SWIMMING IN OUR SUBCONSCIOUS SEA (Upwelling)
I'm falling through the collective reality,
now I am my own reality,
watching the world go down,
watching it fall apart,
will it ever drown,
or will it float to the top,
can't keep falling down,
yet descend I must,
Cause without knowing I'm at the bottom,
how do I know there is a purpose,
finding myself again,
wondering about my newly made friends,
their voices speak alike,
yet identities they have,
often caused me towards fright,
imagine a world of many,
inside a world of few,
imagine the world of the few,
united as one collection,
this collection is I,
it seeks to express,
yet the beings that be within me,
will never have rest,
they collide into eachother,
they mash into one,
and when they all agree,
I feel myselves pulling myselves down,
they want to swim on the bottom,
they've already tasted the shore,
and now they want to play in the sand,
at the bottom of the ocean floor,
they want to dance in the currents,
of a neptune made abyss,
I may be the ruler of mysteries,
yet what certainty is there in this,
none...I must answer our own questions,
such a being I am,
with so many faceted expressions,
can not count them all,
yet I feel them all there,
my own unconscious collective,
is welling up and becoming aware,
my conscious is beginning to float,
off the bottom of my unconscious sea,
and I'm beginning to feel,
that I've finially discovered me.
drowning and kicking,
too dark to tell sky from sea,
so many delusions,
which ones will I make a part of me,
telling us its gonna be okay,
looking at us in this way,
what suffering have I caused you,
to make you thus look away,
am I not what I am,
do I even know this answer,
why would I seek when I could just be,
floating through dreams,
all of which happen subjectively,
whirlpools or whirlwinds,
they all feel the same to me,
spiraling down again,
or is it up...I still can't see,
looking too deep into my abyss,
no answer I now know lies there,
a negation of self perhaps,
but what else matters or do I care,
flying and flailing again,
beached upon the shore,
is this my creation,
or was it set here by someone before,
all I can feel is the sand,
the gentle caress of the wave,
yet I still feel weightless,
floating to the surface again,
apparently my corpse had sunk,
cause now I see the light,
too blinding to comprehend,
I feel my body beginning to jerk,
rigormortus is setting in,
the gentle daybreak of sunrise,
the sloping search lights,
feeling paranoid,
trying to keep that feeling down,
yet rising again by a crane,
feeling the hooks digging in,
snaps of water logged bones giving way,
the slam of the hard deck floor,
such a bounty was gained,
from the fishing nets off the coast shore,
could they have known my experience cast so away,
of flight beneath the waves,
or am I just hallucinating,
still too attached to run away,
the voices continue to gather,
my strength of will is giving way,
I feel the gentle pull again from the current,
as I'm sliding again under the waves,
too silken to feel wet,
yet caressing me again anew,
what reality is this,
who is the question I have for you,
I awake from my slumber,
naked and wet on the floor,
covered in turquoise blankets,
a dream or was it more,
confusion and lucid moments,
taking ahold of me again,
I can feel the crabs,
feeding and digging in,
so many feelings at once,
so many thoughts to comprehend,
metaphor or experience,
can anyone find an answer,
to this twisted blend,
of fading out,
and drowning in,
too complicated to theorize,
too sumarize or self patronize,
confusion and understaning,
are matters of the mind I guess,
neither one is a true state,
for niethier one is true perception,
of the meaningless depths of the soul,
can I create meaning,
or have I again already,
perhaps I should keep leaving,
to percieve the goal of my many,
feeling my self left behind,
feeling the pull from below,
the ancient powers of my being,
awakened and beginning to flow,
I can feel the heavens trembling before my wake,
I feel the inner downward spiral towards,
the chaos I have been suggesting,
the meaning created and now forwards,
no reason to separate no more,
no cause to unify,
just raggedly accepting,
the meaningless jest of I,
we is the lie I've been chasing,
we is the taint of my soul,
we is the light that will be cleansing,
the putrification of old,
falling and dismembering my way past,
the memories of the last,
encounter with the self at last,
the shadow now is winning past,
falling forward towards my goal,
shape of mist I begin to flow,
consider this nothing shall know,
in chaos we weep at play of outward forces,
in chaos we rejoice masters of all,
in entropy we feel our own upwelling,
in entropy we feel our own downward fall,
I feel again the shadow coalescing,
I feel again the traveler discontinued,
no madness is now with-held from my mind,
Cuthulu speaks as awakened,
Cuthulu is the force within,
Cuthulu is the madness of creation,
Cuthulu is a state of lost being,
Cuthulu is polar to their nirvana,
Cuthulu is found in the depths of ones soul,
Cuthulu involves no search outside the self,
but in the void within,
its not madness that speaks but clarity,
no fear is felt when one is torn apart,
no hatred is their when we are one,
nothing is gathered when nothing is lost.