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 the town
of spectre is an interesting place, and i can sense that there’s
some big idea behind it, a representation of something in
life. i have yet to
figure out what it really symbolizes though. (again, I was too busy
rushing in and out of movie theatres to go through big complex
ideas.) “sometimes
in a dream, you’ll visit places that seem instantly familiar,
filled with friends you’ve never met.”
does it represent some kind of “rest point”, a pitstop, or
a settlement in life?
somewhat like what marriage is to a woman? the thing is that once
you get used to the secure ways of living, it’ll require a lot of
effort, courage and determination, to turn away from it and start
afresh. that’s why
the townsman wouldn’t understand why bloom insisted on leaving
spectre, since “no one’s
ever left.”
to this
he answered, “this
town is everything a man could ask for. and if i were to end up
here, i’d consider myself lucky. but the fact is, i’m not ready
to end up anywhere.”
ahh…yes…that’s exactly my feeling right now. i’m not ready to end up
anywhere, physically or emotionally. sure, i have my family here with me, where i
have my job and probably all my materialistic needs fulfilled; and
i can always choose to return home to van where I have my friends
and my desired life.
and i’m most lucky to say that the choice is all mine,
with no pressure from my parents; (i won’t mention the unspoken pressure i have
on myself regarding this though. my own personality is the culprit.) as for emotionally, it isn’t
hard for me to find an anchor either. i know i can always choose to settle down with
someone who happens to come into my life. and again, i’m most
grateful for all these.
but i ‘m still dreaming of travelling, studying, and going
abroad to explore the world, i’m still fantasizing about the
perfect love you can only find in stories and dreams…(“沿途扮夠任性 需要坐定下來麼?” from <<自由行>> and “i haven’t ever really
found a place that i call home, i never stick around quite long
enough to make it.” from dido’s <<life for rent>>). you may
say that i’m greedy and not easilly satisfied, (people do tend to
ask for more and never get satisfied with what they already
have.) maybe my heart is just playing tricks on me and i’ll
regret it when i look back a couple of years from now. but i just can’t stay and
settle down. not
now. i’m not ready
yet.
so it
all comes down to the question: “what do i want for
myself?”. and up to
this point in life, i don’t have an answer. (see <<the
last samurai>> moview for details on this
philosophical question.)
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