Title: End Scene to Life and Death.
Author: Ali Cherry
Summary:
Disclaimer:


End Scene to Life and Death


I continue to keep the words going, catching a glimpse of Brumby's face past the glass in the door. Happy remembrances of leaving Jag. So different from Mac's and my own. Mac is looking away, and after that kiss I'm surprised she isn't crying harder. I wave at her, expecting her to leave to follow him.

But she keeps her seat, her back to the door. Walking past the overzealous Singer I pick up Mac's coat and tap her shoulder. She looks at me, still singing a verse in that off key voice of hers. My heart breaks. Pulling her off her seat I put her coat on her and lean over so I won't be overheard.

"Mac, go to the airport with him. He was your partner."


I look at Harm, those words breaking my heart. Would things have been different if I had taken Harm to the airport? Would our friendship have survived? Why? Why would he tell me to follow Mic?

"Why?"

"Because he is your partner and friend and there is a part of you in love with him. Now don't argue when I'm right." Harm pushes me towards the door.

So I do the only thing that feels right about this situation. I hug Harm for all that he has been for me. He releases me swiftly and I don't notice the small pain on his face as I rush out the door.


"You're either very stupid, son, or you're.Hell you're just stupid." The Admiral claps me on the back as I down what's left of my beer in a gulp.

"Excuse me, Sir. I need another drink." I head to the bar and order double bourbon. Three later I can feel my eyelids at least begin to droop.

"Commander?" Harriet's voice echoes beside me. Was she echoing or was I getting plastered?

"Yes, Harriet?"

"Are you alright, sir?" She looks at me with concern.

What does she want to hear, that I just sent my first man to death. That I didn't even want the case, but couldn't turn down. Does she want to hear that I just sent the woman I love after my competitor, because he'll make her happy? Because he's not screwed up inside like I am?

"I'm fine, Harriet. How are you and AJ? I never see you anymore."

She starts to talk animatedly, but after three more double bourbons her forehead starts to wrinkle. She breaks off her sentence when she notices me eyeing a pack of men smoking their cigars in the corner.

I want one. I can't have flying, I can't have my dad, and I can't have Mac. Why can't I have a cigar? Self-deprivation that's right. If it's something I want really badly I can't have it. Salad instead of burgers. Jag instead of a tomcat. Renee instead of Mac.

Substitutions. When did my bargain with God take over my life? Six year old, in the yard, Moonlight drifting over the late night. "I promise to eat my vegetables, to obey mommy, I won't do anything that will make her cry. Please just bring my dad back."

What I want, I won't take cause then dad won't come back. When did that become my life rule? What if I want more than a cigar? What if I had asked for Mac?

Moot Point. Brumby deserves her. He will love her beyond anything she has known. And I won't? I always hurt the people I love. If I didn't, I would see my mom more. I would be married to Diane, or Annie, hell even Jordan. My grandmother would be more than the woman I named my plane after.

I try to count the glasses in front of me, but they're floating on the bar ledge. What was that line in Fight the Future? "86 is my lucky number." I murmur. "Don't stop til 86."

"Flyboy?"

I swivel to look at Mac in her beautiful red sweater. "Back already?"

"They were starting to board as I got there."

"Oh." Are my lips still puckered?

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"Of Course Mac! Why wouldn't I be? I won my first big case today!"


I want to hit him. He was so nice before I left and now, he's an arrogant ass. I look at his eyes. A drunken arrogant ass. He turns back for another slosh of whatever he's drinking. Mumbling something about 86.

"So you're going to watch him die?" He asks quickly.

"He asked. It seemed the least I could do."

"Don't feel bad Mac. After all you were up against the upstanding perfect Harmon Rabb. The man that never looses a case. The Ultimate dealer of Life and Death."

I spin him, ready to land my face into his nose, and then I notice something. The hunched shoulders, the glazed eyes. The pain that resides there. Its something you can never see in Harmon Rabb's eyes. Just like you never see fear.

His walls have crumbled before the flood of booze.

Should I ask what I've always wanted to know? Or start small?

"Harm?"

"Yes?" His mouth does this little tip thing at the end.

"Why did you send me after Brumby?"

He thinks for a minute, and I'm not sure I'm going to get my honest answer. "Cause no matter what you believe about yourself, you deserve a love like his."

"You don't think anyone else could love me as much?"

"I think lots of people love you just as intensely, just in their own fucked up way."

A cuss word and from Harm. Wow.

"Do you love me?"

"Are you blind? Speaking of blind I know I'm over my limit! Home. Course set for home." Harm gets up throwing some bills on the bar and leaves. The whole group stops what they're doing to watch him slowly but carefully pick his way out of the bar. A few minutes later, Harm walks back in. "I need a ride."

Lt Singer immediately jumps up. "I can do it." But I don't trust her with an inebriated emotionally vulnerable Harm. Just like I wouldn't have trusted her to a fully function- walls- in- place Harm. No one should have to throw their heart at his emotional barriers. I got in on a technicality, I looked like Diane. But recently he started to cement that part too. Guess I have to work quickly if I don't want to be slammed out with the rest of the world.

"It's alright Lt. I'm ready to leave and I know where the Commander lives."

She looks extremely disappointed. But too bad. She goes back to playing pool with Tiner and the Gunny.

"Alright, Flyboy. Let's go."

"Thanks Mac."

"You owe me, Flyboy."

"Did I make it to 86?"

"I have no idea." Mac smiled as she pushed him to her Corvette.