A Scotsman, an Irishman and a Chinese man are hired at a building site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and stack of cement sacks. And says to the Irishman,

"You're in charge of shovelling" To the Scotsman, "You're in charge of mixing" To the Chinese man, "And you're in charge of supplies."

The foreman then tells them "I have to go to the other side of the site, while I'm away make some concrete" The foreman returns a couple of hours later, the sand and cement are untouched. The foreman asks the Irishman "Why haven't you shoveled anything?"

The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel. You left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."

He says to the Scotsman, "Why didn't you do any mixing?"

The Scotsman replies, "I couldn't get a mixer. You left the Chinese chap in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him." The foreman is really fed up and storms off towards the pile of sand and cement looking for the Chinese man. Just then, the Chinese man jumps out from behind the stack of cement and shouts

"SUPPLIES!"

A man and a woman meet in a pub and start to chat. He tells her that he has just got divorced, and when she enquires as to the reason, he explains that he has always had a liking for 'kinky sex' and that his ex-wife found it all a bit unpleasant.

The woman replied that she too had recently divorced, and that it was because she also wanted to have 'kinky sex'. The woman then suggests that they adjourn to her house and enjoy a session of 'kinky sex' together. They eagerly hurry round to the woman's house and go into the lounge.

"Stay here" the woman says, "I'll be back in a minute."

The woman goes upstairs. 15 minutes later she comes back into the lounge wearing a rubber suit with metal studs, a leather mask, stiletto-heel boots, and brandishing a large bull-whip.

"Right then," says the man, "I'll be off then."

"Hold on," says the woman, "I thought you wanted have some 'kinky sex'.

"Oh I did," said the man, "I've just fucked your cat and had a shit in your handbag!"

A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral....... I’m a gynecologist.”

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. "Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the surgeon. "I'm afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis."

"What!" gasps the patient. "You mean I'll never experience another erection?"

"Oh, you might, " the surgeon reassures him. "Just not yours."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

© Home of the Good, Bad and the Criminally Insane 2002