Vision Thing@The UK Air Guitar Finals
- Sunday 18th August, Brick Lane, London
Yes, I'm serious, "Air Guitar", the noble art of pretending to play like Slash when you probably couldn't tell one end of an acoustic from another, is alive and well and has a national competition no less! In a rather sweaty club in Brick Lane, a number of the rock faithful and quite a lot of curious hangers-on gathered to observe 20-odd separate acts attempt to gain the coveted crown of UK Air Guitar Champion 2002, and the prize of a fender stratocaster.
And what an evening it was! Frankly I've been to major gigs that were far less fun (The Cure take note). It became clear very shortly that this was an audience-participation sport - anyone coming on dressed just in a black t-shirt and jeans and wibbling along to Metallica, recieved a chant of "OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF!!!". The crowd demanded, and on occasion got, fancy costumes, mad rolling on floor, tongues-out-crotch-waving attitude and interesting props. No inflatable guitars were seen, although an 8 foot exploding rubber penis playing 'Whole Lotta Love' was.
Rejoicing in names such as 'Eddie Van Driver', the acts fell into several categories:
1) The Rock God - fake mullets and shoulder pads to the fore, classic rock, foot-up-on-monitor, eyeliner, long hair. Special mention goes to "Dave the Raver" from Bristol, who sported an ACDC-stylee school uniform, but whose act lost a certain something when his blonde wig decided to go solo. Also, a personal friend of mine, "Jaimz Riot", did a very fine Motley Crue "Dr Feelgood" impersonation, complete with make-up, writhing on floor and a Jedi Knight's robe. Not to mention the very large and manly red codpiece. Sadly he was cut short by the 3-minute limit - a standard which slipped after the second half and perhaps gave the later acts an unfair advantage.
2)The Novelty Act - not your standard metallers, these varied from a Hank Marvin "Apache" impersonator (crowd reaction: OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF!!!!) to "Addicted to Love", a Robert-Palmer-alike complete with leggy models playing very bad air guitar, in the manner of the original video. Also DUM BN3 combined rap with rock in a well-rehearsed and amusing take off of the Aerosmith/Run DMC classic with a bit of "Fight for Your Right to Party" as well. Special mention must also go to the 'Santa Claus' who made a circuit of the room, including sprinting along the top of the bar. Rocking around the Christmas tree indeed!
3) The Ladyeezz...yes, the sisters were doing it for themselves, showing that whatever men can do, girls can do just as embarrassingly. Scotland?s Princess Simosa had a fair stab at ZZ Top's "Gimme All Your Loving", but the best was "Long Jon Jovi" with "You give love a bad name". Sporting a fine black fake beard, her immense enthusiasm won the crowd over, even when her beard decided on a solo career as well (possibly to record a duet with Dave the Raver's wig). On the bad side, Northern Ireland's "Rough Pussy" showed that sex doesn't always sell. Their black leather trousers and bikini top ensemble didn't distract from a lack-lustre attempt at Ozzy Osbourne. Once again everyone...OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF! OFF!!!!
And so we came to the end of the show, and nervously awaited the final score..and the judges couldn't decide! It was between Jaimz Riot and Satan Whopper Cock (whose 8 foot penis costume was mentioned earlier. Glad I didn't have to clean up the stage after he'd finished spraying white foam around it). It was put to the audience, and despite much screaming from the Jaimz Riot Rokkz posse, he was pipped to the post by Satan Whopper Cock, who proceeded to smash his fender stratocaster prize to pieces on the stage. And on that note, the evening ended!
Review by Fashtali