Blackmalice’s notes: I made Miyabi older a bit in this fic, ‘kay? And this chapter is unbeta-ed, so… sowwy v_v


Chapter 12: Won’t let you leave


There were not many people inside the sushi bar. It was not yet the busiest hour, so the red-head took his time and lightened his cigarette before he entered and strode towards the rolling belt.

“Hello,” Die smiled at the sushi-boy.

Toshiya widened his eyes, and Die raised an eyebrow at the reaction. “Do I have something on my nose?”

“Ah, no,” Toshiya muttered, “Sorry, I didn’t mean… Forget it.”

Die didn’t say anything and picked a plate from the rolling belt. “Kaoru didn’t come here today?”

Toshiya tensed visibly. “No. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it’s just that lately Kaoru practically rushed here after practice,” Die said, “Not like today we have any practice.”

Toshiya forced out a smile, and busied himself with preparing the sushis.

Die pondered for a while. Then he finally spoke, “You two have a fight or something?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you twitched every time I mention Kaoru’s name.”

Toshiya twitched again, much to Die’s notice, but the man himself didn’t realize it. “I don’t know.”

“What kind of answer is that?”

The dark-haired man threw a slight glare defensively, making Die raised both of his hands in front of him. “Look, sorry, I know it’s not my business. But if Kaoru did something stupid or whatsoever, please forgive him. That guy tend to be stupid sometimes. Especially when he’s stressed like now.”

Toshiya stole a glance, trying to look uninterested, “Stressed?”

“Well, yeah,” Die drank a huge gulp of beer, “Hell, the whole band’s stressed.”

“What happened?”

“You mean Kaoru haven’t told you? Oh, I forgot, you two might having a fight right now.” He only grinned playfully when Toshiya glared again at him. “You see, our bassist finally decided to leave.”

The tall man widened his eyes. Of course they both know it was bound to happen, but it’s still unbelievable when it’s finally happened anyway.

“Yep,” Die continued while he munched a sushi, “Things were so messed up yesterday.”

“Yesterday…?”

“We saw Kisaki in a serious talk with another band, and Kaoru suddenly rushed to him. Kisaki finally admitted that he planned to join another band, saying this and that which pissed us all off, and BAM!!!” Die made a move of punching the air, “Kaoru smacked Kisaki hard on the face.”

Yesterday, Die said.

The incident happened between Toshiya and Kaoru was yesterday, and the older man didn’t seem like himself. So yesterday, Kisaki decided to leave and on a chance, Kaoru met Toshiya and his friend on his way home.

And tomorrow…

Toshiya felt a welling guilt inside him for what he’s going to do tomorrow. Kaoru was in a broken state and Toshiya…

But… it all had been decided…

He couldn’t go back now…

“We made a deal then, one last live and Kisaki’s free to leave.” Die spoke again, finishing his beer and sushis. “We kinda put it all in Kaoru’s shoulders about the empty position of the bassist. I mean, we didn’t mean to be like that, but he’s our leader, and we ask him what to do all the time. Kaoru’s a serious person, he’s into his responsibility too much.”

Toshiya really, really couldn’t go back… could he…?

But Kaoru… What’s gonna happen to him?

Die didn’t seem to realize Toshiya’s deep thinking, and he merely glanced at his watch. “Well! Gotta go!” Die waved in front of the younger man, making Toshiya slightly jumped and nodded absentmindedly, “See ya later, Toshiya!”

************

“Kaoru,” The red head that had just appeared on their table said with ragged breath, “Bad news.”

All of them gave him a questioning look. They were gathering inside a café to take a lunch together, also intended to have a talk about how the future of the band’s gonna be. “What?” Kaoru finally asked.

“I passed the sushi bar this morning. There’s a notice that the sushi bar was closed, the owner moved to Nagano,” Die talked hurriedly, “Then I called Toshiya, he said he intended to come with him, also the whole band, back to where they started.”

“What?!!” Kyo was the first one to react. His sleepy eyes were fully opened now.

“Kyo! Didn’t you see Toshiya packing his things?” Shinya nudged him.

“Hey, I was sleeping!” The vocalist waved a hand defensively.

Die nodded, “He didn’t say anything either when I dropped by the sushi bar yesterday.”

They went silent for a while, shocked by the sudden news. It was Shinya who realized that their leader hasn’t said a thing. “Kaoru!”

Kaoru looked at him with a defeated look. His hand moved to cover his face. “We couldn’t do anything about it. It’s Toshiya’s decision.”

“Hey! Since when you became so weak?!” Kyo yelled and grabbed the older man’s hand.

“Kyo!” Shinya shrieked.

“Are you really gonna let him go?!” Kyo continued to yell at Kaoru’s face, “Are you?!!”

************

Toshiya stood silent with his luggage. He nodded at his bandmates, accepting his ticket of the train that would take them to Nagano. His hand played idly with that piece of paper, his mind wandering far. He glanced at the clock inside the station. He wanted to smack himself for still thinking about a certain man in his last fifteen minutes on Tokyo.

But…

He wondered what Kaoru is doing now. What will he do when he know Toshiya left Tokyo to Nagano…?

“TOSHIYA!!!”

Toshiya turned reflexively and gasped, “K-Kaoru! Everyone!” He glanced at his questioning bandmates, then looked back towards his supposedly new friends, “What are you doing here…?”

Kaoru lunged forward faster than everyone, making Toshiya stepped back. Nonetheless, the older man finally reached him and grabbed his shoulders, “Why didn’t you tell me?!!”

Toshiya blinked and avoided Kaoru’s eyes. What was he supposed to say? That he didn’t intend to tell Kaoru and wanted to leave and forget everything? Running away with his band as the excuse? He recalled their accident two days ago and wondered whether it was wrong to feel guilty.

“Why do you want to leave just like that?!”

“I…”

The taller man’s bandmates began to get irked for watching a scene they didn’t understand. Their bassist was being yelled at and appeared to be unwilling to be inside that scene. Taira took a step forward, “Hey, you—.”

“Hey!” Die jumped in front of him, making Taira almost jump too. “Hi, I’ve seen your performance, you guys are great!”

Taira raised an eyebrow and intended to pass the red-head, but Die wouldn’t let him. “Geez, our friend just need some time to talk with your bassist, ok? It wouldn’t hurt, right?” Kyo and Shinya approached them too, leaving Kaoru and Toshiya slightly afar from them.

“Toshiya,” Kaoru trailed his fingers up Toshiya’s chin, turning the other man’s face towards him, “don’t leave.”

Toshiya snapped his head away once more, “And why do I have to stay?”

“I’m sorry. I was being a jerk at that time, and you must be pissed off at the sight of me, but…” Kaoru heaved a long sigh, a long pleading sigh, “Please, don’t leave.”

“It had already been decided, Kaoru.” Toshiya said with a hitched voice.

“Please.” Kaoru said once again, but Toshiya stayed silent. If he say anymore words, he would lose, so he choose to shut his mouth and hope that Kaoru would let him leave.

That was what he really wanted… wasn’t it?

He shrieked when he suddenly lost his footing and widened his eyes when he realized Kaoru was bringing him up by the waist, carrying him away from the others with surprising strength and speed.

“HEY!!!” Toshiya could hear his bandmates calling out for him, and Kaoru’s bandmates surprised gasps, “TOSHIYA!!!” He looked towards the voice to see Kyo, Die, and Shinya tried to hold his bandmates back.

“What are you doing?!” He yelled right into Kaoru’s ears, his arms and legs moving everywhere, trying to get free.

“I won’t let you leave!”

“Let me go!!” Toshiya struggled again, but Kaoru held him firmly. He finally arrived at his car, held Toshiya with one hand, his other one grabbing the key from his pocket, and opened the door. He pushed Toshiya inside the car, leaving the taller man dumbfounded before he himself get into the driver’s seat.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!!” Toshiya yelled, staring at Kaoru in disbelief when he locked the door, “Taking me and ran away just like that!! Have you lost your mind?!!”

“I might have.” Kaoru turned to him, already sure that Toshiya wouldn’t be able to run easily.

Toshiya slapped him and pushed his chest hard, “ASSHOLE!!!”

“Call me what you like.” Kaoru grabbed Toshiya’s hand, not caring about the swelling redness on his cheek, “As long as you’ll be my bassist.”

“I have a band, Kaoru!! I’ve told you that! I can’t be your bassist!!” Toshiya snapped. He was getting annoyed by Kaoru’s insistence. The ring of his cellphone was heard and he was about to answer the call from Taira, but Kaoru snatched it away.

“Are you going to stay in a band that have no intention on going major? Is your dream not as high as mine? Don’t you want to spread your music to everyone?”

“Don’t talk as if you know everything.” Toshiya glared and snatched it back, but Kaoru already rejected the call. “Look, I know that… Kisaki had decided to leave, but that didn’t mean—.”

“How did you know?”

“Well… people say things.”

Kaoru thought for a second before saying, “Was it Die? He said he dropped by the sushi bar yesterday—.”

Toshiya raised his hands in desperation, “Does it matter? If you’re just going to talk about it, I’ll leave.” No, he was not going to let Kaoru knew that Toshiya actually gave a damn about Kaoru’s band.

“Ok, it doesn’t matter.” Kaoru said quickly, eager to comply to any of Toshiya’s request as long as they could have a talk, “What matters now is my band have the dream. My band has the determination. My band has the skills. What lacking is a bassist. No, what lacking is YOU.” Kaoru’s voice softened. He raised his hand to stroke Toshiya’s cheek. “Only you.”

Toshiya knew he was about to lose this battle if he didn’t fight back. In his chaotic mind, he finally found some words to say, that might stop Kaoru. “It’s highly unprofessional to mix your personal feelings and your work.”

“No!” Kaoru stared straight to Toshiya’s eyes, hoping that he could convince the younger man, “I’ve told you already! I think you are a great bassist. Your skills are awesome. You have the talent, you have the will, I knew it! The rest of my band think the same!”

Toshiya turned away, freeing his cheek from Kaoru, and stayed silent. The guitarist closed his eyes and opened them again, with determination visible in them. “But if… If my feelings for you are the thing that holds you back… Please forget about it.” Toshiya widened his eyes and looked back at Kaoru, realizing how desperate the state of the other man was, “I… I promise I won’t bug you. I’m sorry I snapped that time. Of course you’re free to choose whoever you like. I promise I—”

“It’s… it’s not like that.”

“What?”

“That man was just a friend.”

Kaoru stared at him. He had two statements earlier. Toshiya had just answered one, the other still left hanging on the air. “And…” He tried to began, to push Toshiya to continue.

Were his feelings disturbed Toshiya…?

Was he allowed to continue liking Toshiya…?

“I…” Toshiya muttered before closing his mouth. He didn’t finish his sentence.

“I like you, Toshiya.” Kaoru said gently. He didn’t want to push Toshiya, he only wanted the man to know how does he feel towards him, and not with force like that time. This time it’s only words. Only a statement.

“I’ve told you not to say things you don’t really mean.”

“If I prove it to you, would you believe me?”

“What?” Toshiya blinked when Kaoru started his car engine, “H-hey, where are you taking me?”

“Trust me on this one,” Kaoru stared at Toshiya, whose disbelief visible on his face, “Please?”

No reply, and Kaoru took that as a yes.

************

“Kaoru!” Miyabi stared surprised when he saw his lover showed up out of nowhere in his apartment door. The boy was living alone to study in Tokyo, his parents were living outside the town. He opened the door wider and his smile disappeared when he saw another person beside Kaoru.

“Miyabi,” Kaoru said, turning his attention back to him.

“Kaoru… What…” Miyabi stared coldly at the uneasy Toshiya, looking at him from the top to the toe, “What are you doing here.” It was a declaration, not a question, as if Miyabi was stating the fact that Toshiya was not supposed to be here.

Kaoru touched Miyabi’s shoulder, “I have to talk to you.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.” Miyabi moved to close the door, but Kaoru stopped him.

“Miya—.”

Miyabi closed his ears with his hands, yelling frantically. “Shut up! Shut up! I don’t want to hear anything!!”

Kaoru rushed to hug Miyabi, trying to calm the younger man down, “Miyabi, listen—.”

“I don’t want to!! Don’t you have the conscience to think about my request just this once?!”

“I’m sorry for lying to you so many times.”

“No! Stop!” Miyabi closed his eyes, struggling inside Kaoru’s embrace.

“I’m sorry.”

Miyabi’s tears began to flow.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t bear to hear Kaoru’s next words. He knew exactly what was going to come.

“I’m very sorry, Miyabi,” Kaoru whispered softly, hugging him tightly to show his utmost regret sincerely, “We can’t continue this.”

Miyabi broke down into cries, his hands moved around Kaoru’s neck, holding him firmly, desperately trying to stop him from leaving.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, making you cry so many times.”

“Please no, please please, don’t say those things. Don’t leave me…”

Kaoru kissed his forehead gently, then let his embrace go, freeing himself from Miyabi’s clinch. “I’m sorry, but I love him.”

Suddenly Miyabi screamed and lunged towards Toshiya. His eyes showed complete hate and burning with rage. His hands raised forward to strangle the frightened man, but Kaoru was quick to stand between them. “I’m the one at fault. You’re free to beat me up, but please, Toshiya has done nothing wrong.”

Miyabi cried more and punched Kaoru repeatedly on the chest, “I love you so much, Kaoru!!”

Why, why, why?

After all his love, he only ended up being left behind.

Only because this man has the same name as Kaoru’s past love.

“Does he even love you?!!”

Kaoru shook his head, “I love him.” And that’s all that mattered.

“No, no, no—.”

“I’m sorry.”

************
Tbc~

************