Diary
HOME

4/7/03

I am here again... well, it's kind of late, isn't it? I haven't written in here for a week! Well, it's not that anything happened, except that I'm learning a lot of pieces now... I'm learning Bach concerto all movements, Mendelssohn concerto all movements, Paganini Caprice, and Sarasate Intro and Tarantella. I'm excited, though, because I'm going to learn Flight of the Bumble Bee after my ASTA competition thing, and my teacher said that I could play as fast as I want!

I'm in word processing now, and the class is almost over, so I have to quit now.

3/31/03

Well, so I'm actually writing in here again. I don't really know what to write, but I'm writing in here anyway... Hmm... What to write? I'm hungry and tired... I think I'm eating too much these days, but who cares? I ate 3 pieces of chicken for lunch on Saturday, 4 pieces of chicken for dinner yesterday, and 2 pieces of chicken for snack today... I'm eating up lots of chickens, or so it seems like.

I think I should really work on my composition, but... I don't know... maybe I'll do that... I'll probably put it up somewhere in my site so that you could listen to it... Well... it's a pretty depressing piece, but oh well... who cares. I think it's actually pretty good, it's just that I have to fix some of the spots, because when I was writing, I didn't think about key signatures... I'm only "done" with the first movement, and I need to polish that, so I still have long ways to go...

3/28/03

Okay, I haven't written in here for a while. So I had to do the Tango dance for the cultural assembly thing today... For those people who doesn't know what I did, I played for Spanish club (for a Tango), and Aileen (a violin girl), Sho (a sax guy), Bill (a trumpet guy), and I (a violin???) had to play for them. So Aileen danced around Sho while she was playing, and I was dancing around Bill while I was playing...

Well, I also had a concert tonight... It went okay, but it wasn't great, since I trembled over here and there, but I had a quick recovery and everyone really liked it. They said that I had a really nice sound, but well... I can't really hear the sound just above the violin. It just sounds better from far away.

Hmm... what else is going on? Well, the South High might cut stage band next year if we don't get 25 people into the class, so I don't know what's going to happen here... Same goes for the Wind Ensemble too, I guess. It's going to be bad, because I'm going to apply for those two classes and we don't even have 20 people in those classes usually... Well, there's more people in Stage band, but then there's not too many people in Wind Ensemble...

I think I'm going to go now...

3/17/03

Another vocab story... Get ready, because it's pretty depressing!

There was a little girl staring at me… Who is that? Why was she looking at me? Why did she look so much like me? She was coming closer… I felt myself fading away.

I am depressed… I feel as though I am trapped in a dark room… I feel like I have nothing to touch, even though some things are near me to touch… I feel lonely without things disseminated all over my room. My room gets messy. There was nowhere to go… I am lost in myself.

Just a second ago, my mom said, “You know, you were so hyper and you were saying you were going to fly for real… I was getting a little worried here.”

“I don’t remember myself saying that,” I replied.

“Well, you did.”

I thought for a second. I thought again and again. Did I really say that? If I did, why did I forget about it? Why, why, why???

This pattern happened over and over again. Whenever I’m supposedly depressed, I don’t remember anything happened when I was hyper. When I am hyper, I don’t remember anything when I was depressed. I am lost. Just lost.

My mom started worrying if I had bipolar syndrome. It meant that when a person is extremely hyper, they think that they could do anything. For example, when they go shopping, they would buy lots of things because they think that they had enough money to buy anything, everything they wanted. When they are depressed, they start thinking that they’re not worth to be in the society, in such that everything they do is a failure when it’s actually not. For those people, it becomes very arduous to cope with society. The following year, it got better. My emotional ups and downs probably were due to the stress; I had a load of stress over me, because I didn’t speak English, though I went to American school. I often felt vacuous in my sixth grade year.

The worst thing that happened during my sixth grade year was that my body started hurting that I couldn’t even hold a pen. I skipped plethora amount of school. I of course had to go to a doctor, and he sent me to a psychologist. The worst part of this “disease” was over just by seeing psychologist for about three months, but it never healed completely.

The maturity in me also helped me to enervate the “waves” of my emotions. Now, I knew who I was, what I was. Both people were myself, but they never lived together. But what if only one of them existed in me? Would it have been easier? The answer became lucid. If only the felicitous one was in me, I probably would have killed myself, since I have the ability to be assertive, despite of how much work I have. I would not notice that I am getting tired, so I would not take a rest, which obviously is a suicidal action. If I only consisted of the depressed one, then I probably would have killed myself if worse came to worse, so it was either way deleterious.

Now in 10th grade, I became more normal, more fitting to the society. With a little bit of ups and downs, I was doing fine. I was doing fine…

One day at one of my performance, I was very nervous. When the performance was over, I didn’t remember a single thing I did from this one passage to when I walked off from the stage. I watched the recording of my performance, and I couldn’t believe that I played that fast. It happened again. I figured out that I just made two new people in me, closer to each other, than making the extremely hyper me to get closer to extremely depressing me. She was still there, somewhere in me, staring at me. She just appears on me sporadically.

Because things had gotten better for me, even when I found out that I still had the crazy person in me, I managed to remember some of the events happened around me briefly, but only briefly. I am on a slightly depressed side right now. When I am depressed, I am listless, so I don’t try to do all the things compared to other part of me. She was still there, waiting for her turn over me…

-The End-




3/13/03

Oh man... I had been so busy that I couldn't write in here for a while... Anyway, I'm going to Delmac conference thing (whatever that is) tomorrow, so I get to miss 2-4 periods... But then it's not necessarily good, because I'm going to be behind, but oh well... Well, I guess I'm not going to be too behind since it seems like we're not doing too much in any of the classes.

That trig honors teachers was trying to scare us off yesterday... we had trig honors meeting, and she was telling us how hard it's going to be, because it was a class that prepares you for calc BC (which I'm not taking; I'm going to take trig honors {hopefully} next year, just because I want to...).

I don't think I have much else to say, although I haven't written in here for a week... Or do I have something to say...??? Neh... I don't think so...

Well, I'm going now! bye people!


3/6/03

Well, I haven't worked on my diary for a long time, so I decided to write in here. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to movies with Vivian, Chika Killer, Erica, Jane, J.J., and Bill, so that should be fun... I haven't watched movie in like... long time... since this summer... I think the last movie I watched was either Lilo and Stitch or xXx (which sucked), so yea, that has been a long time.

You know, I was being just dumb the whole time... I figured out how to expand the page size, so no more of those pages, Daniel!!!! hehehehe... Now, I'm just going to expand it, because I have too many pages already to keep track of...

Well, I don't know if I have too much to write here, except that Chika Killer was attempting to kill me again... Today in Chem lab, when we were lighting up the bunsen burner, Chika Killer just opened the gas too much and when it lit, it almost burned my hair... if it was down, and it would have burned my hair, but I was at least smart enough to put it up... Then she forgot to tighten this thing up, so I was working above the hot water... so I kind of got burned...

I think I'm going to go now... bye-bye...


3/1/03

Wow, today's already March??????? I didn't know that... LOL Anyway, J.J. got a license, so ladies and gentlemen, becareful! j/k... Don't worry JJ, I was just kidding. I feel kindda left out because I don't even have a permit, and everyone's getting license right now for some reason... Well, not everyone, but Sho got a license, J.J. got a license, and Shaun is about to get a license... to kill people... I meant for driving. I was going to get a permit last summer, but then I figured that my birthday was in September (slap on forehead) and by the time I turn 16, the permit would expire on me... So that's why I didn't. I would take Driver's ed, except that I'm busy at times and my schedule is very irregular, so I have to wait until summer.

This weekend is going to be nice, because it's one weekend that I actually don't have anything. Then we have three day weekend next weekend, and I don't think I have anything that weekend either... except my mom's birthday... I should get my mom a birthday present, but what would I give her? I already gave her a coat (because she never goes shopping) for Christmas... Maybe I should give her flowers, but then I'd have to change the water everyday and so on... but she likes flower, she just doesn't like changing water... - -; Maybe I should go shopping next week? Shoot... I should have went today... because I'd have to practice tomorrow... But then if I go shopping today for flowers, then it would wilt by next week... Maybe I'll pretend that I forgot that it was her birthday and go shopping for her birthday present... That would be a surprise. But then she probably forgot about her birthday anyway. Oh well, it still would be a surprise. Maybe I'll just bake a cake for her (not a pie, Chard). Well, I'll see.

I'm getting hungry now (it's 3:45... time for my 2nd lunch meal), so I'm going to let you guys go now. Bye-bye.


Unknown

Well, I went to Medieval Times for Satan's creation day yesterday. They had some good food. I think I liked food more than the show itself. I wonder if Caitlin and Kathleen lost their voice, because I didn't... I was saying "boo" for the whole time because I felt like it. Anyway, Shaun spilled some Pepsi on me "accidently" (j/k... it was a real accident... or was it not???), but it's okay because I'm Pepsi anyway (right, Shaun?). And Trevor threw some salt at me, but it should be okay because I'm french fries. =) I think the people who cleans up are going to hate me because there's salts and pepsi all over my seat... Plus, I gave them a penny for their tip =). Isn't that nice?

I think I have to make a "feast" today for my family for dinner, because my little brother got first place in Torrance and 5th(or was it 4th?) place in South Bay + Santa Monica area for individual math counts thing... for this math competition... That's really good considering that he doesn't study at all... I've never seen him studying for math, because he's always on the computer. My older brother got a 4th place for Fossils with Bryce Yucky for this Science Olympiad thing. Geez... I feel left out (not that I went to any competitions that was regional or statewide, but I got a 1st place for concerto competition for SBYO...).

Well, everyone is getting sick now including my parents, so dress warm and don't get sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2/20/2003

Well, my computer crashed while I was saving, so I have to write a new one again... *sigh* Oh well... it wasn't too long anyway. The reason why I'm starting new page after only writing one journal entry is that because my diary was long, I couldn't fit anything else in there, so I had to start a brand new one.

Yesterday at orchestra, my orchestra director said that he needed my biography. He said that he was going to make a story out of it, and he's going to submit it to a newspaper or something... so I have to do that this weekend, and I also have to go to a photo studio, because the one I have with my violin, I used it last year for the same orchestra, and almost all the audience are going to be the same, so I have to take another nice one... Well, last year's wasn't too nice, so hopefully, it's going to get better this year.

I was doing something all day afterschool yesterday... When I got home, I ate, then I started on my map for history. It took me an hour almost, and I did chemistry and algebra which weren't too bad, but I had to leave at 6:00 to go to my orchestra, and I had to eat before I left, so I ended up not finishing the homework before my orchestra. I didn't get back until 10:00, and I still had history index cards to be done, so I did that while I was eating another meal (shut tap, I was hungry), and that took me about 30-45 minutes. I had to take shower after that, and I ended up sleeping at 12:00.
I think I'm going to let you go now, since I don't have much to write. Bye-bye.


2/15/2003

Well, I wrote a vocab story for my homework, and I think this is pretty pathetic, so I'll just put it here, because I don't really have time to write anything today, since I have a violin lesson today... So here it goes:

One day, when I was walking down the street from school, there was a different house than I expected to see; my house looked different. It was supposed to be a yellow-cream-colored painted house, but it was colored with blue and black. “Okay, let’s go in… Gees… I wonder who built this kind of house in my property,” I thought. But my anxiety of fear grew. This was a very creepy house. It was all dark, and it was like a haunted house. My anxiety impeded my thought of going in, and my feet were getting soporific. However, I was also curious, and I didn’t want to look or act like a wimp. I also wanted to b e intrepid all the time because… I just want to be. So my feeling of curiosity was more cogent than my fear, so I went in.

When I went inside, it was totally a haunted house. It was really dark, and it had this gorgeous mirror by the door with a very nice table in front of it. It would be nice if only it wasn’t so dark, and if it wasn’t full of spider webs. Then, I saw a girl who was about 17 or so walking down the hallway. She turned around. I recognized her at once; it was Rinoa from Final Fantasy 8. I wouldn’t play games usually, but my friend, Chard, was obsessed with Rinoa, so I knew what she looked like.

“Wow, it’s Rinoa… Chard sure would be mighty jealous if I told him that I saw her…” the thought went through my mind.

She looked somewhat innocuous and idyllic, so I decided to talk to her. “Hey,” I said. The minute I said it, she turned around and smiled at me, looking very felicitous, however, edge of her mouth kept going up, and her face just turned into a monster. I became frenetic; that innocent looking girl was suddenly full of truculence, and looking deleterious as well. I ran away; it was just not right. I just kept on running and running until I wasn’t able to see her.

I saw a door. I wondered why I didn’t just go out from this creepy place when I was running away from Rinoa. So I looked back; I didn’t see any Rinoa, but I didn’t see the hallway either. All there was behind me was there was a big black gap, so if I step out, I would fall in there. I had nowhere else to go, so I decided to go into the door. The minute I opened the door, guess what came out? There were bats coming out… or not… It was actually bunch of squirrels coming out. That couldn’t be right… With this creepy setting, the squirrels can’t come out; but they did anyway. So I merged inside ignoring the squirrels, but the squirrels kept coming out and coming out… Millions and billions of them were coming towards me. So I stood there for about 5 minutes. The only one left was this tiny little cute squirrel, but that one grew larger and larger, bigger than me! Then it was walking towards me, so I planned to run away from it. I saw another hallway to the right, so I ran towards there, and luckily, I was saved.

The place where I came out was full of flowers. I thought it was really nice and peaceful. Then, the dark clouds came out, and it started raining very hard. The flowers, as if the rain was the medicines of evil, wilted, blackened, and became very ugly. The birds flying there also became this human bird. It had a human face, rather, a devil face, and it had wings and bird feet. The nail was sharpened, and they started attacking me. I screamed, and the ground suddenly fell…

“Uhh… that’s the end of me,” I said to myself. “Good bye, everyone….”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, wait a minute… I’m not dead yet???” I became conscious.

“Welcome to my hell, my buddy. My name is Shaun, and I’m the Satan of the hell,” the midget said.

“Oh no… I came to hell??? How did that happen?” I told myself.

It was actually fun over in hell. I got to bang people with sticks I found over on the ground. I also stole Shaun’s food, and… I just enjoyed the time there.

One day, Shaun came up to me and said, “You know what!? You’re such a troublemaker in here that I can’t do anything. Now, you’re exiled from here.”

He threw me up in the air. I lost my consciousness again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I gained back my consciousness, I was at school, in my ordinary chair, in Algebra 2 class. Then I walked back home as soon as the bell rang, and my house was there. I smiled. I never want to experience through that again.

-The End-

Good story, wasn't it? LOL Well, time to go. Bye now.


2/15/2003

Okay, so I haven't wrote in here for... a day... Well, on Friday, I heard some party going on somewhere behind my house... Ms. Brunetti, a South High Spanish teacher, lives behind me, so I told my family that it must had been Ms. Brunetti who invited bunch of her students over and dancing... =) Well, of course I was just joking, because she doesn't live right behind my house, and the music sounded like it came from right behind my house, but it's true that she live in the back... she lives south-west from my house. And there was this whiskey bottle incident, when I think last week, my family heard some kind of a glass material crash, and the next morning we went to see our backyard, there was broken whiskey bottle laying on our backyard... And from the scars we saw on the backyard, we assumed that it came somewhere from the back, so I said, "It must had been Ms. Brunetti who threw bottle when she was partying..." Well, of course I was joking there too, but it would be kind of funny if it was her.

So three day weekend for everyone, right? Well, not for me... I went to a rehearsal with my accompanist yesterday, which is 45 minutes drive, and today, I'm having a studio class at the same place too... My only free day is Monday, which is a day for my 6 hour practicing day, so I really have no break... Oh well... Maybe it's better than going to school... With... all the homework... Well, I still have to do the stupid Barbie project (3 more slides to go), and I still have to do my history crossword puzzle, graph for Algebra 2 homework, and do the vocb for English... And I forgot my chemistry homework at school, so I have to go there extra early, go to my locker, and finish it... Since I have chemistry 0 period... *tear* So I have to go to school around 6:50... And I have to watch news that morning for Current Event Quiz (if I fail, I get detention... if I fail it 3 times, I think...), so I actually have to get up around 5:50... watch news for 30 minutes and I'm a person who have to eat breakfast or I'm going to die from starvation.

My little brother got a report card, and guess what he got...? (dun dun dun) He got one C and a B, which my family had not expected. When we asked him, he just told us that he got bad grades simply because he didn't do one of project for tech (which he had C on), and he didn't do enough homework assignments for Social Studies. Well, he is so darn smart that he is supposed to get straight A's, but then I guess he was too lazy to finish his homework... or something... I don't exactly know what the story is, but then I know that he didn't get straight A's... but then my freakish older brother who studies all day did... Stupid Satoru... Why does he have to be perfect all the time?

Well, it's kind of getting long now, so I think I'm goign to go now... Bye bye peoples... scroll down for recent diaries...


2/14/2003

So how was everyone's Valentine Day? Mine was pretty good, I should say. Thanks to my boyfriend. =) So don't make your stomach too upset by eating too much candies... that's pretty bad. I ate a candy this morning and made my stomach upset... Wait, it was actually a pie. I'm having pie two days in a row now. Yesterday was custard and today was apple. Mmm... yumm... Well, but then I'm not obsessed over pies though, unlike Chard.

Well, so this weekend, I have to finish my word processing project on Barbies... .:shudders:. I'm the one who's doing all the research and putting in basic stuff in powerpoint, and my partner just do the effects. That's not what my partner wanted to do, but I chose to do so because I just don't trust him too much... It's safer to do it on my own, but he finished first 2 slides out of 8 slides, so I got to give him a compliment on that... Not that he doesn't work, but I'm just... you know... just in case... ifi he forgets to do it... I think I'll be able to finish it, and I have to send it to him on Monday, so he could do all the effects and stuff.

So do you like my statistics for my survey? I think the stats on Shaun is exactly right... I added Shaun's picture in it, and my original satan, so that was pretty fun. I know it's kind of a crappy drawing, but then that's the way I draw, I guess, and I didn't spend much time on it so you gotta forgive me for that.

I think I'm going to go now. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone~!


2/13/2003

Well, I went to orchestra yesterday... Umm... Well, let's see. We're doing a crazy concert like last year, and we're doing Reneissance music to Divine Comedy (by Robert Smith... the one who wrote Into the Storm, Engines of Resistance, and some other pieces, if you're familiar with those pieces...) to Irish music to Contemporary music, so we're pretty much doing everythin... I'm playing a solo for Barber (and it's the composer's name), and that's the hardest piece which sounds horrible right now, but they'll get better... hopefully... Then for Irish piece, I think as we start, we have to walk onto the stage playing, so I think we have to memorize the music... There's divisi parts too, so I have to memorize them all... all three parts... *tear*

I got pretty muddy today... I don't know why I have muds all over my pants, but I just do... stupid... rainess with the mudness...

Well, I think I should go now... Whatever... I'll just shut up and go... Or not... or yes... or not... So how was everyone's report card? Mine was really good, I should say... One B from English, and amazingly, I got an A in history! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2/11/2003

Well, I don't have much time to write here, so I'll jut add to this when I go home... I have a violin lesson today... .:sudders:. I have 90 minutes lesoon now, so that's even more a torture...

I'm home now. So how is everyone doing right now? Good? Hope so... It's raining pretty darn hard today... Yea...

Why did J.J. have to start tickling me again? Grr... He needs another "girlfriend" so that he could behave... j/k... Hehehe...

I have to write a sonnet today for English homework... It has to have 10 syllables per line, so that's going to be a pain... for sure. And it has to have 14 lines (oh my gosh!) and it has to have the rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg... Hate this... It's too hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least for me... it is...

For Word Processing, I'm doing a project on the Barbie creator person... .:sigh:. That's lame... that's really lame... it's like... well, playing with Barbie dolls wasn't one of my favorite hobby in my childhood anyway according to my mom, so there's no way I could like it now. But it's not too bad because it's not that I have to play with the Barbie dolls, but I just have to research for that stupid thing.


2/10/2003

Hey everyone, what's up? I started a homepage... not xanga... so you know... It should be better.

Well, today, I was being very dumb and decided to put rubber bands in JJ's hair like always, but he wouldn't let me do that for no money, so Bill and I just decided to pay 75 cents (which would be $1.50 total), and JJ amazingly let us put rubber bands in his hair. Well, I just ended up doing it, because Bill probably wouldn't do that kind of stuff anyway, but it was pretty fun.

Oh, in case ou can't tell what the hec those pictures are, the one in the left is a mitton, and the one in the right is a computer... or supposed to be... I just put a mitton there, because I just wanted to be right there, and some of you know what that computer means... hehehe... Well, I'm not hacking anybody's computer, but... It's a... hehehe...

So is everyone ready for Valentine? Or not... it's okay if you're not into Valentine, becaise Valentine is actually a priest's name or something from Roman Catholic Church... Whatever... I'm not too into Valentine's day either, and I'm more into birthdays or Christmas. Don't ask me why, because I don't know why.

So if you come to this site, please sign my guestbook, will you please??? Thank you...