****
Nov. 2010

What had he done? Had he done anything? Or was it the fact he had done nothing? He sat on the back porch and tasted the whiskey and cigar that he wished he had. She had left. He had known she was going to. It had only been a matter of time. It was still a surprise. Maybe somewhere he still loved her or maybe he was just used to her being there. They hadn't spoken in at least a month.

They hadn't ever really been much of a couple. He never really knew her. He remembered the time someone asked him what her favorite movie was and he had to admit he didn't know. He wasn't embarrassed by his lack of knowledge just surprised. She was nice though. She ordered him a pizza before she left. Of course it had all the stuff he hated on it. Obviously she didn't know him either. Neither pizza nor the realization bothered him. He took a sip from the glass on the table next to him. It was water. She always drank water and it always annoyed him. He probably had annoyed her too.

He couldn't seem to remember exactly why he married her. He must have thought he loved her. He assumed that at some point she had loved him. What an assumption to make. He was certain she didn't marry him for his money.

He had to admit that even after several years of marriage to him she was beautiful. He was glad he hadn't destroyed her. Life with him hadn't been easy. She had remained apart from him and that kept her intact. The marriage hadn't hurt him either. But there was really nothing left of him to destroy. The truth about his father, the murder of his first wife, and the recent death of his mother and Frank in a car crash had all torn him apart piece by piece. He hoped she would do well.

He thought back to when they had met. Admiral Chegwidden had retired and Harm had been promoted to CO of JAG. Annoyingly his first act as CO was to attend a fancy-schmancy party. Parties had been hard enough when Mac was with him but without her they were next to impossible.

It had only been a year since Palmer had finally accomplished what he had been striving for; he had shot Mac at a ceremony at the Women's War Memorial. She had died surrounded by her fellow women-in-arms while he shot Palmer between his beady eyes.

****
Nov. 2006

The party was being held in honor of the newly appointed SECNAV at the Wilford Hotel. He had managed to arrive only five minutes late. Scanning the crowd looking for Harriet and Bud he saw only a sea of over-dressed strangers. He managed to find the table he had been assigned to and breathed a sigh of relief that Harriet, Bud, Mattoni and Carolyn Imes would be there also. There was only one name he didn't recognize. Whoever Lakota Paine was he felt sorry for her. She was stuck at a table full of people she didn't know but who knew one another all too well. Sitting down he sipped his water and waited for any one of the others to show up.

While waiting several people had stopped to congratulate him on his promotion and new position at JAG. He had drank nearly all of his water when he noticed a woman standing about five feet away trying to be discreet as she read the place cards on the table. He took this chance to examine the woman he assumed must be Lakota Paine. She was short with one of those hourglass figures that other women hate and men adore. She had a rather complexion people had the annoying habit of referring to as peaches and cream. Her shoulder length hair was a dark auburn color. The dress she wore was simple. A long burgundy velvet with a rounded neckline and three-quarter length sleeves. It was the diamond and garnet necklace she wore that kept everything from looking plain. Just as she finally saw the card with her name on it Harriet appeared beside him.

"Admiral, you're already here. Bud swore you'd be at least an hour late. That means I won the bet."

"Bud would bet against me," he laughed as he stood to pull Harriet's chair out for her. Before sitting down Harriet wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick hug. Harriet was always there for him. Noticing Ms. Paine reaching for her seat he intervened.

"Let me get that for you. My name is Harmon Rabb and this is Harriet Sims."

She greeted them as she sat down, "Hello Ms. Sims, Mr. Rabb. My name is Lakota Paine."

Looking at the place cards Harriet frowned slightly.

"Apparently, Ms. Paine, they have gone and placed you at table full of people who already know one another. Bad planning on someone's part I think. We'll try to make you feel as much as part of group as possible. Oh, Bud, this is Lakota Paine. Ms. Paine, my husband Lt.Com. Bud Roberts."

Bud smiled and nodded at the woman and greeted Harm as he took his seat. Harm sat back down and an awkward silence descended on the table. Finally someone spoke.

"Admiral, about the Palladino case. I'm really bogged down right now with the Lindenmeyer case and I wondered if you would mind if I handed it off to Commander Imes. She said it wouldn't be a problem."

"That's fine Bud. I wasn't sure exactly how the Lindenmeyer case was going. Come talk to me about it Monday morning. Let me hear your strategy and I'll see what I can do to help."

"Are you talking about Lt. Sean Lindenmeyer?"

Everyone looked a little surprised that Lakota had known who was being discussed.

"Yes, Ms. Paine we were. Do you know the Lt.," Harm asked.

"He's my cousin." Turning to Bud she asked, "Are you the one trying him for fraternization and disobeying direct orders."

Bud's face reddened, "No ma'am I'm not. I'm Lindenmeyer's lawyer."

"Good. I was going to have to hate you all if you were prosecuting him."

Harm smiled, "Well then, since you don't have to hate us may I ask you for a dance."

She looked deep into his eyes for a moment and it was almost as if she could see his battle worn soul. Her eyes lost some of their twinkle.

"I'd love to Admiral."

****
Nov. 2010

Night had fallen and he was staring at the stars lost in his memories. Her eyes had sparkled like that in the beginning. What had even drawn him to her? Some had said that it was her beauty. Others said it was because she was young and beautiful. Some had gone so far as to venture that maybe he just wanted to have the children he and Mac had never had. He chose to believe it was her sparkle. She was swimming in the sea and drinking of the deep. She would embrace the mystery of who she could be and maybe even who he was.

They dated for a year and a half before he proposed. He had been surprised at the enthusiastic response. He had been afraid that his first marriage and his devotion to Mac and her memory put her off. The wedding was vivid in his mind.

****
Dec. 2008

This church had become his second home after Mac's death. God had chased him for his entire life and had finally cornered him. Mac had been a changed woman after her father's death and had attended church nearly every Sunday morning. Her deep faith had been their stabilizer.

Once again he was at the altar. He stood there and nervously tapped his toes inside his shoes. Next to him were Bud, Admiral Chegwidden, and Clayton Webb. Frank had declined the request to be best man saying that it was Bud's turn and besides he felt too old to stand that long. Finally the music began. "Song for Rich" began it's first strong Irish notes. A.J. had been drafted to be ring bearer despite the fact he claimed that at nine years old he was too old. After A.J. came the bridesmaids. Lakota's two sisters followed Harriet. Just before the bride came the flower girl, Kenzie, Bud and Harriet's 6-year old daughter. The sanctuary doors were closed and the traditional wedding march began. The doors swung open as if by magic to reveal Lakota in all her stunning white silk glory. He should have been able to put all thoughts of Mac out of his head at moment like this. But it was impossible. She was still his rock. Always with him.

****
Nov. 2010

He noticed the burning streak run across the sky. Mac would have called it a shooting star even though it was probably a falling satellite. How had he let his marriage to Lakota get this bad? She had tried to make it work. Lord knows she had tried. She had even been willing to give up her dreams for his happiness and love. But he stubbornly refused to see what was right under his nose. He kept thinking about what had been and what could have been.

****
May 2010

He and Lakota had been married for nearly a year and a half. Bud and Harriet were headed to Gatlinburg, TN over an extended weekend to celebrate their 11th wedding anniversary. They asked if Harm and Lakota would take care of A.J. and Kenzie while they were gone. Harm agreed in an instant. He loved spending as much time as possible with his godchildren. Lakota was less than thrilled

He spent four days playing games and cooking with the kids. He even took A.J. up in the bi-plane after promising Kenzie that for her seventh birthday he would take he on a trip. It was the best time he had had in nearly four years.

When the kids left, after he extracted a promise they would spend the night again in a few weeks, he went in to talk with Lakota. She was sitting at the desk in the study working on the computer.

"Lake, can we talk?"

"Of course Harm. Let me just finish this last column." Lakota was always bringing home work from the accounting firm where she was a junior partner.

"Now, what did you want to talk about?" She got up and moved to the small sofa by the window. Harm sat down with her.

"Lake, what do you think of kids?"

"What kids, A.J. and Kenzie? They're great. I like having them over. I like being able to send them home after you've spoiled them even better." She smiled that smile of all childless people who send spoiled kids home when they get tired of them. He smiled to, he loved spoiling other people's children.

"Don't you ever think about us having kids? I've always saw myself having a house full of kids." A sadness came over his features.

"Actually I haven't thought about kids. Harm, I love my job and I've worked so hard to get where I'm at. I want to make senior partner. If I were to have kids I'd have two choices. One, quit my job and stay home or two, try and work and raise them. I've seen the stress of working outside the home and raising small children on the faces of too many people. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy much less bring it on myself."

"I would be here to help you."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what all men tell their wives. Every woman I've known has worked two jobs. Her career and taking care of the kids and the house." He realized she had already made up her mind but he pushed on anyway.

"It's just that Mac and I never had a chance." Her features froze.

"Mac and I never had a chance," she mimicked him with a cruel, calculated voice, "It's always about what you and Mac did or didn't do." By now she was standing. Leaning down into his face she whispered, "Mac's dead. Dead Harm. I'm the one here now and you don't care." She turned and left the room as the tears slid down her cheeks.

****
Nov. 2010

Thinking about that conversation he realized that it wasn't the beginning of the end. The fact he hung on to Mac's memory so tenaciously had been the poison to their marriage. In fact days later Lakota proposed a compromise, if he was willing. She had worked the figures and if he left JAG they would be financially safe. She wasn't opposed to having kids but she was opposed to their not being a parent at home with them. Her career was soaring. His career could be cut short by the military and their blasted cutbacks at any moment. Would he be willing to stay home with their children? He remembered he had flatly refused without a second of thought. It had been his refusal of her peace offering that began the downward spiral that the whole world saw. Harriet would try and talk to him about it but he wouldn't open up.

After that the marriage had died a slow, painful death. Finally six months later he sat alone on his porch and wondered why the whole debacle had been allowed to happen. Maybe he was like the guy in the joke who was going to drown in a flood and refused all help claiming God would save him and then when he dies God says, "I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What more did you want?" Mac and Carolyn Imes would have been his boats. The first had been destroyed and he had refused the second. Lakota had been the helicopter to save him from a lonely existence. He pushed his stiff body out of the chair and went inside to find that cigar and whiskey.

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