“Would you like to see the last full show?”

            I asked him not because I missed him badly. I barely thought of him at all. But he was there and I thought, Why not? So we watched. It was a comedy to keep the mood light. He looked good, a lot better than I had seen him last and my heart gave a tiny flutter at the sight of him.

            “Nice pants,” I commented offhandedly. I had already admired his new hairstyle. I wasn’t going to lavish him with praises if I could help myself.

            He smiled ruefully. “I got it on sale,” he confided. “Fifty percent.”

            I laughed, happy because he didn’t have to tell me but he did. He could have let me believe that it was nothing to him. I started to miss him. He had always been that way – down-to-earth and funny.

            It was also these other little things about him. At the movie house, he blanketed me with his jacket because he knew I was sensitive to the cold. He rubbed my feet when they felt like ice. He gave me a backrub. Then he jokingly offered me a hug. I couldn’t help smiling the whole time. For the first time since we broke up, we were being friends. True, we were flirting a little, but that was how we were before we became a couple anyway.

            We decided to have coffee afterwards. But while we were talking, as we were laughing, his mobile phone beeps, someone send him a message. I looked over his shoulder and my heart fell to my feet. “Call me later so we could make plans for tomorrow. Thanks babe.” Then there was this tiny smile

            “Your girlfriend?” A thousand thoughts raced through my head.

            “No.”

            Then what?!!, my mind screamed. I kept silent but he knew me well.

            “Kind of. But..”

            Yes? I offered a little prayer.

            “The love isn’t there.”

            I started breathing a little. Maybe I was hungry for pain…I wanted to know more. He had his reservations but he obliged me. They’ve kissed. His family didn’t know about her. When other guys called her up, she rejected them but he never got jealous when she was involved. And a memory of how he was crazy jealous of any other boy who talked to me flashed in my mind.

            I might have hated that when we were together, but this time I grabbed at it, groped for it blindly as proof that he loved me. For the first time, I felt him slipping away.

            He wasn’t perfect but he was mine. We held hands as we talked. Maybe we both were sad that the whole affair was drawing to a close. We reminisced a little about the good and the bad times and when he told me his secrets, I felt them too.

            I was the one who didn’t want to get back together but he was the one who was saying goodbye. I wasn’t ready for another roller coaster ride of a relationship; I couldn’t take another fall so he was moving on. And I knew I should just let him but somehow my mouth wouldn’t work.

            He asked about me, but I honestly had nothing to tell him. There weren’t any boys or none that were worthy of speaking about. For an insane moment, I wanted to just say anyone’s name, just to see how it would affect him.

            Finally, it was time for him to leave. He asked if he could come back tomorrow and I said yes. We hugged each other tightly.

            “I think that maybe I’m still in love with you,” he whispered softly in my ear. I could do nothing but hold him even more, cursing myself that I couldn’t say the words that would make him mine again.

            Before he left, I gave him a tiny kiss on the lips. Just a peck. Just a little something to make me hope that there’s still a tomorrow for the two of us.