No one ever really cared about me, not even my parents. As long as I wasn't getting into trouble or failing in school, they didn't talk to me about what I should be doing with my life. The only encouraging thing my dad ever told me was that if I graduated Valedictorian, he would give me $1,000. Oh yeah, and that he would pay my way through college IF I wanted to be a pharmacist. Of course, I did neither of those. I didn't want his money or to live his dream; I wanted him to love me no matter what I did and encourage me to have my own dreams. It was never explained to me that it's important to take care of myself and have my own purpose in life. I never really thought about having a purpose in my life until my senior year in high school. I never had any kind of guidance or encouragement from anyone, so I pretty much drifted from one interest to another, only to be discouraged yet again. This happened for several years before I just gave up and decided to work at whatever I could for a living. Growing up, I never really had many friends aside from my mom's friend's kids, and then we only got to hang out when our moms were visiting each other to get drunk and/or high. Also, they were all at least two years younger than I was. When we started growing up, I was always the voice of reason, the sober one, the virgin, straight edge all the way. Well, I had one summer of sin, but that was enough for me to realize that's not how I wanted to live my life. I got picked on in school sometimes, but I was more of an outcast than a freak, so I was mostly just ignored. I tried going to church and making friends there, but they ended up being freakin' nuts. Did you know that all movie theatres are really whorehouses? Yeah, that was pretty much the end of my religious period. As for taking care of my body, I never made that a top priority. No one else cared, so why should I? I never felt hurt or sick, so I figured why waste my time and effort on things like exercise and nutrition? I lifted weights when I played football, but after that, it was back to the same old routine. Of course, when it finally hit me that I should get off my ass and do something about my health, everything I tried either yielded unsatisfactory results or none at all. It seems like everything in my life has been like that. I can't be smart because I don't seem to be good at anything. I can't be social because I don't like the way most people are and vice versa. Yeah, yeah. I lack confidence and motivation, I know. But you know why I lack confidence and motivation now, don't you? And now that I know why, shouldn't I do something like accept what's happened and move on? Well, duh. I have to accept what's happened. What choice do I have? It already happened. And move on, huh? You mean I should stop obsessing over what could be or what is not happening or who is where or what? I can do that? It's not going to be easy, but anything worth doing never is, right? Aw geez! This means I'm gonna have to get up off my ass and do something doesn't it? All right! I'll get started tomorrow...