The storm has finally subsided and
the sky's beginning to clear up. I just hope that there will be no
more “tempest” brewing along the horizon. I do not think I can bear
another one. But the sun is still nowhere to be found, still hiding
himself from amongst the clouds. Across the valley, there was hardly
any movement at all from the two contending armies. The battle has
finally been decided. The lot has been cast. In spite of the
savagery and barbarism that I witnessed this day, I marveled at the way
these men-of-war conduct themselves as men of high honor and virtue, whether
victorious or vanquished. These warriors lived by the ethics of war
and would die by the “code of chivalry” from whence they were borne.
“Still...” I mused again, “...there
is nothing noble about waging a war. What virtue and what honor one
derives from slaying another? When it leaves nothing in its wake
but death and destruction!”
Then I looked again towards the
knight in silvery armor, still cradling the corpse of his fallen friend
--- a friend whom he has slain with his own sword. I just do not
how much pain and anguish he must have been feeling right now. What
thoughts may have been going through his mind at this very moment.
I could only surmise and symphatize with him for the loss. For surely,
it is too difficult, too agonizing and heart rending to see someone whom
you treasured the most to die by your own hands. It must have been
tormenting. I shook my head in total disbelief, resigned to the fact
that destiny so ordained that one of them should fall by the sword of another
--- and a friend’s sword at that!>
Then after awhile I saw three horses
slowly approached the still grieving knight in silvery armor. My
eyes opened wide after beholding that one of the rider is the lady herself,
accompanied by two other knights.
The knight in silvery armor remained
from where he is, still cradling that fallen knight in black armor, unmindful
of their approaching presence.
Afterwards, the two knights dismounted
from their horses when they were several yards away, tugging along the
horse of the lady. The knights, dressed in black tunic much like
the fallen old warrior, knelt down in their right knees as if to pay their
homage and last respect for the knight in black armor.
Then one of them, after awhile,
broke the silence and spoke in a hushed manner and respectful voice,
“Sir Gervaise...”
Ah, so then! Gervaise... is the
name of this virtuous, but unfortunate knight in silvery armor (I said
to myself as if he was introduced to me personally).
But the knight in silvery armor,
lost in his mournful grieving over the death of his old friend, did not
in anyway responded. There was hardly any gesture of acknowledgment
for their presence. The two knights just looked at each other, perhaps
trying to compose the right words to speak. Then the other knight
spoke again...
“Sir Gervaise...”
“...do you not remember me, Sir
Gervaise...?”
“I am Sir Kevann... and this is
my twin, Sir Maeldwyn.”
“Do you not remember us...?”
And with that the knight in silvery
armor, looked at them with hardly any expression written in his bloodied
face. His eyes seemed to be looking beyond them. He must have
been very tired and exasperated from all that he has gone through this
day.
“We have attended to you as your
pages and squires many years ago and even until the time you were commissioned
to go on a quest in Palestine.. .”
Then afterwards, I saw his face
lightened up and a smile streaked passed his pale, colorless lips.
I thought, he must have now remembered who these other two knights before
him.
Sir Kevann and Maeldwyn smiled also
in response, relieved upon seeing Sir Gervaise accorded them a smile.
Then Kevann found some boldness to speak again and said...
“Sire, I thought for awhile there,
you have completely forgotten who we are. Forgive us for invading
your solitude. We have come in peace and we have no desire
to battle you this day. Sire, we have come on an errand from our
King. His majesty bid me say that this battle belongs to you.
You have won it fairly and that we finally concede to the fact that our
champion is vanquished through fair and honest duel...”
The knight in silvery armor then
laid his friend straight in the ground, resting the hands of the old knight
in black in the chest. He then placed the sword on top of the golden breastplate
with the handle gripped by the hands. Then he place the shield with
the markings of a cross and a king’s crown above it on top of the sword.
He then stood up after he wiped clean the blood that have dried up in the
mouth of his fallen friend.
“...God must have intended that
this battle be decided in your favor and we can not do otherwise but concede
to his sovereign will” thus Sir Maeldwyn spoke with so much angst written
all over his boyish face. Then both of then leaned over the fallen
corpse of the knight in black armor and again fell down to their knees.
“He was more than a father to us,
a friend who took us under his wings when you left in favor of the other
sovereign. We bade him not to go and involve himself in this war,
but he was too stubborn to yield to our wishes upon learning that you were
at the head of this expedition and waging war. We thought he was
already too old for his age to take the challenge. Our King then
recalled him from retirement and assumed command of the remaining knights
of our realm. His majesty has no other choice, for all the bravest
and finest knights of our kingdom has fallen in the earlier stages of this
war. Now we have to succumbed to our defeat, and be under the mercy
of the one who vanquished us.” Thus, spoke Sir Maeldwyn, who seem
to be more bolder than the two. Sir Kevann just breathed a sigh and
concurred with his twin.
Indeed these two knights were twins
judging by their looks. Nobody will be able to distinguish them from
each other. Their demeanor suggest one of refine deportment.
Their bearings speaks all the more that they were raised in high civilities.
They have the manners of gentle forbearance and exudes a strength of character
and confidence. They seemed to be too young for their ages, much
less being a knight. Yet, here they are, addressing the knight in
silvery armor as one would address a peer.
“Ah... good Sirs” said the knight
in silvery armor.
“...as much as it is against my
will, you know very well that I can not turn away from my vows. If
only it is not a sin to slay myself here and now, I would have not hesitated
to do so. It grieves me so much that there was no other way I can
change our destiny, but nevertheless, I have to live the rest of my life
with the specter of our old friend’s death haunting me. May God have
mercy upon us all and even more so to me...!”
“But then again, I can not say how
I am pleased to see you and how you have turned out to be --- becoming
the knight you dreamed of. Perhaps if we have met under a different
circumstances, I would have jump with elation upon seeing you as a full
pledge Knight of high ranking. But it grieves my heart that we have
found ourselves under different banners who have to contend against each
other. Nevertheless, it is good to see you and I am relieved to find
both of you in good stead. I have not made a mistake in taking you
under my tutelage and served me as my pages and squires. Look how
you turned out to be, your mother must have been very proud of you.
Indeed the joy is mine, believe me Sirs. I pray that I had not taught
you manners which are unbecoming of a gentleman. I hope I had made
myself as a good example for you to emulate... Or have I?”
“Yes, Sire... indeed you were” answered
the two knights in black tunic.
“Now, good Sirs, forgive me for
asking, but pray tell me, what it is that you have graced me with your
presence?
“What is your pleasure...?” asked
the knight in silvery armor.
“Forgive us, Sir Gervaise...” answered
Sir Kevann, “...We now deliver unto you the lady whom you sought after
throughout this war. It is to our misfortune that we have detained
the lady against her wishes. My King his majesty humbly request your
kindness through this errands to make now your demands. His majesty
also bid your kind indulgement for this matter, not to exact from us too
much of a retribution to indemnify and recompense the undue damages we
may have brought upon everyone concern by detaining your Queen.”
The knight in silvery armor then,
walked past them and came where the lady is, who was sitting sideways on
top of the horse.
Solemn and weeping, the lady took
a glance at her champion, battered and bruised from his skirmish with the
knight in black armor. But she spoke no words. She just covered
her sad and forlorn face with her quivering hands. I thought maybe
she could not bear the sight of her champion, wounded and bleeding.
All I can hear was her incessant sobbing.
The knight in silvery armor then
knelt on his right knee before her presence, but obviously struggling from
the pain that he had been suffering, and with a hushed and respectful manner
of a knightly gentleman spoke,
“My Lady, your Highness . . .”
Their eyes caught one another and
for a moment just looked at each other as if their eyes were engage in
conversation. And for awhile there, they seemed to convey what they
need to say to each other without even exchanging words. Indeed there
was more to these two than just being a Queen and a champion. Then
afterwards, the knight in silvery armor bowed his head once again and spoke...
“My Lady, this day have I delivered
you from those who have detained you against your will... and the King
that has done this injustice to you has willingly obliged to release you
to me. I have vanquished their champion in ransom for your freedom.”
But the Lady remained silent as
ever with hardly any expression from her beautiful but sad and forlorn
face. It must have pained her so much to know that such freedom would
have require so much blood to be shed. Such a price indeed was paid
for her freedom. What a ransom it was --- men lay dead, scattered
and strewn all across the valley; two kingdom stirred into war, leaving
in its wake hundreds of weeping widows and orphaned children; and two old
friends who have to slay one another! “How can you account for all
of these without having to grieve...?” I said asking myself as if I demand
an answer. What a ransom indeed it was. But such grief over
what has already transpired this day won’t surely be rectified by a shedding
of tears.
Again I heard the knight in silvery
armor spoke once more, “My Lady, I am giving you the liberty to exact demands
from those who have detained you against your will. These errand
knights that have accompanied you are waiting to take to their King your
demands.”
Then for the first time, I heard
the Lady spoke up, saying,
“Forgive me Sir Gervaise . . .”
“...will my demands, if I may have
the liberty to do so bring about the lives of all these fallen knights
and soldiers?”
“Would it matter...?” Then
she paused for awhile and took a deep sigh while looking over the wide
expanse of the valley. Then afterwards she spoke again,
“If there is any one person who
should have died this day... I wish it was me! O, how I wish all
of these is just one bad dreamings of mine. How could I ever bring
about myself to bear the tragedy that has befallen all those fine and brave
soldiers. Was it my fate? Was it my destiny to exact so much blood
just for my deliverance? Is my coming into being also entails such
grave injustice for all of these men?”
“Hand me a sword Sir Gervaise, for
I have resolved to slay myself. Or maybe perhaps, you may do me an honor
by thrusting your sword upon me. I could not bear any longer this
anguish that have consumed so much of my being. Just the thought
of so many having to shed their blood for my own deliverance is more than
I can bear...!”
“Hush...! my Lady,” as she was interrupted
by Sir Gervaise.
“You speak the truth with regards
to demands. No amount of worldly spoils nor riches would be enough
to pay for all the blood that has been shed and all the lives that has
been cut short this day. Truly indeed, it was not for all of these
things why these men have so endeavored to win this war. As for your
wishes... would it be of any consolation to your grieving heart to thus
condemn yourself and lay upon your shoulder all the guilt and blame?”
“It is true just as you have said,
that nothing in this world could bring back the lives of these men that
have fallen this day, but neither will your self-condemnation and
blaming one self would also bring them back to life. And if killing
yourself will thus be your resolve, then indeed, you would have done another
injustice to all of these men... their lives would not have mattered that
much to you. We have indeed gone to this quest and fought for nothing
and died in vain!”
“Please my Lady...” as Sir Gervaise
continued, “Please give justice to those who gave up their lives in defense
of their noble creeds and vows, whether friend or foe, by sparing your
life. Otherwise, I would have regretted this day that I have killed
my only friend, just so I may be proven true to my vows as your worthy
champion.”
The Lady then fell silent.
Sir Gervaise, the knight in silvery armor has spoken well indeed.
Then the knight in silvery armor struggled on his feet and turned to the
two other knights, Sir Kevann and Maeldwyn.
“Good Sirs, go tell his majesty
your King, that he has already handed us what we came for. We are
not making anymore demands. Go tell the good King that you have lost
as many goodly knights and men this day just as we also have. It
would be a great dishonor for these fallen men and a shame for us all if
we will exact from you such worldly retribution. We did not came
here to battle you for riches and wealth --- but for pride and honor.
That I believe, good Sirs, we have won it this day. Asking for more
would have been insulting for both of the armies that gathered in this
valley. The ignominy of defeat, I know will be more than what your
King can handle.”
“But go tell the good King, that
we did not came here to shame you nor insult you for this matter, but to
redeem what belongs to us. Let us call this day over and wage no
more battle. We are not asking anymore retribution from all of these
madness. Both of us are guilty of the same crime.” The two
knights started motioning to their stallions when Sir Gervaise halted them
saying,
“But before you go, Sir knights,
grant me one request.”
“What is it Sire...?” replied
the two,
“...say it, and we assure
you it shall be done even as you speak.”
“Go, tell his majesty, that Sir
Velmore, be accorded the proper burial befitting a Knight of his stature...”
Sir Gervaise said while pointing to the fallen knight in black armor with
the golden breastplate. So, the fallen knight’s name is Velmore.
Now I begun to take mental note of every name my ears have heard.
Somehow I felt that there will be more to than just being an accidental
witness to all of these. There must be some reason one way or another.
I could only wonder what must it be. But how about the lady . . .?
What is her name?
“...and that,” continued Sir Gervaise,
“...you would do no less also for all the fallen knights and warriors from
your side, whether nobles or not, lest the vultures circling above the
valley and wandering wolves feast on their corpses. It is the least
thing we can do for these gallant men, who courageously stood on their
creeds and vows.”
“Also Good Sirs, allow me to indulge
myself for this liberty, if it is not too much of asking. Please have a
monument erected on this very site from whence the greatest and mightiest
knights of our realm has fallen. Commemorating the bravery and the
battle that as transpired within this valley. So that all who may
pass by be reminded of the courage and the bravery that was displayed in
this plains and also the foolishness of wars.”
Then Sir Gervaise paused and surveys
the plains of the valley again and took a deep sigh, then he added,
“Go Sirs, hasten now to your King.”
“It shall be done, Sire!” said Sir
Maeldwyn.
“Indeed we shall see to it Sir Gervaise...
you have our assurances, Sire!” seconded Sir Kevann.
So the two knights in black tunics
rode off towards their line and into their ranks, leaving the lady and
Sir Gervaise all alone by themselves.
Afterwards I heard Sir Gervaise
moaned in pain from all the wounds he has been suffering. Still weak
from the loss of too much blood, his knees gave way and was not able to
control himself. He collapse onto the ground.
“Sir Gervaise...!” cried the lady.
She quickly went down from her mount and rushed by the side of the knight
in silvery armor. She then cradled him in her tender arms.
“Gervaise...! Gervaise...!
Forgive me, I have not noticed that you were hurting so bad.
You must be tended to...” And with that, she tore a portion of what
remains of her tattered and filthy clothing. She then tried to apply
a makeshift bandage upon the wounds of the hurting knight in silvery armor
--- All the while whispering some vague words that I can hardly hear from
where I was hiding.
“O, Gervaise... must you die now?”
asked the Lady crying.
“Ah... my Lady...” answered the
knight in silvery armor with a smile streaking past upon his face.
But it quickly vanished in pain and he struggled for every breath, shallow
and rapidly gasping for air. He tried all the more to speak,
“Indeed, I shall gladly die a thousand
death if only I would die in your arms... To gaze at your lovely eyes in
my final hour is more than enough to compensate me in all the quest that
I have gone through in your name”
Then Sir Gervaise removed the bloodied
gloves from his hands and gently touched the lady’s face and wiped away
the tears.
“Hush, Sir Gervaise... Hush!” said
the Lady, “You have lost a lot of blood, you are delirious.”
“No, my Lady” answered back the
knight in silvery armor, “. . . I am not speaking as one who is delirious.”
“Speak no more please, my dear knight”
pleaded once more the lady.
“Please forgive me my Queen... you
must indulge me for a little while. I only have this few moments
to speak my heart, afterwards you shall see no more of me.”
“Why...? Where will you go?”
asked the Lady.
“The battle is over. Will
you thus leave after all you have done for me?”
“Sir Gervaise, I can not just leave
you here in your present condition. Not that I owe you my deliverance.
You must be tended to!”
The knight in silvery armor just
smiled again and stared at those lovely eyes no man would ever missed for
anything else, and for awhile he just look at those pair of shining jewel
that almost rivaled even the most beautiful stars in the evening skies.
“Ah, Chervelle...” said Sir Gervaise.
“...the fairest of the fair ladies I have had the pleasure of setting upon
my eyes with...”
“Queen Chervelle...! Hah!
“ then, at last, the lady’s name. I said it as if I almost jump upon
finally hearing the name of the lady in question all through out this whole
episode.
“...I have not dreamed of anything
else but dreamed of you, tended by your lovely arms. I have not asked
of anything that fancies my pleasure more, than just to be drawn closer
to you and behold thy beautiful countenance. I have asked nothing
more and wished nothing else, but this --- that I may have the pleasure
of confiding what is in my heart to the one that I adored. Thus will I
be pacified...”
“Hearken unto me my Queen!
This might be the last time I would indulge in what my heart longs to say.”
The Queen, the lady Chervelle, just
let him be. Then to his hearts content I heard him spoke up,
“These wounds I have this
day, that I can bear...
But the wounds that I have in my
heart,
is something that has caused me
so much despair.
I have loved you with all my heart,
and that,
I bleed for you right from its
very start.
Yet, I have kept myself from what
is most forbidden,
and have kept it all the more in
secret and unspoken.
But, Oh! my heart, unrestrained,
kept all the more insisting,
going against all rightness of
reasons, it cries, rebelling!
Thus it leaves me always, helpless
and weak,
everytime it craves for you and
wanting to speak.
Ah, my Lady, Forgive me for my indiscretion
If I may be breaking my vows for
this revelation.
I just could not hold it any longer,
the love of which have grown so
much stronger.
Will you thus condemn me now?
If I had just broken the chastity
of my vow.
If I have yielded to my hearts
unrelenting affection?
Will you forgive me not for this
blatant transgression
O, How I quake in fear whenever
I am consumed with its passion,
knowing that such might cause me,
my soul’s salvation.
Ah, how wretched a man I am
despairing in all its shame!
Worse than a man who is insane
loving you still,
even if it is all but in vain.
Thus, the reason why I must depart
quickly hence,
and hasten not return to your disarming
presence.
Lest, I might endanger the wholeness
of your person,
and I be damned unto the well of
uttermost perdition.
“Go now my Lady” as he finished
revealing to his hearts content of what he feels for his Lady.
“...for yonder is the King to whom
you rightly belong, and even now two knights are fast approaching their
way to fetch you to your King.”
“But before you go my Lady, forgive
me if I may so take this liberty... I ask that you release me from my vows
as your champion. Although it grieves me to depart from your service
for good, I must, for I see no other way to be relieved of this suffering.”
Then a long pause ensued between
the lady and the knight in silvery armor. The lady then tenderly
brushed his hair aside and wipe away the blood that has dried up in his
face. Then the Lady Chervelle replied,
“O, Gervaise... I have
long known
what has been bothering you,
And never doubt the sincerity
of the love you now said is true.
I have known all the while the secrets
you have been keeping from me
If only you found me still free,
I might have pledged my love to
thee.
Who could ever resist
your genteel charms?
Who would ever dreamed not
of falling in your arms?
Young Damsels swooning
upon each wave of your hair,
while Fair Maidens faint in love
when graced by your princely air.
Your stately demeanor
and comely bearing
is almost mythical, like a god
that made a sudden appearing
O, how is it that you
have fallen for me?
Why chose me amongst
the much fairer company?
Is there not anyone that
captures you heart’s attention?
What have I done to deserve
such sincere affection?”
Then the Knight in silvery armor
spoke again,
“I do not know my lady
what has come over me.
Something about you has quickened
my heart
and have awaken a love sleeping
quiescently.
You held me close to you then,
so close, I can almost breathe
your breath.
That even to this moment I can
still
smell the fragrance of your hair,
like the scent of a thousand flowers
bursting forth from a springtime’s
lair.”
“You melt my heart with
so much of your thoughtfulness.
You overwhelmed my thoughts
with so much of your sweetness.
Your’s is a presence
full of such gracefulness,
And you graced my heart
with so much of your tenderness.
I then tried to ignore and resist
But the more I did the more it
persist.
“Now, my heart is wrenching in pain
knowing that to wish for you is
but insane
Yet still, my heart kept on wishing
but wishing in vain.”
“Ah, Heart . . .!
Why love what must not!”
“Look, my Lady, peer unto me
and see what my love for you has become of me. Although I am so consumed
about my passion for your love, I dare not spoke a single word about it
until this moment. And even now, I dared not ask you how you feel
for me too, for heaven’s forbid what I might do if you say so yourself.
All I ask of you now is your understanding why I must leave. For
if I don’t, I might not be able to help myself in yielding to what
my heart’s desires and pursue what it craves for. Thus I say again,
I must leave, for your sake and mine, lest I drag you along with me and
commit a grievous error between us”
“Leave me thus here my Lady... and
hearken not to the pantings of my heart. I will not ever permit myself
to see you fall to the same vanities I have found myself into. For
it will grieve me even more if I let you. I just want you to know
that it was never my intention to pursue what I deeply longed for.
May God forgive me from transgressing my first estate, that is ‘to love
God, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all
my strength.’ Thus, I fear more of God’s retribution than lose sight
of the one that please my heart.”
I could not hear anything from the
Lady in response to Sir Gervaise. She just looked straight into the
eyes of her loving knight as if trying to find some reasons to prevent
him from leaving. The knight in silvery armor seemed resolute enough
to stand by his decision to leave, with or without the lady’s approval.
I can almost feel for sure her true feelings for him, but could not do
anything about it... She is the King’s misses, for God’s sake!
I am also certain that the knight knew all about it too, but too noble
and godly for him to pursue such forbidding venture. Ah, star-crossed
lovers indeed they are, who were destined to find themselves in a forbidding
situation. So close they are to each other, and yet, so far for them
to consummate their affections. Ah, heaven’s forbid that they should not.
It must have been so exasperating
to watch something so close and
beautiful
yet so far and unreachable...
How difficult it must have been
to resist something so tempting
yet, O, so forbidding.
But how can you resist something
so captivating,
When it’s dangling right before
you and beckoning?
Can you turn your back to something
so enchanting
When it leaves you desperately
wanting... Begging?
Ah, it feels as if your whole body
is aching,
When each time you tried resisting
Your heart’s crying out defying...
Rebelling!
Insisting all the more, craving...
Desiring!
When one is torn between feelings
and sound reasoning
The struggle from within is quite
exhausting,
Thus, leaving one gasping for breath...
Panting!
As if one’s chest is about to explode...
Collapsing!
It must have been so frustrating.
It must have been so exasperating.
To wish and crave for something
so tempting
Yet, O, so forbidding.
Catch yourself, if you find yourself
glancing, reaching,
Lest, by the wayside, you see yourself
stumbling, falling
Or, spend the rest of your life
remorsing... Regretting!
Then after awhile, the Lady,
Queen Chervelle took a deep breath, and glances towards the two knights
send in errand by her King to fetch her... Then finally she spoke...
“O, Gervaise, If I do insist
you stay
with me and remain my champion
It will grieve my heart if I be
the one
causing your unending frustration.
I will not allow myself anymore
to further your agony.
For it grieves my heart so much
to see you in this misery.
Thus, If release from your vows,
would be of any consolation
‘Though it pains me to let you
go,
I shall grant you my approbation...
“But I just want to let you
know, that never have you transgress your vow. Insofar as I am concern,
you have not committed what you say is wrong. For how could a love
so pure and noble such as yours be ever sinful? You have not thus
far erred in yielding yourself to its temptation...
“So I say, do not be harsh on yourself
so far as to damn your soul for something you have not yet capitulated
to. Why must be so hard on yourself? If unrequited love in itself
is painful enough, why compound it with so much guilt. Up until this
very hour, your love still tries to protect me from itself, lest you do
not want to see me fall and err in the same way as you say you did.
In spite of its passion, still, the nobility of yourself all the more has
proven its true character. You have indeed, served me well beyond
the call of your knightly creed. For even in this affairs, my interest
were well above your selfish pursuit, even denying what your heart’s so
desires. You have very well conducted yourself highly and worthy
indeed of a knight of your stature.”
“Ah, if only there is some other
way by which I can untangle you from the web of your own deceitful heart,
I would not hesitate in doing so.”
“O, Sir Gervaise, as much
as I hate to see you go, I will nevertheless let you, if only you find
healing for your wounded heart. My heart bleeds for you too,
and I wish nothing more but the expediency of your love to its proper recipient.”
“May God speed you on your quest
to find your heart’s comfort, and may he favored you the peace you so desire
throughout your life. You have my prayer always.”
“Good bye, Sir Gervaise... You shall,
and will always be my Champion.”
I then saw the lady leaned over
the face of Sir Gervaise and graced his bloodied lips with a tender kiss...
Then, just as they were finished
saying goodbyes to each other, two knights on an errand from the King to
fetch her, halted their stallions a few yards away from them. The
Lady, Queen Chervelle, inconsolable from all the events that have transpired
because of her, grieves even more. Knowing for sure, that this will
be the last time she will ever see her champion. The battle has been
won for her, but such victory also cost her to lose her champion, not in
the act of war that result in death, but in the war that raged on in the
heart of her favored champion.
She then hesitatingly motioned towards
her stallion and mount it with the assistance of the two errand knights.
Sir Gervaise, the knight in silvery
armor, slumped on the ground, sadly followed her with his forlorn eyes.
Knowing all too well that they will never see each other again...
“Ah, a love lost without
having
the chance to fight for it.
A love given without
the reality of its fulfillment.
A love unrequited without
the possibility of seeing it returned.
Was it better to love and yet suffer
its pain,
or suffer the pain of having not
loved at all?”
Ah, I do not know the answer.
And thereafter, I saw the knight
in silvery armor, perhaps regained some decent strength, slowly stood up
and motioned toward his stallion. He limped towards the four legged
beast and mount it with all the strength he could muster. That once
formidable looking, statuesque, princely figure I saw many moments ago,
were all but absent from his countenance. All but a shadow of the
knight I saw during the battle. Who would ever be? Yes, he
won the battle, and yes, he won the victory, but at what price? At
what cost to him? Men lay dead, who turned out to be his allies once.
Maybe perhaps, because of his profession, he may live with that.
But I do not think he could live with the pain that he has slain his very
best friend, and for what? He had even lost the lady of his heart
whom he so diligently sought out throughout this war. Ah... What
irony! The knight in black armor, Sir Velmore was right. "You
just do not know what may lie ahead of you at the crossroads." Yet
still, my highest admiration for this knight in silvery armor remains.
He has indeed proven himself to be man enough to take the challenge life
and fate has thrown at him.
So there he goes, a sullen figure
mounted on a steed, with nowhere else to go. I just shook my head
in sympathy. Pitied him for all the pain he had to endure while living.
The dead was more fortunate than those who lived through this nightmare.
They will not be burdened anymore to carry the guilt around their shoulders
and the haunting images of death. Life for them are all but over.
Then afterwards I looked up towards
the heavens, and quite relieved to find out that there were now more stars
than clouds. And I finally realized that the whole day has gone by
and it was already way past sunset. O, how time flies?
The armies that once stood against
each other were all gone except for some few unfortunate individuals who
were, I believe, assigned to rummage among the dead. I saw some of
them piling bodies upon bodies of dead men, mostly lowly and nameless foot
soldiers, and buried them altogether in a common grave. While their
knights who have fallen this day were carried off by their comrades to
be given honorable and stately burials.
The knight in silvery armor passed
by some of them on the way to who knows where, with hardly any expression
written on his sullen face. He was no longer sitting upright,
but crouching low, slumped on his horse. I followed him with my eyes
until he vanished at the edge of the valley and into the darkened forest.
Will I ever see him again . . .?
Shall I follow him, instead? I do not know, maybe . . . perhaps .
. .
Thereafter, I stood up from where
I was, after making sure there was no one else around me. I then
remembered the young lad, and quickly looked towards the place where I
believe I left him, but he was not there anymore. Maybe he
has gone home with his flock. Then for the last time, I surveyed
the ground, and for a moment just stood there gazing at those once gleaming
knights and soldiers, all sprawled in the floor of the valley. I
shook my head in disbelief, while I started going back to my tent.
I built a fire to get some warmth
which my body badly needed against the chilly climate creeping in every
parts and joints of my bones. I cooked myself some dinner afterwards,
which is mostly consisted of just a slice of hardened bread and some stew
which I concocted myself. I felt a stabbing pain in my belly when
the hot soup entered my stomach, which made me realized that I had not
eaten a single meal the whole day. But then later on it passed away.
After that, I went into my tent and made ready to tuck myself in for the
much needed sleep, after all the exhaustion from watching the “tempest”
that blew all day. What a day it was indeed...!
I thought about everything I saw
and maybe tomorrow, I shall find some answer to all the questions that
is ringing in my ears. Right now, the images I have witnessed this
day were heavily etched on my mind. I could not shake myself off
from its horrifying scenes. If there is any redeeming part in all
of this events, it is but the chivalry and nobility of this one true knight
--- Sir Gervaise.
In the morrow I said, I will continue
my journey. Now that the storm has passed.
In the morrow... I said...
