Blackmalice’s notes: SURPRISE! So soon XDD Thx to shu_26 cause she's so nice and lovely ^^.And sorry to Kisaki, for making him such a bastard in this fic


Chapter 11: Turning Bad, Turning Worse

“Kisaki said he has other business tonight,” Shinya said as he put down his cellphone, “So it’s just the four of us.”

“It’s the third time this week that man hasn’t come up!” Kyo growled, “It can’t be just the four of us, dammit! It’s the talk about new songs and upcoming lives!”

The leader sighed, “Well… we have no other choice than just go on without him.”

“You mean he’s out?”

“Kyo.” Die poked Kyo slightly, warning him not to lead Kaoru to further distress. The oldest man already have many things in mind. He didn’t mention anything about Toshiya, but his mood was better, so Die took it that the two had at least talk to each other again yesterday.

“I’m sorry.” Kaoru suddenly said.

Die, Shinya and Kyo stared at him. Did they just hear the words right? Did Kaoru just say sorry?

“Eh, what for?” Kyo blinked.

“For not being able to convince Kisaki to come here.”

“Wha—,” Kyo blinked more, “I didn’t mean it like that. No, I mean, it was not even your fault!”

Kaoru heaved a long smoke from his cigarette, “I failed as a leader.”

“Geez, Kaoru! What are you talking about?!” Kyo said, sharing a worried look with Shinya. “Where are your almighty leader attitude! You are our leader, Kaoru! If you hesitated like that, we would have noone to lead us!”

“Kaoru…” Shinya touched the older man’s shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Die began to get worried too. He didn’t get why Kaoru was being so down. The leader was okay, and his mood was better than yesterday. That couldn’t mean his talk with Toshiya went bad, right?

Or maybe…

Kaoru felt he had failed as a person?

The man was strong, and most of the times act rock-headed. But once he got something crawled up a certain spot in him, he just fell down and drowned in gloom.

But Die thought a talk with Toshiya would be enough. Maybe it didn’t go that well…?

“You know what, let’s not do anything today and go home.” The red-head suddenly said.

The others, including Kaoru, raised an eyebrow at him, “What?”

“Well you know,” Die continued, “We have been in a tense mood these past few days. With Kisaki, the new songs, the upcoming lives, and… others.”

Kaoru and Shinya averted their eyes, while Kyo snorted at the mention of Kisaki.

“Well, I don’t see why we couldn’t go home,” Kyo gather his things and stood up. Kaoru was about to stop him when Kyo stopped himself. The short man widened his eyes, then scrunched his face at a certain direction. The others followed his gaze and saw a familiar figure.

“Umm, guys,” Shinya opened his mouth first, breaking the sudden silence, “Isn’t that… Kisaki?”

The bassist was sitting on a table not far from them. He didn’t realize that his bandmates were watching him, as he seemed like in the middle of a serious conversation with some other men.

“What’s he doing here?”

“Hey, I’ve seen that man before… Wait, I’ve seen the those men before!” Die pointed, “They’re from a band that played in the same livehouse with us some weeks ago!”

“You’re right!” Kyo sneered, “Why is that punk with them?”

“It couldn’t be…” Shinya gasped and put a hand on his mouth, “I mean, Kisaki’s recent refusals to practice or gather with us… his meeting with another band…”

All of a sudden, their leader stood up and rushed to Kisaki. “Kaoru?!”

Their yelling and Kaoru’s hurried steps made Kisaki turned around with a slight panic. “Kaoru.”

“What are you doing here?” Kaoru spoke in a low tone.

Kisaki tried to appear calm and waved a hand to the people sitting with him, “Don’t you see that I’m having a talk?”

“Bastard!” Kyo lunged forward, “You’re planning to join another band, aren’t you?!”

The people who were with Kisaki stood up, not liking the way the situation turned to, “Hey!”

“Shut up! It’s between him and us!” Kyo snapped, making those people cowered down.

Shinya stepped forward, “Kisaki… Is that true?”

Kisaki looked away, “…Yeah.”

“Damn you!” Kyo grabbed Kisaki’s collar, “You didn’t even tell us! And they,” Kyo pointed to Kaoru, Die, and Shinya, “were still intending to understand you, to keep you in the band, while you don’t even have the will to do so!! At least tell us so we could ditch your ass!!”

“I don’t need you to do that! I don’t have any intention to stay in the band anymore!”

Again, Kaoru made an unexpected move and some people around them shrieked along with Shinya when Kisaki fell to the floor with a loud thump, the right side of his mouth went red.

“Kaoru!!”

“What the f—“

“Listen,” Kaoru grabbed Kisaki’s hand and pulled him up roughly. His voice was dangerous, his eyes were sharp, “This band is our life, our dream, our everything. We worked really hard for the band, and we poured in everything we got into it. If I had known you would act like this, I would never take you as our bassist. You aren’t worth it to be in our band.”

“Do you think your band worth it?!”

“How could you say that?” Shinya whispered, a hurt expression on his face, “You’ve been in the band for years!”

“Look,” Kaoru stated firmly, “I hate to say this, but we still have a live to go through. It would be your last performance in the band, and we’ll announce it on that day. Don’t think I’ll let the band crumble down because of your own ego.”

Kisaki pondered over it for a while, then he nodded, “One more live.”

“One more live and you’re free to go.”

“As if we want you to stay.” Kyo added.

“Fuck off.”

“You fuck off.”

“Enough.” Kaoru stood in the middle of the two.

“Stop acting like my leader.” Kisaki glared, but he instantly paled when he saw Kaoru’s eyes. Cold.

“Let’s go.” Kaoru said, signing the others to leave the place. They walked out in silence.

“Kaoru…” Shinya spoke slowly after they were outside, “Are we gonna be okay?”

Kaoru tensed. Die noticed.

“Let’s go home for now and not think about it. Do whatever you want,” Die suggested, “Ne, Kaoru?”

The said man stared at Die for a while, then he nodded absentmindedly. Shinya threw a worried look at the leader, but he voiced nothing. Kyo yawned and shrugged. The red-head then took it that everyone had agreed, so he say goodbye and they all went to the directions of their homes.

Kaoru walked down the road, then turned to an alleyway to cut the distance he would have to go through. In the middle of the dark narrow road, he suddenly stop. He then reached inside his pocket for a cigarrete and a lighter. The fire lit the tip of the cancer stick which was placed on his mouth, and he heaved a long smoke as he leaned back on the wall.

It was a mess.

He had told Kisaki this and that earlier, yet the problem that arose worried him.

What would a band do without a bassist?

Their fans would not be pleased. Kisaki had been with them for years.

What should he do was to find a bassist with the same, if possible better quality than Kisaki. It was not easy, definitely not, to find a bassist with a fine skill and the same commitment with them. Kaoru weren’t willing to make the same mistake twice.

But he would not let the band crumble down with the leave of Kisaki.

The more he think about it, the more he felt the weight on his shoulders.

He was the leader of the band. His bandmates were counting on him. Though he knew his friends wouldn’t let him on his own, he still felt the responsibility.

Toshiya…

The name appeared in his mind and he heaved another long smoke.

A breath-taking bassist, with both skills and attractiveness. Toshiya was more than enough to take Kisaki’s place. But he was in another band, and didn’t seem like wanting to leave.

Though… he did sense some grief from Toshiya when they talked about the idealism some people got to stay as indie bands…

He shook his head.

It would be too good to come true.

Moreover, his relationship with Kaoru was still a bit frail. Sure, they had laughed and talked freely again yesterday. But there were some uneasy moments, where suddenly they found themselves went silent and didn’t know what to say. And the forced smile on Toshiya’s face… still plastered now and then… Kaoru couldn’t say that the problem was over.

His eyes roamed around and then stopped at the direction of the main road.

There, standing just before the dark alleyway, was the subject of his thought talking with a man. Kaoru was pondering about whether he should say hi or not, but then his cigarette dropped when he saw the man leaned in and whispered something to Toshiya, which made the pretty man blushed and punched him playfully. After some more talk, the man and Toshiya waved each other a goodbye. But they didn’t part before a hug and a stolen kiss on the cheek from the laughing man, which again made Toshiya’s face reddened.

The blue haired man finally turned and became aware of Kaoru’s presence. His face showed a slight shock, but he covered it with a forced smile –Kaoru noticed- and approached him.

“Kaoru! What are you doing here?”

“Am I not supposed to be here?”

“Huh? I was just asking—”

“So that was the reason you were avoiding me for the past few days?” Kaoru cut Toshiya’s words, his head nodding at the direction of the man who were with Toshiya just a while ago.

“What?” Toshiya blinked in confusion, he followed Kaoru’s gaze and his face showed a hint of realization. “You mean that man?”

“I don’t believe this,” Kaoru gritted his teeth, his anger and jealousy began to boil.

Toshiya stared at him in an incredulous stare, “Gosh, what do you mean?”

Kaoru couldn’t controll his rage and kicked a trash can as hard as he could, making Toshiya shrieked at the loud sound, “Find a new guy and have fun with him, let’s forget about Kaoru who was worried as hell because he couldn’t contact Toshiya.”

Toshiya was getting scared. This Kaoru reminded him of the Kaoru he first met.

Desperate

Forceful.

Uncontrolled.

“Kaoru… you’re talking nonsense.”

“You’re the one who talked nonsense!!” Kaoru suddenly lunged forward and slammed Toshiya to the wall, ignoring the pained yelp from the younger man, “Broken cellphone you said!” Kaoru yelled, grip firm on Toshiya’s forearms, “Did you really thought I would buy that?!!”

By now, Toshiya’s face was reddened from the mix of fright, anger, and shame, “So what?!!” He spat out, “If that guy’s being nice to me, so what?!”

“You—!!”

“What?!! Who are you to be mad anyway?!”

Kaoru found himself loss at words. He then grabbed Toshiya’s chin and kissed him violently. Toshiya widened his eyes and struggled, but Kaoru didn’t budge. His protests went muffled by the force of Kaoru’s kiss.

After a while, Kaoru finally ended the kiss and stared at him… with unbound longing.

So deep his stare that Toshiya couldn’t look back at him. “…What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I like you, Toshiya.”

Toshiya felt a stung on his heart. Never before he had felt so betrayed by someone else’s love confession. He glanced at Kaoru’s eyes and quickly looked away again. His own feelings would betray him too if he continued to look at those eyes. Those eyes which seemed so sincere and truthful. Nonetheless, Toshiya knew there was something that might left forgotten by Kaoru, but not by Toshiya.

“Don’t say words you don’t really mean.”

As a reply to his words, Kaoru kissed him again, with more force this time. His hands made their way inside the taller man’s shirt and his lips moved to Toshiya’s neck, “Stop it! Kaoru!! STOP IT!!”

Kaoru stopped moving, but didn’t back away. He stared at Toshiya again and leaned in until their face almost touched. “I mean it. I like you, more than anything in this world. Why won’t you believe me?”

The weight of those words made Toshiya’s last barrier of defense broke down. A single drop of tear slid down his cheek. Kaoru was taken aback by it and loosened his grip, making it easy for Toshiya to push him away and free himself.

Toshiya cursed himself for crying. How stupid can he be?

“Because you already have a boyfriend!” He snapped, no longer caring that his words could reveal his growing feeling for the older man, “What do you take him as? What do you take me as?”

Kaoru opened his mouth, but no words came out. He slowly move toward Toshiya and his hand was raised to touch Toshiya’s face, but it was slapped away in an instant. Toshiya wiped his tears roughly then stared at Kaoru with a frustrated look. “I’m not your toy!”

With those last words, he turned around and ran away. Kaoru quickly went after him, but Toshiya’s long legs took the owner fast.

“Toshiya! Wait!!”

Then Toshiya turned around the corner and Kaoru lost the tall man in the crowd of the main street. He cursed and pushed his way between the protesting people, but he caught no sight of Toshiya.

He stopped after some more running and leaned to the wall beside him. He closed his eyes, feeling like beating himself now. “Dammit!!” He punched the wall repeatedly, not at all caring about the blood dripping from his wounded hand. “Dammit!!”

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Tbc~
Comments made my day =D

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