What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a tombstone inscribed with the words 'So What?'.

He who disagrees with me in public, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in private, call him an ambulance.

All things are possible except maybe skiing through a revolving door.

So many artists are willing to suffer for their art. So few are willing to learn to draw.

When the legislature decides the rules of buying and selling, the first thing to be bought will be the legislators.

Do you wish to see the world? Go to the airport - or the optician.

I decree that history shall be rewritten. This time without any punctuation so that it is just one sentence linked together by the phrase "And then what happened was..."

The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.

The government is the agency of coercion that has flags in front of its offices.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

"Brevity is the soul of wit" said Shakespeare. I say "Crap!" Thus I win.

When the need arises, any tool or object closest to you becomes a hammer.

..the internet, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little...

Why are bees so attracted to honey since they make it? It can only be vanity.

If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

Some people live by the book, even though they don't know who wrote it or even what it's called.

In love, as in fighting.. the winner is always the one with the largest weapon.

For what you are about to receive may the lord God make you truly grateful.. As the minister said to the altar boy.

© Home of the Good, Bad and the Criminally Insane 2002