But I want you to know.
I'm addict.
I'm addicted to you.
I can't pretend I don't care.
When you don't think about me.
Do you think I deserve this?
He sighed loudly, rolling over in bed, only to be met by the now ever so familiar empty space next to him.
What was he expecting ?
For her to just magically appear overnight ?
He sat in bed for a further 10 minutes, reflecting on his thoughts, before he finally hauled himself out of bed.
Pottering into the bathroom he shook his head at his reflection.
His appearnce was becoming a shock, even for him.
Picking up an appliance that was situated to the right of him, he stared at it, unsure of his actions.
Then, he brought it up, closer to his face and without looking at the object again, began to use it.
just looked up at .
There was no facial expression, no evidence of emotion.
"Not too shabby my friend. Well done on the shave. So, you're ok now yes ? No more of this depressive shit, hiding away in your bedroom ? We need you back boy'o. I'll give you sweeties ?" finshed, raising his eyebrows in a suggestive manner towards .
A small smile crept across 's face. "AHA. I knew you wouldn't be able to keep this up after sweets were mentioned. Honestly, you are such a kid with your sweet tooth." grinned, relieved that the he knew was beginning to make an appearance again.
"I'm getting there. I needed some time to myself and i feel better for it now. But it still hurts. It's the hardest thing that's ever happened to me."
nodded his head understandingly and placed a supportive hand on 's shoulder.
"Mate, we're going to get you through this. And also, the fact that girls are throwing themselves left, right and center at you has to make you feel just the tiniest bit good about yourself ?"
smiled lightly.
"It does, but i'm not interested. I'm not going to get involved with any girl for a while now."
nodded. "Fucking bitches."
laughed, a real, throaty laugh sent from deep inside him, making smile as he was aware that hadn't laughed like that in months.
"You have a girlfriend ." chuckled.
"Yes. And you're not going to mention a word of that now re you pretty boy ?"
laughed again.
Maybe things weren't as bad as he had thought. Maybe he'd just been over reacting all this time.
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway
sighed as she turned her back on the empty space that was next to her.
Her hand lay beside her, gently stroking the bare sheets, longing for his touch.
She'd put on a brave face up until now, but sometimes things managed to get on top of her.
How could it not ?
He was her absolute life, her soulmate. And she knew that he was the only one she wanted to be with.
When she delved into her future, it was she pictured stood beside her, mopping her brow as she pushed their child into the world. It was who she looked up to and said her vows to. And it was who she would grow old with, watching crappy television day after day once they'd retired.
She had no right to be feeling sorry for herself though.
After all, it was her that called it quits. And it was her that broke both of their hearts. It wasn't like she wanted to though, she had no choice in the matter.
She had a good job that paid well. She was proud of herself and enjoyed working.
But the company was moving, and either had to leave everything behind and continue to earn good money, or stay in her comfort zone and have to depend on others to get by.
just couldn't bring herself to do that. She was an independant woman, and she wasn't about to scrounge off people.
She hated people paying for her, and always insisted on going halves on a date, otherwise she'd feel too guilty.
So found herself tearing herself apart from her boyfriend, her friends, their flat, and her hometown.
"You ok Chick ?" Her flatmate asked as she entered the kitchen for some breakfast.
"I'm fine." She smiled back, flicking the kettle on.
"No make up today ?" quizzed.
"It's my day off, i can't be bothered." poked her tongue out cheekily.
"Fair do's. But i know you're lying. And i think i'm the only person you're not fooling with this act."
's shoulder's dropped.
"It's my own fault." She shrugged.
"It's not. I'm sure a lot of people would have done the same thing. You were practical and realistic. You thought with your head, not with your heart. That's where most people go wrong these days. You're a clever girl , and it will get you far. And just think, if it was the other way around, do you really think he would have dropped the band and all that fame to stay with you ?"
seemed to think for a few seconds and then exhaled a mass of air.
"Exactly. Stop faking that smile and practice on perfecting a real one. Everyone else might think you're ok, but i don't."
I smiled at her little pep talk and poured some hot water into my cup.
I'm trying to forget that.
I'm addicted to you.
But I want it and I need it.
I'm addicted to you.
Now it's over.
Can't forget what you said.
"Shit. Maybe we should take these out of here." suggested in panic, as he hurridly picked up a photo album.
took the album out of his grasp and flicked through it.
There she was. Beaming into the camera, the happiness may as well have been written in big black letters across her forehead it was so obvious. And there was, with a mix of the same happiness on his face, but also pride, because he had her, and that, he was truely proud of.
allowed his eyes to scan the picture in full, tracing her arm to where it was draped around his shoulders, and both his arms were around her waist, squeezing her tightly if he remembered rightly.
He smiled.
No matter how much he tried to forget her, tried to push her to the back of his mind, the memories would always be there. You can't change the past, you can't re-write the history. And was glad of this fact. Because that photo, that moment, reflected their relationship perfectly. They were inseperable and so happy together.
The more he thought about it, the less he found himself blaming her.
The words she had said to him would always find a way of replaying over and over in his mind, but if he were to put himself in the same position, he wasn't sure if he'd have done it any differently.
'I'm such a dick'. thought to himself.
And I never wanna do this again.
Heartbreaker.
Heartbreaker.
"You ok Chick ?" greeted in her usual way.
"I'm fine." She smiled back, this time a little fuller than she had done in previous days.
"Are you really fine ?" questioned.
"Yes , i am really fine." I nodded, confident with my answer.
"Come with me to see McFLY tomorrow night." dropped the bombshell quickly.
"What ?"
"I knew you weren't 'really fine'."
"What are you talking about ? Why are you seeing him ? Them ?" corrected herself.
"Just because there's history between you and , doesn't mean i can't be a fan. I've got two tickets. Their standing, but as if he's going to see you. Come with, and i promise to shut up about you and him forever."
found her head nodding instantly, causing her to gasp as she didn't even think it through, it was more of a reflex than anything.
"Maybe you're heart's started to do the talking." winked at .
Since the day I met you And after all we've been through I'm still a dick I'm addicted to you I think you know that it's true I'd run a thousand miles to get you Do you think I deserve this?
"I didn't realise we'd get so close to the front." shrugged, as her and found themselves stood against a barrier, front row in the standing area.
found herself scratching her elbow nervously.
Things got worse as the support acts ran onto the stage and all the fans that surrounded her started to scream and sing along to the few parts of the chorus that they'd heard before the gig.
would stick out like a sore thumb when McFLY came on.
She didn't know the words, she wouldn't be screaming and she wouldn't be dancing or jumping about like everyone else seemed to be.
She gulped, suddenly starting to feel really hot.
Sweat began to trickle down her face as she tried to come herself down, but she failed.
Her breathing became more and more irratic as managed to clutch onto 's arm.
"Hey , stop it. I'm having fun. Aren't these lot good ? I really like the... ?" suddenly screeched, as she noticed her finding it difficult to catch her breath and the distinct look of fear on her face.
"HEY YOU !" shouted, as she began to flap her arms around in the air wildly in an attempt to get the security guards attention over the loud music.
One noticed, and lifted up, dragging her off to the side.
"Hey Dan, let's have a quick look out there. They might notice us peeping our heads out and go mad like they have done before." chuckled as he poked his head out.
A few girls instantly began to scream, making chuckle and pull faces.
laughed, wanting in on the action.
" !" A girl shouted as loud as she could the second he did so.
grinned cheekily, joining in pulling retarded faces, until he noticed to the left of the girl who screamed his name, some commotion going on.
He followed a security guard with his gaze and rolled his eyes as he noticed him carrying a girl.
'Probably just another girl trying to get backstage as usual.' He thought.
But on close inspection of the girl his breath caught in his mouth.
It was . His .
"Oi mate. Bring her backstage !"
I tried to make you happy.
I did all that I could.
Just to keep you.
But you left anyway.
"Why would she have been at one of our gigs ?"
"I don't know. Maybe she missed our here."
"I doubt it."
Her eyes flicked open as he spoke.
"Woah." muttered as he jumped a little, not expecting that.
" ?" She questioned, squinting her eyes.
"Hello ." He replied, feeling a little shy and unsure of what to say.
"What am i doing here ?"
"You had a panic attack."
She sighed, feeling shit.
"Haven't had one of those in a while." She managed.
nodded, knowingly.
"Not since before you." She finished.
The other boys coughed, and walked out of the room.
"How come you're here ?" asked, smiling slightly.
"My friend dragged me here. She's a fan."
"Does she know about me and you ?"
She nodded.
"She wanted me to come here, kind of to prove that i was ok, and over you i guess."
"Oh, i see."
"Looks like i failed doesn't it." She replied, hating that she was hurting him like this.
"I thought you were ok though ?" stated, his face immediately looking up from where it had been looking at the floor.
"Of course i wasn't. I've lost the love of my life, i'm never going to be ok again." Tears were trying to force themselves out, wanting to be shown, wanting to make know she was hurting too.
noticed the tears welling up immediately
"Come back." There were a million and one things he wanted to say, all soppy and from the heart, but he knew she knew all of that.
She bit her lip.
"My job though . It's my life. And you know i don't like to depend on other people."
"I'll get you another job. Ther must be plenty more companies in London that are similiar to what you're doing now. I have my contacts, it shouldn't be too difficult."
She looked down, and seemed to contemplate this momentarily.
"Ok. I'll try it temporarily. But if i can't get any work then i'm coming back here."
He nodded, over enthusiastically.
They both leaned in, pressing their lips firmly together.
"God, i've missed you and those lips." grinned at her.
She giggled.
"Back at you. Now come on, you have a gig to get to. And i've got a worried friend in the audience."
"I swear, i'm addicted to you." laughed cheesily, before placing his hands on 's hips and walking behind her, back towards the stage.