Title: Tell Me Lies
Author: Bree (virtualjag@yahoo.com)
Spoilers: Probably some, but you really don’t expect to recall exactly what was really on the show and what’s been in fanfic. This really only goes up to “JAG-athon”.
Disclaimer: If I owned this bunch a) we shippers would get what we’re wanting and b) I wouldn’t have to work two jobs while I go to grad school.
Notes: Harm POV. I’m always a little frightened when Harm gets in my head and whispers things to me. I’m not sure which is worse; that I hear the voices or that I understand them.
Thanks so much to Pru. She graciously read this and pointed out what was fuzzy (rather than fuzzy math, I do fuzzy grammar) and what was just plain wrong. She also reminds me that not everyone speaks Southernese (much like legalese). Thanks, Pru.

Have you ever been to the point where it didn’t matter what someone said just so long as they would talk to you? That’s where I am now.

How long have we been like this? So long I had almost gotten comfortable with the way we were. If you stay in the same place, even a place you don’t want to be, long enough, you grow accustom to it. That feeling of a rock in your shoe is still there but you continue on. You lie to yourself and exclaim over how you can’t remember life before the rock.

I lie to myself all the time. I’m an expert. I could give lessons to demons. I told myself that if Brumby made her happy, then I was happy for her. In truth, my stomach would roll and pitch in the storm every time I saw anything that reminded me they were together.

I told myself I could make Renee happy. I could picture the wedding in my mind. Then I would see the blue paper with “Rabb v. Rabb” printed on it covering the stack of papers saying she was going to take me for everything I never had.

Brumby took off. The bastard finally came to his senses and realized he could never get past me. The night Brumby left I was tripping over myself trying not to hurt her, and all I seemed capable of doing was knocking her down and running over her. Suddenly, we were back to a triangle, and I wasn’t sure I knew exactly how to get rid of the third angle. I lied to myself again; said, “You don’t have to get rid of her just yet, Rabb.” In the end I didn’t have to; she got rid of me. I’m a multi-talented man.

My finest moment was with Sturgis. Like a child, I thought if I protested enough everyone would believe that I wasn’t in love with Mac. I’m not sure if I was trying to convince others or myself. Either way, I was a miserable failure, and I managed to almost completely alienate the one woman I always want in my life. Like I said, I’m multi-talented.

I’ve been a fool. I’ve run from her and chased her all at the same time. Now I’m trying to catch her and if everyone would get the hell out of my way I’d be successful.

end

All this pain, begins to feel like pleasure
With my tears, you’d make a sea a desert
Salt my wounds and I’ll keep saying thank you

But I can’t help it if I’m just a fool
Always having my heart set on you
‘Till the time you start changing the rules
I’ll keep chasing the soles of your shoes
Ahhh, fool

“Fool” by Shakira

Feedback does wonders for my inner Harm. virtualjag@yahoo.com

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