By Lenny Lowballs ( Lenny_Lowballs@hotmail.com ) 
12th June 1999

This column is a change of pace from my "Most Over-rated Wrestling Personalities" series. I’m going to write a random thoughts column. I figured if everyone else can do it, why the fuck can’t I?

• My first target is the lovely and talented Sable. Where the fuck does she get off acting like a hot shot? What has she done during her WWF tenure? She has shown off her ample man-made bust-line and done "the grind" a few times. This is not a complaint – her shenanigans have caused a major disturbance in my pants many times. She served her fucking purpose when she showed her well-groomed cunt a couple of months back in Playboy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not "dissin" her spread – I just can’t find another use for the bitch until she shows off her snapper again.

• Am I the only one who would like to see more McMahons introduced in WWF storylines? This would be great. One of my life mottoes is "the more McMahons the merrier". Think of the potential: they could bring in Cousin Cletus McMahon to stand by Vince and battle the evil Corporate Ministry; footage of Aunt Gertrude McMahon emptying her colostomy bag could bring in a whole new batch of viewers; and Little Peter McMahon could start a homosexual love triangle program with Goldust and the Blue Meanie. Now that’s fucking entertainment! Hell, I would pay thirty bucks to see a McMahon family reunion on PPV, wouldn’t you?

• Al Snow is great. Every time I see this guy I crack up. Besides Foley, who could bring a deer’s head named Pierre to the ring and not get booed out of the arena? How many wrestlers could get a pop with a gimmick that revolves around a mannequin’s head? A fucking mannequin’s head, for Christ sakes! For that matter, who could get the fans to spend $15 on styrofoam heads to wave around during his introduction? This guy deserves a huge push.

• What’s all the hoopla about the "Greater Power"? Am I the only person who doesn’t give a rat’s ass? I mean, what a load of shit! All the loser internet "reporters" are running around like chickens with their heads cut off spewing out lame theories as to who the robed cocksucker is. Some geniuses think that it’s a toss-up between Jake Roberts and, one of my personal favorites from back in the hey-day, Ted Dibiase. Sorry, ladies, but it can’t be Jake Roberts because he would have to sober up for five minutes each week to cut a promo on RAW. And it sure as hell isn’t Teddy, unless he gave up his bible-thumping ways. And if it’s a McMahon I’m going to boycott the WWF, although "McMahon" is a synonym for "sports fucking entertainment". Go ahead, look it up. I even heard rumblings that the shrouded jack-ass could be the Ultimate Warrior himself. I guess if anyone could pull that steroid freak’s career out of the shitter, it would be Vince.

• Has the WCW ever been entertaining or even worth watching? The obvious exception is when Scott Hall is stumbling around the ring and captivating the crowd with his surveys. Each time I waste an evening watching WCW’s product, I wish I spent my time in a more constructive manner, such as getting a barium enima. Or chewing glass. Or shaving my testicles with a straight razor. Anything would be less painful that subjecting myself to that horseshit.