A short note from the authors: There was an unexpected opening 
in the season so, we got together and filled it with this story 
as the result.  Many of us have been watching JAG for quite some 
time and have always enjoyed the lighter side, as much as the 
far more serious.  Tonight we present to you another part of Jag 
that we all have known and loved.  Hope that you enjoy it.

Virtual Season: Episode 2
Monkey See, Monkey Do
By:  Jen Turner & Sharon Clinton


OO15 ZULU
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station

     "How was California?"  Harm asked, as he and Renee sat on 
his sofa.
     "It was fun.  I'm glad to be back here with you, though," 
she answered, as he kissed her.  They were so caught up in the 
moment that neither heard the knock at the door.  It persisted 
for a few moments, until Harm had finally had enough and went to 
answer it.  He didn't notice that his shirt was half unbuttoned 
until he got to the door.
     "This had better be important," he muttered, as he opened 
the door to......."Josh, what are you doing here?" Harm 
exclaimed, as the fifteen-year-old walked into his apartment.
     "Mom's getting married."
     "She, is?"
     "Oops, sorry, Harm.  Didn't think you'd have company."
     "It's okay.  I'm Renee," she said, as Josh looked at her.
     "Josh, this is Renee Peterson.  Renee, this is Josh 
Pendry.  His dad was my roommate in flight school."
     "Does your mom know you are here?" Renee asked looking 
between Josh and Harm.
     "She'd freak out.  She thinks I'm at Scott's house.  Don't 
call her, please?"  He begged as he watched Harm walk over to the phone.
     "She'll be worried sick," Renee argued.
     "She won't miss me until tomorrow after school.  Besides, 
you know she'll blame you if you call her."  He looked at Harm.  
Harm put the phone down.
     "Okay, you can stay tonight and we can talk about whatever 
it is that's bothering you.  But tomorrow I'm taking you home."
     "Harm, I'm going to go ahead and go.  Still on for the 
movie tomorrow night?" she asked.
     "Sure, sounds like fun."  He kissed her as she walked out 
the door.
     "She's gorgeous, Harm," Josh said, as the door closed.  
     "I can see why you never tried to fix things with mom."
     "Josh," Harm reprimanded.  "You know why things didn't work 
out between your mom and I."
     "Yeah, because she doesn't understand us," he proclaimed, 
as he climbed up on one of the barstools.
     "Tell me about this man your mom is engaged to."
     "He's a geek.  He's an insurance salesman."
     "Does she love him?"
     "I guess," Josh answered, taking a drink of his soda.
     "Does he love her?"
     "I don't know, I've never talked to him.  Why are you 
giving me the third degree here?  You know what it's like.  You 
told me yourself."
     "And it's because I know what it's like that I'm worried 
about you, Josh.  You can't spend your life hating your 
stepfather.  It won't do you any good."  Josh was about to say 
something when there was another knock at the door.
     "It's worse than Grand Central Station around here," Harm 
said, as he made his way to the door.  He was surprised to 
find........Clayton Webb on the other side.
     "What do you want Webb?"  Harm asked, as Webb walked in.
     "Your help.  Mr. Pendry, have you witnessed any murders 
lately?"  Webb cracked seeing Josh sitting in the kitchen.
     "Nope, mom keeps a pretty tight reign on me.  Never know 
when some terrorist might blow me away."
     "Joshua Harmon Pendry," Harm scolded.
     "You're in for it now, kid, middle name and all," Webb 
teased.
     "What do you want, Webb?" Harm repeated.
     "I need your help."
     "You always need my help.  What with this time?"
     "I have some top secret classified documents that I need 
delivered tomorrow."
     "Why me?"
     "Because you're the best, Rabb.  They know me, I can't risk 
blowing anything.  They don't know you."
     "Does Admiral Chegwidden know anything about this?"
     "Of course not, it will only take a few minutes out of your 
day."
     "Fine, I'm in.  I need to take most of the day off anyway, 
to get Josh home."
     "How did you get here, anyway, Josh?" Webb asked.
     "Bus," he answered.
     "Where's the drop, Webb?"
     "Washington Zoo."
     "Cool, can I come too?" Josh asked.
     "Is this going to be safe, Webb?"  Harm questioned.
     "It should be, as long as you don't do anything stupid."
     "Then you can come, Josh, but for pities sake, do not tell 
your mother."

1616 ZULU
Washington Zoo
Washington, DC

     Harm and Josh were to meet the contact in about fifteen 
minutes by the concession stands.  They had already been through 
the Reptile pavilion and figured that they had time for a fast 
walk through of the Insect one before the drop.  They walked 
through without incident until they got to the cockroach display.
     Josh who was closest to the glass peered in with his nose 
right against the barrier.  Disappointed at not seeing anything 
of interest he was just pulling back when the enormous bug 
moved.  The young man stood there gaping at the insect that 
he had mistaken for a rock only seconds before.  Harm looked on 
in amusement as a look of horror passed along Josh's face as he 
realized the actual length and width being exposed as it came 
into full view.  The roach was at least twelve inches long and a 
good three inches across.  What had Josh held in place though 
were the wings that he saw attached to the insect's outer shell.
     "Ha...Harm...that, that thing can fly!" he said still 
gaping.
     Harm tried to keep the teasing tone from his voice as he 
replied, "Yes, it can, Josh, but we need to get going."
     "Ah...you...uhm...you go ahead and come back for me.  
I...I...I need to stay here and make sure that this thing stays 
in there."
     "No way, Josh.  Come on, we're going to be late." 
     "But..."
     "Trust me, it's not going anywhere and we will even come 
back before we leave to make sure, okay?  Now let's get going."
     "Yeah, sure," Josh replied with more confidence, regaining 
the 'have no fears' attitude more in tune with his age.  "And to 
think I thought the roaches in Chicago were big."
     "When were you in Chicago?"  Harm inquired, as they headed 
off to meet the contact.
     "On a school trip a month or so back.  The dump that we 
were staying in was crawling with them."
     "Lovely!"
     Nodding in full agreement, Josh said, "You're telling me."
     Coming toward the concession stands Harm searched for 
someone who looked like they might have dealings with Webb.  It 
suddenly struck him that at no point during their exchange last 
evening did he bother to mention what the contact would 
look like.  Going slowly from one restaurant to the other like 
they were trying to decide what to eat, they waited.  As they 
came to the McDonald's(tm) a petite brunette who looked like she 
might be a year or two older than Josh bumped against him.
     "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, and then looked over at Harm 
expectantly.
     "Do you have something for me?"
     "I'm sorry, but I am sure that you are way too young for me 
to have anything for you, however, my young friend here might be 
interested," Harm remarked, turning to head toward the next food 
vendor.
     "I don't think *you* understand, Commander Rabb."
     "My apologises, Miss..." he said, as he turned back to face 
her.
     "Agent Quesilez.  You have something for me?"
     "Yes, yes, here you go," Harm stammered, as he handed off 
the small package.  "Aren't you awful young for this...I 
mean..." 
     "I know what you mean, Commander and my looks are more than 
deceiving and make me perfect for what I do.  Now, if you'll 
excuse me, I must be going."  With those words Agent Quesilez 
got on a bike that was leaning against the wall of the 
restaurant and headed off toward the front gate.
     Harm stood still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but 
nothing happened.  No terrorists, no bombs went off, and as they 
walked back to the stand where Harm could grab a salad and Josh 
could get a fully loaded cheese dog everything remained calm and 
without incident.  Giving his head a shake of disbelief they 
settled down to eat and plan out the rest of their time at the 
zoo.

Meanwhile...
Primate Pavilion

     Just one more trap door and all the monkeys and baboons 
would be free.  Surprisingly, no one had started to question yet 
that none of the animals were visible.  Four of his accomplices 
were watching the doors and keeping count.  They wanted to have 
as many humans as animals to do the replacement.  He heard the 
signal that they had the right number just as a tall man and a 
teenager entered the pavilion.  Waiting until they had moved off 
and were reading the information plate for the first display 
then on his signal the doors were chained shut from the inside.
     Alfred Samuels had had enough of the way that the zoo 
treated its mammals.  Better than anyone he knew that the space 
that they provided was not enough and that they would be 
helpless in the wild because all they required was given to 
them by humans.  Years he had worked with these animals, talked 
to them and observed them watching him in that pathetic pleading 
way they all had, for everything from a clean cage to their 
daily exercise.  Well, no more.  Now they would learn to be on 
their own and those who came to see them would learn how it felt 
to be locked away and stared at for entertainment.
     He was originally going to try to free them all, but it 
would have been too hard to get that many of his supporters on 
the premises without it costing a small  fortune.  This pavilion 
would be a good start and would make the best point.  His 
friends looked so grateful when they had seen him coming.  He, 
Alfred Samuels was no longer their keeper, today he had become 
their key to freedom.  Looking around him he smiled at all their 
noise as they tossed the work area behind their old habitat.
     Within the observation area of the pavilion the hair on the 
back of Harm's neck was standing on end.  He looked around and 
could see nothing out of the ordinary until his eyes came to the 
exits.  Both were blocked by a man and a women each holding what 
looked like some sort of gun.  Involuntarily he groaned.  It had 
been going too well and all that he could register was that one, 
Annie was going to never forgive him for this and two, that he 
was going to end up being late to pick up Renee for the drive to 
Baltimore to take Josh home.
     Josh looked around and let out a low whistle when he saw 
the guns.  
     "Hey Harm, you ever been in a hostage situation using 
tranquilizer guns?"
     "No, and I can't believe this is happening again.  Your 
mom..."
     "...is going to kill us both."
     "Yes she is if we can't figure out how to get ourselves and 
these other people out of here quick.  How bad can this be if 
that is their ammunition?"
     No sooner were the words out of his mouth that he regretted 
them.  From the  Employees Only door at the far end of the 
building came a steady stream of fifteen monkeys and baboons 
accompanied by a rather odd looking little man in a zookeeper's 
uniform.


1802 ZULU
Jag Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

     All eyes in the bullpen were on the television screens.  
All DC area stations had cut away from their daily soaps to air 
the unfolding drama at the zoo.
     "Brian, what can you tell us?" the anchorwoman asked the 
field reporter who was standing just outside the Primate 
pavilion.
     "Well, from all indications, it is a disgruntled zoo 
employee who decided to set all the animals free and use humans 
as replacements.  We count approximately fifteen humans in the 
cages."
     "Does he have any demands for their release?"
     "No, Alison, he doesn't.  He just seems to be enjoying 
seeing them locked away like the animals."
     "You said he has about fifteen humans?"
     "Yes, now he does.  The strange thing is, he seems to have 
already released two of the original hostages in exchange for 
two men who made fun of his choice of weapons."
     "What kind of weaponry is he using, Brian?"
     "Tranquilizer guns.  He doesn't appear to want to actually 
hurt anyone."
      Mac and Bud let out a low chuckle as they watched the 
newscast.  They laughed out loud as the camera panned across the 
cages where the hostages were being held.  Admiral Chegwidden 
walked up behind them.
     "OK, back to work.  I'm already letting Rabb play hooky 
today, you two aren't going to 
watch...television...all...day...." he tried to say, as the 
camera stopped on the last two hostages taken.  AJ burst out 
laughing at the sight of Harm and Josh sitting in the cage.
     "What's Josh doing with him?" Mac asked.
     "Apparently, Mr. Pendry showed up on his doorstep last 
night, that was why he requested the personal day, to take him 
home.  You two, get over there, see what is going on."
     "Yes, sir."  They snapped to attention and turned to walk 
away.
     "Oh, and see if you can get some pictures of Rabb in that 
baboon cage," he laughed.

1824 ZULU
Washington Zoo
Washington, DC

     "Is he just going to sit there and stare at us all day?" 
Josh leaned over and asked Harm.
     "I don't know. He wouldn't have taken us if you hadn't made 
fun of his tranquilizer guns."
     "It's not entirely my fault.  I wasn't the one who thought 
a nineteen year old was hitting on him.  If you had responded to 
her quicker, we would have gotten here quicker."
     "She was older than nineteen."
     "She sure didn't look it," Josh said.
     "Why don't you two shut up and tell me how you know so much 
about hostage situations," Alfred said to them passing by their 
cage.
     "Movies," they responded together.
     "We seem to be attracting an even bigger crowd than the 
news crews.  Apparently someone is shooting us for footage in a 
commercial or something," one of Alfred's supporters told him.
     "Good we need all the publicity we can get!"

Meanwhile outside

     "Renee, what are you doing here?" Mac asked.
     "I have a film crew shooting for a video I'm working on."
     "You're kidding right?" Bud inquired.
     "No, this thing is so hilarious.  I mean, he is holding 
fifteen people hostage in primate cages with tranquilizer guns!  
What are you guys doing here?"
     "You obviously don't know who two of the hostages are," Bud 
said pointing over the fence to the end where Josh and Harm were.
     Renee rolled her eyes.  "So he really does get himself into 
messes like this," she groaned.  "Does he attract them, do they 
come looking for him?  What?"
     "I have no idea.  I just know we need to get them out of 
there or Annie is going to blow a gasket."
     "Josh's mom?"
     "Yes, this is precisely the reason why she broke up with 
the Commander in the first place," Bud put in.
     "Wait, a minute, broke up with him.  He told me that Josh's 
dad had been his roommate in flight school," Renee said looking 
confused.
     "Yeah, and then after Luke died, Harm dated Annie for a 
while.  I'm sure he'll explain it all to you later," Mac 
explained.  
     "Right now we need to figure a way to get them all out of 
there.  
     "Sounds like the story of a lifetime.  Any ideas for a 
rescue, Ms. Marine."
     "A few.  How many of them are there holding them?"
     "I count five.  The little guy in the zookeeper's uniform 
and his four accomplices."
     "How did five people overtake seventeen?" Bud asked.
     "I think everyone was too shocked that this all was taking 
place to notice that they were being corralled," one of the 
spectators mentioned.  "You know Miss...." he started pointing 
to Renee.
     "Peterson," she supplied.
     "If you could go in there and distract the three men, I 
think the pretty Marine and I could get the hostages free."
     "Why me?" Renee asked.
     "Well, no offense, but you look like you might be able to 
use some of your feminine charm on the zookeeper."
     "I'm up for it, if 'the Pretty Marine' is up for it," Renee 
said.
     "Just don't call me 'the Pretty Marine' again, and we'll be 
ok," Mac answered, staring daggers at the man.  "Oh, and what 
makes you think you're qualified to help me?"
     "Detective Jason Anders, Baltimore Police.  I'm here with 
my sons, who are at the concession stands now."
     "Well then let's get this show on the road," Renee 
muttered, walking toward Mr. Samuels.
     "Hi."  She smiled at him.  "What happened to get you all 
upset at the humans?"
     "Nothing you would understand.  Wait a minute, you're with 
the film crew aren't you."
     "Yes, I am.  Would you like to have your story told on 
television."
     Mac stood back and laughed at the exchange taking 
place.  "One of these days I'm going to find out what it is Harm 
sees in that bimbo," she whispered to Bud.
     "It's in the hormones ma'am.  Until he's ready for a 
commitment, he's just going to keep chasing anything in a skirt 
who won't pressure him for anything."
     They watched as Renee managed to lead Samuels and two of 
his accomplices out of the pavilion and toward her camera crew.  
That's when Detective Anders cuffed him and disarmed his 
companions with ease.  Then Anders and Mac rushed the other 
two supporters cuffing them too.  Renee fished around in 
Alfred's pockets until she found the keys to the cages.  She 
handed them to Bud who went to unlock the cages.

Meanwhile back in the cages

     "Harm, do you hear all that noise," Josh asked.
     "Yeah, I think we're saved," he answered just as he saw Bud 
walking up to them.
     "Bud, what are you doing here?  What happened?"  Harm 
questioned.
     "It's a long story, sir," he said unlocking the cage.  
     Josh and Harm got up to walk out.  Bud let Josh by him, but 
when Harm started to go out Bud spoke up.
     "Sorry, sir, but I'm under orders to keep you in here for a 
few minutes," Bud said softly.
     "Why?"
     "I don't know, but when two pretty women tell you do 
something, you normally just do it no questions asked."
     Just then, they heard the commotion of the film crew coming 
down the aisle way.  The cameraman stopped in front of the cage.
     "Is this the one you want the pictures of Ma'am?" he asked.
     "Yes," Renee replied.  "It's so nice to see a man finally 
put in his place in this world."
     "Renee, what are you doing here?" Harm queried.
     "Capturing this for posterity."
     "Let me out of here, Bud."
     "Not until they say it's okay."
     "I don't know, Harm, seems like a good place for you at the 
moment."  Mac didn't even try to hide the smirk on her face.
     "Mac, please, tell him to let me out."
     "No, that one's up to Renee," Mac continued.
     "Renee," he pleaded.
     "Do you promise to never stand me up again?"
     "I haven't stood you up lately," he argued.
     "By my account, you were supposed to pick me up fifteen 
minutes ago.  If I hadn't already been here, you would have 
stood me up."
     "Ok, I promise never to stand you up again."
     "Ok, Bud, let him out."  Bud went to unlock the cage, only 
to have the key break off in the lock.
     "Great, now I'm stuck in here."

2113 ZULU
Home of Annie Pendry
Baltimore, Maryland

     Harm sat in that cage for an additional ninety minutes 
while a locksmith could be located to get him free.  Now as he 
pulled into the driveway of Annie's lovely suburban home his 
chest constricted.  This was going to be unpleasant.  He 
had called her as soon as he was able to let her know that Josh 
was safe and with him, but unfortunately the local broadcasts 
that were picked up on ZNN and had informed the JAG team of his 
predicament had also been seen by her.  She was almost beyond 
speech with hysterics and Harm had been forced to converse with 
Fred Smithers, her fiancé.
     Almost before the SUV had come to a complete stop, Annie 
was out her front door and yanking the passenger door behind 
Harm open.  Josh went reluctantly into her embrace.
     "Oh, honey, I'm so thankful that you're safe," she cooed, 
glaring at Harm who was still in the vehicle.  "Aren't you going 
to get out and face me, Commander?"
     Opening the door, Harm stepped out and began, "Annie, I..."
     She cut him off, "You what, Harm?  You couldn't respect my 
wishes to stay away from Josh and I?  You felt the overwhelming 
urge to put my son's life in danger yet again? You, you..."
     "I've heard quite enough!"
     Annie looked away from Harm and her tirade to notice Renee 
exiting the SUV from the other side.  "And you would be...this 
month's bimbo replacement for..."
     "Annie, stop it," Harm said, effectively ending her 
statement.  "You're angry with me, so please let's deal with 
that.  I'm sorry that I didn't notify you last night that Josh 
was with me, but he needed some time to sort some things out and 
I thought it was for the best.  There was no way that either of 
us could have known that we would end up in a hostage situation 
by going to the zoo."
     "All I asked of you, Harm, was to stay away, so that Josh 
and I could move on."
     "And from what Josh has told me, you have done just that.  
He is still my godson, Annie and last night he needed me.  I 
couldn't turn him away just to please you.  Luke was my best 
friend and Josh is a part of him.  I will always do all I can 
for him.  I promised his father and I intend to keep that 
promise," he finished and then as an aside 
added, "Congratulations, by the way."
     "Uhm...Thank you."
     "Now was that so hard?" Renee mumbled, as she got back in 
the vehicle.  What Harm had seen in that whiny, neurotic woman, 
she would never guess, but then there were some things about 
Harm that she had yet to figure out.
     Pulling away from his mother, Josh stuck his hand out to 
Harm.
     "Thanks, Harm.  I had a good time and I will never forget 
the look on your face when you saw all those cameras pointed at 
you."  The tension that had surrounded the little group 
instantly began to recede.
     "There are pictures of this?" Annie inquired, a smile 
finally tugging at the corners of her mouth.
     "Mom, there is going to be more than pictures if what I 
heard Mac and Renee discussing is true."
     "Oh really, like what?"  All evidence of her earlier 
agitation gone.
     Harm winked at Josh and pulled him into a quick hug.  
     "That would be my cue to go.  Josh, you feel free to call 
me if you need me.  I am sure that your mother and I can come to 
some agreement on us seeing each other soon."
     "That would be great, Harm.  Any chance of you getting me a 
date with Agent Quesilez?"
     "Josh, no offense, but there is as much chance of that 
happening as there is of you wanting that cockroach as a buddy!" 
Harm said, laughing and got into the SUV.  He waved goodbye half 
hearted, wondering if Annie would indeed ever let him see Josh 
again.
     "Hey, Harm, you okay?"
     "I'm fine, Renee.  Thanks for your help today."
     "You're welcome, sailor.  Now take me home and thank me properly."
     "I definitely think that can be arranged," Harm 
replied. "But about those pictures..."
     "Oh don't worry, Harm.  Those are being taken care of."

1258 ZULU
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

     The first thing that Harm saw as he walked into the bullpen 
were posters up all over the place.  He groaned aloud, which 
only served to call attention to him and make his presence known.
     "Morning, flyboy or should I say, monkeyboy," Mac called, 
barely keeping a straight face.  "Do you like our new promotion 
posters?"
     "Oh, man, you guys."
     "Is there a problem, Commander?"
     "No, sir.  Morning, sir," Harm said, saluting. 
     "At ease.  Now Commander, I must say that I am amazed at 
the lengths you will go to in order to bring a bit of laughter 
to this office.  I trust that you are recovered from your 
stint...as a...oh heavens, Harm, I'm sorry, but that 
has...got...to...be...the..fun...niest, oh forgive...me."  
     That was the extent of what Admiral Chegwidden was able to 
say before he and all the JAG staff burst into peals of 
laughter.  Moments passed and at last Bud was the first to 
compose himself.
     "Sir, if I may be so bold, I suggest that you prepare 
yourself for it to get worse before better.  Ms. Peterson has 
the video coverage and should be here anytime."
     "Renee?" Harm said, caught between anger, mirth, and shock.
     Mac looked up at him with a mischievous gleam in her eye 
and said, "It always helps to have a friend in the CIA and a 
girlfriend who is a video princess."

Everyone burst back into laughter and the cameras fade to black.

The End