Diurnal

Thurs.

December 2002

Dec. 14 2002 23:21

frustrated, exhausted, struggled, scared... after doing all day math without any good sleep in the past few weeks.

*i seriously need a study partner now.. who can be mine one?

*ho sun fu ar today!!! >.< my brain is not function-well... sigh...

Dec. 13 2002 14:55

窮則變,變則通

外面天色美麗,必定把自己困在室內?

haha, my friend sent me this today! I guess is a reply of my info. hum... i'm not really shutting myself in my room geh, but just, as i'm still in my exams, i'm not feel like going out anywhere becoz of the guilty feeling! (although staying in my own little room doesn't mean i would study hard tho'! haha) that's why although i wanna go out with a friend to see that "streaming clock" this sunday in somewhere down town vancouver, i also refused! =(

anywaz, as what i told my friend earlier this week, it's time for us to "add oil", and after Dec.16, it's the time to go wide and refill our oil! hehee.. my friend also get used to my chinese-english already... "add oil" a phrase that we used sooo often these weeks.

after having a week instant noodles last week, this week is instant rice. but i have no more instant rice left after yesterday! sigh... no instant noodles, no instant rice... how can i survive? well... what can i eat then?? my finger? hum.. ya... maybe! =)

Dec. 8 2002 17:33

Sigh, 食了整整一星期的公仔麵，現在對公仔麵開始有恐懼症！ >.<

究竟 Christmas 怎過好呢？去或留？

Dec. 7 2002 14:01

another sleepless nite! ai...

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!! i'm dam* sad now!!! my cutie kitty cup which is from my dad got broken!!! ho sad ho sad arrr... can i ever have chance to stick those tiny pieces together again? ai............ ho ng hoi sum ar... i really like that cup ga ma... dim gai wui gum ga!!!!!! >.<......

*i hate you i hate myself!!!

Dec. 6 2002 15:13

失眠了一整晚，現在精神有點彷彿。這星期日就是我第一個Final Exam，不知是否這原故所以導致精神緊張呢？ Sigh… Exams 都未開始，怎樣才可撐到 Dec.16 呀？救命呀！！！我驚的不是 Chem. Final，而是下星期四的 Phil. and Pol. Sci. Final. 唉…… 點算？

Sigh, 家裡的公仔麵同杯麵快要食晒，o甘遲些食乜呀？

突然間對 Eason 剗 Lonely Christmas 好有 feeling tim… “Lonely Lonely Christmas, Merry Merry Christmas…”

Dec. 4 2002 14:51

In a matter of just a few minutes we move from a controlled environment where we were fed, oxygenated and kept warm in a liquid bath inside the mother's womb into a much more hostile environment where we must breathe for ourselves, then feed and, to some extent, control our own temperature. What is more, no one is responsible to take care of us after that moment. We are our own rulers. We control our life.

Dec. 3 2002 22:05

ai... everyday filled with examssssss and studiessssss... >.< i bet i would go insane if i shut myself in my room just for study! ai... sigh... would anyone help me out with those chem problems? i'm really stuck now!!!

Dec. 2 2002 22:45

last day of fall semester. i'm feeling unpleasant. i'm not feeling happy at all abt the end of this semester becoz i have too much to deal w/ after this semester! ai... i hope time won't gone by that quickly.

finally started my studies for my final exams, but the process is sooo slow. just studied 2 chapters of chem. ai... dim suen ho leh... i have to work harder and harder la... but i always feel sleepy! >.<

changed the look of this first page today... hum.. that pic. isn't taken on purpose actually. just taken it incidentally when i was jogging along the park. dunno when i have turned on my DC, dunno when i pressed the button. dunno when i did taken that pic. as there is no flash light on.. dunno dunno... but anywaz, it's not a bad shot tho', therefore, i put it in this page and change change the look la... it haven't been changed for more than a year..

may lord gimme strength and guides me thru' the rest of the life!

November 2002

Nov. 27 2002 20:29

registered courses for next semester this morning! keep calling that system since 7:20 and till 10:30...

i'm soo upset today after received my pol. sci. essay... now, i really worry! sigh... dunno will my phil. paper be that bad, or even worst than this pol sci paper... if so, i would be killed! my gpa... ho scared now... very panic abt my final after received those nitemare papers!

i wasn't feeling alrite today, got a sore throat, dizzy and "hands soft legs soft"... this morning i even fell down when i tried to stand up!! i don't have strength to stand; and therefore, fallen off! sigh... what's wrong with me? i guess i caught a cold becoz of lack of sleep. hope tomolo will be better as i don't wanna be sick during the exams!!!

folks, i don't think i will have time to update here that often! but i miss ya all!!

better wash my dishes and then concentrate on my work. i have to sleep earlier tonite... my mom is already complaining abt my sleeping late habit!

Nov. 24 2002 00:06

finally finished my chem... and planned my courses of next semester! hum.. the time isn't that fix for next sem... >.< like, some of the courses that i wanna take crashed into other courses! and the schedules aren't that good too.. is super horrible for a niteghost, me!! i will have classes every 8:30 morning, Mon. to Fri.! ai... and all lectures and tutorials are packed in the morning! >.< i really hate this schedules 'coz i used to work till very late.. i wonder can i get up and attend those lectures on time or not! ai... hopefully i won't miss classes just becoz i'm too lazy to get up! sigh...

i'm still thinking is actuarial science good for me!! my frenz keep discouraging me.. saying the field isn't that good... can't really easy to find a job, it's all math related, too tough. you can't get a good paid till you get your master, and therefore your undergrad. is very "faai", you seem like a comp. sci. ppl more than an act. sci.... blah blah blah... arrrrrrrrrrrgh! what should i do so that i would not be regretted later? tell me!!!

today, nth much happened as i was just staying home doing my chem.. and just went out to buy some groceries. hum well... i look like a panda today becoz... not sleeping well last nite... slept at 5am and woke up at 9... ai...

hahaa... chatted with silkz last nite for almost 2 hrs... luckily that IDD call isn't that costly!! but i heard a "8" news from her that my dearest "bro." got a new gf... but this sis. not really know until my other frenz told me... gotta question him later when i see him in icq! =P

after chem, pol sci. comes! gotta start prepare my final exams.. oops.. sigh... i almost forgot i needa make sth for that newspaper.. those graphics are due this Wed.. arrrrrgh!

Nov. 23 2002 02:54

another day gone by, that's mean the final exams date is getting closer. ai... final... i'm kind of panic now. honestly, i haven't been scared by any final exams since i went to calgary. i would just worry about how high i can get... my frenz always complain me that i shouldn't "yiu kau gum gou". yup, i know i did put a heavy burden to myself. like i won't satisfy of getting a 100% in my calculus but 105% (well an extra 5 marks is a bonus if ya complete the exams b4 the actually exams date becoz it's a self-direct learning course) well... am i really too harsh to myself? hum... i dunno.. but it's not a matter now... i'm no along in High sch. but actually i wish to! my grades in U are disaster! i no longer "yiu kau" myself to get a 100%... just above average will do... coz it's out of the reality!! it's so-call *mission impossible to me! i'm not smart enuf'... maybe it's time to blame myself why i can be that DUMB!!!

i'm really tired... but i don't really wanna go to bed... 'coz it's just 3am.. hum... in the pass few days (weeks?), i can't go to bed till 4sth, till i can no longer stay awake... as a result, my self alarm clock is telling me that it's not time to sleep now.. it's just 3 !! tooo early!!! sigh...

actually i have heaps to tell.. and i planned to write in chinese so that i can present myself more clearly as my eng. issssss soooooo sucks! but well... nevermind... i'm not in a mood to type in chinese and as all the light is turned off and i'm actually lying on the bed now! i won't bother to write in chinese which will take me a double time in writing this diary!

yesterday afternoon after doing a morning phil. paper and 5 hrs math... i suddenly cried! i cried for nth.. hum.. it's me... i used to act like this... so folks, don't worry about me at all! i'm okay! crying is just the output of the mixture of tiresome and lonesome...

(cry... i really don't understand why each time i cried, you would mad at me and got pissed off... is that i do not deserve any comfort from ya but those *madness* and *scold*? i don't understand... but doesn't matter... i learnt to not cry in front of you or even not give ya a call during my downturn... but what a bf for? i wonder...)

today, i suppose to have meeting at 2:30... since i was having my lecture and tutorial till 2:20... i don't really have time for lunch; therefore, i just grab a bread and a drink from my room and rushing all the way to the office.. but well... there is NO ONE in the office by the time i went there... it's 2:30... but no one there... i started to think whether i have mess up the time and venue. but a few mins. later the other 2 members showed up... we waited outside the office for more than 15 mins. but our dearest director still not there yet... and we cannot even get into the office becoz... it's locked! when we decided to start our meetin' outside the office without our leader, director... she finally popped up. well... her excuse is... "i was playing ball just now"... is this an excuse? well...

the meeting last for 1 and a half hr long... actually it's not a really long meeting, acceptable... as i used to have 2 and a half hrs per meeting in hk, and sometimes needa attend for more than one meeting a day... we just used to have meetings in causewaybay... McDonald's.. and McDonald's server us with lunch and dinner! hahaa... but today, i'm not really get involved in the meeting... and therefore, that 1 and a half hr meeting is too long to me... most of the time, i was just listening.. and finally in the later time, daydreaming... why? well.. it's a mandarin speaking meeting, as for a dunno-how-to-speak mandarin person really dunno how can get involve into it. i cannot even understand what they said... so, what i did was... listen and try to get their point... but i came out with nth, 'coz i don't understand what they said.. and therefore, i daydreamed! and for this meeting, we didnt' end up with anything at all... any questions solved? no.. but many other questions has been raised! ai... i guess it really takes some time for me to get used to this "style" of meeting! or i might call it a quit which i don't really want to.

tonite, chatted with mom... a bad news... dad not allows me to back to calgary... the reason is... he doesn't want me to visit somebody! my dad is always straight to me! he even asked me to consider the relationship that i'm having now! does anything go wrong? which thing i have to consider? honestly, i'm not just going to visit that somebody... i wanna meet my frenz there as well... i really miss them a lot... esp., i don't even have frenz here (so-so kind won't count). i really treasure that gang of frenz who share our laughter and tears! so, is that becoz of that somebody, i cannot meet up with my other frenz then? dad... i don't really understand what da hell you are thinking! it's the 21st century! come on... i just wanna go there becoz of my frenz.. not that somebody! anywaz... i shouldn't get sad about the thing that i cannot control over. wind blows and lets see!

sooo sad, my laptop is still malfunctioning... i mean my keyboard... those weird things keep popping up... dim suen ho??

abt 4 now... but i don't feel sleepy at all... sigh... anywaz, better stop here and try to figure out how to do my chem now... i have been doing my chem after my dinner tonite... still have some that can't figure out how to do... >.< it's due tomolo nite!

sigh, hopeful the construction of the building won't gimme a morning call at 8 tomolo morning!

Nov. 19 2002 12:16

For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it:

You say: It's impossible

God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)

You say: I'm too tired

God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 1:28-30)

You say: Nobody really loves me

God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)

You say: I can't go on

God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalms 91:15)

You say: I can't figure things out

God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: I can't do it

God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: I'm not able

God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: It's not worth it

God says: It will be worth it (Romans 8:28)

You say: I can't forgive myself

God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: I can't manage

God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: I'm afraid

God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: I'm always worried and frustrated

God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: I don't have enough faith

God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: I'm not smart enough

God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: I feel all alone

God says: I will never leave you or forsake you Hebrews 13:5)

Nov. 18 2002 23:44

"一夜過去﹐世界重新開始﹐不見得會為誰停下來。在這樣的一個大城市﹐一個人的毀滅不算甚麼。我輕輕的抱著自己﹐覺得這種偶然的存在非常珍貴...髮絲隨風而落去﹐不知流落何方。人的存在﹐也不外如是。如今始之﹐生命所得...不外如是﹐種種種種的偶然。"

just hung up a call and decided to write sth in here... i'm soo glad to know this new friend! ha... no wonder i can meet such a great friend who has actually graduated last year already... hey man, i'm just in my very first year... chatting with this friend gimme a feeling is that... i was back to HK... the place that i should belong to. the chat is full of energy... it seems like giving me sort of direction that has been lost and forbidden for awhile already. it's true... after getting into university, i don't really have a goal... in primary, fun time, don't really have any "real" goals, but still... haha... i remember my very first goals in elementary sch. is.... become a scientist (haha, a very unrealistic dream). Secondary... hum... i forgot what my goal of career already, but for sure not to be a scientist... 'coz it's too far from the reality. but hum... there is still a lot that i would aim at... ya.. my goal... *fully participate in life* - help those who in needs (sounds stupid, but anywaz, it's virgine! therefore, i joint a few services groups, holding functions and services! ohya, my career goal is... nth professional like scientist, doctors, lawyer, blah blah blah.... but a social worker! It's my pleasure to coordinate with different kind of ppl and work out all those functions for needy!), enjoy my life, EXPLORE!!!! that's why i have joint quite a number of exchange/exploration programmes (prove that i'm not grown from a "warm glass" family, cool... lots of fun thru' all those trips and programmes, and get to know another place and culture better!!!)... the life that after i went to calgary... ohwell... nth special at all.. back to the usual-est and normal-est life, that is nth rather than studies... therefore, what i aimed at is all abt academics... get honors and As in all courses (well... except english, my disaster course) , get into a good university! now, i made it... but hum... i have to take back the word "good"... i can no long tell how good this sch. is after suffering from their stupid procedures system! and now what, what's me? i'm a soul that lost its own track and path... lost its way home!! dunno where i'm heading... sigh... virgine shouldn't be act like this... it's not her, not her personality at all! well... i know, i know i have been complaining this complaining that for the past few months and even not having a self-evaluation of myself! I SHOULDN'T let those tragedies discourage me! in chinese saying "yu kurn, yuk kurn" *be touch be strong!! i seem to find the real me back now, in the rite direction again! in present time, i have to gather up my mind my soul my spirits and work on my GOAL... although my goal isn't that clear and stand out yet... but i will try my best to work on it... *Virgine, you can make it! you can!!

+ 同一個錯誤唔可以犯兩次, 世界上無“唔得”同“認輸”呢兩回事。
成功唔係比邊個快﹐而係比邊個更能堅持到底。+

^^ today i performed very badly in my chem midterm... really upset me because i pay quite a lot of effort on it... but suen la... forget it... add oil in the final, i have to!!!!

^^ ohya, one more thing i have to mention!! i can't believe in what i have seen just now... a man JUST wore his underwear, half naked and walked out in next door of mine of this WOMEN's house... can you believe in this??? but it did happened! oh my goshhhhhhhhh!!!! i just pretended that... i had seen nth and ran back to my room! aii..... maybe i should better pretend that i was in a swimming pool... and he is just wearing his swimsuit and ready to swim in my( no, our shared) BOTHROOM! oh well...

^^ last but not least, special thanks again... ^v^

... thanks to - frank, who calls me time to time to catch me up!　- eugene, who chat w/ me in icq although he is busy! - joseph, who gives me academics advices (you are a model of mine!! hahaa..).

Nov. 17 2002 17:05

being read a couple of philosophy books, i found out that no matter how you wanna rule your life or love, the very first thing you should do is... love yourself. love yourself is the basic foundation of everything. but is it that simple? how to define the word love? how do you know you are loving yourself enuf'? is that ever have a guideline on that? these questions keep bothering me a day! why these philo. concepts are soooo complicated? is that we must follow those rules in order to have a wisdom of life or s wisdom of love?

Nov. 16 2002 18:33

didn't sleep well last nite... now, feeling sleepy and tired! today, i'm no in a good shape... always feeling dizzy... what's going on with me? i'm trying to concentrate on my chem. today, but just can't really focus on it. my brain is malfunctioning... wondering and daydreaming around! i really wanna find somebody to talk with... have no specific topic. i'm just feeling kind of lost of being alone! but i cannot think of anyone to talk to. all in a sudden, i feel life is depressing, hopeless. * i miss my family, my frenz, and you! what are you doing now? why don't ya call me? i think i'm too indulged! suddenly think of a quote from silkz's info: loving someone is giving them da power to destroy u~

i feel like crying now!! i'm too stressed!

***

Lord:
    We do not pray for easy lives,
    We pray to be stronger people;
    We do not pray for tasks equal to our powers,
    But for powers equal to our tasks.

Nov. 15 2002 23:12

finally comes a weekend... a busy day a busy week... this week seems not bad to me... at least i can hand in my pol. sci. paper and math assignment on time... although it's really tiresome to complete all those works in a limit of time... i'm glad that i'm not too exhausted yet! but next week, another nitemare to go!

i finally received my registration package, is that mean all those high sch. diploma things are resolved now? i'm not soo sure! better check it out and make some follow up calls next monday ASAP!

hopefully i can concentrate on my final soon after all those midterm2 and term papers which will be done next week! but well, do we ever have enuf' time? no... we just have 2 weeks exactly b4 the final... but anywaz... i really gotta make it up in the finals as i'm not doing too well in the midtermsss! i really bombed out in that.. i'm starting to worry abt my GPA now! ai.... god bless..

Nov. 12 2002 16:55

finally finished my pol. sci. paper by skipping 1.5 lectures! sigh... now, what's left... one math assignment, one chem CAPA, pol. sci. readings... next week, chem mid-term2, 4 set assignments!!! damit! ai....

silkz, what r frenz for? no needa thanks me la... i'm always in your side ga ma... =) enjoy and treasure what you have now la... don't think too much of other stuff that you cannot control over la, k?!

sigh.. really wanna update the entire hp, but when can i have time to do so?

Nov. 11 2002 17:45

juts back to dorm a min ago from Uvoice meeting.. the meeting could be and should be finished earlier than what they planned. meeting suppose to start at 2pm, but finally at 2:30 in order to gather all the ppl. anywaz, on the whole this meeting is not bad tho'... at least ppl realized what the problems are lie on now... ppl there is nice, this is what i appreciated!! but there is still lots of room need to improve. the club is a bit disorganized and INFORMAL, not serious enuf' although today is the BGM... well... hopefully time can solve the prob.! well... the style here is whole lot different compared to hk... ppl in hk has more potential and efficiency!! it's what Canadians should learn from US!! ha... i'm kind of proud that i'm from HK! at least i learnt some basic leadership skills in hk that i don't think i can gain that experience here at sch.! it's experience that i should treasure!!

*interact is the best! a club that feeds my knowledge of succeed* yea!!!

okay, gotta back to my work again... essay essay... due tomolo la... >.<

Nov. 10 2002 21:43

finally got back to my dorm. i'm kind of busy these 2 days... uncle's birthday, a dinner in an aunt's home.. a serious fight with an ass... i'm exhausted now... not really have time to do my essay. tomolo needa attend a 5 hrs meeting, bullsht! 4000 words essay just got 1/10 done.. dunno how can i make it now. it's due tue... ai... what's more, i'm not feeling well these few days... maybe too exhausted la... caught a cold, and seriously lack of sleep... now, i'm feeling shaking... no strength at all... ho tired ho tired... i'm breathing weakly... what i really need now is a person to hold me tight and don't let me fall... but the fact is no one is going to take care of me... therefore, i got to be strong. i have to...

***

i have no strength to argue with ya... now, i'm too weak to breath... let me go away silently and peacefully...

***

愛一個人，您可以作出無條件改變嗎？

一直心信真正的愛一個人，是應該為他/她作出一些改變，去令他/她開心... 去令他/她知道你對他/她的真誠及心意，但現在清清楚楚知道這信念是錯的。

* 不要以為你為他/她改變，他/她就會為你而改變 * (there is no return!)

............ 到頭來你只會換來自己的傷悲和心痛。

*got a sore throat... >.<

Nov. 9 2002 0:17

cried again... with a hope of seeing you online and chat with ya... i waited and waited... but finally, i was just like a "sor por" speaking to myself on the phone alone. you, you fell asleep when we chat... what's the point of calling me then? just giving me an uneasy feeling purposely? or i'm not lonesome and poor enuf'... you needa "step another step" over me? you evil... you don't even care abt my feeling... i told ya i'm not feeling well these days... the heart seems having some problems, always painful... but you... you slept and then said we were talking abt food when i questioned ya... you played hard today with your frenz, enjoyed all the fun and laughter... and finally got exhausted... why you can be full of energy to play but not save a bit of it so that we can chat for awhile? why??? i'm not tired now ma??? i woke up this early morning then work on my chem my pol. sci. paper until now... i'm not tired? am i deserve waiting you that long and being treated that way? you didn't cared abt my feeling at all... you just care your OWN! i know your won't bother to visit this page at all although you should know this page is the way of knowing my feeling. you don't CARE at all.. unexpectedly, my bro.. also has visited my page... but you? you are whom? you are an ass!

***

Frank Frank!!! thanks for calling! you bring me fun and *smile*! yohooo, also those "8" info. hahaa... you made my NITE! hehee... you just in a rite time to call me when i'm in a down turn! thank you sooo much! I hereby wish you all the best!! KFC... hahahaa... okay, have to add oil to my paper now although a headache is bombing my head already... 2 am la... ai.... anywaz!! add oil add oil... can't let that asss interrupt my mood!

oh... to another frenz eugene... take care la... you need REST!

Nov. 7 2002 19:25

sigh... ho full ho full now... I ate a lot tonite... fried rice, beef and pork balls, "ng charn youk"... haven't eat that much since I live in dorm. and surprisingly, i haven't have any cup noodles or instant noodles for a whole week.. haha... sigh... a busy week, but i eat when i work... sigh sigh... chips, chocolate... snack and snack... gotta be a bit fat pig very soon ga la... got back my pol. sci. and math mid-term... not very good.. but is okay la.. and sigh... have a 4000 words pol. sci. essay due next tues... dim suen dim suen? can anyone help???

haha... dearest brother, you visited my site! sooo surprise... i guess no one would bother to visit my site again as i didn't update it for long!!! anyway, you ar... "ng goi li" improve ha your english la... i really can't get what you are trying to say in the guestbk! haha... anywaz.. you add oil in your CE as well la... or else, you really needa visit me this coming summer ga la.. and suffering the super cold weather in Calgary YOURSELF ga la... i'm not gonna be with ya as I'm in Vancouver. So you better do well in your CE, or learn to be independent b4 you come! hahaa...

sooo glad that i can keep up my diary here... =) no method la.. no one chat with me ma... =) the only listener is this frenz la.. =) aiya... hai ar hai ar...... ai.... sooo sad... i poured a honey drink to my laptop, and now the keyboard is malfunctioning... >.< it's hard to press, weird sounds when i type....... yeeeeeeeeeeeee.... >.< i still needa use this laptop to type out all my paper tim ga... ai.... dim suen ho ar? those sounds are sooo annoying!

anyway, stop here and needa wash all the dishes, then both and start my work again! if i have choice, i would do 4000 ques. of math instead of 4000 words of pol. sci. essay lor... ai.......... HELP! >.<

P.S. Oh ya, one more thing I wanna mention. Today I chatted with Rani for awhile in icq... well... I suddenly found out that normally when I need help or a comfort from ppl, he would usually here for me... but you... you aren’t... when I need help or comfort... you usually aren’t available... well… you might said you can’t help at all... but other ppl can’t help too, but they are willing to let me a hand... but why not you?! Hum… *wondering*

Nov. 6 2002 9:41

剛剛考完個 Math mid-term 2 回到 dorm, 心情唔係太好，因為自問已經下了些功夫去溫書，但都考得不理想，真係有些失望。

考完試要交卷時，看到一些令我感到羞恥的事。一些「香港人」在時間完時還不斷做，有些還交換答案後糾正錯處。可能是太大班人吧，四百多人一齊交卷，所謂的 TA, prof., 都理不到這么多。但見到香港人在外國人地方幹這種不道德的行為，真的是香港人的恥辱！正如張學友說：「十年前我好鍾意話俾人聽我系香港人，覺得好驕傲，香港其它0野唔好都唔緊要，品格唔好就好大問題，影響曬成個香港形象，依家我唔敢講俾人聽我系香港人，只系話我系中國人。」

好吧，還是要收拾心情準備 Pol. Sci. 剗 tutorial 啦，今日才是剛剛的開始，我要努力吧！

Nov. 2 2002 17:57

another week has gone by... time flies... i'm in my middle of my first university semester already... well.. U life? sucks... not really have fun here... it's another depression in my life... anyway, guys... i'm okay... don't worry abt me... for those that concerning me these few weeks... thank you soo much for your care and support!

it's getting colder here. cooooooooold and cooooool... byebye summer for awhile now...

ohya, how's your halloween guys? hum... i didn't plan to have any celebration at the beginning.. but finally went to the sch. pub nite at last with my hall mates... well... it's fun to seeing those "crazy" ppl there... and i drank a bottle of cooler as well.. dunno is it because i don't have enuf' sleep these days... i'm kind of "wing wing dei" after that party... i'm really exhausted and seriously lack of sleep! >.<

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October 2002

Oct. 24 2002 17:12

...... i dunno what i'm gotta go do now... i'm lost... i'm totally stressed... i got no one to talk to, and that's why i write in here, share with my best friend diary now. time flies, my best friend diary is already 2 yrs old. May 31, 2000, this homepage walked thru' with my hardship life for more than 2 yrs already. Thank you.

just read a friend's diary, here is some point that she brought up - sometimes serious injury cannot be seen in outside, but deep inside your body your skin, just like cancer, there is no surface injure but actually a devil is killing you secretly. yup, a really good observation. when you were sad, were depressed, ppl might not be able to observe it, know it, becoz you don't have "surface" injury. indeed this "deep-inside-heart" injury is secretly killing you. ppl that around you wouldn't know how you feel; as a result, you are lack of counseling and comfort from others. it might lead that guy go to the die end. it's usual in nowadays, you can read all those self-killing report from everywhere. but this society would just report it but would do nth to stop those tragedies. this society is getting too pressurized, too stressed. this would elapse everyone very soon.

to whom that left me behind: you were sleeping, you left me alone... although you said you would go online when you are home, it doesn't mean anything, you online but you are away. ya... you do let me know that you were home that's mean you are safe.. but well... honestly, you online is becoz you wanna have a kind of spiritually being together.. or just go online to download your favorites movies, cartoons and songs? *tears...

Oct. 17 2002 16:52

how come my life would never be easy and smooth? today i just have a sense of relief becoz all mid-terms come to the end and just have one assignment left... doesn't it sound great? shouldn't i have a break finally? my "damit" transcript ruins my day! now, i'm not allow to register my spring sem. becoz that transcript didn't show the proof of graduation of my high sch. hack... what's happening now? can anyone help me?

*wish you were here, happy!*

Oct. 16 2002 17:41

Finally, I got time to write sth here... this page haven't been updated for more than half year... my best listener... I cannot imagine that I have actually left this best friend behind for that long... anywaz, hope I can really keep my day-to-day here this time!

Haven’t written a diary for ages, and if ya want me to sum up this half yr abt myself... well... these are the words: emotional, depression, lost... *sweet and sour*... (oh, haven’t have McDonald's for long, wanna have those chicken nuggets and sweet and sour source suddenly... ) life is just composed of "sugar and vinegar" and that's why life is sweet and sour... I used to write a handwritten diary instead of putting them online this half yr, why? becoz all my diary entries are all unhappy one... 'coz I only write when I'm unhappy... and that way, instead of writing my life online, no one would know what’d happened around me then... and no needa do those follow up explanations. "when you're happy, the world laughs with you, but when you cry, you cry alone in the dark."... this is a perfect quote, the description of my life.

This week, I'm quite okay and fine soo far despite not to have enuf' sleep and bombed out those mid-termsssss (indifferent abt that already). This week, I tasted sweet and sour again (not from McDonald's of coz)... sweet, a sense of being look after-ed and take care-ed by you. This feeling has been lost for one and a half month already. You refreshed me days! Sour, you left, a sense of security lost. A feeling of left behind - my life has been stolen! What is left? Those nightmare mid-termss and assignments due!!! Anywaz, I finally have all my mid-terms done today, what's left are those papers, CAPA assignments and aiesec stuff... these 3-day "honeymoon" long weekend, brought me to a fantasy world... forgot and put away all the sadness for a moment. I really enjoyed to hang around the hotel area, our exposures in downtown, burrard, robson... of coz, our groceries shopping as well.. =) the memories are sweet! i really wish you were here with me now... hope we can meet again soon! miss ya always...

Okay.. better do some math now... add oil together guys!!!

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Feb. 2002

Jan. 2002

On or before 31st December 2001