Blackmalice’s notes: because everyone so wanted to kill me, I give you more! Love me now XDD hugs to fxxker_fams304 again :3


Chapter 16: Reveal

Kaoru raised his eyebrows at his bassist’s seriousness. “What’s wrong?”

Toshiya looked down, “I’m sorry I never told you anything about this…”

Was this the secret the sushi bar owner told him about? Kaoru’s heart pounded faster and faster. What kind of secret could it be?

Was it so important that Toshiya never told anyone like the sushi bar owner said?

Toshiya glanced worriedly at Kaoru, afraid of how Kaoru’s reaction would be after he heard the younger man’s secret. His fingers fiddled nervously with the hem of his shirt, “I don’t know what you’ll think of me after this, but…”

A pair of hands grabbed his, and he looked up to see Kaoru staring at him intensely. “You can trust me. I’ll still love you no matter what.”

Toshiya blushed and ducked his head back down. He slowly freed his hands from Kaoru’s grasp and turned away until his back was facing the guitarist.

“Actually…” He started, voice hitched, “…actually, I lost my memories.”

Kaoru’s eyes widened.

“I…. I don’t know what happened. An old couple found me sprawled on an alley, apparently badly injured and unconscious. They treated me until I woke up one day, didn’t remember a thing.” Toshiya continued, “They let me stay at their house, treating me like their own child. It went on for a few years… until they died in an accident.” Toshiya’s voice turned slightly hoarse, as if he was trying to hold his tears from flowing.

“The sushi bar owner was a relative to the couple. He took me here and hired me. So my life continues.”

Various things ran over Kaoru’s mind. Various possibilities.

Too many that it left him blank, except for one question.

“Why… didn’t you tell us before?”

A long silence followed. Kaoru waited and waited. He was about to ask again when Toshiya started to spoke again.

“You see… everyone near the old couple’s house knew they took in an amnesia boy. One day, a man came up. He claimed to know my identity, and told me to go with him if I wanted to know. The couple… well, you could say that they were my foster parents, didn’t trust the man, but I was too happy to know someone actually knew me.” Toshiya’s voice turned pained, “I had been no one for quite some time, it was frustrating.”

Kaoru knew he should have hold Toshiya, or any other comforting gesture.

But the things that ran through his minds made his body felt numb.

“What happened then?” He managed to choke out.

“…Of course they were right. The man took me to a deserted house, and before I had the chance to raise my question, he… tried to...” A sob was heard and Kaoru didn’t wait another second to embrace him tightly from behind. “I was scared… so scared… Thank God they followed us…”

Toshiya cried silently as Kaoru turned him around and pushed his head on the older man’s chest. They stayed like that for a while. Toshiya said something, but because he spoke in a soft voice and muffled by Kaoru’s body, Kaoru couldn’t catch what he was saying. So Kaoru brought Toshiya’s face up, wiping his tear-stained cheeks with a single hand.

“What did you say?”

“Do you hate me now?” Toshiya whispered.

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because I kept this a secret from you, and I’m only an amnesiac man who didn’t even remember who himself was.”

“Toshiya,” Kaoru spoke slowly, “If you didn’t remember a thing… How did they… call you Toshiya? ”

It was a hope.

A hope that might crush him down to pieces if it went unanswered.

A hope that might hurt Toshiya’s feelings.

But it was a hope he was unwilling to let go.

“Oh,” Toshiya turned to his bag and began to ruffle the insides, “I forgot to tell you. They found me wearing this. I used to wear it all the time, but the chains got broken and I haven’t got the chance to fix it…”

The hope grew bigger.

Bigger.

Bigger.

Please. Please. Please. Let it be…

“Here,” Toshiya raised his hand, holding up a necklace. A necklace with silver chains and a pendant containing a stone that was of a striking blue hue. In the middle, there was silver carving covered in shades of white. “See, behind it…”

TOSHIYA was written there.

“And that’s how I got my—,” The man’s words were cut off when Kaoru pulled him into a tight embrace. So tight and so sudden that Toshiya felt his breath pushed out of his lungs. “K-Kao—.”

He tried to let go, but Kaoru didn’t move an inch. He couldn’t see Kaoru’s face, so it wasn’t until he felt warm wetness on his shoulder that he realized Kaoru had been crying. He stopped his struggle and blinked in confusion.

“Kaoru…?”

“Toshiya…” Kaoru finally spoke in a raspy voice, “You’re really Toshiya…”

The younger man blinked again, “W-what?”

“I’ve wanted to see you so much. You have no idea how long I’ve been… longing for you… You were dead, Toshiya, you were dead… But now you’re really here…”

“What do you mean?”

Kaoru scooted backward a little, but his arms didn’t loosen, “I gave that necklace to you, Toshiya, when you were on the first grade at high school, for your birthday.” Kaoru continued to speak slowly, as if afraid that it was all just a dream and it would shatter easily, “We celebrated your birthday together… just the two of us… then you became mine, both heart and body.”

Toshiya stared at him in a mix of confusion and disbelief, “It couldn’t be.”

“I gave this to you.” Kaoru touched the necklace on Toshiya’s hand, “You’re my Toshiya.”

Silence.

Then a forced laughter, “No, no. This must be a joke. It couldn’t be!”

Kaoru felt a knot tightened in his chest. The truth was there but Toshiya refused to believe him. “What makes you say that?”

“It was just…” Toshiya tried to free himself, but Kaoru didn’t move an inch, “The whole thing was just… Too much of a coincidence! It’s just a one big, sick joke!”

“It’s not!” Kaoru snapped, pushing Toshiya until he lay flat on his back on the couch and hovered above the lithe body, “It’s fate.”

Toshiya still stared at him with a huge amount of distrust in his eyes. He had been no one for a long time now, and suddenly the answer came this easily. It was too easy. From the man that had been searching for him too.

“Please, Toshiya,” Kaoru closed his eyes before opening them again, staring at the face that he had missed for so long. This time it was not a shadow, it was Toshiya himself. Truly his Toshiya. “Please become mine once more.”

A pained glint appeared in Toshiya’s eyes. “You said you love me.”

“I love you!” Kaoru stated firmly, didn’t understand how could Toshiya still doubted him after all this time. After all those things happened.

“Who do you love then?!” It was Toshiya’s turn to snap. He tried to sit upward, but he couldn’t. Kaoru prevented him because he was afraid that Toshiya would run away… or just disappeared.

“When I was Toshiya the sushi boy, you said you love me! But now… you said that I’m your Toshiya and you said you love me! So which one do you love?!”

Kaoru’s mouth opened in bewilderment. He couldn’t grasp the idea of the difference. For him, it was all the same. “What are you saying—.”

“No matter what, I’m not the same person!” Toshiya continued as he struggled under Kaoru’s hold. “I didn’t even remember how I was back then! I didn’t know you before I met you at the sushi bar! I’m a different person!”

“But you’re Toshiya all the same!”

“Which Toshiya do you choose?!”

“I don’t understand why you get so upset over this.” Kaoru furrowed his eyebrows, holding Toshiya down with all his strength, “You’re Toshiya and I love you. Even when you… died, I never forget you even for a second. I continued to love you. Then you came back as a different Toshiya and I fell in love again.”

Toshiya glared. It bothered him.

It bothered him that his identity was revealed, and it turned out that he was the same Toshiya that Kaoru loved.

He felt like losing himself.

He, the sushi boy and the bassist, felt like disappearing into Toshiya, Kaoru’s childhood friend.

He felt like losing Kaoru to himself.

Because he didn’t remember a thing.

Because Kaoru loved him, and he used to love Toshiya. Or still. So Kaoru had to choose!

He opened his mouth to ask the question again, but a pair of lips closed his own. He struggled and tried to break the kiss by trashing his head, but Kaoru was unrelenting.

Insistent, yet gentle.

He didn’t know how Kaoru managed to pull that off, and he felt his body shivered when Kaoru finally released his lips. Their foreheads were touching each other, and Kaoru stare at him with the intensity of his deepest stare.

“Don’t you see? No matter what, I’ll end up falling in love with you.”

It was a simple sentence, but meant a lot to both of them.

No matter what…

Toshiya couldn’t avert his gaze from the truthfulness in Kaoru’s eyes.

…I’ll end up falling in love with you.

Yes…

Kaoru could never forget him…

Kaoru had always loved him…

What other proof did Toshiya need to be certain that Kaoru would never betray him?

“Become mine again,” Kaoru pleaded and placed a little peck on Toshiya’s soft lips, “Please?”

No answers.

Toshiya merely stared at him.

“Answer me, Toshiya…” Kaoru kissed the other man again, longer this time. He didn’t stop just at that, instead he trailed butterfly kisses downward to the man’s jaw and neck. “If you don’t answer, I might take it as a yes…”

A very soft response came from Toshiya, but Kaoru couldn’t believe what he just heard. He raised his head again to face Toshiya. “Did you just said…”

A beet of red covered Toshiya’s beautiful face. His hands rose to hide it from Kaoru’s sight. With only his lips visible to Kaoru, he whispered, “I said that… if you wanna take it that way… it’s okay…”

Kaoru’s eyes widened.

Did Toshiya just…

Did he…

That means…

After a few minutes passed, Toshiya tightened his hands on his face, sure that he had humiliated himself. Did Kaoru understand what he was trying to say? He should’ve answered more clearly. What if Kaoru didn’t get it and he was forced to say it one more time? He couldn’t bear the embarrassment—.

A pair of tender hands peeled Toshiya’s fingers away. Toshiya couldn’t stand it and closed his eyes tightly.

“Look at me, Toshiya.” Kaoru spoke slowly. Toshiya hesitated, but fluttered his eyes open anyway, feeling his face burning with shame as he stared at Kaoru’s face. “I love you.”

Toshiya nodded, “I know.”

“So… you’re mine now?”

Toshiya blushed harder… and nodded. Instantly, Kaoru’s lips crushed his own. In that moment, Kaoru had just realized fully that this was real.

His Toshiya was real. He was kissing his Toshiya.

He had found Toshiya again, and Toshiya had become his once more. The flood of feelings came so sudden that it poured into the kiss strongly. Kaoru was nearly overwhelmed by his own feelings.

Longing.

Loving.

Real.

“I miss you…” Kaoru continued his kiss, his hands roamed around Toshiya’s body, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t just a shadow, an imagination, a dream. His Toshiya existed in reality. Truly. “I miss you so much…”

Toshiya couldn’t bit back his moan when Kaoru’s tongue plunged inside his mouth. The sound convinced Kaoru more about the realness of this moment. He broke the kiss and stroke Toshiya’s hair, moving the man’s bangs from his face.

“This isn’t just a dream, right?”

Toshiya smiled shyly and wrapped his arms around Kaoru’s neck, pulling him closer. “I think I’m real.”

All hesitation and doubt disappeared immediately.

Their tongue battle began timidly, but turned more passionate as time passed by. Kaoru caressed Toshiya’s cheek, down to his neck and chest. As his hands sneaked inside the man’s shirt, his mouth moved to close upon the tempting neck. He licked and nibbled the sensitive skin, enjoying the gasps and whimpers from the man under him. Kaoru still remembered how Toshiya tasted, and Toshiya still tasted as sweet as years ago.

The feelings swarming inside him felt like about to explode, and his actions turned more needy and desperate.

He bit down and Toshiya yelped in pain. Kaoru then licked the angry red mark, as if saying sorry. Nonetheless, he was pleased by the fact that he had made a mark. Toshiya was his once more.

Kaoru was overwhelmed. Way too overwhelmed to realize that Toshiya was trembling slightly.

“Kaoru…”

The guitarist felt so happy to hear his name coming out from Toshiya. His hands sneaked further inside Toshiya’s shirt.

“Uhh… Kaoru…”

Again… Say my name again…

“…no.”

Kaoru didn’t hear Toshiya’s murmured word. One of his hands raised to fumble with the man’s nipple. He smiled inwardly when Toshiya bit back a moan. He didn’t realize that the moan was also filled with anxiety.

His other hand traveled down.

“Kaoru, don’t…”

He didn’t hear. He couldn’t hear anything other than his and Toshiya’s heartbeats. He missed Toshiya so much. His hand arrived in front of Toshiya’s pants.

“Stop.” A hand prevented Kaoru.

The touch made Kaoru snapped from his daze. He shifted backward and saw Toshiya’s face filled with resistance. “Stop.”

Kaoru blinked, didn’t expect it. And didn’t want to stop.

But he was more unwilling to force Toshiya. He didn’t want their second time to be sex. He wanted to make love like their first time. That beautiful time.

So he sat up and released Toshiya.

Toshiya sat up along with him and pulled down his shirt. He fixed his hair nervously, still blushing from being near Kaoru and their heated activity just a few seconds ago. “I’m sorry.” He sighed, feeling slightly guilty for not stopping Kaoru earlier before it turned too hot, “I think it’s all too much for me to take in a day.”

Kaoru smiled and shook his head, “No, I’m sorry. I… got taken away by the whole thing.”

And they were back into their usual awkwardness. Some things just would never change.

“Just…” Kaoru started reluctantly, glancing at Toshiya, “One more kiss?”

Toshiya blushed, “You don’t need to ask again, you know.” I’m already yours.

Kaoru leaned in and their lips touched.

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TBC~
And no more chapters until my exams done! *is writing instead of studying*
 

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