By Bob Hater ( bob_hater@hotmail.com )
7th June, '99

First let me introduce myself, my name is Bob Hater, and I am a wrestling fan. Well I am a fan some times and other times I think that the ex-writers for Full House could write better scripts. I have been watching wrestling since the mid-eighties, and I know wrestling, well I at least know what I like and what I HATE.

If you don't like or don't agree with what I write, I got two words for you…FUCK OFF, write your own column or shut the fuck up. And so it continues…

TOP TEN WRESTLERS MOST LIKELY TO GET THEIR PINK SLIPS:
1. Nicole Bass - Please, oh God please. I don't know what the WWF is thinking; perhaps Chyna complained that she didn't want to be the most hideous looking female wrestler in the business.
2. The Blue Meanie - This fat, lazy, untalented cocksucker deserves to be put on an island with all the other homosexuals, not the WWF. I don't even think that the ECW will take this fucking piece of shit back.
3. Chyna - I'm sorry but ugly, butch dykes ain't my bag. Any chick that has more testosterone flowing through her veins than me is just plain sick. I'm worried that I might loose a long cock contest with her. Then again…
4. Vincent - Poor Vincent. But you've got to admit it will be funny to see him shuffling through his food stamp coupons like he once did with Ted DiBiase's hundred dollar bills.
5. Horace - Hopefully he will take his uncle with him.
6. Scott Norton - nWo now stands for Needing Work Organization.
7. Steve Blackman - Man oh man, does this guy have some good martial arts skills. He will need them soon when he is homeless. It's hard to defend your refrigerator box from a crazy guy that carries his urine in a hot water bottle.
8. Super Crazy - He's super lame. He's super gay. He should join the Too Much team.
9. Too Much - I didn't say he would join them in the WWF, I meant in felatio.
10. Konnan - I hear he already has job offers from McDonalds's. He's peeling their potato's.

TOP TEN THINGS I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HAPPEN:
1. Mick Foley winning the WWF title again - By far the best wrestler in the business. If Austin won't have the title at least give Foley another reign.
2. RVD and Chris Jericho coming to WWF as a tag-team - Who wouldn't love to see "The Lionheart" and "The Whole Fucking Show" on RAW with two words for us.
3. Scott Hall coming back not as a Horseman - This isn't the 80's, the Horsemen suck and Scott Hall would be wasting his talent. He should play a wife-beating drunk. Oh wait, that wouldn't be a gimmick.
4. Hogan and Sting go back to their original gimmicks - What's the worse that can happen? Ratings cannot get any lower. If the WCW claims to be the family oriented company, they need more super heroes. Sting would only have to spend half the time in the make-up chair. I know I might tune in to see the old red and yellow.
5. X-pac castrating himself while performing his BroncoBuster - I would fucking hate to work with X-pac, like I want his crotch anywhere near my face. The only ones who wouldn't mind are Golddust and the Blue Meanie.
6. Tommy Dreamer getting the ECW Title - Quit making him job to losers, he is the man and he deserves a title.
7. ECW getting a major TV contract - I have harassed TSN to carry ECW but they said they never could. I would just love to see it covered nation wide on a major network in the US.
8. Eric Bischoff dye his hair black - I don't know what he is thinking, does he think that he won't get fired for running WCW in the ground if he looks like Ted Turner. Or is he just trying to fit in with all of the other senior citizens in WCW
9. That WWF would have as much class as WCW if put in the same situation - Writing articles, ringing the bell, and appearing on Larry King in support of Owen Hart. Very classy. At least the WWF put on the most touching RAW I have ever seen.
10. WWF creating a charity in Owen's name - Sure the RAW was special, but it isn't enough.

BOB'S RUMORS:
(Disclaimer: These rumors are not real; I have made them up)
- WCW has felt that they don't have enough talent they can underuse, so have signed every single wrestler in every independent organization and agreed to put out a Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday night shows so they can equal the ratings WWF is getting on Monday.
- Recent findings about Chastity being in a porn movie have hurt her career with the WCW. So, WCW, ECW, and WWF have all gotten together to hold a benefit for Chastity. All of the female performers have gotten together to film a 20 women lesbian porn film entitled "Down for the Cunt".
- WCW continues with their G-rated programming. Steiner's filthy rants are limited to 15 minutes, Konnan can only have one salad and potato reference per show, and Nash may only ask to see a female co-worker's box once per show. (Lenny Lowballs Lenny_Lowballs@hotmail.com)
- Vince McMahon has issued a "Three way Strip-me Naked match" between Debra, Sable, and his daughter Stephanie. He has also announced that Shane, Vince, his wife, and Grandma McMahon will all be the special guest referees.

That is all for the second edition of HATER'S RANT. Got any fake rumors or want to send hate mail (pun intended) e-mail bob_hater@hotmail.com .