Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
[Chapter 1]
"Everything you ever do results in trouble.And it's never you that has to deal with all the evil stares the neighbours give me.I'm sorry ,your going to have to be punished."With that felt searing pain shoot through her body,as his fist conncected with her face,her stomach,her nose.And his feet found themselves pushing into her legs,with such force.
That was the first time he had ever hit ,and the memory was now permanently stuck in her mind.
The stupidest thing was, forgave him,and she didn't blame him. was too blind to see that he wasn't doing this because he loved her,he was doing this because he was angry.Angry at himself, ,or perhaps angry at his wife.
She had walked out on him and two years ago.Apparently she prefered 25 year old men,well if you can call them that when she infact was 45!
He had grown more and more sour every day,and finally his built up emotions exploded and he lashed out on .
stared down at her flat stomach.She was becoming painfully thin,and her ribcage was visible to all that bothered to look.
He had left the house a week ago,instructing to stay in her room until he returned.To be honest was terrified of what he might do to her if she did leave her room,so she just stayed there.
The sound of 's tummy rumbling woke the next morning. glanced out the window and sighed at the grim looking sky.It was the menacing type,that would threaten to soak you with rain,but keeping it all in until you eventually left the warmth and shelter of your home,and only falling when you realise you've forgotten your umbrella.
's eyes widened as she realised the day.Monday.That could only mean one thing...school!
felt her hands tremble.What was she going to do?He had told her not to leave the house,but she had already had the previous week off.
groaned as she felt her head sink into her pillow.
After a few minutes of deliberation, slowly rose from her bed,and wandered into the bathroom,clutching her hairbrush and clothes.
"Sorry." apologised although it should have been the other way around.
As walked down the busy corrider,countless numbers of pupil's had barged past her,in an attempt to hurry to class.
"Oh sorry."The words slipped out of 's mouth once more.
It was almost becoming a reflex for !
But then again she was used to apologising when things weren't her fault.
felt a sharp pain shoot from her shoulder to her wrist,and her coursework worked it's way out of her grip,plummeting,and landing in a heap on the floor.
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
's eyes lifted from the floor to a boy standing over her,from where she was knelt on the floor.
He was the first to apologise before her.
"Don't apologise it was my fault."His deep voice filled 's ears.
"I wasn't paying much attention to where i was going." stated.
"You want some help with that?"The boy asked,glancing at all the papers that were scattered about on the hard floor.
"No i'm fine thank..." was cut short as she saw him kneel down beside her.
As the pair worked together their hands touched briefly.
"Sorry."He blushed.
"It's ok." replied.
After a few minutes of silence and the collection of coursework, decided to continue with whatever morsel of conversation could be recovered from earlier.
"Thanks.I think that's all of it...erm..." trailed off.
" ."He finished for her.
" .I'm by the way." smiled at .
"That's a pretty name." complimented.
He certainly knew how to make girls feel good!
"So how come i haven't seen you around before?" asked,ignoring 's compliment and continuing with her conversation.
"I'm new.I was kinda rushing to get to the office when i bumped into you.I haven't been given a timetable and i haven't got a clue where i'm supossed to be."
"I can take you there if you want." offered as she replaced her pile of coursework into her grasp.
"I don't want to bother you.I'm sure you've got class or something." rubbed the back of his neck,not wanting to become annoying.
"Meh it's only class." replied as she led towards the front office.
"By the way,i think is a super sexy name!" grinned as she returned the compliment from earlier.
[Chapter 2]
"Erm...there seems to be a slight problem."The secretary hesitated.
"What kind of problem?" asked the question that was on both her's and 's mind.
"Mr your name doesn't seem to be on our files,meaning i can't retrieve your timetable."The secretary looked uneasy and avoided any eye contact with either or .
"Why isn't 's name on your files?" asked,determined to find out the truth.
"Well you see i've been really busy,what with it being a new year and all the Year 7's coming up,i must have forgotten about Mr ."
looked up at 's face,which was held low,as was looking down at the floor.
She tutted at the secretary and grabbed 's hand.
"Where are we going?" asked.
"Class." replied simply.
"But you heard.I don't have a class." muttered.
"You do now." said as she opened a door.
30 faces looked up and let their gaze fall on the 'late arrivals'.
"Ah Miss .Glad you could make it.Now would you like to keep your hands to yourself and allow this young man to tell me his name." 's loud voice bellowed through the class.
A few of the girls sniggered from the front row.
"What has finally got herself a boyfriend?Loser!"
felt the anger build but was distracted by placing a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm . miss.And i'm new." started talking before completely lashed out.
"Well Mr ,i'm sure that's the reason for the absence of your name on the register." continued.
gave the girls in the front row,who happened to be the biggest bitches in the world; , and ,evils before taking 's hand in her's once again and leading him towards the back of the classroom.
"I'm guessing there's some history between you and them girls then." whispered as soon as the pair settled down,and class resumed.
"Yep.I'm telling you now their the biggest whores you'll ever meet!" whispered back.
"So why don't you girls like each other?" asked,entrigued now that had started.
"Well to make a long story short, is a complete plastic and popular,me and a few mates made up a poem saying how much they all hate each other and are only using each other for popularity. and were my friends,but they decided to tell about our little poem,but telling her the poem was my own work and nothing to do with them, formed her little group and sent them against me,bringing most of the school with her." took a deep breath after saying that all in alomst one breath!
"Woah."Was all could mutter.
"I do have some friends though.I've got to warn you about them first though..."
"Really?Hmmm well i guess we've got more in common than we originally thought coz SNAP!I'm obsessed with Blink!And is sooo fit!" rambled.
smiled at her.Maybe his life wasn't so bad after all!
" !" stopped her obsessive rambling and turned her head abruptly.
"Yes miss?"
"I don't think the date,13th September,and the title 'Media Coursework' is a substancial amount of work for an hour long lesson do you?" started her lecture.
"Yes i do actually because me and were late." quickly came up with a excuse.
"Still,I think you could produce more in the 40 minutes that you and Mr were present.I hate to do this on Mr 's first day,but i'm going to have to keep you two in after school." finished,with a satisfied look on her face.
"Yea i'm sure it's killing you,giving us after school you old hag." muttered under his breath.
grinned at .
The bell finally rang,dismissing and from the now silent class.
"So you wanna meet the dudes?" asked,as the pair walked slowly down the empty corridor.
"Any dudettes?" questioned,smiling cheekily at .
"There's a few you might like to meet." replied,returning the smile but secretly feeling slightly disappointed that he wanted to meet new girls.
led up the stairs of the hall towards the dining area,and sat next to him around the crowded table.
" !What's up babe?" was the first to make conversation.
"Not much.I want you all to meet .You're going to love him.He's a Blink fan too!" beamed,as she swapped seats with and left the boys to chat about Blink 182.
looked up and smiled as she watched and kiss in the corner.
They were oblivious to the on-going's surrounding them,and were totally engrosed in each other.
could only wish she'd find a boy so perfect for her as had.
Her eyes wandered to and . tutted and allowed a smile to creep across her face.They were flirting again.
lightly punched 's arm as he made a cheeky comment,grinning wildly as giggled.
was sure them two would become a couple soon.
Which only really left and .
seemed happy to flirt with ,but both knew that was all it was.
It was meaningless flirting,completely different to and 's kind of flirting.
cursed herself as she realised she had forgotten .
watched intently.
She watched as his long eyelashes fluttered with every blink of an eye,she watched his lips rub together as he spoke to ,she watched his face look as though he was thinking hard about something,and then she watched his eyes gaze over towards her,as a welcoming smile danced across his face.
"Hey ! 's a fan too." teased as he turned his attention towards .
"Yea well. 's way fitter than .I would!" giggled softly to herself.
The bell started to ring through 's ears,signifying the end of break.
"Come on .We've got science next." placed her hand in 's once again.
surprised herself at how she was acting around .She had only known him a lesson and a bit,and here she was holding his hand,leading him to science.
She knew she was never usually like this around boys.She wasn't exactly frigid,but she had to get to know the dude first,before she started to let him know how she felt.
"So where abouts do you live ?" asked as the pair walked out of the school grounds at the end of the school day.
" .I'm not sure you will have heard of it,it's kinda hidden behind alot of trees!" replied. 's ears pricked up instantly,he lived in the same road as her!
"Dude!I can't believe this,we live in the same road!"
"Seriously?Well i never thought you would have said that.I was expecting more of a 'Nope i've never heard of wherever the hell you're talking about'." looked over at .Her head was held low as she stared at the ground she was walking on.Her hair shone brightly in the sunshine.The weather had certainly changed from the rain this morning. had a theory.The sun was shining because he had met . felt as though could brighten up even the darkest days,and knew that she was the reason for his cheeriness today.If only could see the real .The at home.The that sits in the corner wimpering to himself,wishing all the pain to vanish,wishing he could just live a normal life like every other kid.
"Heylllooooooo.Earth to . .DUDE!" clicked her fingers in front of 's eyes in an attempt to snap him out of his daze.
"Huh?What?" muttered in a daze.
"What were you thinking about?" enquired.
"Erm...nothing.Damn!This is my house i guess i'd better love you and leave you." stated as he started to walk up the gravel path.
" " called after him. turned around and looked expectantly at .
"Thanks."
"What for?" asked,confused.
"For making my day a hell of alot better!" enthused,smiling at broadly.
"It's ok.You've totally made my day by the way .Without you,i'd be the loser of the school again.Y'know the butt of all jokes?" smiled back,before he turned his back on her and walked into his house.
closed the door quietly behind her,smiling as she heard the door click behind her.
"Where the hell have you been?" jumped as she heard his voice again.
"J...just school."Vicky stuttered.
"I thought i told you to stay here.You disgust me,you're filthy scum!"He spat in her ear.
shivered as she felt his warm breath hit the back of her neck.
closed her eyes tightly and clenched her fists as her body endured pain.
She didn't know what to do.Should she go to school and end up facing the concequences when she got back,or did as he said?
She turned on her side and looked out of the window.The sunlight streamed through,resting on 's face.She took this as a sign.She was going to go to school.She
" what the hell happened to you?" hissed,pulling on 's arm and dragging her to his locker.
"What are you talking about?" looked confused at .
" ?Oh my God hun what the fuck?" screehed,rushing over to and pulling her into a tight embrace.
"Ok can someone please tell me what you're talking about?" raised her voice slightly.
fished around in her blazer pocket and pulled out a mirror.She handed it to .
As peered into the mirror she gasped.The right side of her face was bruised,she had black bags underneath her eyes and her lip was swollen,a trail of ooze travelling down her chin. snapped the mirror shut and shakily passed it back to .
" ?" turned arund,her eyes transfixed on an empty spot infront of her.
"Hey what's up ?" lifted her gaze and was met with a pair of gorgeous eyes.
"I...I've got to go." pushed past and ran down the corridor.
"Was it something i said?" asked,turning to and .
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" asked,shoving his bag on the table and taking his seat next to .
"No." replied bluntly.
" what can be so bad that you can't tell me?Don't you like me?Was yesterday just out of pity because i was the new guy?"
"What? .No.Of course not." looked up at him,seeing the hurt in his eyes.
"Then tell me what happened to you.Who did this to you?And don't try and tell me you fell coz i don't think a one armed monkey would believe that!" chuckled slightly.
" !A one armed monkey?Where did that come from?"
"Don't try and change the subject missy!Seriously ,c'mon you know you can tell me anything." placed his hand on 's knee and she flinched.
"Sorry."He apologised,removing his hand from her knee.
"Meet me.After school.Outside the church.You know where that is right?" nodded."Ok then." turned her attention back to her work.
She looked up and noticed the grey clouds pass by slowly,planning the perfect time to start raining. didn't get the weather.This morning it had been beautiful and now it was about to piss down.
"Boo!" shouted,wrapping his arms around 's waist and chuckling as she jumped.
" !" screamed,wriggling out of his grasp.
"We need to talk ." put on a serious face and allowed to lead him into the graveyard.
She told him everything.She couldn't believe she had done it,but she felt a million times better once she had.She didn't cry once,even when she recounted the most painful memories,she stayed strong.
was brilliant,so understanding.He just held her hand tightly and tried to conceal his looks of horror.
She made him pledge that he would not tell another living soul,unless her life depended on it.That was because thought that way,he would never have a reason to tell anyone anyway,but she was wrong...
'Coz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"Anything you want to tell me?" flinched as he snarled into her ear.
"N...no.Should i?" asked.
"Don't play innocent.I saw you,with that boy.You've been spending time with him.Your boyfriend.That's why you've been late this last week."
"He's not my boyfriend." shouted,defending .She was mad.How dare he bring into this. had nothing to do with him.
"Don't you dare take that tone with me.You have no right.And after all i've done for you.If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a roof over your head.You wouldn't even be here.You'd be dead."He spat in her face.
wiped the spit from her face and clenched her fists.She couldn't take this anymore.She felt an explosion build up and finally erupt in the pit of her stomach.
"After all you've done for me?If i stay here with you i'll fucking die.Infact i'm probably better off without you,i stand more chance of surviving with absolutely nothing than having my face smashed in every night.Every night i cry myself to sleep,and i tell myself that you will change.But i know i'm just kidding myself.Ever since mum ran off with her toyboy you've changed.And i don't blame her for leaving you,because at least one of us in this family is happy." retorted,unclenching her fists and turning her back to him.
Silence filled the kitchen and heard a sigh behind her.
" ?"Her heart skipped a beat.She wasn't used to him adressing her by her first name.Usually it was an insult.
She turned,and was met with a sickening black environment,as she slipped in and out of conciousness.
My head was pounding,and all the bleeping that was going on didn't really make it better.
Suprisingly i knew where i was,i knew exactly what had happened,and i knew who had done this to me.
It was weird though,i couldn't open my eyes.
I wanted to,but it was impossible.My eyelids just felt so heavy,but my body felt so light.
I knew i wasn't dead though,because i didn't feel my body float or anything,and i had never believed in all that stuff anyway.I guess i couldn't really say for sure,i mean people can believe they have talked to the dead,or that they have lived past lives,or that there is another life after this one,but all we can do is judge.Nobody can say for sure that all that stuff is true,until their time is up,and it's too late to prove everyone wrong then.
Suddenly my heart started beating.It was strange how i could still feel emotion and my organs working.I heard someone start talking,and felt a grip on my hand.
"Hey ,You sure know how to worry the crap out of everyone don't you?!I've never seen so many people just freak out.Seriously you've had me talking to you everyday,you've had and coming in here and actually not kiss for once.I know it's amazing,those two never put each other down.Well i guess everything's changing right now eh?You've had and console each other,and officially see what me and you have been trying to tell them for months.Yeah that's right they finally got together!And .I've never seen a dude so cut up about anything as much as he is.He hasn't left your side since he found you.Oh yeah except for now of course,and that was only because he collapsed!He hasn't had any sleep for three days.I guess in a way he's your hero! i've got to tell you something.I just hope you can hear this because otherwise i know neither of you will do anything about it. loves you.He told me yesterday.And i know you feel the same way.I've never seen you act like that around a boy before.I kinda guessed was special to you.Just please make a go of it,and don't pretend like you have no idea what i'm talking about.I've seen the way you look at him,the way you hold his stare,the way you wath his every move.I think it's really cute,and i know that would never hurt you.You're my little angel and i love you to death,and that's why i'm saying you have to give a go.Anyway look at me rambling.But please,if you can hear this,think about what i said."
I smiled.It was .He knew me better than anyone else.Even better than and put together.I told him anything and everything,because i knew he would take it to the grave.But then why was it so difficult to tell him about the beatings?Why had i told and not ?
I frowned but decided not to dwell on the matter.I played back everything that had said to me and smiled once again.
He was right i did like ,and more than just friends.I thought i had made it pretty damn clear by the way i was constantly flirting,touching his arm,giggling at his jokes,playing with his hair,watching him walk across the room,hugging him and just generally looking like a love sick puppy. Wait a minute. likes me?
I know that's what i wanted all along,but it's strange to think that he actually likes me.
Everything had said was true,and i knew if i wanted anything more than friendship with i would have to make the first move.Bless him.He was so cute,and he didn't even know it!
I looked down at her limp hand.She was so perfect.I couldn't stand losing her.I'd known her a matter of days,and yet i already found myself falling for her.I wasn't used to this though.I'd never been in love before.I'd never had a girlfriend before.I'd never kissed a girl.But then who would want to go out with a freak like me?
I'll never forget the moment i saw her.I discovered she had left some of her books in my bag,because her bag was too small,so i offered to look after them.I kinda forgot to give them back.So i asked my neighbour and she pointed me in the direction of 's house.I remember feeling doubt form in a tight knot,right in the pit of my stomach as i edged closer towards her house.Why was her front door open?.I walked in,and then i saw her.I thought she was dead.I was so scared.I haven't left her side since.Well i did once,but only coz those bastards made me.I didn't want to.I was scared she would wake up without me there.I guess i was so caught up in that i neglected eating and sleeping.I was pretty embarassed when i collapsed,but that doesn't matter.The only thing that matters to me is .
I was ripped apart from my thoughts as the grip on my hand tightened.
I looked up quickly,expecting to be awake,but her eyelids were closed and i was met with the same expression-less face that had been staring back at me for the past four hours.
Suddenly i felt angry.I hadn't had time to think about the reason she was in here.He had done this.
I was aware that as my fury grew more and more,my grip on 's hand was becoming stronger,and my knuckles had gone white.
"I'll kill him."I released 's hand from my vice-like grip and pulled on my jacket.I sauntered up to the door and pushed down on the handle.
" ?"I turned around and looked towards 's bed.
" ?"I croaked.
I watched as he turned from where he was stood at the door and faced me.
"You're awake!" muttered as he wandered over to my bed side.
"Don't do it ."I reached out for his hand.
"Don't do what?" asked confused.
"D...D..."I couldn't finish.
looked at me knowingly.
"Dad."I finished.I could see her blinking hard,wishing away the tears.
I opened my mouth to speak when a doctor walked in.
"Ah ,it's good to see you're awake.Shall i send in the police now then?"The doctor looked at .I could see the panic flash in her eyes.
"The police?Why?Why do they need to see me?What's wrong?What did i do?" rambled,almost screaming at the doctor.
I saw the doctor look at me and i sent him a questioning look.Then sighed.
I've honestly never witnessed anything so emotional. was a wreck.She refused to tell them who was beating her,and used up all her strength to scream at them.
She collapsed,apparently from stress,and is now asleep on the hospital ward.They've moved her now,because her condition is improving,and is no longer critical.
Now i'm sat here,looking down at my shaking hands.They're asking me questions.I can't believe that.I've only known her a few days.But the more i thought about it,i knew more than anyone else.I knew everything. hadn't told , or .And there her best mates.They still have no idea what's happened to her.
"Mr ?"I looked up and nodded.
I was led into an waiting room.I felt bad because there was a family sat around the small coffee table,tears falling repeatedly from their eyes.They were obviously thinking the worst.I shuffled my feet uncomftably on the ragged carpet below me.
"So Mr .You know Miss yes?"I nodded my head,my eyes glazing over as i stared blankly at the wall behind the police man sat infront of me.
"What is your relation with her?"He continued.
"I'm a friend."
"So you've known her a while then."He kind of stated rather than asked.
"No.Just a few days.I was new at school,and we just hit it off i guess."
"Hmmm.Hit-it-off"I could see him scribbling what i had just said down in his notebook.
"So you weren't aware that anything was wrong with Miss then?"
"No.Well not at first anyway."I screwed my eyes up and cursed as i realised what i had said.
"What do you mean 'Not at first'?"The policeman looked me straight in the eye.
What was i going to do now?
"I...erm...you know what forget what i said.It's nothing."
"Mr do you know it's an effence to..."I'd had enough of his stupid mono-tone voice droning on.
"IT'S HER DAD!Ok her dad is the one that's beating her."I shouted,feeling a wave of relief hit me once the words left my mouth.
"Thank you Mr .You've been a big help."The policeman stood up and gestured to me,to walk out the door.
I walked into the ward.It was strange seeing so many sick and injured people.I was used to just walking into 's room and having a one-on-one.
I looked over to 's bedside.It didn't look like i'd be able to do that today anyway.
"Hey !"I heard say to me.I forced a smile and did the man hug thing.
"Hey !" said to . forced a smile and did the man hug thing.
looked up from where she was gazing and smiled at .She knew she had to tell him soon.
" i need to talk to you." started.
"Really?I need to talk to you as well." took his seat next to .
"Guys i think i should go!" made his excuses and left the two together.
"Guys i think i should go!" made his excuses and left me and together.
I fiddled with my fingers nervously.I knew i had to tell her what i'd done.
"You go first."I heard say.This was what i had been dreading,from the moment i stepped out that waiting area.
" ...I don't know how to say this."I stuttered.I was picturing all the different reactions in my head.There was the one where she slammed the vase of flowers,next to her bed,on my head,cutting my head badly.Then there was the one where she told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again,leaving me heartbroken.And finally the one where she smiled sweetly and told me everything was ok.For some reason i liked that one the most!
"Just say what you feel."She soothed.This was going to be harder than i anticipated.
"When i was with the police i told them..."All of a sudden i felt slip away from me.
" !"We both turned our heads and i felt my breath catch in the back of my throat.
I was going to loose .
"Dad?"I watched as looked on,confused.
Her father was stood there,being held back by two policemen.
The same look stayed on her face,until it dawned on her.She turned to me and all i could see was the hurt in her eyes.
My heart broke right there and then.I never could have predicted thisoutcome.
I turned away from her.I felt like a wanker.I couldn't even look her in the eye.
All the shouting around me was blurred out,all i could hear was 's sobs.
My heart suddenly stopped.
" .Can you please just leave?"She sounded calm,but i didn't want to make this whole thing any worse.
I rose from the bed and walked out of the ward,my head held low.I promised her i wouldn't tell anyone.Now she'll never be able to trust me again.
I screwed my eyes up and felt the hot,salty tears roll down my cheek.I was,once again,the loser.The boy that stayed up in his room,and cried himself to sleep every night.I never thought i'd become this again. changed me,she gave me confidence.I'd never felt so great about myself before i'd met her.And now i've thrown it all back in her face,and ruined her,and her father's life.
It's only been two days since i lost her,but it feels like a lifetime.
, and found out.In turn, and told and .I feel so alone right now.Even though , and are talking to me,it's not enough.The only thing i want right now is .
I can't believe he actually did it.He swore to me he wouldn't.I thought he was different.I'm getting out of here tomorrow.And thanks to ,i have no idea where i'm going to stay.I don't even know if i'll go back to .I was told i can choose to stay with a friend,or be fostered.I was tempted to be fostered at first,just to get away from this life, and start a new one.But i thought of .I couldn't leave him.We'd been best friends forever.And i'm not going to give up on my life,as long as he's in it.My mind keeps rolling over one name though.I can't get him out of my head.But i'm not sure if i should trust again or not
" !It's so good to see you again." shouted as he ran over to ,almost knocking her off her feet as he hugged her tightly.
"Woah .Ok ok i get it,you love me!" giggled as she pulled away from him.
"But i thought i was the only girl in your life." pouted as she walked over to the pair.
"How are you chick?"She turned to and smiled.
"Meh...as you would expect." half whispered.She didn't come back to talk about what she'd been thinking over for the last couple of days.
" 's looking for you." stated,sensing was uncomftable.
"Really?We need to catch up actually.I haven't seen him since...well...you know." stuttered.
"Yeah.But he was..." trailed off,as a voice interrupted him.
" ?"She looked up,and into those trancing eyes.She tried desperately to look away,but she couldn't.
" i just want to say i'm sorry." shook her head and came crashing back to reality.
"...with ." heard finish his sentence.
"I know you're sorry .But is that supposed to make me forget what you did. you lied to me."
"I know i did.But i did it for you."
"Don't you see ?You've just made my life worse.I don't have a house to live in,i don't have my bedroom anymore,i don't have anyone or anything.I'm alone." swallowed the lump that was forming in her mouth and walked towards the school building.
"I heard she tried to kill herself."
"I heard stabbed her."
"I heard she slit her wrists because she wanted to get some actual friends."
As walked down the corridor,people she didnt even know,looked at her in a disgusted way and started spreading rumours.
"PEOPLE PEOPLE!Why don't you stop spreading shit and get back to your pathetic lives." looked up at who was walking towards her.
"Cheers ." tried to smile,but failed.
"Hey hey.No problem.You ok?"He asked,bending down and looking into her eyes,as her head was now looking towards the ground.
nodded and used her thumb to wipe a stray tear.
"Why didn't you tell me ?" suddenly asked,causing 's head to look up abruplty.
She saw him half smiling at her,but searched into his eyes and noticed the hurt.
"I...i don't know.I'm not going to make up any excuses,it's just nobody had ever asked.Nobody noticed.And when it became noticeable,i couldn't help but let it all out. just happened to be the one i was with when it was the right time to say.It could have been anyone.I'm sorry for not trusting you ." apologised,raising her hand to his cheek.
"It's ok.But i have a favour..."
"Anything." almost shouted at .She had hurt him,and she wanted to make it up.She's do anything.
"Give another chance.Forgive him and tell him how you really feel about him.Before you loose him for good."
was speechless.She said she would do anything,but could she really forgive so quickly?
I looked down at my shaking hands.This was the right thing to do.
The next thing i know,my hands have returned to my side and the door's being pulled open.
Don't look into the eyes.They're your weakness .Avoid the eyes!.I felt so stupid talking to myself like this,but i was soon distracted.
"H...hi ."I looked up.
I was shocked.His hair was greasy,his face blotchy,and the spark had vanished from his eyes.
" ..."I gulped and trailed off.Why was he like this?
"So you want to come and shout at me some more?"He asked,his head held low.
Tell him you fool!
"No.I...you know what?It's nothing."I turned my back to him and slowly walked down the gravel path,silent tears sliding down my cheeks.
I can't believe i did that.I don't even have the guts to talk to him anymore.I'm changing.In all the wrong ways.
It's been pretty strange without .Everything's changed now.Not just at home,at school as well.So let me fill you in on everything that's happened in the last two months.
I now have a home...well i guess i could call it that.I'm living with and her family.Her parents are officially my guardians now.It's really weird,me and are almost like sisters!
At school i'm more popular.Not in a / / way,slightly more subtle than that.All the couple's are still loved up,except now there's a new face around.If could hear me now he'd slap me!Not just any face. .She's 's new girlfriend!Of course i'm still single,what did you expect?!
What about ?Things haven't exactly turned out the best for him.And i do feel responsible and guilty.I can't shake the thought that somehow i'm the cause for his unhappyness.
He's alone.He has no one.And i mean no one. 's abandoned him,and has taken his place. and are always round and 's.And and are as they were before.Still too stubborn to forgive him.
I wish i could help him,but i guess in a way i'm too scared.And the only person that can help me is the one i'm running from...
I was walking down the corridor again.Everytime i passed it,the memory flooded into my mind.It seemed so distant now,but in reality it wasn't that long ago.
I glanced down to where my arms were crossed,clutching onto countless numbers of books,folders,notes and pieces of coursework.
Just like that day.An image entered my mind,all my belongings were scattered on the floor,and then i heard his voice for the first time.
I felt my stomach jolt and clutched my side,percipitaion,in the form of paperwork,rained down,hard,on the ground.
I sighed and kneeled down quietly.After a few seconds i looked up,and was met by an empty space.
What did you expect?For to turn up and help you once again?HA!
I knew what i was hearing was right though.I couldn't shake the thoughts from my mind.What had i just felt?Do i miss ?
"Oi gay boy.Where's your girlfriend?"
I frowned as a deep voice echoed through the empty corridor.
"W...What are you talking about?"
I knew that voice...but where from?
.What she realised that you're such a dork and left you?Now she's one of the hottest girls in this school."
My head jerked up as heard my name being mentioned.Curiosity surged through my body.
" ... .She's not my girlfriend.She's my friend."
My eyes widened.It was
"Used to be mate.She's not so keen on you now after you stitched her up."
My stomach turned.That wasn't true. hadn't stitched me up.
"I didn't stitch up.The only thing i did for her was protect her.And i lost the only person i've ever loved,the only person i will ever love because of it."
I could feel the urge to vomit work it's way up,but i somehow kept it down.I was in shock.
Did just say he loved me?
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
It's strange how much my life has changed.My head was held high and i felt like nothing could ever go wrong in my life.And now it's heading into a downwards spiral,to the bottom pit of emptyness.
You can't,won't and don't understand the amount of pain i'm going through right now.I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body,and now i'm left with nothing.No organs,no way to breath oxygen,no way to live,no .
I can imagine her walking up to me with open arms and telling me that she forgives me.But deep down i know that's never going to happen.Not like that anyway...
Just when i thought my life was finally improving, had to go and ruin it...again.
My head is spinning,i'm so confused.He loves me?It's such a strong word for him to use so lightly.Before i knew what i wanted with him.I knew what he meant to me,and i knew how he felt.Or at least i thought i knew.
But the feelings before,when he said he loved me.He's changed me,i didn't feel like this a few weeks ago.Every time i see him i always long for him,maybe it's not because i miss talking to him.Everytime someone mentions his name i can't help but listen in on the conversation.This isn't normal.I just wish i had seen this earlier,then i wouldn't be in this mess,and would probably still have a life,instead of being walked over and used by everyone in this school.
I've got to tell him.I've got to tell i love him.
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
The rain pelted down,leaving an invisible imprint on 's bare skin.Standing there,in a white,water soaked school blouse,and a short,black skirt,she looked as though she'd just drowned.Her loose hair had become straggly and the tips curled in towards her face.
She sighed and watched as water vapour formed infront of her eyes.She looked foward and stood,rooted to the spot momentarily,before placing one foot in front of the other and started walking towards her destination.
knocked on the door,taking note of her shaking hand."Just like the last time" she muttered under her breath,before jumping as brightness hit her face.
"Oh Lordy.Are you here for ?Come in quickly before you catch you're death!" was ushered in,by whom she assumed,was 's mum.
" ?!"The lady said as she walked into the kitchen.A pretty girl,that looked older than ,walked into the room.
"Yes?"She asked,looking over at in a confused way.
"There's a friend here to see you."
"She's not my friend.I have no idea who she..."
" ?" and both turned to where was stood,by the door frame.
"Oh i'm ever so sorry dear.So you're 's...erm...'friend'.Oh well you two run along upstairs. ,remember that talk me and you had the other day?"
looked at his mother with a serious face,and blushed furiously,before he led upstairs.
smiled as she walked into 's room and breathed in his fresh aroma.His room was everything she would have imagined it to be.A typical boy room,meaning a mess!
" you're shivering.Here put this on." thrusted a grey hoody in her face.She placed it over her small figure gratefully.
"Thanks."She half smiled.
An eery silence filled the room.
"Why are you here ?" asked,deciding to break the uneasy silence.
"Because..."
"Because?" repeated,emphasing the word a little more.
"I've come to say i'm sorry." gulped and blinked away the tears.Why was this so difficult?
"You...have?" repeated again.
nodded and then looked down.
"But there's something else."
used his finger and thumb to gently push 's head up.Her tear filled eyes met his,and searched once more.She noticed the eagerness and curiosity emotions embedded in his eyes.
"I...I think i love you."
"Only think?" held her stare momentarily and then smiled at her.
sighed a sigh of relief and pounced on him.She couldn't control herself.She wanted to be with him.She needed to be with him.
leaned in and pressed his lips firmly against 's.She smiled into the kiss and opened her mouth slightly,allowing 's tongue to enter,filling her mouth with passion.As the pair pulled apart they smiled at each other.
"I love you ." stated.
"I love you too ." smiled back.
As the wind whisped through the air,and the rain continued to fall heavily,a shadow in the background formed.
"I'll be back.Watch it ."A sly smile formed on the face of the shadow,as it slowly walked out of the darkness,and down the long road,leaving a trail of problems behind.