Sarcastic Remarks To Get You Through Your Day


1.) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be....?

2.) Do I look like a fucking people person?

3.) This isn't school. It's hell with fluorescent lighting

4.) I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

5.) Sarcasm is one more sevice I offer

6.) A PBS mind in a MTV world

7.) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

8.) Well, this day was a total waste of make-up

9.) Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage

10.) Im not your type. I am not infaltable!

11.) Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be reciving if you touch me?

12.) Okay I take it back! unfuck you!

13.) Chaos, panic, disorder-my work here is done

14.) How do I set a laser printer to stun?

15.) Nice perfume/cologne. Must you marinate in it?

16.) Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

17.) A woman's favorite postion is CEO

18.) It isnt the size, its the....not wait, its the size.

19.) Stress is waking up screaming and realizng you havnt fallen asleep yet.

20.) I majored in libral arts! Will that be for here or to go?

Pickup Lines

If I had a nickel for every person as beautiful as you, I'd have 5 cents.


If you were a machine, you'd be out of order by the time I was done with you


Why is it I gotta climb a hundred mountains to get you, but all you gotta do is smile to get me?


Offer a single rose and say: "I wanted to show this rose true beauty."


I want to be naughty as often as possible since when you spank me it isn't a punishment.


I use to dream... but what's the use, now that I've met you?


If God had given me the opportunity to pick what I was going to be I would have chosen to be your favorite stuffed animal; I could comfort you when you are sad, protect you while you sleep, and keep you warm all through the night.


Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!


If you're naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!


I may not be Wilma, but I can sure make your bedrock.


You've been a bad boy. Go to my room!


My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?


I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you?


Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a break and let me concentrate on something else for a change?


Guy: I have a magic watch that tells me you aren't wearing any panties.Girl: But I am wearing panties. Guy: Oh -- it must be an hour fast.


I know somebody who likes you but if I weren't so shy, I'd tell you who.


I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!


Sex is a killer...wanna die happy?


You're totally fugly, but I guess beggars can't be choosers!


What swear word are you?

What swear word are you?
everyone is a swear word.. just which one are you?
It's FRIDAY NIGHT WOOP! You're planning to go out with your "other", but you get a phone call from a good friend of yours and they're crying. What do you do?
You tell your friend to stop crying like a baby and hang up.
You start drooling uncontrolably and bang the phone against the wall.
You say ,"Danm it smells like hot ass and cheetos up in hare what is up with that!"
you start screaming about how stupid your friend is and insult them then hang up
Aw... what am i suppose to do DROP MY DANM LIFE AND DEAL WITH YOURS. i dont think so,
You get your test back from your teacher and you get a D, you go up to him and say:
Why the hell did you give me a D on this test. You know i did better than this thing
Ugh...thanks for another D to add to my collection.
Just because you gave me a D doesnt make you a God or something
All you teachers are twisted, you laugh at seeing kids fail like this. But i will prove to them all; MWHAHAHAHAHA
YOU GAVE ME A D. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. I will conquere the world and own you.
You're walking down the street and a car comes speeding by you. you...?
Oh my gosh. You almost broke my nail! Jeez.
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM CANT YOU SEE ME!
You will so pay for that. Karma bites doesnt it?
Errrrrr what are you trying to do! I was so standing here before you came by!
You start smelling your armpits to see if you still smell bad from earlier that day.
You are with the friends at the mall and a group of really hot girls/guys are checking you all out. You...
Flip them off. That arent that good looking as you.
Strut your stuff. Make them think they can "holler" at you, but you know the wont.
Start sniffing you and your friends... Maybe one of you smell strange and thats why theyre looking?
Start Screaming with excitement, you are excited that you might have a new stalker.
You run in circles and start singing the "patty cake" song.
You are alone in your room. what are you doing?
Well I am polishing my nails to match my socks what do you think PSH.
Uncontrolably running into the wall trying to see if you can walk threw it.
Spraying body spray or de-oderizer everywhere. That danm smel just wont go away!
Start humping pillows and chairs.. Youre are bored what else can be funner?
You start eating paint chips of your walls. Maybe your tongue will change different colors?

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