo hold down here. I’m bettin’ they’ve taken him there. Nowhere else, really.”
The two men entered the hold and scanned it in the pale light. Pergus went to the switch on the wall, but Adama grunted softly, shaking his head. He whispered. “If there’s someone with him, it’ll give us away.”
Pergus saw the logic and agreed. He looked around again and pointed to the door on the far wall. Adama nodded. They moved closer. When they reached the door, Pergus knocked and called out. “Hey? Anybody in there? I need to work on the vent in there before they fill this hold up.”
Lee had been lost in self-misery when Pergus’ voice pierced his dark thoughts. “PERGUS? PERGUS is that you? Help me! It’s JOE. Get me out…” His voice trailed off. “NO, Pergus, GET OUT. It’s not safe…” Both men smiled at Lee’s concern for Pergus’ safety. “Go get the Commander!” Adama winced. He hoped it was because of his military training, not that Lee really thought he was expendable. “That thin man, Pergus. He’s dangerous. He’s trying to gain control of the fleet.”
“We know about Zeus, son. We’ll have you out in a minute.” Adama broke the silence from their side.
It slipped out and it filled Adama will hope. “Dad?” He smiled as Pergus fumbled through a large key ring for the correct one.
Pergus cursed himself and whispered to Adama, hoping Lee wouldn’t hear. “We gotta hurry. This is the hold they’re loading now. No telling when they’ll be back.” He finally found the right key and perceptively stepped back as Adama moved through the door.
“Lee! Are you alright, son?” Adama was determined to remind Lee over and over of their true relationship. He rushed to Lee’s side and helped him as he struggled to stand using no arms.
“I’m fine. Get me out of here.” He ignored the concern in the Commander’s voice.
Pergus grinned at Lee. “Jeesh, Kiddo. Is this the life ya bring with ya?”
Lee leered at him. “Funny. Let’s get out of here before they come back. We can get to the CIC and contact Galactica to send in the Marines.”
“That’s almost the plan.” Adama countered.
“Almost?” Lee stared at him angrily. He was unable to imagine any other scenario. “You have a better idea?”
Pergus slunk up behind him with a wire cutter and worked on his bindings.
Adama nodded. “First things first. We’re getting you off this ship.”
“What?” Lee roared louder than he should have. He repeated his outrage more quietly. “What? Don’t be ridiculous.”
Adama looked at Lee with the gaze of a father, not a military commander. Even Lee felt it. “Zeus is on this ship…”
Lee interrupted him. “I know THAT! How do you think I got here?”
Adama resettled his shoulders, firming his position. “I’m NOT letting him near you again. Is that understood? He’s not coming close to getting a second chance at you.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever HEARD! I’m a COLONIAL WARRIOR! I can take care of myself.”
Adama knew it would hurt his son, but he had to put Lee in a vulnerable place or he’d never get him off the ship first. “I thought you resigned? Joe isn’t a warrior. How hard did you fight when they captured you just now, Lee?” The look of agony that crossed Lee’s face sent daggers through Adama’s heart. The situation threatened to lay both men low.
Lee’s lip trembled as he fought for a reply. “It’s over. I’m fine. Let’s get him and end this once and for all.”
Adama grabbed Lee’s arm, touching his son for the first time. The intensity nearly shocked him. “That’s what I intend to do. End this. Zeus is never going to hurt you again Lee. I promise, but before I can see to him I have to know you’re safe.”
“Gee, Dad. Gonna keep me safe?” Lee snarled. “Just like you did before?”
Pergus had been hopeful at first. Adama was expressing his concern and Joe was showing an old fire. He didn’t like where the conversation was now going. “Now, kiddo, we don’t have time for this. Just do what your old man says. Be a good boy!” He grabbed at Lee’s other arm.
Lee ripped both arms away from the two men on either side of him. “HA! Be Bill Adama’s good boy? Like I’ve ever been able to carry that off! Pergus, don’t listen to him. You don’t have to. You know what happened last time? Why he’s worried? This man, Zeus, he kidnapped me. They beat me, shocked me and tortured me… Of course, you know that. You’ve woken up from enough of my nightmares. You have to have some kind of idea of the hell I went through…”
Pergus cut him off. “Yeah, Kid. I do. Now let’s move on.” He tried to grab Lee’s arm again, but Lee was faster, his fighter’s instincts returning.
“No! What you didn’t know is that HE…” Lee pointed directly at his father, touching his chest, right above his heart. “HE sat and watched the whole thing and did NOTHING!”
”That’s not true, Lee. I did try to save
you. I did.” Adama pleaded. It sounded so pathetic.
“But you wouldn’t give up the code would you, dad?” He said the name with anger. “You couldn’t do that for your son. Once again, you had to stick to your training, consequences or people be damned, just like always.”
Lee hadn’t expected the right hook. He felt Pergus’ fist hit him square across the jaw and he staggered backward. “Don’t you EVER doubt a father’s love for his son! I don’t know who makes me grieve more… You for suffering like ya did or your dad for having to watch it all knowing he was helpless. I’ll wager he’s had his own share of nightmares, but you’re so caught up in yourself, you can’t see what it might have cost him.” He calmed slightly, his chest heaving. “I never thought I’d live to see a day I was disappointed in you, Joe.”
Lee was stunned. “No, Pergus. You don’t know. You weren’t there.” He stammered, devastated at the criticism from one he’d come to depend on.
“No! You need to listen.” Pergus demanded.
Adama moved to defend Lee. “That’s not fair Pergus, let him talk. He’s right, well, almost.” He looked at Lee, his eyes as vivid as his son’s.
Lee laughed. “Oh yeah, I’m almost right. The story of my life, I’ve never quite good enough for the great William Adama’s pleasure. What dad? Didn’t I die fast enough? Did I crack too soon? Or didn’t I scream loud enough? Let me guess, you had a plan? Pergus, let’s talk about disappointments.” He pointed to Adama, disappointment gone, replaced by anger again.
“I was giving him the number, then you called out ‘no’. I thought you heard me. I thought you were telling me to stop.” Adama didn’t feel like his appeals were getting through Lee’s toughened hide. He last statement came out just above a whisper. “I thought you understood. I thought you were telling me to hold firm.” He had no idea what it was going to take to get through to Lee.
“STOP? Do you think I had a clue of anything else happening in the room? LORDS? Can you ever stop thinking of yourself?” Lee roared.
Pergus had only a slight idea of what had happened, but he saw the relationship between the Adama men very clearly now and he decided to play them off each other. “Yeah!” He looked at Adama. “Lords, what kind of Fleet Commander do we have if you can’t set your own needs aside for the betterment of us all?”
Lee turned and glared at Pergus. “No. That’s not what I meant. He’s… He’s exactly what this fleet needs Pergus. We’re alive because of him.” Lee was silenced by his own words and logic.
“Then what the hell were you expecting him to do, kid?” Pergus demanded, trying hard to keep from grinning.
“Leave him alone, Pergus. He went through hell…”
Adama was interrupted as Pergus burst into fits of laughter. “Gods, aren’t the two of you a pair!”
“Yes, are they not though?” The creepy voice surprised all three of the men. They all turned in unison to see Zeus, Captain Roberts and several of their men holding guns at them. “They always manage to impress and surprise even me.” He waved his hand and two guards relieved Pergus and Adama of their weapons.
Pergus bravely spoke before Lee or Adama had a chance. Adama had been too busy watching Lee pale. “You know you can’t get away with hurting these men. Galactica is sure to come after ‘em. From what I understand, you didn’t succeed in taking control of the ship, so she’s still the force to be reckoned with.” Pergus hadn’t flinched.
Zeus laughed. “These two? It is not a problem anymore, which eliminates half of the fun. You see there is a little known secret in the fleet. This man here…” He pointed to Adama. “is the former Commander of the Galactica. He turned in his resignation to the President some time ago. And his son, well, after what Lee Adama went through, he tucked his tail and ran here. Do you really think Galactica cares about the coward anymore?”
Adama sprang at the slanderous attack on his son. Lee was anything but a coward. Several men quickly swarmed him and stayed his arms. Zeus stepped in closely. “You would like that, would you not? You want your revenge so badly you can taste it. You would like nothing more than to wrap your fingers around my neck and watch me turn blue before you snap my neck, would you not?” All present, including Lee, could see the truth of his words dance in Adama’s eyes. “That, as it turns out, was humanity’s true undoing, do you not see? The mighty Lee Adama has been beaten to the mere shell of a man and the even mightier William Adama has given everything up to try and save his son.” He laughed as if at the theater. “Bravo! You have played your parts perfectly. God is so very pleased! There is no one left to defend your precious fleet.”
Adama summarized it for all present in case they hadn’t figured it out for themselves. He knew Kara had encountered number six on Caprica. “You’re number seven for us, a Cylon.”
Zeus laughed. “Well, I am not actually number seven but that is irrelevant now. Do you not see, even if you somehow managed to kill me today, your son would never be free and neither would you. I will just keep coming and coming and coming. Do you think you can kill us all?”
Adama saw Lee pale further from the corner of his eye and had never felt so defeated in his life.
** ~ **
President Roslin wondered how this day could possible go worse. Adama was gone and circumstances necessitated she pay a visit to the Astral Queen. As if matters could be worse, Ellen Tigh had come along for the ride. She claimed she was working with some prisoners on their reading skills. Although she was loathed to admit it, Roslin suspected Ellen was more interested in the carnal knowledge of the prisoners. Rumor had it she was unusually close to Tom Zarek, who had greeted them.
When the meeting was finally over and the obligatory tour completed, Roslin stopped and pondered.
“Madame President?” Zarek asked. “Was there something else? Something else you wanted to see?”
She shook her head. Zarek turned and continued a few steps ahead of her. “Someone.”
He stopped again. “Someone? I don’t understand.”
“The man called Zeus. I want to see him.” She replied.
“Why in ever for?” Zarek asked, praying he could convince her otherwise.
“I want to see how he’s doing.” She said coolly.
“Are you implying I would mistreat one of the prisoners,
Madame President?” For many, the mere
hint of insulting a host would be enough to stop the request, but this was
Laura Roslin and he was Tom Zarek. They didn’t mince words.
“I want to see him, NOW.”
Zeus stepped back from Adama. “Keep them here and I want several guards on the door. I do not have time to deal with them at this moment. We do not want them getting any ideas.” He walked out.
Captain Roberts stopped in front of Pergus before leaving. “I’m disappointed in you Pergus. I thought you knew better than to get involved.” He walked out of the room and as he did, he shot over his shoulder. “How am I ever going to replace you?”
Adama couldn’t believe that Roberts was a Cylon and he couldn’t believe these men would willingly assist a known Cylon. They had to have known, not one of them flinched at the news. “Roberts!”
The Captain couldn’t resist hearing what the great William Adama had to say to him. “Yes, Commander. Oh wait, Mr. Adama? What does one call you now?” He laughed, feeling bold. “You seriously gave up command of the fleet for him?” He pointed to Lee, who was still too pale. “One of my deckhands?”
Adama stepped forward until the guards moved closer. “At least I didn’t commit treason. I didn’t sell out to the Cylons. What do you think is going to happen? They’re going to kill every living being in the fleet. They want to destroy humanity. Don’t you get it? You’re assisting in your own death.” He motioned to all the men. “You all are.”
Roberts laughed. “You really have no idea what’s going on here, Adama. I assure you, we are all very safe and to be honest, we’ll be very well taken care of when Zeus commands the fleet.”
“He’s a CYLON!” Adama growled.
“Zeus has always said that was your problem, Adama. You think you know everything and that your way is the only way. You’re wrong, plain and simple. Of course, you won’t have to live long with that knowledge.” He left.
No one said anything or moved until the click of the lock was heard. It echoed through the room. Adama immediately moved to Lee’s side. “Son, sit down.” He pushed gently on Lee’s shoulder and Lee’s knees buckled. Pergus was instantly at Lee’s other side and together the men guided him to the floor.
Adama instinctively rubbed lightly on Lee’s upper back. “It’s alright, son. It’s all going to be fine.” Lee didn’t respond for several minutes and Adama’s concern grew with each passing minute.
Adama glanced around the room, looking for anything that might help them. Something told him to look back to Lee and he met his son’s searching eyes. He’d always felt trumped by Lee’s vivid blue eyes. They swam with emotion. Lee’s voice was small and weak. “He’s going to kill us this time.”
“No, he’s not. We’ll get out of this.” Adama squeezed Lee’s shoulder to reassure him. He couldn’t help but think of the precious few times in Lee’s young life when he’d been able to comfort his son.
“No.” Lee went on, unconvinced. “He’s going to do it all over again and even if we escaped or killed him, he’ll transfer and be back again and again.” Lee looked at his father and scowled. He twisted his head and saw Pergus. “Oh, gods, Pergus. I’m so sorry. You never should have gotten involved in this. Why? This is all my fault.”
Pergus smiled. “Don’t you worry, kiddo. Your Dad here, needed some help. I had to help.”
Lee shook his head, finally beginning to sound more like his old self. “No. Just this morning you were telling me to stay out. You should have taken your own advice. He doesn’t care about others. You should have stayed out of this.” Lee pushed himself to his feet. “We need to get you out of here.”
Pergus smiled. “See, and you thought there was only doom and gloom.” He clapped Lee on the back. “Have you got something in mind?”
Adama stood back watching the interaction between the two. Jealousy stabbed at his heart. How was it this man, who had only known Lee for a short time, could already read and understand him better than Adama could? Lee’s barb had hurt. He knew Lee had intended it to. It occurred to Adama that Lee was no longer willing to hold back his feelings. He wanted him to pay for his paternal negligence. He was exacting his revenge.
Pergus glanced at Adama and saw the hurt look on his face. Adama quickly recovered and neutralized his expression. “Commander, do you have any suggestions?” Pergus tried to draw the man in. He wasn’t naive enough to believe Lee would ever heal with out dealing with the situation with his father.
Adama offered an olive branch of sorts. “Lee’s right. I never should have gotten you involved. I’m sorry.”
Pergus shook him off. “I don’t recall you twisting my arm. Besides, this is my battle too. I guess I should’ve done something earlier than this. I guess this is all kinda my fault.”
“Don’t be stupid. This isn’t your fault. You shouldn’t have to pay for his mistake.” Lee wouldn’t even look Adama’s way, the fire fully back in his words.
Pergus cuffed Lee along side the head again. Lee flinched. “Knock it off!”
“Well it seems I’ll either knock some sense into you or knock you’re stubborn head off your shoulders! Gods, Lee, give your father a break. He didn’t cause this situation.”
Lee squared off with Pergus. “My name is Joe.”
Pergus stood strong. “Your NAME is Lee Adama and you’re HIS son.” He pointed to Adama.
Lee sneered. “He doesn’t want me for a son. He said as much.”
Adama had been quietly listening. As jealous as he was at Pergus’s ability to reach his son, he wasn’t going to intrude. “I’ve NEVER said that Lee. NEVER! How could you think such a thing?” He moved closer to the other two men.
Lee whirled on him. “I HEARD YOU THAT DAY!”
Adama didn’t understand. “Heard what? Lee, I’ve never…” He didn’t finish remembering Lee’s letter. “I don’t know what you think you heard, but you’re my son and I’d never have another.”
“Yeah! To your total and utter eternal disappointment.” Anger was present in every inch of Lee’s body. “I was in the hall the day… that day. I heard you talking to Tigh. I heard you!”
Pergus saw the tension building in Lee’s body and knew it wasn’t good. He placed a calming hand on Lee’s arm. “Now, kid, your father doesn’t understand. You’re going to have to calm down and tell him what you’re referring to. You can’t claim he doesn’t want you for a son. He’s here, isn’t he?”
“Only because he thinks he has to.” Lee growled. He looked to Pergus for support but found him pushing for more information with his expression. “You went so far as to think about executing me. Then you told Tigh that I should have been locked up for the rest of my life. What kind of a father wants that for his son?”
Adama’s head dropped. He shook it slowly back and forth as he once again raised it to meet Lee’s steely gaze. “No. You didn’t hear it all, Lee.” He searched for the right words.
Lee took advantage of the pause. “Right! I must have heard you wrong. You demonstrated your love for me later that afternoon as you let them torture me!”
Pergus didn’t even know all the details, but knew it hadn’t happened like that. “No, Kiddo. That’s not how it was.”
Lee turned on him. “You weren’t there! He sat there and watched them…Pergus, they did…” Lee started gasping for breath. He was furious at himself for allowing the memories to gain a foothold with him here and now, in front of these two men. He backed away toward the corner of the room.
Adama saw his son suffering all over again and his heart exploded at the continued pain. “Lee, let it out. Tell him what happened.”
Lee focused on his father’s words. He spit his answer out. “NO.”
Adama knew this wasn’t the time or place for Lee’s healing, but it had to happen or he would lose his son forever. “Lee, you can’t keep it bottled up inside. You have to talk about it. We have to talk about it.” He moved closer to Lee, reaching out to him.
Lee slapped the hand away and cowered deeper into the corner. “NO. Leave me the FRAK ALONE!” Suddenly he sprang from the corner and pushed Adama away with both hands. “GET AWAY FROM ME! Can’t you get it through your thick HEAD. I’m not your son anymore. You don’t have to pretend anymore. LET ME DIE!”
Adama was numb. He couldn’t move. He had no idea what to do. Lee was lost. He was dangling over a dangerous precipice and he was going to fall. He had nothing to hold onto. “No, Lee. Never.”
Pergus’s soft gruff voice cut the tension. “You’re not dying, kiddo. You’re fine.”
“No. Just let me die. Get it over with.” Lee begged with a quiet, childish voice.
“What did they do to you, Lee. Tell me about it.” Pergus asked calmly.
“No.” Lee whispered.
“Tell us, Lee.” Pergus asked again.
“No. He knows. He’ll tell you. He was there.”
“He only knows what he saw happening to you, Lee. You have to tell us what happened in here.” Pergus touched Lee’s center chest. “Lee, let it out.”
Lee’s entire body slid to the ground. “I failed him again.”
** ~ **
Roslin felt like she literally had steam coming out of her ears. “YOU LET HIM ESCAPE!”
Zarek actually wanted to run. “No. I have no idea how he got off the ship. He must have paid one of my men off.”
“YOUR MEN CAN BE BOUGHT?” Roslin screamed even louder. “So help me Zarek, you’re going back behind the bars yourself for this one.” She added a second later. “If I don’t throw you out an airlock first!”
Zarek called upon all his reserves for the upcoming battle. “Madame President, if you’ll just let me explain.”
“Explain what?” She demanded.
He drew in a deep breath to calm his nerves. “We’ve been watching him closely since he came on board. The first thing he did was try and cut a deal for his release. I stalled him to buy time.”
“You DID know he was planning on an escape?” She asked confidently.
“Every prisoner in a cell plans his escape.” Zarek replied as confidently. “I was leading him along. He must have grown impatient and made other arrangements.”
“How long has he been gone?”
He coughed. “A week.”
Roslin’s anger flared once again. “YOU’VE KNOWN FOR A WEEK AND DIDN’T REPORT IT?” She noted how loud her screaming had become and toned it down. “You didn’t think the fleet needed to worry about an escaped murderer who was plotting to overthrow the fleet?”
“We were hoping we could relocate and apprehend him ourselves before anyone needed to know.”
“Oh that is so like you. You still think you have the fleet’s best interests in mind? You should have alerted Galactica immediately.” Roslin knew at that moment Tom Zarek would never be a true leader of men, not like either of the Adamas. She blanched, praying neither Adama had run into the escapee.
“This man is well connected. He can stay hidden for as long as he needs. It wouldn’t have done any good to alert anyone else. I’ve been using my own connections and resources to track him down.” Zarek explained.
“But you haven’t found him.” She chided.
“We’re close. We’ve got it narrowed down to a few ships.”
“Give me their names, NOW!” Roslin held out her hand as if he carried a paper in his pocket.
** ~ **
Captain Roberts had played it cool for the captives, but inside, Adama’s words had gotten to him. There were just too many little things that Zeus was reneging on and it bothered him. The panicky Captain was beginning to wonder if he had gotten himself in too far this time. He ordered himself a few extra guards at all times. He decided he was no longer taking any chances. He had lived his life with one goal in mind and he wouldn’t forget that now. As he always had, he would live to make sure his own needs and comforts were met. He hadn’t let the Cylons stop him earlier and he wouldn’t now.
Adama gasped at the words. “What? Lee, no. You’ve never failed me, never!”
Lee didn’t seem to hear his father. He didn’t seem to know anyone else was even in the room. “That’s all I do is fail him. No wonder he wanted to lock me away.”
Adama sank to his own knees and pleaded with Lee over and over. “No. No.”
Lee went on quietly. “That’s why he never came home. I always disappointed him. I tried so hard. I wanted to be just like him. It’s all I could ever remember. I even remember the first time he yelled at me. I broke Zak’s crib. He stopped yelling at me after that. He just stopped coming home.”
Adama recoiled slightly. He had no idea Lee even remembered the incident.
Pergus wanted out of the room and not because he was a prisoner. Lee needed to get this out, but with his father, not an outsider. He tucked himself inconspicuously into the opposite corner of the room. He couldn’t tune out the tale being told. He was compelled to listen.
Adama wanted to pull Lee into his arms and comfort him as he’d done when he was a little boy. He was mesmerized by his son’s internal flow. He didn’t know if Lee knew he was actually being heard. As much as he wanted to stop Lee’s pain, he had sense enough to acknowledge Lee’s need to purge these feelings. Lee had to get it all out and Adama needed to hear it. He needed to listen, as he never had before. He knew this was his last chance. He couldn’t blow this.
“I went to college to tease him. I wanted him to worry that I wouldn’t be his ‘little warrior’. Truth was I knew the minute I first sat on his lap in the cockpit of his viper that I wanted to fly.” Lee chuckled to himself at the memory. “I fly that same viper now. Does Dad realize that? Does he know that he held me in his lap on that bird?”
Adama nodded silently, his eyes misting over with unspent emotion.
“I did everything I could to do right by him. Zak never seemed to worry about it. When he was older, he used to say I worried enough about it for both of us. He was right. Then he died. He died trying to be the son William Adama wanted, too. I may have been the one who worried about it, but Zak lived it as well and died because of it.”
Lee grew silent. He rested his head on the deck and closed his eyes. Adama wondered if he was going to go to sleep. He would need rest after the emotional turmoil of today. He inched across the floor and laid his hand gently on his son’s chest, living for the thump within the chest. “Rest.”
Adama was startled when Lee started speaking again. He didn’t bother to open his eyes. “I gave up then. Trying to be the great Bill Adama’s son got Zak killed and I didn’t want it to kill me. I wanted to get out of the fleet then and there, but they wouldn’t let me out. If I couldn’t beat him by ceasing to do what was expected, I decided I’d beat him by exceeding his reputation. I would be smarter, fly better and advance quicker than he had.” Lee added more softly. “And I did.”
Adama moved his hand to Lee’s shoulder. “Yes, you did. You’ve done very well. I should have told you that more often.”
“Then the world ended. I realized how I’d been fooling myself. I didn’t know anything about combat or war. There wasn’t even any time to learn because the next thing I know, I’m CAG. FRAK! I’d only been a captain for three months. Captains don’t become CAG’s. They’re lucky if they make Lead Pilot. I didn’t have a fraking clue what I was doing.”
“Yes, you did. You were a natural. I’ve never seen command sit so naturally on anyone.” Adama knew it was pointless to tell these things to his son now. Lee couldn’t hear anything right now.
“He seemed to trust me. He just assumed I could do the job. Lords, I thought my heart was going to burst when he gave me the lighter, grandpa’s lighter. I learned to smoke a stogie from Grandpa Joe. I don’t think he had any idea how much it meant to me to have that lighter. He said he’d never leave me. I thought for a time that maybe we really could be father and son. It actually felt good. I didn’t believe it then, even after hearing it with my own ears that day outside CIC. Course, after I mutinied, twice, he wanted to lock me up and throw away the key. Didn’t he see that I had to do what I did? I swore an oath? How had he forgotten? He swore the same oath. Just when I’d begun to believe there was something between us. I gave up.”
Lee stopped again. After a few long minutes of silence, Adama knew Lee was sleeping. He pushed himself back a few feet, giving his son space.
“That boy carries heavy burdens.” Pergus mused.
“He always has.” Adama responded quietly. “I never understood how to ease them for him.”
“You couldn’t. He brings them upon himself. All humans are different. That’s what makes us special. I gotta figure that’s why the Cylons want to get rid of us. We’re a reminder that they can’t truly recreate us. They can only make copies.”
Adama laughed softly. “That’s awfully philosophical for a Deck Chief.”
Pergus smiled. “I had a son once.”
Adama’s head rose at the comment and he stared at Pergus. “What happened?”
“I was a deck hand. It was all I knew how to do. I met his mom on leave. I tried jobs on land, but nothing worked. I was miserable.”
“You tried.”
“Yeah. But, when Kevin was two, I went back to ships. I didn’t see him often. When I did, he hated me. Always said I wasn’t there for him. I didn’t know how to explain it so he could understand.”
“The lords couldn’t do it.” Adama added feeling a kinship with the man.
“How do you convince a child, who wants nothing more then his dad, that dad is miserable when he’s around? At least, that’s how it was for me. Those two years were hell for me. I wasn’t a good father anyway… I kept listening for the hum of engines and until I found it, I couldn’t focus on much else. It’s not fair to kids.”
Adama nodded, understanding completely. “It seems we shouldn’t have had kids. All I did was screw mine up, anyway.” He looked over at Lee’s sleeping form.
“Don’t ever say that. Look at him.” He pointed to Lee. “Would you deny him life? No, we create them…”
Adama cut him off. “But fail to take responsibility for them.” He remembered his own words at Galactica’s decommissioning.
“You took responsibility for him. He just doesn’t see it.” Pergus laughed. “He’s too wet behind the ears to understand it. You wait until he holds his own kid in his arms. Suddenly, his old man will make a lot more sense to him.”
“I don’t know if I can wait that long.” Adama glanced around the room. “Or if he’ll even get the chance. Besides, I’m not sure I get your meaning.”
Pergus smiled. “If you’d given up your career and gone home,
would you have been happy?”
“I didn’t even try.” Adama conceded.
Pergus nodded his head with a wise expression on his face. “But if you had, you wouldn’t have been happy. What’s better for a kid? An absentee father or one there who is miserable? Maybe drinking his life away? Maybe beating the snot out of the kids? Besides, who would have been there to save humanity if you’d taken different steps?”
Adama laughed. “Someone else would have been there.”
“Really? Then where are they?”
Adama pulled himself to his feet and began exploring the room. He silently moved through the various boxes, moving and resettling things around.
“What are you doing?” Pergus asked, standing himself.
“There’s got to be something we can use in here.”
Pergus joined the quest. Neither man had any idea how long had passed. Adama periodically glanced at Lee, who slumbered on, although now restlessly.
The door opened and it caught both men off guard. Two armed men stepped in and a third followed carrying a tray. “Captain Roberts sends his regards.” They set the tray down in the middle of the room and left as quickly as they’d come.
Adama lifted the cover and found a plate with sandwiches and several bottles of water. He looked at Pergus. “Can we trust him?”
“You mean is he going to poison us? No. I think he truly thinks this is what he thinks he’s supposed to do.” He reached over and grabbed a sandwich and took a huge bite. A second late he grasped at his throat, gasping. After seeing the stunned look on Adama’s face, he burst into laughter. “I couldn’t resist.”
“Yeah, bet you couldn’t resist ‘Billy’, either.” Adama grumbled.
Pergus laughed. “I wondered when that was gonna come up.”
Adama grabbed a sandwich of his own and the men settled on the floor next to the tray. Neither man noticed Lee approach until he dropped to the deck in front of them.
Adama’s tongue was stilled. Pergus spoke first. “Get some good sleep?”
Lee blushed. “Sorry about that. Guess I’m out of practice at the warrior thing.” He picked at a sandwich, but didn’t eat. He was either ignoring the previous conversation or didn’t realize it had happened.
“Eat up. You need your strength.” The command slipped out before Adama could stop himself.
Lee hesitated. He mumbled. “Wouldn’t want to mutiny again.”
Pergus kicked him in the leg. “Knock it off. There’s no call for that. We need to be working together right now.”
“I didn’t mean to make it sound the way it did, Lee.” Adama offered as an apology.
Lee said nothing, but ate.
Adama dared his son. “You were opening up back there. Care to continue?”
Lee glared at him. “No.”
When the sandwiches were finished and the water bottles half empty, Pergus joined Adama in searching the room. Adama had hoped Lee would continue to open up, but Lee was locked up tight again.
Pergus wasn’t willing to let either man give up. As he searched the room, he spoke. “So, Kiddo. If you’re done telling us about your experience, what about your dad? Care to hear his version?”
“No.” Lee stated flatly, carelessly sifting through a box.
“What? Are you scared of what he might say?” Pergus argued.
“There’s nothing I want to hear from him.” Lee insisted.
“No wonder you’re screwed up!”
Adama would stand it no longer. “Leave him alone Pergus! He’ll listen when he’s ready.” Adama didn’t really want to get into his own head at this time. They needed to find something to help them out of this room.
Lee read his father’s mind. “So, tell me.”
“What?” Adama questioned.
“Tell me what happened.” Lee persisted, sensing his father’s discomfort.
“I met Zeus in your quarters. He led me to you and they beat you to try and get me to reveal my command code. You know what happened.”
“That’s not what the kid needs to hear, Bill. Tell him what went through your mind.”
Adama struggled like never before. He wasn’t used to opening up to anyone. It wasn’t a command privilege. You have to lock things away so they don’t affect your work.
“Yes, Commander. What went through your mind? I’m gonna lose my CAG?” Lee queried sharply.
Adama shot him a venomous look. “I never once saw anything but my son. I did the best I could, Lee. They were well prepared. Anything I tried, they were prepared for.”
“Tried? What did you try, Commander?” Lee asked.
Adama hoped Lee would let it drop. He said nothing.
“He asked you a question.” Pergus softly prodded. “Did you try to help him?”
“Of course!”
“How?” Lee asked, curious. “Can’t tell us because you really didn’t try anything?”
“I did.” Adama just couldn’t bring himself to tell Lee how he had held the gun to his temple and fired. “At one point, I got Zeus’s gun and tried to get us both free.”
“Why didn’t it work?” Lee asked, trying to remember.
“They… They held a gun to your head. They would have killed you anyway. I couldn’t risk that.”
“So you just gave the gun back?” Pergus asked, consumed by the story.
“No… I…” Adama stammered, unnerved.
“What did you do with the gun, Bill?”
“I turned it on myself.” The truth spilled out. “I figured they couldn’t hurt Lee further if I was dead.”
“And…” Pergus led the grieving father. Lee was numb at his father’s announcement.
“It wasn’t loaded anyway. It didn’t work.” He couldn’t bring himself to describe the whole truth out loud.
“What didn’t work?” Pergus knew what happened. He watched Lee closely and noticed that he didn’t, or wasn’t admitting it. This needed to be said aloud. “You had to pull the trigger to find out, didn’t you? You fired on yourself.”
Adama refused to respond and hurried through a container of rags near the door.
Lee spoke next. “Did you pull the trigger?”
Adama drew several deep breaths. His answer was short and harsh. “I had to save you.”
Lee’s heart seized up again. There was nothing he could say. The room was drenched in silence. He didn’t want the full magnitude of the admission to get in.
“Well, I’ll be.” Pergus stated, his back to the other men. He turned holding a phone receiver. “This might be our lucky day.”
Lee frowned, forcing his feelings down. “What good is the receiver? We’ve got no cable and no handset, Pergus.”
Pergus grinned. “Kid, didn’t they teach you anything at all those fancy schools? Between the two of us, I think there’s a good chance we could get a signal out of this room. So, did you learn anything about this ship?”
Lee grinned. “Outside wall will attract attention if we break into it.”
Pergus and Lee seemed to forget Adama was present. “But, this was an office, so I’m betting we’ll find wiring on this wall.” Pergus gestured over his shoulder.
Lee finished were Pergus left off. “And it we work from the floor we can cover it up.”
Pergus nodded. “Find something to pry up that decking.” He sank to the floor and began picking apart the old receiver and exposed its wires.
Adama moved to the door. He understood their intent, but knew there was no work for him. He sat against the door to buy them at least a few extra seconds to cover the work when guards returned. He watched the two men work. They worked so smoothly together; they didn’t need words. Again the pangs of jealousy stabbed at his heart. How had Pergus come to know his son so well? Why did their relationship seem so easy? Why was his relationship with his son so damn hard?
He thought about Pergus’ earlier advice. Sure, it seemed that easy for a normal father and son, but Pergus wasn’t forced to watch his son beaten and tortured. He didn’t close his eyes and hear his son screaming. He didn’t wake up in the night from the nightmare of his son begging him to end his life. How often had Adama given in to his son in those dreams? How often had he plunged the dagger into Lee’s chest and eased his burden? He shivered with the memories. He had held the blade above his own son’s chest.
Adama knew he was frakked. The small taste of unburdening himself had unleashed waves of emotion within him Should he tell Lee more of his own agonies under Zeus? He wanted to tell Lee how he’d felt truly helpless for the first time in his life. He wanted to tell Lee how he struggled to keep thinking of the whole of humanity and not his own son. He berated himself. Here he was, supposedly interested in helping his son and all he could think about was himself now. Maybe Lee was again right?
Pergus and Lee worked as if reading each was reading the other’s mind. After the deck plate was pulled up, Pergus kept on the receiver and Lee began to pull at wires. It would have taken seconds if they had the right tools, as it was, they weren’t sure they could even do what they were attempting.
“What are we going to do if we get this rigged up?” Lee asked quietly.
“Kid, did you hit your head? Contact Galactica.” Pergus reprimanded.
“But how? There’s no way to send a voice signal.”
“Do you mean to tell me that our military doesn’t have a system of code?” Pergus asked skeptically.
Lee blushed and looked back at his work. “Yes, we have a code.”
“See, we can send them a signal.” Pergus coughed slightly. “That sounded good.”
Lee failed to understand. “What?”
“We”
“Pergus, did you hit your head?” Lee teased.
Pergus chuckled. “No, kid. But you said, ‘we’ have a code. Like you were still in the military.”
“It was a mistake. I’m not. Force of habit, that’s all.” Lee grew more sullen and risked a glance to Adama.
Pergus noted the glance. “You need to cut him some slack. He’s hurting too.”
Lee growled loud enough only for Pergus to hear. “From embarrassment.”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Pergus glanced nervously around, and lowered his voice. “I know what you went through was bad, but if you’d pull your head out of your own sorry ass for a second, you’d see that it was just as awful for him. He’s hurting TOO. You’re too wrapped up in yourself to see anyone else’s pain.” Pergus let his words settle and then continued. “I don’t care what happened in the past or what you think he thinks. I see a man suffering. I see a father who loves his son and doesn’t know how to tell him. I see a man who is willing to give up his life to make sure his son is well. If you’d open your eyes you’d see the same thing.” Pergus watched Lee’s hardened expression. “DAMN IT, you owe it to him to at least listen to and think about what he has to say.”
“I’ve listened to him.”
“No. You haven’t. Your pain won’t let you. You got to let it go long enough to actually hear his words, kiddo.” Pergus paused to lay a hand on Lee’s knee. “Give him a chance, Lee. He pulled the trigger.”
“I told you. Lee’s dead. I’m Joe. Can’t we just get this going? Leave him out of it.” Lee’s words were unconvincing. It was obvious Pergus’s words had gotten through to him. He was rattled. He was thinking of the easy relationship he had with Pergus. This is how it was supposed to be.
“Lee ain’t ever gonna die. He’s always gonna be in at least three hearts.”
Lee stared at him, bewildered.
“Mine, his and yours.” Pergus could tell his junior partner was considering his words, so he let up and refocused on the task at hand.
** ~ **
Petty Officer Anastasia Dualla frowned. For the past several minutes, she’d been receiving an annoying tone in her headset as she supervised communications in Galactica’s CIC. She grimaced at the nuisance and as she was about to throw off her headset in annoyance, the pattern repeated again and she finally recognized it.
“Colonel Tigh!” She called out and waited for her XO to recognize her.
“What is it?” He turned around and gruffly called out. “Do we have a dradis contact?”
She shook her head. “No, sir. I’m receiving a signal from with in the fleet.”
He cut her off. “Where’s it going? We need to cut it off before it gives our location to the Cylons.” A cylon attack was the last thing Tigh needed at this point. He sent up a prayer for Adama’s return.
“No, sir.” Dualla groaned internally, hoping she’d actually get a chance to finish her statement. “It’s coming from within the fleet and isn’t going very far out. I doubt any other ship even registers it and if they did, they wouldn’t know what it was.”
Tigh looked puzzled. “What is it?”
Dualla enjoyed finally having his full attention. “Krypter, Krypter, Krypter”
“What?” Tigh asked exasperated. “Where’s it coming from?”
“I’m narrowing it down now.” She was quiet and worked her control center with fluid, expert hands. “It’s coming from the ‘Relief’.”
“Relief? What? Is she finally in full system’s failure?” He almost laughed.
Dualla understood his lackluster response. She herself had taken too many distress calls from the old ship. “Why wouldn’t she call in if she was in trouble?”
“Exactly!” Tigh groaned. “Somebody over there is having fun at our expense. Probably some bored schmuck who found an old military handbook.”
** ~ **
Roslin had finished with Zarek and studied the names on his list. It wasn’t good. All the ships listed were large enough to cause serious damage to the fleet in some way. She picked up the phone and called Galactica’s CIC asking for the Colonel.
“What?” Demanded Tigh.
“Colonel Tigh? Is there something wrong?” Roslin asked concerned at the abrupt greeting. Tigh under stress was never pleasant, but this was downright rude.
“No, just some idiot playing warrior on one of the other ships.”
“Excuse me?” She asked, almost forgetting why she’d called. “I don’t understand.”
“Some idiot over on Relief is sending a distress signal. We’re in the process of contacting them to get it shut off.”
“They haven’t told you what’s wrong?” She asked.
“It’s not voice. It’s a military code being sent out to the fleet.” He continued to shove it off as simply annoying. “It’s nothing.”
Suddenly the pieces fell into place for Roslin. “Colonel? Did you say Relief?”
“Yes” he felt her change of tone. “Why?” He grew silent and somber as he listened to her tale. “We’ve got a bigger problem then.” He stated candidly.
“What’s that?” She asked, hardly knowing what to think of the current situation.
“We just let the ship know about the signal. Whoever’s making it, just got into a whole lot more trouble.”
“We’ve got to get over there and take control of that ship.” She demanded.
“Agreed.” Tigh covered the mouthpiece lightly and waved Lieutentant Gaeta over. “Order me two units of Marines to board the Relief. ASAP!” He removed his hand. “You hear that?”
“Yes. Remind them that we have absolutely no idea what is going on or who to trust over there.”
“I’ll order them to take control of the ship until we can get to the bottom of things.”
“Let’s pray we get to our code senders before they do. Maybe then we can shed a little light on the situation. Let me know when the ship is secure, Colonel. I’ll check things out myself. Roslin out.” She left him no option for argument.
** ~ **
The process had been slow and tedious. The two men had been using the side of a deck plate to rub wires until they split in two and then they spliced them back together as necessary. When all was said and done, Lee held on to two wires. “So the idea is, when I touch these wires together, a signal is going to be sent out to the fleet?”
“We can try dialing out, but I think we’re safer with a general broadcast. Don’t you commander?” Pergus looked to the superior officer for guidance. Adama had stayed by the door the whole time. Periodic glances had shown the man to be deep in thought.
“Yes, but we also run the risk of Relief tracking the signal too. We may not have much time.”
“Good, you stay on the door.” Lee ordered. At once, all three men laughed. The small tension relief felt good. Lee touched the wires together. “We really have no way of knowing if this is doing anything.”
“You’ve got to have faith, Lee.” Adama said confidently.
Lee believed him. He began to unite the wires in a particular pattern. He repeated the pattern over and over for several minutes. He rolled his eyes after a time. It was obvious he was bored.
“Let me have ‘em. I get it.” Pergus grabbed the ends from Lee’s hands and began the sequence again.
** ~ **
Captain Roberts was strolling through command with Zeus when his communications officer chimed in. “Sir, I’m receiving a strange signal.”
“What on Caprica are they saying?” He asked, annoyed at the interruption.
“That’s just it. They aren’t saying anything. It’s almost like a code.”
Roberts groaned, although Zeus seemed interested. “Who’s originating the signal?”
He was about to answer, when a call came through. She responded and spoke into her mouthpiece. “Sir, Galactica wants to know if we’re alright.”
“Of course we are. Why do they ask?” Roberts angrily replied.
“They report the signal is coming from Relief.”
Her words hadn’t even settled on the air when Zeus waved to two of his men and set off. He ran through the halls, checking his gun as he did.
** ~ **
Lee wondered out loud how long it was going to take for a reply. Before either man could reply, steps could be heard pounding up to the door. Adama’s eyes grew wide. “Hide the stuff. Quickly!” He braced his legs to push against the door and Lee started across the room to stall the coming men as well. Two men pushing against the door could buy Pergus more time to right the room.
Adama nodded to his son. “Ready?”
Lee nodded. Almost instantly they felt pressure on their backs. Lee could feel the door warping above him from the pressure. It grew and grew until he knew their bodies were sliding across the floor. He glanced over to Pergus, who was holding the receiver but had managed to replace the deck tile.
Suddenly the Adamas were thrown clear of the door and all Lee could see was legs flooding in. Legs blurred into a gun, pointed directly at them. A path was cleared and Zeus entered the room.
He looked down at Lee and Adama. “Gentlemen, it’s so nice you didn’t disappoint me.”
Adama confidently retorted. “We wouldn’t want to let you down.”
Zeus smiled. “Oh, indeed you have not. No doubt Galactica is already assembling troops to storm the ship. It is always exciting with the two of you around.” He glanced quickly backward and brought his gun up. He fired. The shot stunned Lee, who jumped slightly. Between the legs of his jailors he saw Pergus fall to the ground, a gapping hole in his chest. “We do not need him any longer.”
“I have some things to check on before we go. For example, there is a certain video I need to retrieve from my quarters before we blow the engines.” Zeus dropped down low and faced Adama. “You will find it very interesting. It stars you and your son and was filmed on your own ship. I am sure the fleet would be thrilled to see the downfall of its top military officials.” He laughed as he stood and then noted the damage to the door. “Stay here and guard them. Leave the door open. I will be back shortly. I am afraid these men have managed to change our plans again.” He looked back at Adama. “But it is nothing I cannot handle.” Zeus left and Adama and Lee were left alone with a few guards just outside the open door.
Adama looked to his son. Lee lay in shock on the deck, a look of disbelief and utter grief on his face. Adama followed Lee’s pained gaze and saw what he did. Pergus’s once warm, exuberant eyes lay still and closed. Adama closed his eyes briefly, allowing the knowledge that the man hadn’t suffered to comfort him. He wondered if it would bring Lee any comfort. He grabbed his son’s arm. “Lee!” There was no response. He applied more pressure with his fingers. “Lee, you have to help me. I can’t do this alone.”
“It wasn’t his battle. He deserved better.” Lee’s words filled the air and Adama breathed a sigh of relief.
Adama didn’t argue that Pergus deserved better. They all did. “Survival is everyone’s battle, Lee.” He demanded his son’s attention with his words and tone. When Lee finally looked at him, he went on. “We have to get out of here and stop him. At best, Marines are on their way. At worst, we’re alone. Either way, we can’t sit here and do nothing.”
Lee nodded. “What’s your plan?”
Adama smirked. “You don’t by chance have one?”
Lee shook his head. “I’m not the out of the box thinker.”
“I don’t necessarily need an out of the box thinker. What does your war college degree tell you?”
Lee chuckled. “I don’t need a degree for this plan. You taught me this one.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You need to get their attention and then we overpower them.”
Adama chuckled. “What makes you think I can get their attention?”
Lee raised an eyebrow and then looked back at Pergus.
Adama stood and turned to the guards. “You know he’s planning on killing us all. Are you going to just stand by and let him? You’ll die too.”
The guards stood, unmoved by the plea. Adama tried again. “What could he possibly be holding over your heads? It can’t be money. It’s useless. What could a Cylon possibly promise you that would inspire you to betray all humanity?” Adama glanced Lee’s way and then it hit him. “Your families?” Neither man could hide their reaction and Adama knew he’d struck his mark. “What? Did he promise to spare them? Is he holding them somewhere in the fleet? This won’t work. We can help.” Adama could tell the men were close to breaking.
“You need to shut up old man!” One guard stepped closer.
Lee was biding his time in presumed grief. He reached into his center and used dormant skills to sense the movements in the room. He recognized lighter steps than his father’s. The anticipatory tension surged through his body and as much as it surprised him that it existed still, he relished the adrenaline and release of endorphins. He coiled in preparation to strike. Adama’s words would only distract the men, not sway them. They would battle their way from this room. He wondered how well his father would fare in hand-to-hand combat. He laughed to himself. How could he even question it? This was William Adama.
“You want me to shut up because what I say makes sense? You’ve sold your souls to the devil for what cost? Your families? What do they think of this? Are they really proud of you? What are they going to think when they die anyway?” Adama pressed hard and hit all the right buttons with his gravelly voice.
The two men stepped further in. Lee knew it was time. He sprang from his position and swung wide, catching the first man in the chest and knocking him off center. The second guard stepped closer, lunging for Adama, who grabbed the approaching arm and threw it wide. The struggle ensued but it was over quickly. After receiving a fierce blow that clipped his lower lip and drew blood, Lee fired back with a sharp strike at his aggressor’s temple. The blow lurched the man backward and he was unable to defend himself from the sharp impact on the wall. He sagged to the deck unconscious.
Adama held his own. He traded blows with the younger man but eventually delivered a blow that sent his own guard to his knees. He followed with a sharp kick to the man’s midsection that left him unable to draw in a breath. He collapsed and fought no more.
Adama turned to find Lee watching him. “You didn’t care to help?”
Lee laughed. “I wanted to see the ‘old man’ at work.”
“Old Man my ass. The next one who calls me that…” Adama didn’t need to finish his threat.
“Half your crew calls you that, including Kara.”
“Not to my FACE!” He stuck his head out the door and scanned the outer room. “Come on.”
Lee wiped at his mouth and followed. As they reached the hatch, Adama checked the hall and found it empty. “Let’s go.” He turned right.
Lee grabbed his arm. “The engine rooms are this way.” He gestured the opposite direction.
“We don’t have time for the engines. We have to stop Zeus.”
Lee hesitated. He had never seen such a look in his father’s eyes before. He didn’t know if it was vengeance or madness. He didn’t even know if his father understood reason at that moment. “Dad. We have to save the ship.”
Dad. The title struck through Adama’s heart and sent his first feeling of warmth in months. There was hope for he and his son. “We have to stop Zeus. We can’t risk his escape.” His argument was weak. “I won’t let him hurt you any more.”
Lee’s own heart was swelling in ways he also hadn’t felt, but for him it had been years. “Dad, we have to save the ship and the people on board.” He stumbled over his next words but as he said them, he knew deep down he truly believed them and his confidence increased. “Our first duty is to the innocent people on board.”
Adama shook his head. “No. I’ve paid that price. I’ve been down that road before, no more. We’re going after Zeus.” He reached out to grab Lee’s arm and pull him.
Lee stood firm. “No, dad. I can’t force you to do anything, but I won’t go with you. Zeus isn’t important right now.”
Adama roared, cutting Lee off. “NOT IMPORTANT? Have you forgotten what he did you to you? To us? I HAVEN’T. I never will. I won’t ever get your screams out of my head. NEVER!” Adama stopped suddenly, seeing the horror of his confession in his son’s eyes.
Lee swallowed several times and drew in several deep breaths. He spoke calmly, despite the slight tremor in his body. “We have to save the ship. Are you coming with me, or not?”
Lee waited only a few brief seconds before turning down the opposite direction; barely a hint of his limp present. Adama watched his son’s back, overcome with pride and love for his son. If Lee could sort his priorities among this chaos, he could too. He ran after his son.
** ~ **
Captain Roberts met Zeus at his quarters. “What do I do? Galactica marines will be here shortly.” He was terrified. He hated tension of any kind. This was supposed to be an easy relationship, not life threatening.
Zeus laughed. “Let them land of course.”
“Land? BUT…” He simply didn’t understand the man’s calm. “We’re about to lose everything. They’re going to find the stores. We’ll spend the rest of our lives on the Astral Queen.”
Zeus turned on him. “No. They will execute you for treason and I will be shoved out an airlock. I hear Roslin likes to watch.” He turned back to his valise and placed a few things inside. He threw his bag to one of his men. “Store this on the shuttle.” He fingered the video he held in his hand. “I will meet you there.”
“So, I’m going with you?” Roberts asked; his voice filled with relief.
Zeus’s sickly laugh was the last thing Roberts ever heard. As Zeus stepped over the captain’s dead body, he commented to his men. “I honestly do not understand why humans would value one like him. We would have destroyed him years ago. He brings nothing to the race. Disgraceful, really.” He marched through the halls, ignoring the panicked people that were beginning to wail for help. His men forced a path in front of him. Several turned toward the shuttle bay but Zeus kept on with four others. “We need to pick up our precious cargo. There is still so much fun to be had.” He again fingered the video in his pocket, smiling.
** ~ **
Tigh grasped the edge of the table in frustration. He hated waiting. There was nothing he could do. There was no way of knowing what was happening or would happen in the coming minutes. Dualla broke his dismal thoughts.
“Colonel Tigh. Relief reports a surge in main engine temperature cores. They are beginning evacuation procedures and request assistance.”
“Someone trying to cover their tracks.” He slammed his fist on the command console. “GET THOSE MARINES ON BOARD!”
“DAMN IT! We need to know what’s going on! The only way is getting those marines on board.”
“Besides, the commander’s on that ship.” Starbuck interrupted his tirade, stepping closer to him.
Tigh scowled at her. “How do you know that?”
“Because I saw his flight plans. That was his first stop.” She challenged him to doubt her further with her eyes and stance.
“He may be elsewhere.” Tigh’s dread was growing by the second.
“Lee’s on that ship.” She stated flatly.
Tigh growled. “Now how pray tell do you know that? Have you known where he was all this time?” He advanced on her menacingly.
“No, but look at the facts. If something big is going down, we know the Adamas are in the middle of it.” She replied matter of fact.
Tigh broke into fits of laughter. “That’s the weakest piece of logic I’ve ever heard. If there’s big trouble, YOU’RE the one normally in the middle of it.”
Tigh’s attitude never phased Kara Thrace. “You’re right. I just stopped by to tell you I was on my way over to Relief.”
Before Tigh could sputter a reply, Starbuck was gone.
Tigh shook his head. Inside he felt his first surge of hope. Surely this Zeus character didn’t stand a chance with the three of them against him. Kara Thrace had done it before. He actually found himself hoping her luck hadn’t run out.
** ~ **
Lee knew his father followed him. He couldn’t keep the smile from his lips. As they reached the outer corridor to the engine rooms, he held up his hand and then moved it to his lips. He pointed ahead to the guards pacing in front of the main doors. Adama nodded in acknowledgment. Lee backed up and pointed to a hatch across the hall. He gestured up. Adama slipped over and softly disengaged the latch and swung the hatch only wide enough for he and Lee to slip through.
Inside the door was a set of stairs. Adama questioned Lee with his eyes. Lee whispered. “We can cross the railings and come down the other side. I doubt they’d think to have it covered.”
“Why not?” Adama didn’t understand such a serious breach in security.
“Because the railings have been closed for years. They’re unstable. No one crosses them on this ship.”
As if it really didn’t bother him, Adama simply replied. “Oh.”
They climbed the stairs and Adama noted the dust that had accumulated. It was obvious Lee knew what he was talking about. The stairs opened into an alcove that revealed a metal grid walkway suspended from the ceiling. Lee risked a final glance at his father and then climbed out. He felt the railing shake, but to their luck, there was enough commotion below that the creaking was swallowed.
Several times crossing, Lee had to stop to check his footing. The path went on for about 50 meters. Adama felt surprisingly stabile enough to use the pauses to survey the room below them. There were only three men. They didn’t seem to be tampering with any equipment, simply waiting. When they reached the end, the both looked down at the scene below. One of the men walked up to a pressure gauge and waved the others off. It seemed they’d achieved their goal. They left.
Lee groaned. “That was a waste of time.”
“No. They might have found us in the hall. Let’s go.” He passed Lee and all but slid down the stairs. He entered the hot room and wiped absentmindedly at the pool of sweat that had gathered instantly at the base of his neck. “What do we do?”
Lee was already scanning the engine to determine the type of sabotage. “Here!” He pointed to a valve that had been shut down. “This is the coolant line.”
Adama used just a second to be impressed with his son’s knowledge of the intricate system. “So open it up?”
Lee shot Adama a frustrated ‘duh’ look and grabbed at the release wheel. He instantly jumped back from the heat on his hand. Adama grabbed his hand and checked for damage. Lee’s hand was already showing signs of the coming blisters. “Hot, huh?”
Adama glanced around the room and looked for anything he could use to grasp at the heated wheel. He finally thought about his own jacket. He pulled it off but when he turned back, he saw that Lee was already one step ahead of him. Lee had grabbed a nearby pry bar and was using all his strength to turn the wheel. It was obvious that the metal had already started to fuse.
Lee was slowly making progress and Adama knew there was no room for them both to work. He had to force himself to be content to watch. Lee felt every muscle in his body screaming out at the exertion. There were many muscles that had become lax from disuse. He’d never returned to regular workouts, not that there was a gym on board. He could feel his shoulder straining the most. There was a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. He redoubled his efforts to be rewarded by a snap. “FRAK!” Lee fell back, grasping at his shoulder. The pain was obvious on his face.
“Lee!” Adama rushed to his side.
Lee pushed him off. “I can’t. It’s useless. You’ve got to!”
Adama assumed Lee’s position and gave an initial push. He instantly understood Lee’s struggle. He didn’t think he’d be able to budge the wheel even a centimeter. He pushed harder.
Lee and Adama were so focused on their task they neglected to keep track of their perimeter. Zeus, alone, stepped into the open space behind them. He coughed slightly to reveal his presence. Neither man heard him. Not to be denied an impressive entrance, he leveled his gun and fired at the air, just above Adama’s straining shoulders. Both men whirled on him. “You really should not keep messing up my plans, gentlemen.” He waved the gun at Lee and gestured for Adama to join his son.
Adama joined Lee and Zeus stepped back. “Lead the way gentlemen. We need to get off this ship before she blows.” He added to annoy them. “Since you failed to stop the pressure build up.”
“We’re not going anywhere.” Adama spoke confidently.
Zeus shook his head, annoyed. He snapped the muzzle of his gun to emphasize his point. “I do not think you have a choice. I still have plans for the two of you. Would you not like to know them?” He reached into his pocket and waved the video. “I think the fleet will so enjoy this little bit of Adama bravery.”
Adama didn’t need to look at his son to know he had paled. “You’re sick, flawed. Just like the rest of your kind.”
“Flawed? Adama, surely you jest. We are god’s perfect creation. Humans, now there is a flawed species. That is why god ordered your extinction. Now, come along and be good little prisoners.”
Adama and Lee held their ground.
Zeus actually lost his cool and stomped his foot. Adama wanted to laugh. “Why should we? What do we have to gain by coming with you?”
Zeus eyed Adama coldly. “You have nothing to gain, Bill. You are going to die no matter what. Your son, however, well, I told you once. Maybe he will become my son? That means he will live.”
Lee was lost and confused. Zeus actually thought Lee would act like his son? He’d obviously missed something. He filed it away as something else his father had dealt with.
Zeus rattled on, seeming unconcerned about the state of the ship. “I will tell you what. You come along like good little humans and I will give you the video. The fleet will never have to hear Lee’s screams or see his reaction to my men fondling him. The fleet will never even see you pull the trigger at your own temple, Adama or see you hold the dagger at your son’s chest.”
Lee’s lungs deflated. He was overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than to escape to some safe place. If that meant death, so be it. He couldn’t believe the things he was hearing. His father had tried to kill himself. He knew that. Then he remembered himself, lying there begging for the release of death. His father had actually contemplated granting the request. It was too much. Lee didn’t know what to feel.
Adama shifted his hand backward and grasped Lee’s forearm. Despite the heat in the room, Lee was cold. He couldn’t bring himself to look back. He didn’t need to. Lee was suffering everything all over again. Adama had no idea what was going to happen, but his eyes couldn’t leave the damn video. He stepped forward and pulled Lee with him.
They crossed the room in silence and Zeus fell into step behind them. Lee’s mind and vision swam. He was caught up in a maelstrom of emotions and confusing thoughts. He couldn’t even seem to coordinate his footfalls. He stumbled and fell backward.
Adama thought Lee was attempting an attack. He lunged to assist. Zeus wasn’t expecting an attack either. He swayed his step to avoid the son, but came straight into the father. Adama opened with a big blow to his chest. Zeus staggered but didn’t fall and lunged into Adama’s waist. Soon they battled.
The sounds of the struggle cut through Lee’s confusion and he scanned the scene. His father had managed to knock the gun from Zeus’s hand and it lay on the deck on the other side of the combatants. He started to move for the gun.
Adama noted Lee’s motion from the corner of his eye and shouted to him to stop. “No. Lee. Fix the engine!”
Lee hesitated. His father needed his help but he knew he had to work the valve too. Which did he choose? A certain peace settled in his heart. He had to accept the truth when it starred him in the eye. He picked up the fallen bar, returned to the valve and drew in a deep breath as he shoved it back between the spokes and grasped it with his good arm. He pushed and as if his strength had been locked up in a now smashed bottle, he felt the wheel moving. He gritted his teeth and pushed harder. The wheel moved more. Lee couldn’t hear the sounds of the battle or the popping of tubes around the room from heat. His head was an empty chamber. The only thing that defied his silence was a small click. Lee stopped instantly and looked up to find the gauge’s pressure needle slipping out of the red zone. He let out the breath he was holding and bent over to straighten his back. Righting himself he turned to return to his father’s aide.
Just then a few shots rang out. Faster then one could react, a large boom followed, then a hiss and in fractions of a second more, a huge fireball blew through the room toward Lee. He instinctively fell to the deck as the cloud of flame blustered over his head. When it was clear, Lee rolled a few times on the deck to extinguish any possible flames and sprang to his feet.
** ~ **
Adama and Zeus seemed to exchange blows forever, neither ever gaining an advantage. Zeus however, was angry and became determined to end the stand off. He directed his blows in such a way that the men were landing closer and closer to the tossed gun. He’d decided he was done trying to have fun with the commander. Bill Adama was going to die here and now! He faked a fall and stretched out behind him. His fingers grasped the gun handle just as Adama saw his plan. Both men sprang at once. Zeus lifted the gun and Adama kicked out.
Adama’s kick redirected the gun and the first bullet flew wide. Zeus, angered at the simplicity of the attack, raged and randomly fired. The second bullet struck a gas line on the side wall and the third bounced off several metal structures, creating sparks wherever it hit. Both men rolled to avoid the explosion.
Adama remained composed enough to attack the gun hand. Again the weapon flew from his grasp. He followed up with a sharp hit to Zeus’s solar plexus. The Cylon crumbled into a heap and gasped for breath. Adama dragged himself backward both to rest and prepare for the inevitable continuation of the battle.
Around the men, the engine oil slicks and general piles of various kinds of rubble began to catch fire. It was becoming more dangerous to remain with each passing moment. Adama scanned the flames and then looked back to Zeus, who was smiling at him.
“You said you would kill me. Here is your chance. Come on now, Bill. Kill me.”
Adama pulled himself to his feet. He didn’t notice Lee come into the area. “Get on your feet!”
Several smaller explosions echoed through the room. Lee ran to his father’s side. “Come on, dad. Let’s get out of here. We need to vent the room to put out the flames.”
Adama nodded. Lee stepped around him to the door. Adama glared at Zeus. “I said get on your feet.”
“Why will you not kill me, Bill? Afraid your boy will not approve? Afraid he does not want me dead? Maybe he liked it? Maybe deep down he is a masochist and he enjoyed every fraking moment? MAYBE he wanted my men to have at him?” Zeus laughed sickly in his delusion.
Adama descended on him like a man possessed which is exactly what Zeus had wanted. He kicked up with both legs, sending Adama flying across the room.
Lee turned back from the secured door. “Frak!” He saw his father as he prepared to attack. “NO!” Lee could see the anticipation in Zeus’s body. He couldn’t stop them. He ran past Zeus to his father and pulled him up. “Come with me, dad. We have to take the rail again. The door is locked. It won’t budge.”
Adama couldn’t believe Lee’s utter calm. He still seethed with anger. “You go. I’ll be right behind you.” He never met Lee’s eyes. He never took his eyes off Zeus.
Lee didn’t like the look in his father’s eyes. He followed the glare and saw Zeus. “Come on, dad. Leave him. He’ll be vented like the Cylon he is.”
Adama nodded, but ignored his son. “Go! That’s an order. I’m not finished here.”
“No. Dad, come with me.” Lee pulled his dad’s arm. “I need you to come with me.”
Adama whirled on Lee. “LEAVE ME BE! I SWORE I WAS GOING TO KILL HIM AND I AM!”
Lee’s eyes grew wide. He’d never seen his father lose control, much less contain this blood thirst. He felt his admission would win his father over to the logic. He felt defeated again.
Adama shoved his son back and stormed off toward Zeus, who now stood to meet him.
Lee was frozen. Part of him wanted to flee and part needed to stay and watch, no enjoy his father keep his word. It was that part that frightened him most of all.
Adama and Zeus again exchanged blows. Again Zeus maneuvered himself to the recently relocated gun. He ducked to retrieve it. As he bent low, Adama moved quickly behind him.
Lee watched events play out before him in slow motion. He felt the cry choke in his throat. As Adama moved his hands to snap Zeus’s neck, Zeus turned the gun in his hand to point behind him directly at Adama’s chest.
Lee ran forward as the shot rang out. “DDDDAAAAADDDDDDDD!!!!”
Adama’s hands twisted just as the shot rang out. He felt Zeus drop at his feet, his head facing an unnatural direction and a large red well of blood forming on his chest. He looked around, stunned and as Lee reached his side, he looked up.
On the railing above them was Kara Thrace, returning her gun to its holster. She didn’t allow them time to rest. She called down. “Get up here! The damn door is sealed. This seems to be your only way out and the automatic fire systems are about to engage.”
Adama took one last look at Zeus. He muttered softly. “I told you I’d kill you.” He turned away and rushed off. He was halfway across the room when he noted Lee wasn’t behind him. He looked back and saw Lee kneeling over Zeus’s prone corpse. Adama understood. He returned to his son’s side and knelt beside him. Kara watched stunned from above.
“It’s over, Lee. Come on.”
Lee turned to him with the innocent, pained face of a child. “It’ll never be over. He’ll be back over and over again.”
“You’re wrong. You’ll see that in time.” He forced a grin. “Let’s go get Kara before she does something outside the box.”
Lee hesitated but stood. He wanted badly to go with his dad, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the object just barely sticking out of the dead Cylon’s pocket. Adama finally noted what held Lee’s interest. “Leave it to die with him, son.”
Lee shook his head and bent down to retrieve the video. He righted himself and turned to go with his father. Adama didn’t look at his son’s face; he watched his hand. “That won’t do you any good.”
Lee whispered. “Maybe not.” Lee passed his father and eventually began to run across the chamber to the stairwell they’d entered through.
They reached suspended railing and steadied themselves when an explosion rocked the ship. They both did their best to ignore the groaning of metal beneath them as they stepped out.
Adama hesitated and held back. “You go first.” If the railing was going to collapse, he wanted Lee to have the best chance of getting out.
Lee hesitated but knew this was a battle he’d never win. He moved quickly. He would have preferred to run, but the railing swayed from the heat and explosions below. There was no support to keep them on. If they weren’t careful, they would fall to their deaths.
Another major explosion rocked the room and both Lee and Adama fell backwards. They clutched the railing to stabilize themselves and gave it a moment to calm before moving forward again.
Kara held her breath watching the men cross. It was only fifty meters, but it felt more like fifty kilometers.
Another minor explosion buckled a section of the railing about five meters in front of Lee. One corner was giving way. Lee paused to consider the best approach. The reality was, there was no other approach. He moved forward hugging the wall and deliberately slowing down to allow his father to draw nearer.
Lee stepped forward and felt the section give way from under his feet. He lurched his body forward and grasped onto a stabilizing bar. His shoulders cried out from the effort, but he pulled himself onto the other side.
Adama froze on the other side. The one meter section of railing lay in a heap of twisted metal on the deck below them.
Lee glanced to Kara and saw her running to them. He waved her off. “You’ll only make it worse. Stay back.”
She stopped in her place, terrified of staying put or going further. She watched for the next move.
Lee looked back to his dad. “You ever run track?”
Adama frowned. “Not long jump.”
“It’s not so long. Only a meter. Easy jump!” Lee tried to fake a confident smile.
“It doesn’t seem I have much choice.” Adama took a deep breath and backed up a few inches. “Here goes nothing.”
Adama cleared the jump. Both feet landed on the railing. If a tremor from a smaller explosion hadn’t fit at that very moment, he’d have had no problems. As it was, the tremor rocked the remaining railing and he fell backward. Lee responded just in time to grab his father’s arm. The force of ship’s gravity brought him instantly to the railing. He held on to his dad’s arm for all he was worth. He felt he could pull his dad back to safety until he felt himself slipping. Their combined weight was too much for the unsupported rail and it was buckling.
Although his imminent death could have muddled his thoughts, Adama saw the situation clearly. He had to let go of Lee’s hand or he’d pull both of them to their deaths. As if suspended in the air, not falling through it, he caught Lee’s eyes. “Never doubt it. I do lo…”
Lee cut him off. “NO!” He tightened his grip. “HOLD ON!” Lee’s voice strained at the effort. He could feel the muscles in his arms exploding at the strain. Suddenly he felt something grab his feet. He looked back and saw Kara sitting on the railing. Her feet were splayed to solidify her position between two supports. She pulled at Lee, who in turn pulled at his father. As he neared the edge, Adama swung a leg up and pulled himself onto the railing as Kara and Lee quickly shuffled backward. When all three were on metal, they stood and risked running all out across the remaining rail.
** ~ **
Lee sat on a box, trying not to overly cradle his arm. His shoulder hurt badly. Deep down he knew he needed to see a doctor but pride created his resistance. It seemed strange to him to be sitting back watching the action around him. Marines were rounding up Zeus’s men. Shackled, they were being moved onto raptors and shuttles to be escorted back to Galactica to await trial. Lee shivered as two body bags were delivered to the deck.
His father huddled with President Roslin and Colonel Tigh across the bay. Lee was half tempted to join them. Again, it seemed strange to him to be left out. He had willed his feet to remain stationary. He refused to be sucked back into that life. He wondered momentarily about his future. Would he stay on Relief? Who would replace the Captain? Who could replace Pergus? His heart ached.
“Got ‘em all?” Kara Thrace had approached unnoticed.
“I think so. They tried to take a couple Relief crew, but we got them sorted out. Did you catch any?” Lee asked.
Kara had used her viper to patrol the area around the ship in case one of Zeus’s ships had gotten launched. “Nope. None got off the ship, but we ran a couple flights around just in case they were hiding.”
“Good.” Lee acknowledged.
“Why aren’t you over with them?” Kara pointed to the leaders.
“It’s not my place.” He added softly. “Anymore.”
“It’s the beard.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “Not regulation!”
“I’m not losing it.” Lee knew as long as he wore the beard, he’d never return to the military. He didn’t need to say more.
“Frak that. You don’t mean it.” She demanded. She refused to accept that Lee Adama was not returning to the Galactica.
“Yes, I do.” He finally shifted to look her in the eye. “You’re going to have to accept that.”
She laughed. “That’s what your old man tried to tell me. I don’t believe him either.”
Lee smiled slightly. “He’s… He’ll be back.”
“That’s not what he says. He thinks just like you. Two of a frakin kind, that’s what you both are.”
Lee grimaced. “Great!” He found himself staring at the body bags left on the deck. Anger welled within him from the disrespect being shown the old curmudgeon. He knew which bag belonged to Pergus. Zeus was tall and thin. One of the black sacks looked like a body had been dissolved. The other looked like it was filled with a man who had enjoyed the joys of life. Lee fought back the tears that were filling the recesses of his eyes.
Kara watched Lee watching the body bags. “He’s dead, Lee. You’re safe now.” Her voice was soft, compassionate.
Lee scowled. “Not him. The other, Pergus. He was a good man. He didn’t deserve this.”
“I didn’t know you knew him.” She studied Lee closely.
Lee watched as the longer bag was hefted by two marines and carried to a shuttle. The men all but threw the body bag into the rear of the ship and returned for the other. Lee held his breath, stunned that Pergus might receive the same treatment. The men lifted Pergus’s remains and moved toward the same shuttle. Lee sprang to his feet and shouted. “NO!” He ran toward the men, Kara at his heals.
Adama heard Lee’s anguish filled cry and looked up. He saw Lee running toward stunned marines who carried a body bag. Adama instantly sized up the situation and rushed to assist.
Lee grabbed the bag from the hands of the marine and held it himself. “You’re NOT putting him on the same ship as that filth nor will you handle him in such a disrespectful way!”
Adama stood unnoticed at Lee’s side and nodded to the Marines. They relented and gently set Pergus down and apologized and the quickly dispersed. Lee sank to his knees and pulled the bag into his arms.
Adama followed. “No, Lee, it’s not him.”
Lee didn’t look anywhere but the bag, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I know. It’s just his body. His soul is free. We’ll take care of him.”
Lee hadn’t noticed the medical crew approaching. He hadn’t seen Cottle draw near. “He’s dead. We’re taking this one back to Galactica.”
Lee was stunned. He looked up and saw Pergus on a gurney. He couldn’t say anything.
“They got to him in time. He wasn’t dead. Cottle’s going to work one of his miracles.” Adama soothed.
Cottle groaned. “The frak I am. If there’s a miracle, he’s gonna do it himself. I’m fresh out. Get out of my way so we can get this man to somewhere sane.”
Lee pushed the body bag out of his way and backed across the floor. He looked at Adama with questioning eyes.
“Roberts.” Then Tigh summoned Adama away.
Lee blushed and watched as the hatch on the medical shuttle closed. He stood and they all moved away from the departing shuttle. The crowds were dispersing and Lee moved to go with several other mates.
The President reached out her hand to him. “Captain, may I speak with you?”
Lee stopped, but looked at his feet. “I’m no longer a captain and I really should go with them.”
“I understand that, but I need to talk to you.” She pleaded gently.
He breathed deeply. He wanted desperately to deny her but couldn’t. “Fine.”
She led him a short distance away. “I need your help, Captain.”
His frustration was evident in his voice. “I told you, Madame President. I’m no longer a captain.”
She tried to inject a bit of levity to ease the tension. “I know, but I can’t seem to call you anything else. It was all I could do to not say ‘Captain Apollo.’”
He let a short puff of breath out and a small smile creased his lips. “I’m sorry.”
She smiled. “No need to be sorry. I’ve missed you. I was worried.”
He lost his smile. “I never meant to worry you, but you needn’t have bothered.”
“Of course I need bother.” She still smiled.
“What was it you wanted to talk to me about?” He redirected the conversation, hoping whatever she wanted would be over quickly.
“I need you to talk to your father.” She said it simply.
Lee laughed. “I don’t think so.”
“Ca… Lee, you’re the only one who can change his mind. We need him to resume command. You must agree with that?”
Lee nodded. “He and I have said all we need to. I can’t change his mind. He can do whatever he wants.”
She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek, turning it to face her. “You know we need him! We need you both.”
Lee boldly removed her hand. “I can’t speak for him, but I’m through. I can’t do it anymore.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Excuse me?”
“Just what is your excuse, Captain?” Laura Roslin was filled with fire.
“I don’t have to explain my reasons to you.”
“Yes, you do. I think I’ve earned it. I think I deserve to hear from your mouth why you gave up.”
“Gave up? I…” He caught himself. He had no idea what to say. “I never wanted a life in the military.”
“You wanted a life repairing an old ship?”
“There’s no shame in it. I work with good people.” His eyes wandered to bay Pergus had been taken through.
“And that makes the best use of your talents?”
“If this is about me, then we can stop this now. As for the commander, I can’t help you there.”
“This isn’t you.” She was more disillusioned than ever.
“It is now.”
“I never thought I’d know a day when I was disappointed in you.”
Lee didn’t reply. He simply left having disappointed yet another person.
Adama approached her when Lee left. “What did you say to him?” There was obvious concern in his voice.
“I… That’s between us.” She replied, calmly.
Adama barely controlled his anger. “What did you ask him to do?”
“What makes you think I asked him anything?” She was feeling defensive now.
“Stay out of this, Madame President.” He growled and went after Lee.
**~**
Adama found Lee back in the quarters he had shared with Pergus. “I’m sorry about Pergus. Cottle’s good.”
Lee all but rolled his eyes. Every part of his body showed his annoyance at the intruder. “Sure. I’m sure they’ll keep us posted. Was there something else you wanted? I’d like to be alone.”
“Do you have any idea who will take over for Pergus until he returns?” Adama asked.
Lee roared. “No. I don’t. I’d like to have a moment to breathe before I think about it.”
“I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”
“You never do.” Lee bitterly retorted.
Adama swallowed. “I was just wondering who I would talk to about staying.”
Lee’s eyes flared and then he broke into a sickening laughter. “What’s up? Looking for a new job?”
“Yes.”
Lee sobered. “This is getting old. You don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to do it. I don’t want you as part of my life.”
Adama was cut to the core by Lee’s words. He thought as usual, they had made progress. One step forward and two back it seemed would forever define their relationship. “Fine. It just seemed like a good ship.”
“The game is UP! Go back to Galactica where you belong!”
“No, I’ve lost too much there already. Life is too precious.” Adama calmly spoke. “I’m done sacrificing. It’s cost too much.”
Lee stood up. “Dad! The fleet needs you. Tigh doesn’t know what he’s doing. Frak! Even Roslin can’t do it alone. You have to go back.”
“The fleet needs you too. Why is it any different?”
“I don’t LEAD the fleet. I’m a pilot. One pilot more or less doesn’t make a frakin’ difference.”
Adama suddenly stood and met Lee’s defiant stance. “DON’T FRAK WITH ME, LEE!” He backed some of the edge off his voice. “Don’t try and tell me you don’t know you made a difference. I’ll buy fear. After all you’ve been through, you have every right to be afraid, but fear passes.”
If that’s what it took to convince his father, Lee decided to run with his logic. “Fear doesn’t always pass. Look at how many times I froze up.”
“I didn’t see that. I saw your blood boiling again. I saw your instincts return. I saw you push down that fear and succeed. It’s not dead, Lee. You’re not dead.”
Lee was silent.
Adama knew by Lee’s silence, he was breaking ground. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll go back if you come with me.”
Lee shook his head, scowling. “I knew it was all a hoax.”
“It’s no hoax. I don’t plan on going back, but if it convinces you, then I’ll do it. If you can face it, so can I.”
“Then it’s blackmail.” Lee groaned. “Great tactical choices. Is that really how you want to do it?”
“Lee, I don’t want to see you wasting your talents.” He paused. “Fine, you go back, I’ll stay here.” He knew in his heart, Lee was running out of excuses. He may not have the best relationship with his son, but he knew he could read him. He knew the traits and instincts that ran through his veins. Lee couldn’t ignore the call in his heart forever. Sooner or later he’d know he needed to return, but pride would be his undoing. If he weren’t pushed, he’d succumb to the pride.
Lee tugged absentmindedly at his painful arm. “I can’t do it anymore.” Lee looked up to see his father start to argue. He held up his good hand. “My arm. It won’t take it.”
Adama hadn’t expected this. “What?”
Lee swallowed hard several times. “My shoulder doesn’t work right. I don’t know about my leg either. I’d never pass the fitness test. I couldn’t fly a viper anymore.”
Adama was quiet. He considered his words. “Are you sure? Cottle never said anything.”
“Dad. I couldn’t turn the wheel today. If my arm went out in a battle, I’m dead. Worse yet, I might take someone else with me. I can’t do it anymore.”
Adama breathed deeply. “First of all, there would be nothing worse than you dead…”
Lee cut him off, changing the subject. “But you were going to do it.”
Adama choked, knowing exactly what Lee meant. “You begged me. I couldn’t let them… What they planned.” Adama shook his head, unable to continue.
“Thanks.”
One simple word meant the world to Adama. He shook off his fear and continued. “Secondly, we need to check this out. Let’s have Cottle take a look at it. You’re certainly a valuable pilot, but you’re an asset out of the cockpit as well. You’ve got a great head on your shoulders.”
Lee blushed slightly. “Dad…”
“That’s a nice start.” Adama smiled.
Lee knew he meant the title. “If I’m right?”
“I’m not going to think about that.” Adama knew he had to confess. The words never came easy for him. “Lee, I don’t think you understand me. I’m not wasting any more time. If I learned one thing in this whole nightmare, it is how important you are to me. I’m not going to lose you. I will do whatever is necessary to keep you close. I don’t think it’s too late. I think we can still have the relationship we both want. It can’t happen if you’re not at my side.”
Lee was caught up in his father’s words. He wanted to believe them. Frak, he did and deep down, he knew he wanted the same thing as his father. “So, maybe we both stay here.”
Adama nodded. “I asked who I should see about a job.”
Lee laughed.
**~**
Galactica sent crew over to cover the Relief. Gradually the massive stores of food on Relief and other ships in the fleet were revealed and Roslin made it known to the fleet that the Adama men had broken the case.
After seeing that things were stable on Relief, the Adamas returned to Galactica under cover of “night.” They didn’t want attention. They both stopped at Life Station to see Pergus. He’d survived surgery but was still in dire condition. Adama stayed back as Lee approached his friend’s bedside.
“Pergus?” Lee whispered.
Pergus slowly dragged his eyes open and turned to look at Lee. “Kiddo. Good to see you in one piece.” His words were slow and ragged but they were reinforcement for Lee. “Gods, you didn’t kill your old man did you?”
Lee laughed. “No. He’s fine. He wants to help out on Relief while you recover. Should I let him?”
A faint laugh sprang from Pergus’s chest. “Frak no. Did you see what he did to that motor?”
Lee smiled again. “He should stick to commanding?”
“Frak, yeah.” Pergus’s smile faded. “So should you.”
“Pergus, don’t. This isn’t the time.”
“Kid, you know your dad loves you.”
Lee said nothing.
“Kid… damn it. Say it.”
“Yes. I know.”
The ailing man’s smile returned. “Give him a chance. You two are going to guide this fleet to Earth. It’ll be excellent.”
“Pergus, I’m not staying here. I’m going back to Relief.” Lee didn’t care what his father believed. Right now, being at Pergus’s side was what mattered and what he wanted. He didn’t want the battle.
“No, kid. You’re not welcome there anymore. You have to do what’s in your heart. The sooner a man learns that, the happier he is.”
“GET out of HERE!” Cottle roared. “The man needs rest. Not your confessions. See a PRIEST!”
Lee blushed. He squeezed Pergus’s hand and ducked out with promises to return in the morning.
Adama had watched the whole scene but wasn’t close enough to hear. His heart again filled with pangs of jealousy. They made it look so easy. Why?
Adama went to his cabin and Lee went to guest quarters. He would meet with Cottle in the morning.
Lee didn’t sleep well that night. He lay on the bed, tossing and turning. Each time he closed his eyes, memories attacked him from the dark recesses of his mind. He was alternating cold and hot. He found himself staring at various objects in the darkened room. He tried to remember the last time he had a room to himself. It was strange. He missed the sounds made by pilots in other racks. He knew the root of his problem. He was afraid. He was afraid to admit he really did want his old life back. Adama and Pergus had given him enough hope. Dare he hope he’d fly again?
Morning came dreadfully slow. He was up and ready early. He made his way to Life Station using as many out of the way corridors as possible. He wasn’t ready to talk to people. He entered the medical arena and glanced around for Major Cottle.
“He’s not here yet.”
The unexpected voice startled him. “Starbuck, what are you doing here?”
“I thought you’d like a little moral support.” She grinned, knowing she’d gotten him.
“I didn’t even let Dad come. I don’t need you either.” Lee insisted.
Kara laughed. “I’ll bet you a pyramid game tonight that he shows up too.”
Lee shook his head. “He wouldn’t dare.”
She grinned even more. “Yes, he will. He’s just like me. He doesn’t trust you.”
“I do too!” Adama entered with Major Cottle.
Lee groaned. “If you trust me, why are you here?”
Adama was a vision of innocence but then sobered. “I had to talk to Major Cottle…”
Lee cut him off and nodded. “Sure. Right.”
“When should we start the game?” Kara smirked.
Cottle had been silent, but his patience was wearing thin. “Is this party going to go on much longer? It’s early and I’ve only had one cup of coffee and worse, only a half cigarette. Get this over with. The day isn’t going to get any better.”
Kara’s face instantly brightened. “Doc! You get the boy back in the cockpit and I know where I can get you a big supply of cigarettes. Cigars if you knock him out and get rid of that fuzz on his face.”
“Hey!” Lee complained.
Cottle glared at Adama and Starbuck. “Get out of here and leave us be!” He turned away and walked across the room. Lee followed.
An hour or so later, Cottle pulled back the curtain around the exam area. He wasn’t surprised to find Adama lurking, but Lee was.
“What are you still doing here?” Lee asked, almost angry. “Did you think I’d hide something from you?”
Adama groaned. “Lee, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d hide anything…”
Cottle interrupted casually. “I’d tell him anyway.”
Adama shot him a warning glance and turned back to Lee. “I just…”
“Couldn’t wait?” Lee finished for him, relenting.
“No. I couldn’t.” He added with a grin. “My whole future is riding on this. I have a stake in this.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. You’re free to remain.” Lee grumbled.
Adama was about to add ‘not without you’, but Cottle again cut him off. “Can we please get on with this?” He stuck some x-rays on a light and pointed. “There’s a bone spur between the blades. I can’t tell for sure, but I think this shadow indicates another one hidden behind. Either way, surgery can clear it up.”
“Will he be able to fly again?” Adama asked before Lee could.
“He doesn’t know.” Lee answered. “It’s impossible to say.”
Adama couldn’t hide his disappointment but pushed it aside for optimism. “When will you operate?”
“I have to go out on the fleet for the next two days. I can’t before then.” Cottle replied. His Commander didn’t normally intimidate him but this was different as it involved his son. “I need to make the rounds.”
Adama nodded. “Of course. So when you return?”
Cottle nodded. “Don’t eat anything after 20:00 hours the night before and come in around 6am that morning. If you stop buy tomorrow or the next day, they can run some preliminary blood work. It’ll save time that day.” He checked for understanding and left the men alone.
Adama was searching for some way to keep his son around but what he was about to say wasn’t going to help him any. “Lee…”
Again Lee cut him off. “I’m going to see Pergus.” He jumped off the bed and started toward the other side of the medical facility. Adama’s voice stopped him cold.
“He’s not there. He died in the night.” Adama actually prayed Lee wouldn’t turn around.
Lee turned. His heart had just been crushed by the weight of the announcement. “What? You waited to tell me? Are you SO…” He searched for the right word. “pathetic that you kept it from me for some stupid tests?”
“No… You cut me off. I was trying…” Adama stammered his justification.
Lee prepared to fire back but suddenly Pergus’ words flooded his mind. ‘Give him a chance. You’ve got to listen to him.’ Lee’s lips began to tremble and he paled. “He didn’t deserve this.”
“No, he didn’t.” Adama saw that Lee was listening. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to know him better. I think I could have learned a lot from him.”
Lee laughed sadly. “About what?”
“My son. I admit it. I was jealous. Your relationship seemed so easy. I wanted to know how he did it.”
“What?” Lee was stunned. “He didn’t…” Lee was about to say Pergus had never expected anything of him and that’s why it was easy. He stopped. That wasn’t true. Pergus did expect things from him and he’d been disappointed in Lee too. Was disappointment such a big part of every relationship? Would he have come to this point with Pergus too?
Lee muttered as he walked away. “There was no history to fight.” He felt lost again and wanted to be alone.
Adama watched Lee limp away and then hurried after him. “Have you had anything to eat?”
Lee had no idea where the question came from. “Why?”
“I’m hungry. I was too nervous to eat. I just wondered if you want to get something to eat?”
Lee groaned. “Why are you doing this? I just lost a good friend. I want to be alone.”
“I thought I made it clear? I want to spend more time with my son. You’ve suffered a loss. I want to be there for you. Why is that so hard to believe?” Adama asked, frustrated to be back to the same old argument.
Lee was frustrated too. He had come this morning hoping to find answers and instead there was more waiting. He was losing his ability to do so. He growled at his father. “Maybe because recently you thought I should spend the rest of my life on the Astral Queen behind bars.”
Lee started to leave, but Adama grabbed his arm. His luck was running out. He grabbed the injured arm and Lee flinched visibly at the jolt of pain. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab that arm.”
Lee rolled his eyes and made to leave again. Adama redoubled his efforts and fell into step with his son. “Where are you going?”
“Away from you!” Lee increased his pace to emphasize his point.
Adama matched Lee’s step and wondered if he was going to regret this effort in the morning. “We need to TALK!”
Lee stopped abruptly and Adama crashed into him, again impacting the bruised arm. Lee ignored the pain. “That’s all you ever want to do, TALK! But you always say the SAME DAMN THING!” Lee noted the glances the men received from passersby in the hall and lowered his voice. “I’m tired of hearing how I have to give you time. How I have to believe you. How I have to try to make this work. How I misunderstand everything. When do you listen? When do you actually do anything for this so-called relationship you want to have?”
Adama responded in kind, but need far fewer words. “When do I get to stop taking the blame for every thing that goes wrong in your life? So I wasn’t around when you were a child, Lee. GET OVER IT!”
Lee was stunned. Adama was too. He’d never dreamed of speaking to his son like that.
They stood in uncomfortable silence.
Lee shook his head. “Why do we bother?” He looked his father in the eyes and calmed. “Stay here. Lead the fleet as you were meant to do. Let me go. We’ll both be happier that way.”
Adama felt himself go numb inside. This wasn’t how he wanted it to go. He berated himself for allowing such a stupid statement to escape his mouth. “I’m tired of apologizing for the past.”
He said it so quietly, Lee, who had turned to leave, turned back. “What?”
“No. I won’t be happier. I can fake it but the truth of the matter is, I wasn’t really happy until you came on board to serve.” He finally looked up to meet his son’s eyes. “I… It’s hard for a father to admit he’s wrong. Every father wants his son to look up to him, to respect him. You were right that day.” He knew Lee didn’t understand. “On Colonial One? We overreacted. If you’d stuck around the hall that day and heard the rest of the conversation, you would have heard as much.”
“So what?” Lee said simply.
Now Adama didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”
“So what, you were wrong. I did what I had to do.” It seemed so insignificant to him now. Again, Pergus’ words floated through his mind.
“Yes, you did and that was hard for me. I wanted… No, I needed you to come to me and admit it.”
Lee was genuinely interested in his father’s admission. This vulnerable side of the great man captivated him. “Admit what? I wasn’t wrong.”
Adama laughed. “I remember those days, the days when I was young and brash. I wanted you to reassure me, let me know that you’d made a mistake by committing mutiny. If you did that, then I didn’t have to admit that in reality, I was wrong. The worst part of the whole thing was that I knew you knew I was wrong. I hated thinking that you had that power over me.”
“Power?”
“My son knew I could make mistakes.” Adama’s lips threatened to quiver at the power emotions surging within him.
Lee felt much the same as his father, but wasn’t as able to hide it. “I don’t get it. I hated you for so long.”
“As a father.” Adama breathed deeply. “I always justified being a lousy father because I told myself I was a good Commander. Deep down, I knew you knew that and respected it. That order changed everything.”
Lee looked away and rubbed at his face. “Dad.” He lost his words and tried again. “It didn’t bother me that you gave the bad order. Everyone does. Do you think I was proud of ordering Kara to stand back and let Kat run that training loop?”
Adama couldn’t help but laugh at the simplicity of Lee’s comparison. “This talking thing… When it’s done well, it’s a good thing.”
Lee felt some of the tension in his chest and muscles ease. “Sure, as long as we beat the frak out of each other until we listen.”
“You’re mother used to tell me all the time how like me you were. I never believed her. In you I see only her.”
“Are you implying that I inherited these negative qualities you accuse me of from her?” Lee teased.
Adama smiled. “No?” He straightened his back and arched backward in an awkward stretch. “I’m still hungry. You?”
Lee eyes him suspiciously. “After all that? I’m more interested in a nap.”
“After breakfast.” He cupped Lee on his good shoulder and steered him down the hall toward the mess.
“You’d let me take a nap?” Lee continued to quiz him.
“I think it’s a great idea. I’ll enjoy one myself.”
“You?”
“Sure, why not?” Adama grinned, feeling more at peace than he had in years.
“You’re enjoying this semi-retirement, huh?”
“I am. I may just have to keep it up.”
“Dad?” Lee asked concerned and stopped in the hall again.
Adama shook his head. “Not now Lee, let’s just enjoy right now. We can make the big decisions later.”
They ate in a relatively empty mess and in relatively comfortable silence. Lee rose finally.
“Where are you going? Find Kara and start that game early?” Adama teased.
Lee had sobered. “No, I’m heading back to Relief.”
Adama’s once high spirits sank. “What? Why? You haven’t…” He let the question fall, too afraid of the answer.
“I need time. I need to think. Cottle can’t help me out for a couple days. I don’t want to spend it here.”
“Why not here? Why are you avoiding ‘here’?” Adama asked. “It’s not like you to run from the challenge.”
“It’s not the challenge.”
“The memories?” Adama asked softly. “They haunt me, too.”
Lee bowed his head. “No, not just that. I… “ He chuckled softly. “Pergus told me I had to get my head out of my ass.”
“Ouch.”
“I… I just need to say good-bye to him.” Lee said lightly. “We’ll take care of his arrangements.”
Adama saw a spark of hope in Lee’s words. “So you’re coming back for good in a couple days?”
“I don’t know.”
Adama worried. His son was taking steps toward healing, but seemed to fall behind as well. “Well, you’re not going to miss the surgery are you?”
Lee shook his head. “No matter what the future holds, I need my shoulder working better than this.”
“Lee, you have to think optimistically. You’ll be back in a viper soon.”
“You just refuse to get it. I don’t know that I can do that anymore.” Lee started to walk off, then stopped. He didn’t turn back to his father. “If you want to do anything for me, resume command of the ship. The fleet needs you there. I… I need you there. Don’t hang that guilt on me.” He walked off before his father got a chance to push him more.
Adama didn’t follow Lee, although he wanted to.
The next day, Relief held ceremonies for Pergus. Both Adama and the President attended but Lee
didn’t speak to either. He disappeared
before they could get to him. Lee spent
his time on Relief puttering around and making small repairs on the ship.
He waited until the last possible moment to return to Galactica. He reported first to life station for his blood tests and then sought out the isolation of guest quarters in the farthest reaches of the old ship. He wasn’t worried about the no food clause, as he’d had little appetite recently.
Why did his whole world seem to have fallen apart? He felt so pathetic. Sure, he was captured and beaten. Why did it bother him? Why couldn’t he let it go? More to the point, why did he believe it had
ended his career? He’d felt those old
strengths rise up on Relief. He knew
they were buried deep and that he could probably find them again. Why didn’t he want too? This had long ago ceased to be an issue with
his father. Hadn’t it?
His mind knew what he had endured hadn’t shamed him. His brain knew no one would think any less of him if he somehow managed to re-assume his role as CAG. He couldn’t face them. How could he face his men? How could he face the Cylons? Everything about life seemed to terrify him now.
He’d been convinced that he’d misunderstood his father’s intent. Before the attack he’d planned on being the CAG. He’d finally claim the role and play it will full gusto. It certainly seemed easier to be just the CAG. Now, if he returned to the position, he’d be the CAG and have to be his father’s son again. Once again the larger than life ethos of William Adama would be his to fight again. Once, he’d been cocky enough to handle the challenge. Now, it seemed too big a void to cross.
The knock at the door disturbed his thoughts. “May I come in?” Adama stood in the doorway.
Lee was shocked, but then realized that was foolish. His father knew everything. “It’s your ship.”
“Not necessarily.” Adama quipped.
Lee groaned. “Couldn’t do that for me, huh?”
“I could do it for you in a heartbeat.”
Lee groaned even louder. “Then why don’t you just put Roslin and Tigh out of their misery and make it official?” Lee always felt like he was going in circles with his father. They never really got anywhere.
“I want what’s best for you and I’m not sure my commanding is just that.” Lee started to growl but Adama held up his hand to stop him. “That’s not why I stopped by. I just wanted to see if we could have dinner.”
“I’m not hungry.” Lee said somberly.
“You should eat. It might be tomorrow afternoon before you can eat anything.” Adama was trying to keep his voice filled with fatherly concern and not command authority.
Lee glanced at his watch, hoping his father wouldn’t do the same. “It’s getting close to Cottle’s cut off. I’ll pass. I’m gonna hit the rack. I’m tired.”
“It’s not that late. Just a bite? Keep your old man company?” It was obvious Lee wasn’t going to budge. “Did a lot of work?”
“Huh?” Lee didn’t understand.
“You said you were tired. Did you overwork yourself over on Relief?”
Lee tried to chuckle it off. “There’s always lots of work on Relief.” He shuffled around the room a minute. “Night, sir.”
Adama took the hint. “I’ll be by to see you in the morning.”
“That won’t be necessary. I can find my way to life station.”
Adama was disappointed. “Not going to be easy is it?”
Lee knew what his father meant, but opted to ignore it. “Cottle thinks the surgery will be fine.”
“I meant us.” Adama left.
** ~ **
“I’ll be in life station until Lee’s out of surgery.” Adama didn’t feel compelled to tell his XO of his plans, but did so out of duty.
“Why?” Tigh asked. “It’s not life threatening surgery. You’re just going to be sitting around down there.”
Adama glared at Tigh, disappointed in his friend. “I’m going to be there for my son when he wakes up.”
“That won’t be for several hours.” Tigh insisted.
“That’s not the point. I want to be there.”
Tigh chuckled, sensing his defeat. “He yelled at me.” He noted the curiosity on Adama’s face and continued. “After you’d been shot. I had him hauled to the brig. He demanded to go with you but I wouldn’t let him.” He was silent a moment. “He only got to see you two or three times during that whole frakin’ time.”
Adama had only felt more rage for Zeus. He had to hold himself back and bite his tongue to keep from lashing out at Tigh in the middle of CIC. When he could finally speak, he kept his voice low and guarded. “It might have been nice for me to know my son cared and wanted to be by my side. Ever think about that?”
Tigh was stunned. He’d never felt like such a disappointment in his entire life, even after the martial law fiasco. “I… He… He was on his way to the brig… I…” Adama left and Tigh struggled with his response. It came to him and he pounded after his Commander. Bill had told him you couldn’t second-guess command decisions. He wasn’t allowed to get two sets of rules just because his son was involved.
“You don’t know that your son even wants you there. He doesn’t want to be here and he doesn’t want you anymore. Maybe I knew that first. He doesn’t deserve to be your son. Your place is here, on CIC now, Commander!” Tigh felt the power of his words and he swelled with the surge.
Bill turned to him, suddenly feeling akin to Starbuck. He longed to throw a punch at his XO and friend. “Understand this now, Saul. I’m not going to say it again. I will not tolerate this disrespect of Lee. He hasn’t earned it. He has earned his father and I intend to be there for him and you’re wrong. He does want me there. He always has. I will not be deluded again. As for my presence on CIC, I am not always needed there. That’s why I chose the best XO in the fleet.” He turned and walked away.
** ~ **
Lee pounded through the corridors of the sleeping ship. Ships always ran a “night period”. It eased shore leave adjustments. Having selected a room in the distant recesses of the ship, he finally felt alone. He’d managed to outrun the ghosts that plagued him in the room. It had been a very long month. The surgery had been an initial success. Due to the intensive physical therapy needed for the shoulder to heal correctly and more work on his leg, Lee was required to remain on the ship.
He’d planned to keep to himself, but as the month passed, his old life had gradually increased its hold on him. His father resumed command of the fleet but he still found time several times a day to visit. In the beginning, he’d pushed Lee to revisit talking to Wassertin. Lee refused, stubborn as a toddler who’d learned the power of ‘no’. Kara never talked to him about emotional therapy, but seldom missed his physical therapy sessions. She goaded and teased him until his blood boiled. “Knock it off and push that thing! I’m not gonna be CAG forever you know.” He’d given up arguing with her on the subject. She refused to consider that he wouldn’t return. “You had your time off, Lee. It’s time to get back to life.” Gradually, his pilots had begun coming round and he even passed and evening or two at cards.
To everyone who looked, Lee Adama seemed to be his old self, maybe a bit quieter, but fine in all outward respects. Inside, he felt no more confident than he had the night before the surgery. He had a decision to make. Tomorrow was his physical re-certification test. Passing it wasn’t a certainty. The parameters of the test were closely guarded. The Colonial Fleet didn’t want warriors who worked merely to minimum standards, especially viper pilots. They needed the physical strength for endurance but they needed the sharp reflexes to guide the machine through battle. There was no denying he would never have the same level of fitness he’d once enjoyed and there was still a lot of doubt concerning his reflexes.
His punished body forced him to stop. His arms went to the wall and supported him as his chest caved in to gasp for breath. His chin fell to his heaving chest and his thoughts returned to his decision. Do I throw the test? If I do, I can leave the ship with my head high and no one would question me further. They would all understand. If he couldn’t fly, he wouldn’t want to stay on the Galactica. No one would blame him for not wanting to face his past daily as others roared around in space.
Still one damn thing nagged at him. He noted his surroundings and walked a few steps more to the gym. It was dark save one lone light in the far corner. Lee didn’t feel like harsh illumination, so he moved to the first machine and adjusted the weight by feel. He pushed his body further. The nag couldn’t be driven out. ‘You were born to this.’ He knew it would be so much easier to walk away from this life but it wouldn’t let up.
He moved through several more machines. The effort was grueling. He wondered if his subconscious self wasn’t trying to injury his physical self. His tanks clung to his sweating torso and he couldn’t escape the feeling that it was strangling him. He pulled it up over his head and threw them on the deck. He adjusted his position on the bench, pulling his knees up to his chest. When he did so, he felt the object in his pocket shift. His fingers pulled it out. He absentmindedly flipped the lid open and close. As he always did, his finger stroked the thin film under the lid ever so gently, fractions of a millimeter above it. He knew he didn’t dare touch the actual film.
“Nervous?” The gruff voice echoed off the walls of the nearly empty room. Lee said nothing. Adama stepped further into the room. “I couldn’t sleep. I keep wondering what tomorrow will bring. Will my son continue by my side or will he leave the ship and never return.”
“Dad…” Lee wasn’t used to this overly dramatic side of his father. “I’ll still be in the fleet. We can still visit.”
“Visit? I guess that’s something. It doesn’t sound like you’re holding out much hope for tomorrow’s test results.” Adama sat on the machine next to Lee, studying his son’s expression in the dim light. “Are you going to fail?”
Lee said nothing. He knew his father wasn’t questioning his actual ability to pass the test. He was questioning his desire to pass.
“Are you going to say anything?” Adama questioned softly.
“Why are you here?” Lee replied.
“I had a hunch. You weren’t in your room, so I went looking for you. I thought I might find you here.”
“Why would you think to look here?” Lee asked, stalling for time. He hoped he could keep the conversation easy so that he could get out of it faster.
“You’ve spent a lot of time in this room recently.” He said dryly. The tension in the air was evident. “Is it just that you don’t want to be CAG? Or is it more? You don’t have to, you know? You’re the best we’ve got at the job, but Kara could continue. She’ll make your flight rotations hell, but she’d do it. It doesn’t have to be like it was. I know it was a heavy load. I can understand not wanting to return to that yoke. Sometimes command feels like it’s going to drown you. I’ve been there.”
Lee’s mind screamed in frustration. How did his father know what was going through his mind? Was he that transparent? “What makes you think I don’t want to come back?”
Adama chuckled lightly. “You’re sitting here in the dark the night before a test that Cottle seems to think you’ll pass and you wonder how I knew?” He chuckled. “Maybe I’m not such a terrible father after all?”
Lee groaned. “Dad. Let’s not do this.”
“Do what? Talk? I like talking to my son. I like having my son near. It feels good. It feels right.” Adama meant his words.
“Fine, you’re not a terrible father.”
“I wasn’t asking for that.”
“I know. I was simply offering it.”
Adama glanced down at Lee’s fiddling fingers and his heart all but stopped. “What’s that?” He was barely able to control the anger in his voice. He reached out and grabbed at the tape.
Lee was faster and pulled away. “None of your business.”
Adama seethed. He assumed the tape had been burned or at least disposed of with Zeus’s body. He’d completely forgotten Lee had held it last. “WHERE did you get that?”
Lee tensed as well. “I took it from his dead body. What difference does it make?”
“Lee, it’s SICK.” An idea suddenly came to Adama. “How often have you watched it?”
“What’s wrong, dad? Afraid of what you looked like sitting there silently watching them frak me over?” Lee had no idea why he suddenly felt the need to hurt his father. He knew Pergus had been right. His father had known his fair share of suffering in the experience. Lee actually watched his father pale and guilt swept through him. “No. I haven’t watched it. I don’t have the guts.”
“Guts? That’s not guts, Lee. You’ve got no reason to watch that video. You were there. There’s nothing else you need to know.” Adama was numb. The very sight of the tape sent terror through him. He couldn’t imagine holding it on a daily basis, no wonder Lee was struggling to heal. “Give me the video, son. Let it go. It doesn’t have anything to offer you.”
“You’re WRONG! It…” Lee couldn’t continue.
“It what, Lee? What power does that tape hold over you? Lee, it’ll bury you. Give it to me. I’ll destroy it.” Adama gather every ounce of power he could muster to put behind the suggestion. He wanted to will Lee to obey him.
“I can’t stop being afraid. Don’t you SEE? I’m frakin’ afraid every moment of my life since this day.” He waved the tape in the air. “I have to watch it. I have to face it. It won’t be over until I watch it and accept what happened. I have to remember it all, but I can’t…” Lee’s shoulders slumped and his body quaked.
“No, Lee, No. This isn’t the way. You don’t need this.” Lee had let down enough guard that Adama was able to grasp the tape, but Lee held tightly.
“Let go, dad. Let go.” Lee pleaded quietly.
“You keep asking me to do that.” Adama tried to smile. “Face it. I’m not letting you go.”
Lee looked directly at his father for the first time. Lee’s face displayed his agony. Adama was lost for words. He couldn’t look his son in the eye. He couldn’t handle the guilt that welled within him. As he lowered his eyes to look away, he saw his answer.
Lee followed his father’s odd gaze. “What are you looking at?”
Adama held out a pointed finger to the jagged scars across Lee’s chest and then pointed to the scars on his shoulders and then finally the last visible scar on his leg, just below the bottom of his shorts. “You have faced it. Every day that you live you are reminded of that day and you’ve faced it every time.”
Lee traced the scar on his calf with his finger. He had no words. His mind reeled. “Oh lords. It’s never going to end.” Lee acted as if he’d really never seen the scars before.
Adama muttered his words. “It’s always going to be with us.”
“Screams.” Lee whispered. “Do you still hear them?”
“Every night.”
“How do you do it?” Lee questioned with the voice of a small boy seeking comfort from his father.
Adama swallowed his words. “I don’t. I was afraid if I were in command, you’d be hurt again. I meant it when I resigned.”
“But you went back? You learned to ignore the screams. How?”
“I accepted them. I can’t change them. I can’t even really protect you.”
Lee interrupted. “Aren’t you supposed to be helping?”
“Lee, watching that tape is not going to bring you back to your old self. It won’t help either of us. That Lee and Bill Adama are dead. The only thing we can do is move who we are now back into the life we were meant for. If we don’t, we’ll never leave that day. Zeus will always win and I’ll lose my son for good. I can’t do that. I can’t.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Lee sneered, angry with himself. “Do you always have all the answers?”
“Answers? No. I haven’t had any answers lately. I’ve been watching you for them. It’s not gonna be easy, but it’s going to get easier.” He tugged at the tape. “Give me the tape.”
“Don’t you want to watch it?” Lee asked, still holding on.
“I already did. I relive it nightly and I second guess myself daily.” Adama murmured.
“Dad… I’m so…” Lee’s words fell away, unneeded.
Adama felt the tape slip as it was released into his hand. He dropped it to the deck, stood quickly and before Lee could change his mind, Adama pounded his heel into its spine and crushed it. He drove in several extra, unnecessary blows to ensure its total and utter destruction. He looked at Lee again. He was spent. “Think you could sleep now?”
Lee recovered a bit. His soul actually did feel lighter minus the video. “Me? You were the one who couldn’t sleep.”
Adama laughed. “Yeah, right.” He hesitantly wrapped an arm around Lee’s shoulders. For the first time, it felt right. “Let’s get out of here.”
As soon as they cleared the gym, they walked side by side in silence. When they reached Lee’s room, Adama hesitated. “You really could use some sleep.”
Lee nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
Lee meant it and his father sensed it was the truth too.
“Night, son.” Adama was overcome with love for his son but the words caught in his throat. He instantly knew why the words were always left unspoken. They simply didn’t suffice. They never had and never would capture the depth of love for his son.
“Night, dad.” Lee hesitated, almost telling his father he loved him, somehow he didn’t think it was necessary.
** ~ **
Adama walked slowly back to his quarters. He felt like he’d relived the whole experience in what were really precious few minutes. He was exhausted. Kara walked toward him and he hardly noticed her.
“Commander. What do you hear?” Kara was just coming off CAP and adrenaline flowed through her veins, energizing her. Adama ignored her. “Sir?” She reached out and grabbed his arm.
“Starbuck? Sorry. How was CAP?”
“Fine. All’s quiet in the fleet. Are you alright, sir?” She asked concerned.
“Yeah, fine. I’m just heading to my rack.” Adama had never been able to stop using the pilot’s reference.
“How’s Lee? Nervous?” She pressed, sensing the reason for his unsettled appearance.
“I think so. He’ll be fine now. I think he’ll sleep.”
“He needs it. I’m hoping he’ll lose those bags under his eyes.” She hesitated. “Tomorrow’s a big day.”
Adama nodded.
“Think he’ll pass?”
Adama seemed to strengthen and focus. “Yes.” He took a deep breath and smiled. “Get some sleep, Kara. I have a feeling we’ll be celebrating tomorrow night.”
Kara nodded and left. She strolled down the corridor and stopped at Lee’s door. “Tomorrow you’re back with us for good.” She pushed softly at the door and when she felt it give, increased the pressure. She stepped into the room and smiled at the sleeping figure in the bed. She knew long ago that she’d never be able to tell Lee Adama exactly how much he meant to her. She was content to watch him resting peacefully, back on Galactica where he belonged. She felt the Commander’s confidence settle on her. “Welcome home, Apollo. We’ve needed you. We’ve missed you.”
** ~ **
The next morning Lee woke early, feeling refreshed and better than he had in months. He stumbled groggily to the head and stared at the image in the mirror. He ran his hand through the hair on his chin. His chin dropped and he drew in several deep breaths. He pulled open a drawer and removed the electric razor. It was time to move on.